The Past Came Back
by Violet Angel2
Summary: John's past comes back to haunt him when he ends up ill, and...oh just read the story ;- John/Sam, some Bailey/OC *06/17/2008 - story is complete!*
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: The backstory and all characters from the show Profiler belong to someone else. I'm just borrowing them for my own amusement. Only the original characters that have not appeared on the show and the storyline itself belong to me.**

* * *

John glanced up from the pile of paperwork that was cluttering his desk and noticed the time. One o'clock in the morning, and he was still at work. "No point in going home now," he muttered to himself. He would just have to be back here in another seven hours anyway. Unfortunately his body didn't care much about logical thinking and was starting to demand rest. His head began throbbing, his eyes hurt, his throat felt sore…it was like with the realization of what time it was, his body decided to give him the not-so-subtle message that it wanted sleep and it wanted it now. 

"What are you still doing here?" Sam asked, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she came into John's office and sat in one of the chairs across from him.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Yes, you could, but I asked you first."

"This case is just bugging me, Sam. I can't put it down even to sleep because there's something so obvious that we're just not seeing. I know that it's right there, in front of me, and I'm afraid that if I put it down when I look at it again I'll be starting from scratch."

"You're too tired to find anything, John, so why don't you take a break and get some sleep?"

"Why leave now? By the time I get home and get into bed I'll have at the most two hours before I have to get up so I can shower, get ready and get back here."

"Then why don't we both go to your apartment, and you can take a shower while I fix us something to eat."

"And what about you? Don't you need to shower and change too?"

"I have an extra change of clothes in my office, so I can take them with me and shower after you. If that's okay with you, that is."

John looked back down at the file and sighed. There was something that was right there, staring him in the face, and if he walked away now…then again, he might do better if he had some food in his stomach, and he was certain his co-workers would appreciate it if he showered and changed his clothes. "It's fine by me. Your car or mine?"

"Mine. I don't think you can keep your eyes open long enough to drive to your building. I, on the other hand, have had a pot and a half of coffee and will have no trouble at all staying awake."

* * *

Sam may have consumed enough caffeine to stay awake, but obviously John had not. He was sleeping with his head against the window before they had gone four blocks. A smile crept across Sam's features as she watched the man beside her, looking so peaceful and calm. _If only you could be that way when you're awake._ The truth was John kept an awful lot buried so deep that Sam wasn't sure even he knew all of the secrets he was hiding. 

Traffic at that hour was light and she made the trip in only 20 minutes, then had to decide how she was going to get John awake and up to his apartment. "Hey, you ready to go in?" she finally asked, gently shaking his shoulder.

"Mmmph…where are we?" he asked before shifting his position and opening his eyes to see Sam sitting in the driver's seat. "Sam?" Then he remembered what had happened, and he relaxed. Sam had driven him home so he could shower and eat something. "Home already."

They walked up to John's door and once John had the door unlocked he ushered Sam inside. "Bathroom's down the hall on the right," he said, sitting on his sofa as he felt the last of his energy leaving him.

"I'm going to see what I can find in your refrigerator that's edible," Sam told him, gently squeezing his shoulder before heading off to the kitchen. "Why don't you take that shower you wanted?" she called as she walked away.

"Right, shower," he mumbled as his head started pounding again. "Just give me a few…"

Sam had found eggs and a loaf of bread, and decided that it would do for a quick breakfast. "You want to eat first?" she asked, and getting no response she went back to find John asleep on the sofa with his head resting on the back of the sofa. "And you wanted to stay and work on the file," she chuckled softly as she went to find a blanket to cover him up.

"Mommy?" John asked in his sleep as Sam pulled the blanket up over him. He snuggled into it just like a little boy, and Sam couldn't help reaching out to smooth his hair.

"You're safe, John. It's okay, just get some rest."

"Sorry, Mommy. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Sam assured him. She knew he was just dreaming, and her heart told her to just go along with it and maybe relieve some of the guilt the man carried around with him.

"I wanted to keep you safe, Mommy. I should have been with you."

"Shh, John, it's okay. It wasn't your fault."

"Miss you Mommy."

"I know."

With that John was silent, sleeping peacefully while Sam just watched him, tears forming in her eyes. The logical part of her mind told her to shower and change her clothes while he slept, but the illogical part—the part that she listened to when trying to come up with a profile—told her to stay where she was in case John had another dream and needed comforting.

At some point Sam fell asleep herself as she sat in a recliner so she would be close by if John needed her. She woke to the sound of someone crying, and as her mind cleared she realized that it was John, crying in his sleep. He had been tossing and turning until he got himself tangled in the blanket.

"No, let me go. Don't…no, please, please let me go." The more he struggled, the more the blanket restricted his movement and Sam knew he would wake up panicked if she didn't do something.

"John, it's okay. John, it's Sam, come on, wake up. John?"

"Don't let him hurt me," he whimpered, so Sam knew that he had heard her but not comprehended the words.

"No one is going to hurt you, John," she said firmly. "No one. You are safe, John. It's just you and I here. No one is going to hurt you."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"John, what are you sorry for?"

"You died because of me, Mommy. I didn't want you to die. Please come back, Mommy. Please."

"It wasn't your fault John."

"Don't let Daddy hit me anymore. Please, Mommy, please make Daddy stop. Please don't let him hit me."

Sam's hand flew to her mouth in shock as she realized that John's mind was dragging him between his mother's death and before he and his mother had left his father. "He can't hurt you ever again, John. He can't hurt you."

"Don't let him lock me in the closet, Mommy. Please, it's dark and it's cold and the last time he tied my hands behind my back so I couldn't open the door. Please, Mommy, please don't let him."

Sam was torn between letting him continue dreaming and telling her little bits and pieces while thinking she was his mommy, and waking him up. Brushing his forehead with her hand, she noticed that he was very hot. Pressing her hand deliberately on his forehead she realized that he had a fever. _How could I not have noticed that before?_

"John, wake up now. Come on, John, wake up. It was just a bad dream, that's all. Wake up."

"Mommy? I don't feel good, Mommy."

"I know you don't, John. That's why you need to wake up now." _His fever must be what's got him confused between his dream and reality._ "John?"

His eyes fluttered open, and it took him a few seconds before his vision cleared. "Sam?"

"The one and only," she joked, but the terror and shame in his eyes remained. "You've got a fever John. Do you have any aspirin?"

"Medicine cabinet in the bathroom," he said, closing his eyes as his head started pounding once again.

"I'll be right back. You just stay put."

John was trying to make sense out of the lingering images in his mind. His mother, his father, the yelling, the beatings…and Sam. Somehow his mind had put Sam in the middle of all of it. He remembered having a conversation with his dead mother, and now he wondered if he had in fact been having that conversation with Sam.

"Here you go," Sam said as she returned, handing him a glass of water. He took a few sips before Sam gave him the two aspirin.

"What time is it?"

"Time for you to get into your own bed, mister. You are in no condition to be going into work today. In fact, I'm going to call in sick for both of us." Seeing the confused look on his face, Sam smiled. "Well you're probably contagious, and since I've been here with you that would make me contagious too, right?" A sudden chill made John shiver, and Sam pulled the blanket back around him. "I'm going to call Bailey and let him know we won't be in, and then I'm going to get you into your own bed. Okay?"

"Okay."

Finding her cell phone in her purse, Sam made the quick call and, after reassuring Bailey that there was no need for alarm, that she and John had just caught some bug that was probably going to be making the rounds, she went to help John to his bedroom. "Come on, stand up John. That's it. Come on now, walk with me."

John was making progress as he managed to put one foot in front of the other. His headache was getting worse, and he went from being cold to suddenly feeling very flushed. "Sam," he said weakly as things started spinning. "Sam, I…I'm going to be sick."

"Okay, the bathroom's right here."

John fell to his knees in front of the toilet, barely having time to lift the lid before he starting heaving. Since his stomach was relatively empty there was nothing but bile to come up, and Sam knelt beside him, rubbing his back and then handed him a wet washcloth to wipe his mouth once the heaves finally stopped. "I'm going to get you a glass of water," she said, standing up. "You stay here, and I'll be right back."

"I'm not going anywhere," he replied.

Finding a clean glass in the cupboard, Sam filled it and returned quickly, but not before John's stomach tried to turn itself inside out as dry heaves once again hit him. She just kept rubbing his back like she did to comfort Chloe when her daughter was sick. When it was over with he leaned against Sam, who had wet a clean washcloth pressed against John's forehead.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Do you want to try going to bed?"

"Maybe if I can crawl on my hands and knees."

"However you want to get there, John. We'll go slow."

He managed to stand up, but his stomach was so sore that they moved at a baby's pace with Sam's arm around his waist to support him. The trek had completely exhausted him, and once he laid down he didn't even have the strength left to resist when Sam pulled of his shoes and undid his shirt and his pants.

"Think you could help me undress you?" Sam asked, but John had fallen asleep within seconds of landing in his bed. Continuing to hold the washcloth on his forehead, she heard right away when he started whimpering and calling for his mother.

"Mommy…Mommy, are you still here?"

"I'm here John. You're not alone." She knew that it was the fever that was making him think he was talking to his mother, but she saw no harm in offering him some simple comfort. If his fevered mind wanted his mommy, then his mommy he would get. "I'll stay here with you, John. I won't ever leave you alone."

"Mommy?"

_God, he sounds so much like Chloe when she gets scared. _"Get some rest, John. It's okay. I'll be right here."

John settled and was soon breathing slowly and evenly, having fallen into a deep sleep. She wanted to get him some more water for when he woke up, and perhaps another cool washcloth for his forehead, but she didn't want to leave him, either, in case he woke up or started calling for his mother again. The sound of John's phone ringing startled her, and she decided to let his machine pick up but she listened for the message in case it was something urgent.

"John! John, it's Bailey. Pick up, please. Sam, if you're still there please pick up the phone."

"I'm here, Bailey," Sam said once she lifted the received and hit the stop button so the answering machine wouldn't record any more. "What is it?"

"There's something on the papers that John took from the crime scene, Sam. We're not sure what it is, but everyone who has come in contact with those papers has become deathly ill. We're having tests run on them now, and an ambulance is on the way to take John to the hospital. I'm afraid you'll have to go to the hospital as well, Sam."

"Me? But I…I didn't have any contact with those papers."

"But you have had contact with John, who had contact with those papers. We've got spouses and children of agents who are sick, Sam. I'm sorry, but you have to go to the hospital as well. Until we can identify what the substance is, everyone who has come into contact with it has to be kept in isolation at the county hospital."

"I have to go Bailey. If they're going to take us to the hospital I should pack some things for John."

"They won't let you take anything, Sam, to prevent any further contamination."

"Bailey, is there any way you can pull some strings and get John and I…well, at least near each other? He can't be alone right now. I can't discuss it with you, but he can't be left alone. I need to be with him."

"It's out of my hands, Sam. Perhaps you can plead your case to the CDC officials. They're running the show as far as your stay in the hospital goes."

"What hospital are they taking us too?"

There was a banging on the door, and Sam knew what it was. "They're here Bailey."

"I'll try to make contact Sam, and I'll let Angel know what's happened."

Six people in what could only be described as space suits came inside when Sam opened the door. "Dr. Samantha Waters?" Sam only nodded her head, her mind already thinking about how John was going to panic. "We're with the Center for Disease Control here in Atlanta. Has Agent Malone told you what has happened?" the woman who Sam assumed was the leader asked.

"Yes."

"Where is Agent Grant?" one of the men asked, but Sam didn't answer him.

"Please, before you take us to the hospital, there's something you have to know. I'm a psychiatrist, and Agent Grant is in no condition mentally to be stuck in a room and isolated from everyone."

"Dr. Waters, I…"

"Just let me be in with him. Please. What harm can it do?"

"Since you aren't yet sick, there's a chance that you won't get sick if we keep you away from any source of contamination, which includes Agent Grant."

"But--"

"I'll make you a deal, Dr. Waters. You can ride in the ambulance with him and keep him calm, and once you've both been declared decontaminated, I'll let you visit with him for a little bit."

"He's in the bedroom, lying down. Please, let me wake him up. He's confused because of the fever and…oh, he was sick earlier but there was nothing in his stomach to come up. His stomach is a little sore, though."

"One of you go get a stretcher," the woman told her team, and two men obediently went out of the apartment to retrieve the stretcher. "You go and wake him up, Dr. Waters. There's no need for us to go in there and scare the living daylights out of the poor man."

"Thank you," Sam said, but as she turned away she felt a gloved hand on her shoulder.

"I promise you, Dr. Waters, that I'll talk to my boss and see what we can do at the hospital. We've put husbands and wives in isolation together, so I don't see why we couldn't do it for you two. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure I can convince the right people that it would be in everyone's best interest."

"Thank you," Sam said, nearly in tears. It had scared her to think of what John might do if he was left all alone.

"Go on and wake him up. We'll get him onto the stretcher so he doesn't have to walk."

Sam just nodded and went to see about getting John up, not sure if she should hope that he would be too out of it to give her a hard time, or awake enough so that he wouldn't panic. "John," she said softly as she approached the bed, not wanting to startle him. "John, can you hear me?"

"Hmm?" he said, not opening his eyes.

"You have to wake up for me, okay. There are people here that want to help us, so I need you to wake up. Come on, John, wake up so they can take us to the hospital."

His eyes flew open at the word 'hospital'. "No, no, I don't need to go to the hospital." His vision cleared and he saw Sam, and he remembered that she had driven him home and then…and then he had puked, and she had helped him into bed.

"John, there was something on the papers that you took from the crime scene. Everyone that has come in contact with that crime scene is being taken to the hospital by the CDC."

"I don't need to go to the hospital. I'm okay, really. I won't go. You can't make me go."

The aggravation in his voice scared her; the last thing she needed was for John to have some sort of panic attack. It certainly wouldn't impress the woman who was willing to try and keep them in isolation together. "John, Bailey sent these people. He wants us to go to the hospital so he can be sure that we're okay. You know how he worries."

That got through to John, and he got his shoes on and followed Sam out of the bedroom. He instantly tensed, though, at the site of the CDC team that was waiting for them. "Sam?" he asked.

He was holding his stomach, and she didn't know if it was because it was so sore and walking made it worse or because he was going to be sick again. "John, what's wrong? John?"

"I'm not going…" He felt very dizzy, and the last thing he remember was someone in a blue chemical suit rushing towards him, and strong arms holding him and easing him down to the floor.

* * *

John whimpered as Sam held his hand. They had gotten John onto the stretcher after he passed out on them, and now they were in the ambulance with Sam and Nicole, the female leader of the team in back with him. 

"It's all right, John. I'm here. Shh, you're not alone so just relax. It's okay."

His eyes fluttered open, but they were unseeing as he tried to raise his arm and found that he couldn't. "No, you said you wouldn't! You said that I was safe! Let me go!"

"John, calm down. The straps were just so you didn't roll off the stretcher." Sam hoped she could get through to him and return him to the present. "You're in the ambulance, John, and we're going to the hospital."

"Fever-induced delirium isn't uncommon," Nicole reassured her before reaching for a syringe. "I'll give him a mild sedative to calm him down for the rest of the ride." She spoke to John to try and calm him before she gave him the injection. "You are safe, John. We're here to help you, John. If you calm down I'll undo the straps. Would that be better?"

Some clarity returned to those blue eyes as he gazed at her, then turned towards Sam. "What's going on?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" Sam asked him as Nicole kept her word and began to loosen the restraints.

"All these people in space suits taking me away on a stretcher."

"I'm going to give you a shot," Nicole said, holding up the small syringe.

"No, no, I don't want it," John said, struggling against Sam who had her right hand resting firmly on his shoulder.

"Well you're getting it whether you want it or not," Sam told him.

"Sam," he whimpered. He had been so sure he could trust her, that he could count on her when he needed her, and she wasn't even going to keep these people from injecting him with god-knows-what.

"She is trying to help you, John," Sam assured him, "and we both want you to get better quickly, so please don't fight her." _Poor John…hemust really be sick to be acting this way._

"Will you stay with me, Sam?" John didn't care that there was someone else present, he was scared and he needed to know that Sam wouldn't leave him. "Please stay with me," he added in a whisper.

"Can I?" Sam asked, her eyes filled with longing. All she wanted right now was to reassure John that he wouldn't be alone, that she would be right there with him through this ordeal.

"After you both go through decontamination, I'll do my best. My boss is a good man, but…well, there are rules and a lot of politics. At the very least I'll bring you to him when he's back in his room, Sam. I promise."

_Decontamination…_ John had an idea what that would entail, although he was sure that the CDC's decontamination process was much more thorough than anything the Atlanta PD or even the VCTF could even imagine. "Sam, please."

"Let Nicole give you the shot, John."

His attention turned to his arm as Nicole wiped an area with alcohol and then held the needle just above the skin. From somewhere in the back of his mind came memories of the time his father had lost his temper and beat him so severely that he ended up in the hospital. During that stay he had been stuck with so many needles, both to administer medication and to draw blood because they thought he might be anemic, that to this day he swore he could still feel the pain of those needles. "No," he said softly, and to his surprise Nicole looked at him.

"You'll barely feel it, I swear. I'm not doing this to hurt you."

Recognizing the look in her eyes, John relaxed a little. It was the same look that his mother had whenever she had to clean him up after his father had beaten him. Since his mother never hurt him, perhaps this woman really didn't mean him any harm. "Go ahead," he whispered, looking towards Sam as the needle entered his arm.

"It's okay, John," Sam said as he winced at the slight burning sensation of the drug being forced into his vein. "Just relax."

"We're all done," Nicole announced as she threw the syringe into a container and locked the lid. "Now we just need to massage the area to make the medication move faster and get rid of that burning feeling." As she was talking she had started to rub and massage the area, and John felt the burning subside almost immediately.

"Thanks," he told her.

"You're welcome. We should be at the hospital soon, and I'm afraid once we get there you'll be separated for a while. I promise you, I will do my best to get you together, but I can't make any guarantees. I can guarantee, though, that as soon as you are back in your room I'll find a way to get Sam in to see you."

"Are you going to be there for the decontamination?" John asked.

"No, I won't. I will be trying to pull as many strings as I can to get you and Sam into the same room. I promise you'll be okay, though. It's really not that bad."

John felt himself getting a little bit sleepy, and he realized that Nicole had given him a sedative. "Why can't Sam be with me?"

"Because you both have to be decontaminated separately. Now close those blue eyes and relax, and before you know it you'll be clean and resting comfortably in a bed."

"Sam will be there, right?"

"I will do my very best, John."

"And I get to wash myself. Otherwise, no deal," he said, his words starting to slur as the sedative kicked in.


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: The backstory and all characters from the show Profiler belong to someone else. I'm just borrowing them for my own amusement. Only the original characters that have not appeared on the show and the storyline itself belong to me.**

* * *

Washing himself turned out to be more work than John had thought it would be, but he managed. He was exhausted by the time he was done, but he managed. At least the two people there with him had been very considerate and had given him as much privacy as they could. Yes, things were going fairly well, all things considered. 

Once that was over with, John had to accept being pushed in a wheelchair, which he realized was better than walking through the halls in his hospital gown. Nicole was waiting outside the door of his room, and she told the man pushing that she would see John inside. "See, that wasn't so bad now was it?"

"Compared to what?" he snapped, instantly regretting it. "I'm sorry; no, it wasn't that bad. At least now you're not in that space suit."

As she backed through the door of the room with him, Sam smiled from where she was seated on the bed. "Well hello there, stranger," she said.

John looked up at Nicole and smiled as she turned the wheelchair so he was facing Sam. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now let's get you into bed so you can get some rest."

"You heard your doctor," Sam teased, and she helped Nicole gently guide him up from the wheelchair and over to the bed. As they were approaching the edge of the bed, his gown shifted just enough that Sam got an unobstructed view of his back.

He knew even before he heard her gasp that she had seen the scars that he had managed to hide all his life. Why was it that now those damned scars were being seen by everyone? It made him feel more naked then when he was in decontamination. Having Sam see them, though…Sam now knew that he carried permanent reminders of his father and the abuse he had doled out.

When John had tensed and frozen in place, Nicole began gently rubbing his lower back after pulling the gown back into place. "Come on, John. Into the bed with you now," she whispered in his ear, and he finally complied. "Now you get some rest. I'm leaving you in Dr. Waters' hands, and I have no doubt that she will take very good care of you."

Just as he was going to thank her again his stomach started to turn. "I'm going to be sick again," he said, turning onto his side. Nicole grabbed the empty trash can and held it in one hand while she rubbed his back with the other. Sam had run into the bathroom and found some washcloths and some plastic cups. After filling one of the cups and wetting two washcloths with cold water, she returned to see John heaving once again, and bringing up nothing but bile. He was obviously in pain, and his pain brought tears to Sam's eyes because there was nothing she could do to ease it.. And the scars on his back had only served to confirm what Sam had suspected all along, that John had suffered a very abusive childhood.

He finally eased himself onto his back, and Nicole stepped out of the way so Sam could wipe his face with a cold washcloth. "Here," Nicole said as she handed Sam a pan, "maybe he should rinse his mouth with some water."

"When is this going to stop?" he asked, rubbing his stomach.

"I don't know, but maybe if we get a little food in your stomach…"

"I'd just throw up again."

"But there would be something for you to throw up. Let Sam take care of you while I run to the cafeteria and see what I can find that might settle your stomach."

Nicole was out the door before John could say anything, and Sam helped him sit up. After rinsing his mouth with cold water and spitting into the pan a few times, he at least didn't have that acidic taste in his mouth anymore. "Thanks," he said as Sam pressed one cold washcloth against his forehead while continuing to bath his face with the other one once he laid back.

"Is it making you feel any better?"

"Yes, it is. Sam, I…I didn't want you to see…"

"I know, John, but I did see. It doesn't change how I feel about you."

John looked puzzled. "You have feelings for me?"

"Of course I do. You're my friend, John, and I care about you. Nothing could ever change that."

_'You're my friend, John.' 'Nothing could ever change that.' Great. Sam, I want so much more than your friendship. I…I think that I…that I love you. God knows I need you._

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"You seemed to be lost in thought there for a moment. Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Sam, I…I mean, I…oh, hell…Sam, I…I think I'm going to be sick again."

Nicole came through the door as Sam was trying to comfort him. He was whimpering in pain each time he tried to throw up, but Sam would rub his back to get him to relax until the next wave hit. It had been clear to Nicole from the beginning that these two had a chemistry between them, but now it was also clear that Sam knew how to comfort John. In fact Sam's mothering instincts towards John were a relief, because Nicole's heart had broken when John had deliriously called for his mother.

Finally Nicole went over to the bed and set a can of ginger ale and a can of 7-Up on the tray, along with a round Styrofoam container. "I wasn't sure which one would settle your stomach, or if you had a preference, so I brought one of each, and I have a heating pad because I'm sure your stomach is very, very sore by now. Once we get you comfortable, I brought you up some chicken broth with a little rice in it."

The heating pad did help with his stomach, and the ginger ale seemed to stay down so Sam tried getting John to take a little of the chicken broth. "I'm going to talk to my boss," Nicole said, "and then I have an errand to run. I shouldn't be gone more than an hour, but I'll have one of the nurses check on you. Don't worry, Lindsey knows that the two of you are in here, and she's not going to give you any trouble. Think you'll be okay?"

"We'll be fine, and thank you," Sam said.

"Thank you, for everything you've done," John told her. "Go take care of your boss."

* * *

Lindsey had come in just one time to check on John, which was fine with both of them. She was nice enough, but she didn't have the easy-going attitude that had made them both feel comfortable with Nicole. 

John had fallen into a restless sleep when Nicole returned. "Change of the shift for the nurses; they'll be doing room checks so I need to get you into your own room," she whispered to Sam.

"But what if…"

"Your room is right next door." Nicole took off the long floral smock that she wore over her clothes and held it out to Sam. "Put this on, and when I say the coast is clear you get into your room. Then hide the smock so they don't see it when they come around. I'll stay here with John in case he wakes up. Once they've finished checking the rooms I'll come and get you."

Sam didn't want to leave, but she was certain that if they found her in John's room instead of her own, she'd never be allowed to stay with him. Besides, it wasn't like he'd be alone, and from what Sam had seen Nicole would take good care of him in her absence.

While the nurses had their heads in the doorway of the first room, Nicole got Sam out the door of John's room and into her own. Luckily the smock covered up the hospital gown, and when a security guard saw it as Sam's door shut he just assumed it was one of Nicole's colleagues and kept walking.

"Sam?"

The sound of John calling out brought Nicole back to his side instantly. "You're not alone, John. It's okay."

The pounding in his head had returned, which initially woke him up. Then he realized that no one was holding his hand, and he needed the reassurance that he got from Sam holding his hand. "Sam?" he called again.

"She'll be back just as soon as the room checks are finished. I'll stay here with you until I can bring her back."

"Where is she?" He started to think that something was wrong, and they had taken Sam away. Was she sick? Were they mad because she had been with him?

"She's in her own room. She'll be back very soon, I promise you," she said, trying to keep him from panicking over Sam.

"I'm going to throw up," he said, and Nicole helped him onto his side and held the trash can. This time there was at least something for him to throw up, but he was so sore from the previous attempts that he couldn't stop the tears that rolled down his face. Besides, his head was pounding more than it had been before, and he went from feeling hot one second to shivering from chills the next. It had been a long time since he had been this miserable, although Nicole rubbing his back did seem to help a little.

The two nurses walked into the room just as John was throwing up, and the head nurse went immediately to the bedside table to grab the two washcloths and go into the bathroom. Nicole didn't seem to have noticed the new visitors until the head nurse returned with two washcloths that were cool and damp and handed one to Nicole. "Thank you," Nicole said as she pressed it against John's forehead as his stomach continued to expel what little he had eaten. When it seemed to be over she began gently wiping his face, but just as she was finishing it started again. The last bout hit him so hard that he was gasping for breath in the end. "Come on, relax," she told him as she continued to rub his back after she set the trash can down. "Relax, John, and slow your breathing down. You're all right."

At some point the nurses had slipped out and then slipped back in, with a clean trash can and an opened can of Ginger Ale. "I'll get rid of this," the younger nurse said, taking the can that John had thrown up in and leaving.

"Will you be staying the night, or should I have someone check on him once an hour?" the head nurse asked.

"I'll be staying, but thank you for the offer."

"I'll help you get him settled back in bed."

The two women eased him onto his back and got the covers up over him to try and get him warm. "Thank you for your help, Rebecca."

"I'll let Maria know that you're staying the night, so if you need anything just let her know."

"I will."

"And you," she told John, "just feel better."

His body was trembling with exhaustion as Nicole took his hand in hers. "How do you feel, John?"

"Like I just ran a marathon," he answered, closing his eyes. "I just want to sleep."

"Then just sleep."

"I need Sam."

Checking her watch, Nicole decided enough time had passed. "It should be safe for me to bring Sam back now. Will you be okay for a few minutes?"

_No, I don't want to be alone. But it won't be for long, and she'll bring Sam back…_ "I'll be okay. You go get Sam."

He was sleeping when Sam and Nicole returned and slipped silently into the room. As the door clicked shut, his body jerked. _Poor thing, even in his sleep he's so easily startled_, Nicole thought to herself.

"Mommy?" It was a whispered plea, but Sam went right to him and took his hand.

"Sshhh, go to sleep, John."

"Sam?" The words were a little stronger, and he opened his eyes to look at her.

"Yes, John, I'm here. You need your sleep so you can get better, so just close those eyes, okay?"

"If you insist," he answered sleepily.

"I do insist. Go to sleep."

For a few minutes he was quiet, his breathing slow and regular, and just when they thought he was sleeping he called Sam's name.

"What is it, John?" she asked, still holding onto his hand.

"Forgot to tell you that I love you," he said before falling asleep.

It was Sam's turn to cry as she pressed her lips against the back of the hand that she was holding. "I love you, too, John. I always have." Sam crawled in the bed beside John, smiling when he snuggled against her and his whole body relaxed. "You're okay now, John. I am never leaving you again…" She glanced over at Nicole and couldn't help smiling. "Well, other than at shift change, I'm never leaving you again, but I know that you're in good hands with Nicole when I'm not here. I love you John."

"I love you, too, Sam." The words were just a whisper, but they spoke volumes to Sam.

_If only he didn't have to be deathly ill for us to say them…_ "Is he going to be okay?" she asked softly.

"I hope so. The lab was still working on determining exactly what was on those papers when I talked to my boss. He got sick again while you were in your room, and at least this time there was something in his stomach. He seems to have relaxed now, so I think he'll be okay until morning. Do you think he'll panic if I put the bed rails up so neither one of you falls out?"

"We can't have him falling on the floor and hitting his head," Sam said with a smile, so Nicole pulled the rails up on his side of the bed. John tensed at the sound of them locking in place, and Sam and Nicole both reached out to comfort him. Sam lightly kissed his forehead and squeezed his hand while Nicole rubbed his back. "You're safe, John. It's okay. You just relax."

"Oh, no," Nicole said, her eyes getting big. "You haven't had anything to eat since you've been here. Sam, I am so sorry. I…"

"You were a little busy taking care of this one," Sam said, indicating John who was finally sleeping peacefully. "I think we'll be okay, so why don't you take a break and get some rest, or get yourself something to eat."

"Actually, I want to get down to the lab and see if they're any closer to knowing what was on those papers that made him so sick."

Sam just nodded her understanding. There was something about the way Nicole looked at John that made her trust this woman completely. It was obvious that Nicole saw beyond the charts and the test results and really saw her patients. John had been lucky when he got Nicole as his doctor.

"You want the rail up on that side?"

"No, I think we should leave that one down in case he gets sick again."

"You know we have these handy little puke trays," Nicole said as she picked up what could best be described as a small kidney-shaped pan.

"Puke trays?"

With a shrug, Nicole sat it back down on the table. "It's the best description I've come up with."

"Mommy?" John called in his sleep, shivering as his fever caused more chills. "Mommy, where are you?"

"Shh, it's okay John," Sam said.

"I'll leave you two alone," Nicole whispered as she silently backed away.

John turned and leaned back, and when he felt the cold of the rails on his back, and he cried out. "No, no please, Mommy, don't let him. Please, don't let him Mommy. I'll be good."

"I know you're good, John. I won't let him hurt you. Shh, it's all right, John. No one is going to hurt you," Sam told him over and over while Nicole opened a cabinet and took out some extra pillows.

She put the pillows against the bed rail so that if John leaned that way again he would lean into the pillows instead of the cold metal. "That should do it," Nicole said, and John's eyes fluttered open. "Hi there," she said as she reached down and brushed the hair from his forehead. "Go back to sleep."

"Where…Sam?"

"I'm right here, John. We're still in the hospital, remember?"

"Why are you in my bed? Don't get me wrong; I've dreamed of this moment, Sam, but…" He thought for a moment, then looked into Sam's eyes.

"I'll leave you two," Nicole said. "Relax, John. Everything's okay."

After Nicole had slipped out, Sam laid on the edge of the bed, scooting up higher in the bed so that John could curl up and rest his head on her lap. "I meant it, before, when I said that I love you."

He sighed and relaxed a little more. "I was afraid I had dreamed that."

"No, it wasn't a dream." Her fingers continued to trace the curve of his shoulders. "I love you so much it's scary sometimes. I mean, I've always loved you as a friend, but--"

"I love you, Sam," he said, his voice breaking. "I was just so afraid that if I said it you would run away from me."

"I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere." Part of Sam's brain was telling her that it was just the high fever that was making John say these things, and part of her didn't care, just so long as they could talk about it when he was better.

"I…I dreamed about my mother, Sam. I thought that I was talking to her but I…I was talking to you, wasn't I?"

"Yes, John, you were. You wanted your mother so much, and I didn't see any harm in giving you the one comfort you were seeking. I hope you aren't upset with me."

"No, Sam, I'm not upset. I've wanted to talk to her, to feel her with me ever since she died, and this…well, this was the first time that I felt that sense of peace, like she was here with me. Maybe she was, through you."

* * *

"Do I want to know where Dr. Waters is right now?" Nicole's boss asked when he ran into her on the way to the lab. 

"Umm…no?"

"How is our Agent Grant?"

"Better. He got sick a few times, and he still has such a high fever, but Sam—I mean, Dr. Waters—is able to keep him calm and that's the best thing, right?"

"I take it bed checks were uneventful?"

"Thanks for putting Dr. Waters' room next to Agent Grant's."

"Well it's easier than having you sneaking patients across the ward. Rebecca would have my head for that."

"Rebecca is your employee, just like I am, and I think even she would agree with me on this one."

"Rebecca follows the rules to the very letter, with no room for allowances."

"She does not, and you know it. Just because she doesn't let _you_ break the rules…"

"Excuse me, but would you be Dr. Hillsdale?"

Turning around, Nicole saw Bailey standing there, holding out his badge and ID. "That would depend on what the charges are."

Seeing that she wasn't interested in his identification, he put it away and offered her his hand. "Agent Bailey Malone, FBI."

"Hi," she said, shaking his hand. "Obviously you already know who I am."

"Good to see you again, Bailey."

"I just wish it were under different circumstances, James."

"You two know each other?" Nicole asked.

"Oh, yes. I was very upset when I learned that James had plucked you from the FBI to work for the CDC." Seeing Nicole cringe at the remark, he mentally slapped himself and tried to make her comfortable again. "How do you think you ended up being the doctor on this case? I called my old friend James and asked for the best."

"If you'll excuse me, I want to check with the lab and see if they've found anything."

"I brought Dr. Grace Alvarez with me to help out the lab. I figured a new set of eyes…"

"I'm sure our lab technicians are just as good as the FBI's," Nicole said rather coldly.

"I didn't mean to imply that they weren't," Bailey said with a smile.

"Excuse me," she replied, paying no more attention to either man as she went into the lab.

"I guess she's just not over it yet," Bailey said softly.

"She never will be," James told him. "You just had to open that can of worms, didn't you?"

"I didn't mean to."

"Well you did, Bailey, and I protect my people just as fiercely as you protect yours. Stay away from her."

* * *

"So, find anything?" Nicole asked the first lab technician she came to, a young man named Ryan. 

"It's really strange, Nicole. Everyone assumed that the powder found at the crime scene was some sort of biohazard, and it was the reason why Agent Grant and the others got sick, but it appears to be completely harmless."

"So maybe the powder isn't the agent we're looking for."

"I agree," Grace said, standing up from where she had been working to come over to them.

"You must be Dr. Alvarez," Nicole said without much enthusiasm. "Agent Malone told me you were here."

"I thought that I might be able to help."

"Then by all means, help. I have work to do." With that Nicole left the lab, feeling even more frustrated then she had when she first headed there. _Why did they have to come here and bring all this back to the surface? Why?_ Glancing at her watch, she saw that it was already 7AM. _Better draw blood for John and Sam's blood tests, and maybe I can get them to eat some breakfast…oh no. They'll be coming around with breakfast…and they'll find Sam in John's room…in John's bed…_

"Dr. Hillsdale…" Bailey started, meaning to apologize to her. He never got the chance as she tore past him, not even slowing down. "Should I be concerned?" he asked James.

"No, I think she just realized the time. Trust me when I say your agents are just fine."


	3. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: The backstory and all characters from the show Profiler belong to someone else. I'm just borrowing them for my own amusement. Only the original characters that have not appeared on the show and the storyline itself belong to me.**

* * *

Nicole reached the rooms just as a nurse's aid was about to go in Sam's room with a tray. "I'll be going down to the cafeteria to get them something to eat later, so you don't need to worry about this room or the one next to it. I have to run some blood work, and the results will be more accurate if they've fasted for at least six hours."

"Of course, Doctor." The aid walked away, and Nicole breathed a sigh of relief.

The door swung open almost noiselessly, but Sam was awake in an instant, ready to protect John from whatever danger was coming their way. "Hi," Nicole whispered, watching as Sam relaxed. "I need to get blood samples from both of you."

Sam tried to move off the bed so she could sit on the edge and let Nicole draw some blood, but as soon as Sam moved away from John he whimpered and held her arm. "John, come on, wake up. I need to get up now."

"Don't go Mommy. Please, they'll hurt me again. Please don't leave me, Mommy."

"No one is going to hurt you, sweetheart," Nicole said softly as she brushed the side of his face with her hand. "Wake up now, sleepyhead."

John's eyes flew open, panicking at this new voice. "No…don't …Sam? Nicole?"

"I didn't mean to startle you," Nicole apologized. "Are you okay?"

"I…I think so. I guess I was having a bad dream."

"I just need to get some blood from both of you for the lab."

John pulled the sheets up a little higher and gave a whimper. "You really have to?"

"Yes, I really have to, but I can do Sam first."

John just nodded, releasing his hold on Sam so that she could sit in the chair. He watched and could see how gentle Nicole was being as she used the rubber strap to tie above the vein and then cleaned the area with alcohol and slid the needle in. Unfortunately Sam flinched slightly, and that made John flinch in response. No matter how many times he told himself that this wasn't the same as when he had been a little boy, the memories of the incidents there in the hospital kept coming back. The doctor had lost patience with John when he tried to hide as they came to draw yet another blood sample, and he actually slapped John across the face, then had John's father holdhim down while the doctor showed no compassion at all in shoving the needle in and getting his blood sample. John remembered being so frightened, and thinking that his mother wouldn't have let them hurt him like this, but the doctor had told her that there were some papers that she needed to sign at the nurse's station.

"All done," Nicole announced as she put cotton where the needle had come out and had Sam bend her arm to apply pressure while Nicole emptied the syringe into four test tubes, labeled them and then discarded the used syringe. "You're turn," she told John, who shrank back as far as he could. "John? Hey, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Don't. Please, don't." His voice was barely audible, and tears were threatening to flow.

Recognizing the look of a frightened child, Nicole slipped into a role that she was comfortable with. "I have to get blood so the lab can see if you're getting better, but we'll do this however you want to, okay? Now just relax." After she made sure that he knew her hands were empty and the syringe was on the tray, she sat on the edge of the bed and held one of his hands. "Now, which arm?"

"What?"

"You do have control over this, John. Now which arm do you want me to use?"

"My left one, I guess," he said, closing his eyes as his tears started to run down his face.

"Relax, John. It's okay," she said. Feeling the muscles trembling, she took her time and gently massaged his arm as she pushed the sleeve of his gown up. "Come on, John. Just relax."

"Sam…"

Sam heard his whimpered cry, and she sat on the other side of the bed and held his right hand. "I'm right here, John. It's going to be okay."

When Nicole picked up the rubber tubing to tie around his upper arm John tensed even more. That was when Sam first paid attention to the blank look in Nicole's eyes for just a brief moment. It was the same look she herself got when she was seeing images as she tried to profile a case. "Do you want to watch, or do you want to look away when I do it?"

"I…I don't want to see it."

"Do you want me to let you know when I'm about to do it?" John just shook his head 'no' as Nicole wiped the area on his arm with alcohol. "Why don't you look at Sam then?" she suggested as she picked up the syringe and removed the safety cap that covered the needle.

"It's okay, John," Sam said as he turned towards her. "It's going to be all right."

He shut his eyes when he felt the slight pain as the needle pierced his skin. Before he knew it, Nicole was pressing a piece of cotton onto his arm and withdrawing the needle. "Just keep your arm bent for a few minutes to stop the bleeding," she told him, and once Sam had a hold of his wrist and was holding his arm in place Nicole began labeling test tubes and doing the same thing with his blood that she had done with Sam's. "Are you okay?" she asked John, and he nodded his head. "Do you think if I bring up breakfast you could eat something?"

"I don't know."

"All I ask is that you try. If you take one bite and decide that you just can't eat anymore, that's okay."

"I'll try then."

"How about you Sam? Feel up to some breakfast?"

"Sure." Sam wasn't really hungry, but she thought that John would be more likely to at least try to eat if they both ate together.

"Will you two be okay for about half an hour while I get you some food?"

"We'll be just fine," Sam said, smiling, but John grabbed Nicole's hand.

"You're coming back, though, right? No other doctors?"

"No, John, no other doctor but me will be coming in this room, I promise you. No one is going to hurt you while you're here."

"Thank you," he said, loosening his grip but still holding on.

"You're welcome," she told him, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You are safe here, John, and I'll be back."

As Nicole went out the door, Sam helped John to sit up and she raised the head of his bed, then pulled the tray over in front of him. "You really like her, don't you?" she asked as she removed the cotton from his arm. The bleeding had stopped, so Sam threw the cotton in the trashcan and began straightening the blanket out.

"Yes. I don't know why but she…she understands." His voice fell to a whisper as he said the last two words.

_Yes, John, she does, more than you even realize because I have a feeling she sees things just like I do._ "So, what do you want to do while we wait?"

"Do you think you could help me get into the bathroom so I can wash my face and brush my teeth?"

"Of course we can. Just take it slow and you should be okay."

Sam helped him into the bathroom and let him sit on the toilet seat while she found a washrag. There was no soap, but Sam decided that even if she just wet the washcloth with some warm water and ran it over his face he'd probably feel better.

"Sam?" he called while she was running the washrag under the faucet.

"Yes, John?"

"Do you still love me? I mean, have you changed your mind?"

"I will never change my mind about that, John. I love you, and I will always love you. Nothing will ever change that. Now let me wipe your face…"

"I can do it," he said with a slight whine, so Sam handed him the washcloth. "Thank you," he replied as he used it to wipe his whole face and then his neck.

Neither one of them heard the door open as Nicole came in with their breakfast. "Umm…guys? No playing hide and seek on this floor, okay?"

"We're in here," Sam called back as John handed her the washcloth.

"Are you okay?" Nicole asked, rushing over to where John was still sitting on the toilet.

"Fine," he answered, giving her a smile. "We just thought we'd hang out in here until you got back."

"Then you're weirder than I thought," Nicole replied. "Let's get you back out here so you can eat. I refuse to serve breakfast in the bathroom."

John got back to his bed but refused to lie down, so Sam and Nicole brought the tray around so that he could sit on the side of the bed and eat. "So, what did you get for us?"

"Well I didn't really know what you felt like eating, so…" Nicole had brought up several Styrofoam containers in a white bag, and now she was taking them out and setting them on the tray. "I got you French toast because…well, because it just looked good and I thought you'd enjoy it," she told John, "and some apple juice."

"With powdered sugar," he said softly as he opened the container. "Thank you."

"And here's your syrup, and your knife and fork," she said as she set them on his tray. "I will get you anything you want, okay? You just ask, and I will get it, and don't you ever think for even one second that you are bothering me." She wasn't sure why, but something made her lean down and kiss his forehead, and she felt him relax. "Now you eat your breakfast, and then if you behave yourself I'll see if the lab results are back and whether or not we can move you out of isolation."

Nicole offered Sam ham and eggs, and both women watched as John seemed to completely relax, enjoying his French toast and forgetting, at least momentarily, the horrors that staying in the hospital had brought back for him. "I never thought I would say this about hospital food," he commented when he was finished, "but that was actually good."

"If you're still hungry I can get you more."

"I'm fine, but thank you. I think I'm going to lie down for a while."

Soon John was sleeping, his tummy full and his blanket pulled up around him. "Sweet dreams," Nicole whispered as she kissed his cheek.

"Can I ask you something?" Sam asked once Nicole moved away from the bed.

"Sure."

She and Sam sat on the other side of the room in the hopes that they wouldn't disturb John. "What did you see before, when John panicked over the blood test?"

"What do you mean?"

"I recognized the look in your eyes. You see things, just like I do."

Nicole put her head down as though she was ashamed. "I don't want to violate the trust that John has in me."

"I'm only asking because I care about him and I want to be able to help him through this."

"He…he was in the hospital when he was a little boy. His father was involved, I think, and the…the doctor…John was tortured, Sam. He was tortured by the medical staff that was supposed to be saving him."

"How?" Sam whispered.

"I don't know exactly, but I…I think they held him down, or maybe they restrained him while they performed some procedure. I'm sorry, Sam, but you know as well as I do that we aren't psychics, we only get glimpses based on behavior or god knows what that triggers it. I don't think John even remembers the worst of it, just little things that have been brought back bit by bit."

Sam put her hand over her mouth and wept silently as she watched John sleeping. "How could I not have seen it? I knew he had an abusive childhood, but I should have seen it with the way he was acting."

"Don't blame yourself for not seeing it. I mostly work with children that are brought in, that's why I recognized his actions. I just wish I knew what the major trauma was that they did to him."

John whimpered in his sleep and turned onto his side, and Sam went right over to him. "Shh, it's okay John. We're here, and you're safe."

That seemed to satisfy him, and he quieted down. "I'm going to check with the lab," Nicole whispered, and she slid out the door. She couldn't forget what Ryan had said before, that the powder from the crime scene had been harmless. If it was harmless, then what the hell had made John so sick?

* * *

"No, I don't know," Ryan said when Nicole popped into the lab. "I can't find anything about the powder that would cause anyone to get sick." 

"Then what made John and all those other people sick?"

"I don't know. It's possible that there was something else there, but it had a short half-life and is no longer detectable. That still doesn't explain why Agent Grant isn't doing better, though. All of the other people who were brought in displayed no symptoms within two hours of being brought here, and they are all out of isolation. Whatever is making Agent Grant sick now, it's not what made all those others sick."

Nicole felt a shiver go down her spine as she had a rather unpleasant thought. "I have to find James," she said, and she left Ryan to go in search of her boss.

* * *

As soon as Nicole went through the door of John's room she knew that she was going to have a disaster. John was curled up in Sam's arms sobbing while James was staying as far away from him as possible. "What happened?" Nicole asked, looking around the room for someone to start talking. 

"I needed to talk to you, and I assumed you would be here," James said, "but as soon as I came in the door he looked at me and just started crying. I was afraid to leave with him in this condition, so I just hoped you would come back soon. I am so sorry, Nicole. Please believe that I never intended to do this to him."

"I know you didn't," Nicole told him before going over to where Sam was cradling him in the bed. "John, it's me. I'm here, sweetie. You're okay."

He looked at her with teary eyes, and after a second he wrapped his arms around her neck. "Don't let them hurt me," he whispered.

"No one's going to hurt you," Nicole reassured him, but she couldn't help noticing how hot he was. "It's okay now, John," she said as she rubbed his back and Sam moved to a more comfortable position sitting on the chair. "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."

"You promised."

"I know I did, and I meant it. No other doctor has done anything to you, have they?"

"No, but…"

"James is my boss, and he was just looking for me. That's why he didn't come near you. It's okay, and I'll stay here so you just relax, okay? You're safe."

"You won't leave?" he asked, burying his face against her neck.

"I won't leave, so you can calm down now. I just have to talk to my boss for a few minutes, okay?"

"You can't leave!" John said as he held onto her even tighter.

'He's burning up' she mouthed to Sam as she continued to rub John's back. "I'm not going to leave the room, okay? We're just going to talk over by the door, but I won't leave." Finally he released his grip on Nicole, and Sam resumed her place on the bed as Nicole went to talk to James. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked softly, not wanting John to hear their conversation.

"I just wanted to know what I can tell Agent Malone about the condition of these two. You have no idea what it's like having him hovering and asking me every fifteen minutes if there's been any change."

"Sam is fine. In fact I'd suggest releasing her if it weren't for--"

"For the fact that Agent Grant would be a complete basket case?" he finished for her.

"Except for that," Nicole agreed. "I've been considering moving him out of isolation so that Sam could stay here without any trouble, and if we discharged her then she could go home from time to time to get some sleep."

"I have to agree, but if we move him out of isolation there would be FBI agents guarding the room around the clock."

"Then they suspect that John was the target?"

"Yes. Are you going to be okay with the FBI hanging around?"

"As long as they stay out of my way, I'll stay out of theirs and we'll all be just fine."

"I'll give Agent Malone the good news, then," James said, giving her a brief smile before he left the room.

_I'll talk to you later, after John is willing to let me leave the room._ While Sam continued to hold John and rub his back, Nicole went into the bathroom to get another washcloth and run it under cold water. "Why don't you lie down, John?"

He reluctantly laid back, releasing his grip on Sam as Nicole set the cool washcloth on his forehead. Even through the coolness of the cloth, Nicole could feel the heat radiating from him. "I'm cold," he said, pulling the blanket up to cover himself up.

"That's because you have a fever." Nicole pulled an electronic thermometer out of the drawer, and John relaxed when he realized it was the kind that went in the ear. "104. We need to get that fever down," she said after it beeped and gave the reading.

"I want to go home. Can't I please just go home?"

"As soon as we know why you're so sick so we can make you better, I promise you'll get to go home. Are you feeling sick to your stomach now?"

"A little," he admitted.

"Why don't I get you some ginger ale, then."

"No, you promised you wouldn't leave!"

"Who said anything about leaving? I'm just going to call the nurse's station and ask if they'll bring a couple of cans in."

"And some crackers?" he whispered.

"If you want crackers, then of course you can have them," Nicole told him while Sam just watched in complete awe of the doctor. There was no doubt in Sam's mind that Nicole was wonderful with children. "What kind of crackers do you want?"

"Mommy…I mean, my mother used to always give me saltine crackers when I had an upset stomach."

"I know for a fact that there are a few boxes of saltine crackers at the nurse's station, so that's no problem."

"Thanks."

Nicole made the phone call to the nurse's station with one hand, using her other hand to hold onto John so he would believe that she wasn't going to leave. "I'm sorry James upset you before," Nicole told John after she hung up the phone, "but I promise you that he would never hurt you. James is my boss, and he's a good man."

"Are you in trouble now?"

"No, of course not. Why would I be in trouble?"

"Because I…I wouldn't let him get near me. I'm sorry. I didn't know…"

"No one is in trouble, John, and he understands that you're upset right now and you don't feel good."

A soft knock on the door preceded Lindsey's entrance with two cans of ginger ale and a box of saltines. "If you need anything else, just ask," the young nurse told Nicole before she left the room again.

* * *

While John was trying to eat some crackers and sip at a little ginger ale in an effort to calm his queasy stomach, Grace felt like she may as well have been beating her head against a brick wall. "I just don't understand. How could so many people have gotten sick from nothing?" 

"What if the agent we're looking for was airborne, and the powder residue was just to throw us off?" Ryan offered.

"I agree with you on that," Grace said. "The powder was there for a reason, and it wasn't to make anyone sick. But since John is the only one who hasn't recovered, he must have been exposed to something else. The question is what was he exposed to, and how was it done?"

* * *

"Damn it, I want to see them!" 

"And people in hell want ice water, Bailey. A word of advice, if I may: don't be making demands of anyone around here, especially not of Nicole. I'll just tell you to shut up, but she'll call security and have you and your people banned from the hospital."

"She can't do that."

"Want to bet? Oh sure, you can fight it and get yourselves back in, but it'll be a lot of hassle. All I'm trying to say is to show her some respect. She's a doctor, and a damned good one, and she deserves your respect, Bailey. Make demands and you won't get anywhere, but if you try _asking_ you just might make some progress."

"Who are you kidding James? She hates me and everything else that reminds her of the Bureau, and I can't say I blame her."

"She hates the Bureau, Bailey, not you, and if you get to know her as you, Bailey Malone, not as the head of the VCTF, you might be surprised to find out that she'll help you."

"I couldn't ask her to help me."

"Hell, Bailey, no one has ever _asked_ for Nicole's help, they just get it."

* * *

"Feeling better?" Nicole asked after he had managed to keep half a can of ginger ale and about four saltines down without getting sick. 

Toying with the cracker in his hand, John nodded. "Yes, I am. Thank you."

Something about the way he said it made Nicole think he felt better just because she had gotten him the crackers, not because his stomach felt any better. "We need to run some tests and find out what's causing you to be so sick."

"What kind of tests are we talking about?" Sam asked cautiously.

"Well, I'd like to run a full body MRI so we can try to pinpoint the chemical reaction that is taking place."

Sam winced at the thought of John going through such a procedure, and John kept his head down while he broke off a small piece of his cracker. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you do," Nicole said, "but I'll make it as painless as I can, okay?"

"You'll do it, right?"

"Yes, John, I will do it. There will be other technicians there, but I promise you that I will do everything myself."

* * *

John was lying on a cot, trying hard not to fight as Nicole made sure all of the restraints were secure. "I don't like this. Why do I have to be tied down?" 

"So that you won't hurt yourself if you panic."

"The only reason I would panic is because I'm tied down."

"I'm sorry, John, but it's required. Just try to stay calm, and it'll be over with before you know it." As she locked his head in place, the panic started, and Nicole could only try to calm him down.

"No, let me go. I can't do this. I just can't. Please, let me go. Please."

"John, calm down. This is the only way that I can find out how to treat you so that you get better." Nicole felt for the vein in his neck that she needed to start the IV in, and John tensed more, knowing what was coming next. "Try to relax and it won't be as bad," she said, pausing to give his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "John, do you trust me?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"Good, because I don't want you to be afraid of me. I will do this as quickly as possible, and afterwards I'll get you and Sam some pizza."

"Pizza? Here?"

"There's a place a few blocks from here that makes a pretty good deep-dish pizza. So if you will try to relax and we get through this, I will get whatever kind of pizza you would like."

John sighed, and Nicole felt him relax a little. "If that's what it takes to get a decent meal around here."

She got the needle in place and ran the line so that the contrasting solution could be pumped into John's system throughout the MRI. Once it was securely taped so that it wouldn't pull out, Nicole decided to try and prepare him for what was going to happen. "Once the IV starts, you're going to feel lightheaded and probably very warm since the contrast contains iodine. It's a normal reaction, so don't worry about it. The machine is very noisy while the test is running, but it's nothing to worry about either. It's just the machine making its noises. If you want to talk while it's going on, I'll be able to hear you, and only I will be able to hear you, and I can talk to you through speakers inside the machine. If it's absolutely necessary, I can stop the test but it would be easier on you if we can do it all at one time. Do you have any questions?"

"You promise you'll stop it if it's too much?"

"If it is absolutely necessary and you really can't take it anymore than yes, I will stop it."

"How long is it going to take?"

"About 45 minutes, maybe a little longer depending on what we find."

"I can't do this. Isn't there some other tests you can run?"

"This is the fastest way for us to find out what's going on, and that means it's the fastest way to get you feeling better."

"But you promise you'll stop it?"

"Yes, John I promise. If I don't think you can handle it, I'll stop it."

"And you'll be able to hear me?"

"Yes, so if you need to talk you can. No one else will be able to hear you, so you can tell me anything you want to."

"And you won't tell anyone what I say?"

"No, John, I won't tell a soul a single word that you say."

"What about Sam? Will Sam be with you?"

"Do you want her to be there?"

"I…I think so. She won't hear, will she?"

"No. No one will be able to hear you but me."

"I think I want to know that Sam's there."

"Then she will be."

"You'll get her before you start?"

"She's in the waiting room outside, John. Did you really think I could keep her in her own room while you were here? I'll tell her that you want her there with me while we run the MRI. It's going to be all right, John."

"Let's just get this over with, okay?"

Nicole gently wiped the tears that he wasn't even aware of and gave him a small smile. "We will, once I'm convinced you won't completely panic and hyperventilate. Remember, the IV is going to make you feel warm and lightheaded as it travels through your system, so don't worry about that, and don't let all the noise from the machine scare you, either. It's basically just a giant magnet, anyway."

Finally convinced that John would be okay, she started the IV flow and reached down to hold his hand. "It's going to take a few minutes for the contrast to work through your system, and I want you to know how it's going to make you feel before we start the actual scan."

He whimpered as the contrast first entered through the IV. "It hurts."

"I know, but it usually hurts worse when it first starts and lessens through the procedure. When you start to feel lightheaded, just remember that it's perfectly normal."

His vision began to blur, and he gripped her hand as tightly as the restraints would let him. "I can't stand this."

"As soon as the MRI is done and I remove the IV, the feeling will go away."

"I can't do this."

"Yes, you can. John, all you have to do is lie here and let the machine do its thing. It's just taking pictures, and that's all that it's doing."

"What if something goes wrong?" The fever and the light-headedness were getting the better of him, and rational thought was a thing of the past.

"There's not really much that can go wrong."

John wanted to just get it over with, but the thought of actually being inside that machine, completely helpless as the restraints prevented even the slightest movement while his entire body felt like it was cooking from the inside out because of the damned contrasting solution… "You promise you'll stop it if it's too much?"

"I promise. Now, do you think you're ready to get started?"

"No, but let's just get this over with."

"Remember, if you need to talk you can, and it will be just between you and I. You tell me whatever you need to, okay?"

"Thanks."

"I'll go get Sam. Just remember that she and I aren't far away, and when this is all over with you're probably going to be the most pampered person in this hospital."


	4. Chapter Four

**Disclaimer – I do not own Profiler or any of the characters that have appeared on the show, or the backstory. However, all of the original characters and this story are mine. Please do not copy any part of this story or archive it on any other site without my permission.**

**Hi, and thanks again to all who have taken the time to review. It really brightens my day :-), and it makes my Muse happy. More of John's past comes out in this chapter, and Nicole's story will start to be revealed in the next chapter.**

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* * *

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As soon as John found himself within the confines of the MRI machine, he panicked. "Nicole?" he called.

"I'm here John," her voice came through the speakers. "What's the matter?"

"I just…I wanted to be sure you were there."

"I'm not going anywhere. How are you feeling?"

"Warm. And dizzy. How long is it going to take?"

"About half an hour for the first half. Then we'll take a break, and the second half should only take 15 to 20 minutes."

The sound of the machinery as it started up scared him, and when he realized how completely restrained he was he panicked.

"I can't do this Nicole. Please, stop it. I can't do this."

"John, you are okay. It's not going to hurt you."

"You promised!" John cursed at himself as he burst into tears. "You promised you'd stop it if I couldn't take it, and I can't!"

Putting her hand over the microphone, she told the technician to shut it down. "John, it's stopping, and I'm coming in. It's okay."

As soon as the green light went on Nicole rushed in, leaving the headset behind. John was still crying when she reached him, and he was struggling against the restraints. "Please let me up."

"John, calm down. What was it that you couldn't take?"

"Please just let me go."

"We have to do the MRI so we know how to make you well. Honey, what made you panic? Tell me so I can make you more comfortable."

"I can't move. Not at all. I can't stand that. It…it's like…like something that happened to me before. I can't stand it."

"Yes, you can. I know you want to get better, and this is the only way."

"But why all of the restraints? I'm capable of lying still."

"It's a tight space, and even the slightest movement could ruin the image. You just talk to me while it's going, okay? You can tell me anything, and it will be just between us."

Finally he calmed down enough that Nicole had them start again. Sam had been tempted to pick up the headset and listen in while Nicole was in there with John, but she decided against it, and now she settled for hearing Nicole's side of the conversation.

The fact that Nicole had stopped it when it was more than John could stand had eased his mind considerably. "I'm not doing well, am I?" he asked just a few minutes into it.

"You're doing just fine."

"I'm tired of being so afraid."

"One day you won't be."

There were a few moments of silence before John spoke again. "So, are most of your patients this terrified?"

"Actually, yes. It's overwhelming to everyone, so don't think you're the first person that we've had to stop for."

"Thanks. For before, I mean. For trying to calm the hysterical person."

"You were far from hysterical, but you're welcome."

There was silence for a few minutes while John tried to stay calm. His fears won out, though, and he started talking again. "I ended up in the hospital once when I was a little boy. My old man lost his temper and beat me pretty bad. Anyway, the doctor found something in my lab work, and they had to do some tests. They gave me a shot and said that I'd go to sleep, but…but I didn't. I could hear, and I could feel, and it…it hurt so bad but I couldn't move, and I couldn't scream…and…"

John was sobbing, and Nicole debated whether or not she should stop the scan again. "John? Talk to me John. It's okay. Remember what I told you before? You can tell me anything, all right?"

"When I told them that I had felt everything, and that it hurt so bad, the doctor…he said I was lying. He told my parents that I was lying, and that I hadn't felt a thing, that I was just looking for attention."

"I believe you, John. I believe that you felt it, and that it did hurt. And if I do anything that hurts you, you tell me because I will believe you. I promise you, I will believe you."

"My father killed my mother. She left him and took me away so that he couldn't hurt us anymore, and my father hunted us down and killed her." The light-headedness and the fever were getting the better of John, and he just rambled. "He used to beat her, and then he'd beat me, and then…anyway, that one time wasn't the first time I ended up in the hospital. That last beating, though, was where I got the scars that on my back. I really pissed him off that time."

Nicole sat down and tried hard not to cry herself. John might have been an adult, but in so many ways it was like treating a child, and she wasn't sure she was ready for the responsibility of healing an abused child's heart and soul, especially one with the scars that John's heart clearly had. A soft whimpering sound drew her from her thoughts, and she turned her eyes to the screen that showed John's vital signs. "John?"

"It's my fault that she died. I should have saved her. I should have…I hate him. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!"

"And you're allowed to hate him, but please calm down, John. How old were you when she died?" His heart was racing, and Nicole was afraid of what might happen if he didn't calm down soon.

"I was…I was 12."

"You were just a child, John. What could you have done?"

"She was my mother, and I should have protected her!"

"Your mother wouldn't have wanted that, John. She left your father to save you, not to have you die trying to save her. She wanted you to live, John. She wanted you to survive and you have."

"I miss her so much," he said, the sobs beginning again. "She was the only person that always believed me, the only one that always told me the truth, the only one that loved me and held me and made everything okay. I need her."

"I believe you, John," Nicole said softly, "and I will always believe you."

"I want to go home."

"I know you do, and once we know what's making you sick maybe you can go home."

There was silence until the technician announced that they had reached the halfway point and he was shutting down the scanner. "Do you mind if I run and get a cup of coffee?"

"No, Mark, not at all."

"Do you want anything?" he asked Sam, but she just shook her head. "I'll be back in a few, then."

"Just take care of him," Sam said when Nicole gave her hand a quick squeeze.

"I will," Nicole promised before going to John.

That was when Sam saw the discarded headsets, and she decided to listen in and find out just what was going on and how she could help John get through…whatever he was going through.

"Is it over?" he asked as soon as he could see her leaning over him.

"We're halfway there. The second half will go a lot faster though."

"So what were you taking pictures of?"

"Your head and your upper chest."

"What were you hoping to see in my head?" he asked absently.

"A brain would have been nice."

"Smart ass," he mumbled before realizing exactly what she had said. "What do you mean, 'would have been nice'?"

"Just seeing if you were paying attention."

"That wasn't very nice, you know." He couldn't help but chuckle a little as he said it, though.

"I'm sorry, John. I was just trying to make you laugh."

"Well, thank you…I think."

"Let's get this finished, okay?"

"Sam's there?"

"Yes, Sam is there with me."

"But she can't hear anything, right?"

"No, John, Sam can't hear anything that you tell me."

"I think I'm okay. I can do this, so let's just get it over with."

"That's my boy," she said, bending down to kiss his forehead. "John, what…?" she asked when she saw the tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he sniffed as Nicole gently wiped the tears away with a tissue. "It's just that…that's what my mother used to say to cheer me up. 'That's my boy.' And then she'd kiss my forehead. I guess I just…I just miss that. That's all."

"It'll go a lot quicker for the second half, so you just relax and if you need to talk, I'll be there."

Sam had removed the headset and put it back on the counter when she realized that Nicole was returning. Obviously John didn't want her to know what the two of them discussed, but Sam wasn't hurt by it. Right now Nicole was the one that seemed to be capable of giving him the motherly love that he missed so much. Tears filled her eyes, though, and as soon as Nicole returned she knew what had happened.

"How much did you hear?"

"All of it. I'm sorry, I just…I needed…"

"It's okay, Sam. You love him, and you needed to know that he's all right. I won't say a word to him, I promise."

"We ready to start?" Mark asked. He had at some point slipped back into the room, unnoticed by either of the women.

"Yes, go ahead and start," Nicole told him, picking up the headset so she could again listen. John was much quieter for the second half of the scan, although about five minutes before it was finished John started to sob again.

John's mind was in such a haze that memories and images were randomly popping up and jumbling until brand new memories were formed. Somehow when Nicole kissed his forehead it reminded him of _The Wizard of Oz_, when the Good Witch of the North kissed Dorothy's forehead and it protected her from harm. Nicole then became the Good Witch of the South in his muddled brain, and therefore she had shielded him from harm when she kissed him. Yes, let the Wicked Witch of the West do her worst, John wasn't afraid of her.

_Mommy…Mommy, I remember when you read 'The Wizard of Oz' to me…I miss you Mommy…_ That was when the sobbing began, as his heart longed for the comforting arms of the mother that had been stolen from him.

"We're clear," Mark finally announced, and Nicole turned to Sam.

"You go," Sam said. "He needs you to reassure him that he's not going to be hurt."

"He needs you, too, Sam."

"You go first, and I'll be right behind you, okay? So he'll have whichever of us he needs first."

He was still crying softly when Nicole approached, and he tensed at the sound of her footsteps. Unable to turn his head to look and see who was coming, it only intensified the feeling of helplessness and made him cry more. "It's over, John," Nicole said as she worked to remove the IV. "Pretty soon the light-headedness will go away."

"They can't get me anyway," he mumbled, relaxing as soon as he heard Nicole's voice.

"Who can't get you?"

"Flying monkeys. I knew they couldn't get me once you kissed me."

"Flying monkeys?" Nicole glanced at Sam, who was trying hard not to giggle. "What flying monkeys were those, John?"

"You know, the ones the Wicked Witch sends. But you protected me just like Glenda did when she kissed Dorothy."

"Oh." Now Nicole was beginning to understand, although how his mind had pulled the Wizard of Oz into this was beyond her. "I'm glad you know that you're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you."

"I know." Then the tears started again. "My mother wouldn't have let them hurt me if she had known. She used to read to me from 'The Wizard of Oz' every night before I went to sleep. I miss her so much."

"I'm sure you do. Do you want to talk about your mother? We can, if you want to."

He was free to turn his head from side to side, so he could follow Nicole's movements a little better as she worked at the rest of the straps. "She was a lot like you."

"Really?" The comment had caught Nicole off guard, and she looked up to see him smiling at her.

"She never lied to me, and she never hurt me. Just like you."

"That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever told me. Now then," she said as she pulled the last strap free, "are you ready to head up to your room?"

"Will Sam be there?"

"Actually, Sam's here if you want to see her."

"Sam?"

"I'm right here John," Sam said as she came close enough for him to see her. He reached out his hand and she took it, feeling it tremble slightly within her grasp. "Let's get you into your room, okay? Then Nicole can get you comfortable and maybe you can get some rest."

Nicole came around to the other side and checked his pulse. His heart was still racing, and he seemed to be almost gasping for breath. "Calm down, John. You're safe, but you're going to hyperventilate. Come on, slow down your breathing and try to take deeper breaths." He was trying, but he was still so worked up that Nicole just wanted to get him into his room so he could settle down.

Mark knocked lightly on the side of the doorway to get the women's attention so he didn't startle anyone. "I got a wheelchair for you."

"You're the best," Nicole said as she went over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek as she took the wheelchair from him.

"That's what they all say," he teased, then picked up the blanket that was folding in the seat. "But at least I know that you appreciate what I do."

"Thank you so much," Nicole told him as he turned to leave.

"John, can you sit up?" Sam asked while Nicole brought the wheelchair over.

He managed to sit up with Sam's help, but he was still shaky and sitting up made him realize just how sore his stomach still was. "Just take it easy," Nicole admonished him gently as she left the wheelchair back far enough that they could get him into it. "I know you're probably hurting, so we'll just go slow. Has the lightheadedness started to go away?"

John just nodded his head, needing all his concentration not to fall flat on his face as he eased himself down so that he was standing up. He held onto Nicole for support, his trust that she wouldn't let him get hurt so complete that he didn't even have to think about it. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear.

"For what?"

"Just for being here."

After John was safely in the wheelchair Nicole pushed while Sam walked alongside, holding onto his hand. No one looked twice at the trio as they walked through the hallways. "Here we are," Nicole announced as they got to his room.

* * *

While the MRI was being done, Bailey and Grace were in James' office. "There is absolutely nothing harmful about the powdery residue that was left behind," Grace said. 

"And I see that Agent Waters' blood work came back clean," James said with a sigh as he set the folder down. "So do you agree with what our people said, that there is absolutely no reason not to discharge Agent Waters, and the rest of the people that were brought in here?"

"Yes, I do."

"Very well then. I'll have Dr. Hillsdale sign off the paperwork. There is one thing, though. I don't think Agent Grant should be alone until we're sure of what's going on. For all we know the person responsible could make another attempt. Agent Waters is in the best position to be able to keep him safe, don't you think?"

"Excuse me?" Bailey asked.

"There's no reason for Agent Grant to be kept in quarantine any longer, and there's a private floor that is used for…shall we say 'VIPs'…and it's very secure. I'd like to move Agent Grant to that floor, and the only medical personnel with access will be Dr. Hillsdale and myself. Agent Waters would be able to stay with him for security, and life would be good for everyone involved while we work together to determine what's going on. What do you say?"

"What are you up to?" Bailey was suspicious, because even though he and James were old friends things were never this easy.

"What he meant to say was that would be the best possible solution," Grace jumped in, elbowing Bailey in the ribs.

"Then I'll have everything taken care of. Oh, I assume that Agent Waters will want to go home and get some things for her stay. Could one of you perhaps drive her home?"

"I will," Bailey said, eyeing Grace.

James just chuckled at the look on Bailey's face. _Almost as scary as when Nicole does it,_ he thought to himself.

* * *

James left to tell Nicole what the plan was, and Bailey and Grace stayed to wait for his return. "I don't like this," Bailey finally said. 

"And here I thought you'd be thrilled that we can't figure out what caused those people to get sick or why John is still sick."

"That's not what I meant."

"You just can't stand not being in control," Grace said.

"I don't like putting their safety in someone else's hands."

"Well you're the one who specifically demanded that Dr. Hillsdale be the physician for Sam and John."

"I know. I just want to see them for myself."

* * *

James knocked on the door of John's room just as Sam and Nicole were getting him out of the wheelchair and sitting on the bed. "Can I come in?" he asked, opening the door just a crack but not looking in. The last thing he wanted to do was to make John feel like he didn't at least have his privacy. 

"No, please," John whispered, and Nicole gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Okay, I'll talk to him out in the hallway, and then we'll finish getting you tucked in."

"I have good news," James said when Nicole opened the door.

"Can we talk in the hall?"

"Sure." James still felt guilty about the earlier incident, and this was just a reminder of how badly he had scared an already traumatized man.

"So, what is your good news?" Nicole asked, leaning against the closed door.

"I'm having John moved to the secured floor. I talked to Dr. Alverez, and we agreed that he doesn't need to be in isolation anymore. I think he'll be more comfortable in one of those rooms anyway."

"And Sam?"

"Now promise me that you're going to listen until the very end before you start ranting about what I'm doing. Do you promise?"

Nicole rolled her eyes. "What have you done?"

"Promise first."

"All right, I promise that I'll wait until you're finished before I hurt you. Now what have you done?"

"Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

"You've already established that you did something. Now spill it."

"Now you promised that you would hear me out."

"I'm listening."

"I think we should discharge Agent Waters." James paused and winced, expecting Nicole to react in some way. Instead she just stood there, cocking her head and crossing her arms.

"I see."

_Okay, this is worse than when she yells…she's planning her revenge, I just know it. That's why she's acting so calm about this._ "I…I talked to Bailey and he agreed with my idea to have Agent Waters stay with John on the secured floor. I still think there could be a threat to his safety."

"I agree. In fact, the more I think abut the circumstances that led John to be here, I can't help wondering something. If Bailey hadn't specifically asked for me, who would have been his physician?"

"Why?"

"Idle curiosity. When do you want to move John?"

"Now, unless it's going to upset him. I mean, if he's already settled into bed…"

"He's not, trust me. I take it you already have the papers for me to sign discharging Sam from the hospital?"

"I didn't bring them with me, but I have them in my office. You're taking this awfully well."

"I happen to agree with this idea of yours."

"Oh. I'm glad, I just…you're sure that you're okay with this? I mean, the last time you felt I interfered with one of your cases my coffee maker made soapy coffee for a week."

"I had nothing to do with that," Nicole said as she put on her best 'I am the picture of innocence' face. "Anyway, I agree with you that John would be better off on the secure floor."

"So how do you want to handle this?"

"Let me tell John and Sam that we're moving them to a different floor because they no longer need to be in isolation, and that Sam will be able to stay with John without worrying about being caught. I trust you arranged for one of the double beds?"

"Yes, I arranged for one of the double beds. Here's the key and the room number that I had prepared just for them."

"Great. Thank you, James. Really, this is more than I could ever have asked you to do for any of my patients."

"Just get him settled in, and whenever you're ready give me a call so I can bring those discharge papers up."

"I may just swing by your office. After we get John settled I want to go over the results of John's MRI."

James turned to leave, and Nicole returned to her patients. John was sitting on the bed with Sam, crying against her shoulder. "It's all right, John. You just let it out."

"Do you want to lie down and rest?" Nicole asked as she rubbed his shoulder. "You probably wore yourself out." John just nodded his head and let Sam guide him back until he was lying on the bed and Nicole pulled the sheets up around him. "I think we'll wait on that pizza, okay?"

"But you promised…"

His eyes were filled with tears, and at that moment Nicole saw a little boy whose heart had been broken one too many times. "And I have no intention of breaking my promise. I just thought you were too tired, but if you want your pizza now then I will gladly get it. Is that what you want?"

"Can I have Canadian bacon and pineapple?"

"You can have whatever you want, and I mean that. Do you want all Canadian bacon and pineapple, or do you want half the pizza to be something else?"

"Just Canadian bacon and pineapple, but…is that what you guys want?"

"I asked what you want. I think Sam and I are capable of picking out our own pizza, right Sam?"

"Absolutely. Right now we just want to make sure that we have every kind of pizza you want."

"Then all Canadian bacon and pineapple is fine."

"I'll get you that pizza, then, but I want you to promise me something. It's going to take between 45 minutes and an hour between now and when we have that pizza, so I want you to get comfortable and conserve your strength, okay? Promise me you'll try?"

"I promise," he whispered.

"There's something else I want to talk to you both about. John is being released from isolation and moved to a different floor."

"Sam…" he whimpered.

"Will still be with you. In fact you're being moved to a bigger room with a double bed so that Sam can stay with you. No more sneaking between rooms."

"I can stay with him without worry about someone catching me?"

"That's right, Sam. Plus it's a much nicer room. What do you say John? Feel like moving to your new room?"

"You'll still be my doctor though, right?"

"Of course I will, sweetie, and Sam here is going to be your…hmm…guardian…while you're in the hospital. She's being discharged as a patient and assigned to stay near you to keep you safe so that no one can force her to leave."

"Assigned?" Sam asked, and John had the same question in his eyes.

"My boss and your boss have been scheming, it would appear."

"Bailey's here?"

"Yes, Sam, he and Grace Alverez are here."

John moaned and pulled the sheets up a little higher. "I don't want to see them."

"And they will not get anywhere near you until you are ready to see them," Nicole assured him.

"You don't know how stubborn Bailey can be."

"You don't know how stubborn I can be. No one is going to be coming in to see you unless you want them to, okay?"

Glancing at Sam, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, he then looked back at Nicole. "The new room has a bigger bed, right?"

"Yes it does."

"And you'll keep Grace and Bailey away?"

"I will guard you with my life."

John couldn't help but smirk at that remark. "Maybe we should head up there now. I think…I think I'd like to be able to have Sam hold me."

"Well I would like very much to hold you," Sam replied, gently stroking his hair. "I think we have a plan."


	5. Chapter Five

**Disclaimer: The backstory and all characters from the show Profiler belong to someone else. I'm just borrowing them for my own amusement. Only the original characters that have not appeared on the show and the storyline itself belong to me.**

**A/N: Mimi, I will try to continue posting early Saturday (actually it's just very late Friday night for me) and I hope that John can continue to maintain his dignity throughout this ordeal, and I'm glad that you like Nicole. I promise that she would never hurt John.**

**Vona, I don't know why the thing with 'The Wizard of Oz' popped into my head, but when it did I just had to include it. It's one of my favorite parts of that chapter, too.**

**Eileen, you're right, John and Nicole's pasts are going to fit together although they are very different. Hopefully it will make sense by the end of this chapter.**

* * *

After John had calmed down a little more they got him back into the wheelchair and bundled him up with blankets for the trip to the secured floor. James had agreed that Bailey and Grace could have access to the floor for their own peace of mind, but under no circumstances were they to go into the room until John asked to see them.

Once he was settled into the bed, Sam went to fill the pitcher up with water while Nicole fussed over him, acting very much like a mother which of course John was absolutely loving. It was something he hadn't experienced in so long, but it took him back to the memories of his mother and made his heart ache.

"Why didn't they believe me when I said I had felt everything? What were they doing, anyway?"

"I can't say for sure, but I think they might have been doing a marrow extraction. Why they did it at the collar bone instead of your hip I don't know, but some doctors prefer it. I don't know why you weren't asleep for the procedure either, and I certainly don't know why no one believed you when you said you had felt it."

"My mother believed me," he whispered, "and you would believe me, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would."

Sam returned from the bathroom and noticed Bailey and Grace outside the door. Nicole had left the door open because she thought the room could use some air circulation, and since it was a secured floor she saw no need for the door to be closed. The looks on Bailey and Grace's faces told Sam that they had heard John and Nicole's talk, and now they could see as John had his arms around Nicole, once again sobbing against her neck. Once Sam had their attention she shook her head 'no' and, to her relief, they both walked away.

"It's okay. Shh, it's all right John. No one is ever going to doubt what you say, okay? I've got you, it's all right." Nicole was rocking him as he sobbed, rubbing his back to try and comfort him.

"I want my mother," he cried, and Nicole just kept rocking him.

"I know, sweetie, I know. Your mother's always with you, you know. She watches over you, and she would put her arms around you if she could. That's why you have me, and you have Sam. It's okay. Shh, it's all right, you just cry it all out. It's all right."

It continued to awe Sam the way Nicole handled John. Unnoticed, Sam set the pitcher down and went to sit on the other side of John's bed, holding him from behind with her head resting on his back.

"Sam?" he asked when he felt her against him.

"I'm here John. It's okay, you're not alone. You're never going to be alone again. Never."

He quieted down, and Nicole felt his body relax. "That's it," she said softly. "You just relax. You're safe, sweetie. You're safe. Do you think you can lie down and get some rest?" That only made John hold onto her tighter, and she felt him shake his head. "Okay, it's all right. I'll hold you."

"Thank you Mommy," they both heard him whisper, and Sam had to blink back her tears. John had been through so much, and now all he wanted was someone to hold him.

After about ten more minutes of being between Nicole and Sam, John was ready to lie down. It had just felt so safe to know they were both there that John hadn't wanted to give up that comfort, but now he wanted to sleep. "I want to see about the results of the MRI," Nicole said once John was lying down. "I should be back soon, and then I'll have the papers so that you, Agent Waters, can be discharged as a patient."

"I don't have to leave though, do I?" Sam asked.

"No, of course not," Nicole said. "Although you're now free to go home for a while and get some clothes and whatever personal items you might want."

"Go see Chloe," John said, giving Sam a faint smile. "She must be worried sick about you."

"John…"

"Who's Chloe?" Nicole asked.

"Chloe is my daughter, and I'll call her and let her know that I am just fine and that I am no longer a patient here. She'll understand why I'm staying here with you."

"Children need their mothers, Sam."

"Listen, why don't I go and get the paperwork, and you can stay here until I get back. Then once everything is signed off you two can argue over whether Sam stays here or goes home to her daughter, okay?"

"Okay," Sam finally said, "you go get the papers and I'll make sure this one doesn't try to escape."

"Hey!" John responded. "I'll have you know I intend to be a model patient."

Nicole just rolled her eyes and left to get the papers, and Sam laid down beside John. "Good thing we have a bigger bed, huh?"

"Sam, do you remember before, when I…when I said that I…that I loved you?"

"Yes, I remember it." _And you didn't mean it, did you? It was just the fever talking. Oh god, I should have known._

"Did you mean it when you said you loved me too?"

"With all my heart, John. I'm just sorry I never said it before. Yes, I love you. I will always love you."

"Me too. I love you, Sam."

"Why don't you close those eyes and try to get some sleep. You look tired, and I promise that when you wake up I'll still be here, and I'll still love you."

"I don't want anyone else to leave me, Sam. I can't lose anyone else, I just can't. I'm so afraid that I'll lose you now…"

"You're not going to lose anyone, okay?" Sam cuddled up against him and put her arm across him, and he relaxed against her. "I certainly don't think Nicole has intentions of leaving you anytime soon, and I know I don't."

"You need to see Chloe."

"All right, I'll go see Chloe and get some clothes, but then I'm coming straight back here."

"Sam?"

"Yes, John?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." She watched as his eyes closed, and his breathing fell into the slow, steady pattern that indicated sleep. "I love you so much," she whispered, softly kissing his cheek.

* * *

"I don't want to do a spinal tap on him," Nicole told James as she sat in his office, "but I think I may have to if I'm going to figure out how to cure him." 

"Nicole, I have seen you do taps on terrified children and have them laying there content when you were done. John won't be any different."

"I don't know…"

"You have a gift, just use it. Let it guide you like you do with all your other patients."

* * *

Nicole didn't say a word about having to do a spinal tap when she returned to John's room with Sam's discharge papers. _I'm not doing it until after Sam returns, so there's no point in upsetting him. He needs to get a little rest._ "I have the papers here, so whenever you want to head home to your daughter…I'll stay with him, so don't worry." 

"What about my pizza?" John asked. "When Sam comes back we can have pizza, right?"

"Yes, we will all sit down and have pizza, and I haven't forgotten that you want Canadian bacon and pineapple, either."

"I'll be back soon," Sam said, leaning over to kiss his forehead. "Umm…I don't suppose you know where my clothes are?"

"Right here," Nicole said, handing Sam a bag that had been in the closet. "James had then sent here when we decided to move John. I'll take good care of him, I promise."

"I know you will. I'll be back shortly, and we'll have that pizza, okay?" Sam gave John another quick kiss, this time on the lips, and he smiled at her.

"Give Chloe my love."

"I will. You rest, and don't give Nicole a hard time, okay?"

* * *

Sam put her own clothes on and met Bailey at the main lobby. "I hear you could use a ride home." 

"I guess so. It hadn't even occurred to me that I had no way of getting back."

"Well that's why you have me. Come on Sam, I'll take you home."

They walked to Bailey's car in silence, but when Bailey opened the door for her Sam turned to him. "You heard, didn't you?"

"Yes, Sam."

"God, Bailey…he was just a little boy."

"I know, Sam, I know," he told her, taking her into his arms and letting her cry on his shoulder. "I know, but he'll be okay because he has you now, and he has all of us, and right now he has an incredible doctor caring for him."

* * *

"Please try to get some sleep John. I promise that I won't leave you." 

"Do you believe in angels?"

"Sure I do. Don't you?"

"I think…I think that maybe my mother is watching over me like an angel, and that she sent me you and Sam because she knew how much I needed you both."

"Then I'm very grateful to her, because I'm so glad she sent me to you."

"Would you do something for me?"

"You just have to ask."

"Would you lie next to me? My…my mother used to let me sleep in her bed when I was sick, and I…"

"Shh, of course I will."

Nicole took off her shoes and laid on top of the covers, getting close enough that his body fit against hers as she rubbed his arm. "My mother used to do that, when I was scared. She'd just lie there for hours rubbing my arm, because she knew that it was my reassurance that she was still there."

"Do you think you can try to sleep now?" Nicole asked.

"I'll try," John promised, and soon Nicole felt his body relax as his breathing fell into a sleeping pattern, slower and deeper breaths until she was certain he was sound asleep.

That was when the long shift she had worked herself caught up to her, and she felt herself drifting off to sleep as well.

* * *

Bailey and Sam drove to her house in silence, but once inside Sam broke down again and leaned against Bailey. "The things he's kept hidden away, Bailey…the pain that he endured as a little boy…how could anyone do that and tell him that he was making it up?" 

"He's okay now, Sam, and that's what matters. We'll get him through it. Now let's go see Chloe, okay?"

At the thought of her daughter Sam's face brightened a bit. "Mom!" Chloe's voice rang out through the fire station that was their home, and it was followed shortly by the sound of footsteps running towards Sam.

"Chloe, come here," Sam said as she gathered her daughter up in a hug. "Oh Chloe, I'm so sorry if you were worried."

"It's okay. Uncle Bailey told me that John is sick and you were staying with him. I think that's great, you staying with John and all."

"Really? I mean, you don't mind that I left you here with Angel to stay with John?"

"Nah. That's what friends do. Really, really **good** friends," Chloe added with a wink.

_How is it Nicole could see it and Chloe could see it, but I couldn't see my feelings for John?_

"How is John, Mom? Since you're here, does that mean he's better and he's not in the hospital any more?"

"No, Chloe, John is still very sick. I just came home because I needed time with my daughter." Giving Chloe a smile, Sam reached out and squeezed Chloe's hand. "I'm going to be going back and staying with John until he's released. But that doesn't mean that I won't be coming home regularly to visit with you."

"Can I come to the hospital and visit John, too?"

"No, sweetie, not just yet. Maybe when he's feeling a little better. He said he sends his love."

"Give him a hug and kiss for me, okay Mom?"

"Of course I will. Now let's sit down and you tell me all about your day, okay?"

* * *

Sam spent over two hours with Chloe, but then her daughter announced that she had been invited to a sleepover, and could she please, please please go to it? Of course Sam gave her blessing, thankful that Chloe would be having fun with her friends. 

"I can drive myself back there," Sam said, but Bailey shook his head.

"Let me drive you, Sam. Maybe you can nap on the way back."

* * *

James was sitting in a chair outside of John's room when Sam and Bailey walked up, and Sam instinctively thought the worst. "What's happened?" she asked, but James just shook his head, put his finger to his lips to indicate that she be quiet, and slowly opened the door. 

Nicole and John were still sleeping, although even in her sleep Nicole continued to rub John's arm so he would know that she was there. "She's been working for almost 24 hours now; I guess it finally caught up with her," James whispered. "Her shift ended hours ago, but she'd never leave a patient in his condition."

Cautiously Sam entered the room, not wanting to make a sound or disturb either one of them. As soon as Sam took the first step, though, Nicole's eyes opened and scanned the room for whatever threat was there. Seeing Sam, she once again relaxed. "You get some rest, too," Sam whispered when she reached the bed. It was obvious that Nicole was tired, but she wasn't about to leave her patient. "I'll be here, and James is right outside the door, so you don't have to protect him any longer. Go back to sleep."

"Did you have a good visit with your daughter?" Nicole whispered.

"Yes, I did. Now get some sleep." Nicole shook her head, and Sam saw a depth of pain and sorrow that she hadn't noticed before. "What's the matter? Hey, John's okay now."

"Did you know I was almost an FBI agent? Almost being the key word."

Seeing that John wasn't going to stir, Sam pulled a chair up beside the bed and sat down. "What happened?"

"The Bureau wanted me to use my gift to become a profiler. Some even said that I could be as good as the legendary Samantha Waters had been before she left the FBI." At that Sam gasped, and Nicole cast her eyes down at the sleeping form beside her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. It's just…well anyway, I wasn't interested and continued to study forensics. Someone higher up decided that if I could just be convinced how much good I could do if I'd go into profiling…it was set up that one of my study cases for my forensics training was a little boy who had been murdered." Nicole stopped to choke back a sob before continuing. "He had been tortured so brutally, and…god, Sam, the things that little boy suffered. He was only three years old, and they…" Putting her arm around John, she made sure he was still sleeping before she continued in a whisper. "Witnesses who saw him with the ones that took him said that he was crying for his mother, but they believed the boys when they said they were taking the little boy home. No one thought anything was wrong. He suffered so much, Sam, and I can still see his little face, crying for his momma. Wondering why no one was helping him. I see that little boy every time I close my eyes, and that's why after that I had to leave. I couldn't take handling any more cases with children. They didn't want to let me go, though. Said that I'd never get over it unless I used my gift to help catch people like the ones that killed that little boy. But I couldn't, Sam, I just couldn't, so I ran away from it. Then I found out that with the forensic training I had, I could work for the Center for Disease Control and I got lucky and was hired here."

Sam didn't know what to say, so she just sat there and reached out to brush Nicole's hair back from her forehead. There were times when she had viewed her own gift as more of a curse, but to have the torture and murder of a three-year old be the first test…Sam shuddered at the thought of what it must have been like. The more she watched Nicole, though, the more her actions made sense to Sam. Nicole couldn't comfort that poor little boy, but she could comfort John and make sure that he didn't suffer.

_Does Bailey know what happened to her?_ Sam looked at the door, wanting to go out and confront Bailey and demand to know if he had knowledge of Nicole's past why he didn't tell her. _At least I could have helped her more before now._

"Sam?"

The whispered word brought Sam out of her thoughts. "Yes?"

"How did you learn to live with it?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure that I have. Get some rest, Nicole. I'll keep you both safe."

"I look at John and I see that little boy, Sam. Calling out for his mother, wondering why no one would help him…and I feel like if I can keep John from feeling the desertion and pain that little boy felt, then maybe I can find some peace."

"You are exactly what John needs right now, Nicole, and you have comforted him the way a mother would comfort her child. He doesn't feel deserted in the least, I swear. He knows he has you."

"He has us," Nicole corrected with a smile before closing her eyes and putting her hand over John's. "I swear no one will hurt you, John."

"Now you need to get some rest. I'm sure James has no intention of letting anyone else into this room, and I'll stop anyone that tries to get past him."

"Thank you, Sam."

After half an hour, Sam was certain that Nicole and John were both sleeping so she crept from the room and was glad to see that Bailey was still there, along with James. She had questions, especially for Bailey, and she was going to get answers.

"Sam…" Bailey said when he saw her exit the room. "Is everything okay?"

"No, Bailey, everything is not okay." Seeing the concerned look on James' face, Sam turned to him and her look softened. "Nicole is sleeping, and so is John."

"If you two are going to stay here, I think I'll go down and get myself some coffee. Can I bring anything back for either of you?" James offered.

"I'm fine, thank you," Bailey said.

"Nothing for me, but thank you," Sam told him, and once James had turned down the hall Sam turned on Bailey. "All right, I want to know just how much you knew about Nicole and her time at Quantico."

"Sam--"

"Did you know that she was there?"

"Yes, I knew."

"And just how much involvement did you have?"

"Sam…"

"Where you involved in having that little boy be her study case?"

"Sam, please, lower your voice. I don't think you want to wake them up."

"I'll ask you one more time, Bailey. What was your involvement with Nicole while she was at Quantico?"

"I admit that I was among the people who wanted to see her become a profiler, but I had nothing to do with the plan to play on her emotions by using that little boy's death. I swear, Sam, I wasn't involved in that."

"But you knew about it?"

"Yes, Sam, but I…"

"You didn't think it was important to tell me that Nicole had been emotionally traumatized by the FBI? My god, Bailey, that could have colored her whole attitude towards John and I."

"But it didn't."

"That's not the point, Bailey, and you know it. I could have helped her through some of those difficult moments during the MRI when she…you don't know what it was like to see her heart breaking and not know why or how to help her. You should have told me."

"I wasn't allowed anywhere near you and John until I took you home!"

"And you didn't tell me then, either."

"I don't want to fight with you, Sam. Tell me what you want, and I'll do it. Do you want me to tell Nicole that I'm sorry for what happened to her? Should I get down on my knees and beg her forgiveness? What do you want me to do?"

"How about you tell me what you know about her and what happened to her?"

Bailey hung his head, knowing that this was a no-win situation. "Nicole has a gift, and it was obvious from day one that she was the only person good enough to ever really take your place. She wasn't interested in being a profiler, though; she wanted to use the training she had as a doctor and go into forensics. I wasn't the only one determined to change her mind and make her see that she could save more lives as a profiler catching killers than she could in forensics, but there were those obviously more determined than I was. I didn't even know that the little boy was going to be her study case until I saw her running to her car in tears. She was so totally oblivious to everything around her and…it was clear that she was traumatized, but when I called to her she didn't respond. That was when I went to find out what had happened and learned of the plan a few others had come up with. I hate what they did to her Sam, more than even you do. If she had insisted on remaining in forensics, she still could have been an asset to the Bureau, although not as much as if she were a profiler, but they destroyed her and we lost her completely. And she lost a part of herself. God, Sam, don't you think I would change the past if I could? I never wanted to see her destroyed."

"Well she was destroyed, Bailey, and now there is a chance that she can start to heal. I am going to do everything I can to help her, and so help me if you step one little toe over the line…"

"I'll stay away from Nicole, Sam. I promise you, I won't go near her, although to be honest she didn't even seem to recognize me."

"Tell me about the little boy. What was done to him before he died?"

"You don't want to know, Sam."

"Yes, I do. Maybe I can help Nicole if I know the images she lives with."

"Sam, it's…it's very, very disturbing. More so than any other crime you've been involved with."

"Tell me."

"Three teenage boys took him while his mother was looking at clothing in a department store. They had followed her through the store, and when she turned her back to look through the sizes, they grabbed him and walked away. The little boy never made a sound, and the three were out of the store before the woman had a chance to tell the employees that her son was missing."

"And then?"

"Once they were in the parking lot, the little boy starting crying for his mother. Several witnesses said that the teenagers appeared to be comforting the little boy, telling him that they were done shopping and were going home. Everyone assumed that one of the boys was his big brother. They got in a car and drove to an isolated area by a river, and that's where they started having their 'fun'."

* * *

While Bailey was telling Sam the horrifying details, James had returned to his office. Nicole's curiosity about who would have been John's doctor had Bailey not intervened was on his mind, and he decided to find out the answer. The mystery about John's illness was also bothering James, and he wondered if it was possible that something had been engineered specifically to make John and only John deathly ill. Only the spinal tap could provide the answer to that question, but in the meantime he could start with who was supposed to be John's doctor.

* * *

"Mommy?" a confused John asked when he woke up to find himself safely within someone's arms. 

"John?" a whispered voice answered.

"Nicole." A relieved sigh followed; at least John now remembered where he was. "Did you stay here this whole time?"

"Yes, but it hasn't been all that long."

"Thank you for staying."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better. I don't feel like I'm going to throw up."

"That's always a good thing." Nicole couldn't help but smile as she realized that not only was John making no attempt to move, he had actually relaxed against her. _At least he must be comfortable._

"Where's Sam?"

"Probably in the hall talking to James, or maybe she went down to the cafeteria to get something. Do you want me to find out?"

"No. It's been so long since I woke up in someone's arms. Can we just stay like this a while?"

"Yes, we can. Try to go back to sleep John. You need your rest."

* * *

Armed with the knowledge of who was next in rotation and would have been assigned John and Sam's cases, James returned to let Nicole know what he had found. He found Bailey and Sam still outside the door, though, and he didn't want to intrude on their conversation so he stayed back until he realized what they were discussing. _The last thing Nicole needs is to overhear them discussing that…and it won't help John any, either._

Hearing James' footsteps approaching, Sam wiped the tears from her eyes and turned away from Bailey. "Is everything okay?" she asked when she saw the worried look on his face.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing."

"We were just talking about…things," Bailey said.

"I know what you were talking about, and if I could hear you just imagine what it could do to Nicole to hear you. What would it do to John to hear the things that happened to that child?"

"Oh god, I didn't even think of them hearing us!" Sam's hand flew to her mouth as her eyes opened wide with fear. The last thing she wanted was for Nicole to be any more traumatized than she already was by the event, and John…John would probably regress back to his own childhood abuse if faced with what had happened to another child.

"I don't think they heard us," Bailey said, stepping back just enough to get a glance of the pair that was still lying on the bed.

"Sam, why don't you lie down? The room next door is ready and waiting for you whenever you want to get some rest, and right now you look like you could really use some rest. I'll stay here and guard the door, I promise."

"I think I'll just go to the cafeteria and get something to drink. Thank you," Sam said as she headed for the elevator.

Seeing Nicole stir slightly, James grabbed Bailey's arm and pulled him away from the door. "What the hell were you thinking?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Sam wanted to know."

"And you thought right outside the room was as good a place as any to discuss it?"

"I didn't think…"

"Exactly. This is my turf, Bailey, and that means you play by my rules. All I ask is that you use a little common sense and think before you open your mouth. Are we clear?"

"Perhaps I should be going."

"Bailey…that's not what I meant." James tone softened when he saw the hurt look on his old friend's face.

"I think it might be for the best."

"No, it wouldn't. I need your help in solving this mystery, Bailey. We have to figure out who did this to John."


	6. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: Let me check…nope, still don't own Profiler or any of the characters from that show; they and the backstory belong to NBC and some other people. I do however, however, own the original characters and storyline. Please do not post this story to any website or archives without my prior permission.

**A/N:** Thanks to all of you who continue to read, week after week, and to review. It really makes my week to know that people are enjoying the story that I'm writing.

* * *

By the time Sam returned, Nicole and John were both awake so James said that he would call in the pizza order. Nicole quickly wrote down that they wanted a medium Hawaiian pizza and a medium pizza with everything but anchovies. Deciding to take advantage of the time it would take before the pizzas were ready, Nicole went back down to the lab to look over the findings. She was convinced that there was something she was missing. 

After Nicole left, John let Sam snuggle up to him in the larger bed. "You should get some rest," Sam said, wrapping an arm around him.

"All I've done is rest," he countered.

"You're sick, John. Come on, just relax and nap until Nicole gets back."

"Do you still love me, Sam?" It came out rather unexpectedly, and John blushed when he realized that he had said it out loud. He didn't even know why he'd said it.

"Yes, John, I still love you. And you can ask me as often as you want, because I will never, ever get tired of telling you the answer. I love you, John Grant, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Really?"

He looked at Sam with those big blue eyes, and for the first time Sam saw a spark of happiness in them. "Yes, John, really. I love you, and I never want to be away from you." Brushing her hand across his cheek, Sam felt how hot he was and it scared her. His fever had risen again just since Nicole had left. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay. A little warm, but…well, a lot warm, actually, but it's not as bad as it was before Nicole removed the IV. And I don't feel like I'm going to be sick."

"That's good."

"Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"Yes, I do. You and Chloe are the most important people in my life."

John couldn't help smiling at that one. "So I've reached 'Chloe' status, huh? Guess you really do love me."

"John, there's…there's something that I should have told you a long time ago. I'm not sure how appropriate it is to be telling you now, but…I don't want to take the chance that I won't get another opportunity. Remember when we first met? When I told you that you liked your scotch straight, your women in high heels and yourself definitely on top?"

"I recall you saying something along those lines." Truth be told, John could still hear her saying those words, and he mentally kicked himself often for the attitude he had given her back then. He always believed that if he hadn't acted the way he did, their relationship could have been so much different…so much better…

"I've always wanted to be the woman that showed you how good it could be on the bottom."

"Sam?" he gasped, clearly not expecting that comment.

"I have wanted you for so long, but I didn't want to cross the line. I…I was afraid you'd reject me, and I just couldn't stand that. So I admired you from a distance, but that didn't stop me from falling in love with you."

"And Coop? And Rick? And…Sam, why the hell did you date them if you loved me all this time?"

"Why did you date Angel?"

"That's not fair," John whispered.

"We were both lonely, and afraid of losing the one we really wanted, so we settled for substitutes that we could afford to lose. You were the one I was always in love with, and you're the man I want to marry."

"Marry? Sam, did you just…did you just say…?"

"John Grant, will you marry me and be my husband? And Chloe's father?"

"Chloe…you want me to be Chloe's…father?" John got choked up and tried to get the rest of the words to come out. "But…what if Chloe…"

"Chloe loves you, John. She loves you so much, and she is going to want you to be her father. She doesn't really remember Tom, so she doesn't have anyone to compare you too. She just knows that she loves you, and she wants you to be her Dad."

"And you know this because…?"

"She told me so."

"She told you?"

"One night a few months back, she had a nightmare. She said that it started out nice, that you were her father and the three of us were happy but then…then you died, just like her father did." Sam had to turn her face away to hide the tears that threatened.

"I'm not going to die, Sam," he said gently, reaching up with his hand to turn her face back towards him. "We are going to be a family and live happily ever after."

"Promise?"

"Yes, Sam, I promise."

Sam suddenly looked concerned, and she pressed her hand against his forehead. "I'm going to get Nicole."

"No, Sam…I'm okay. It's just a fever. No big deal. When Nicole comes back I'll let her take my temperature, okay?"

"John, please, just let me get Nicole and have her take your temperature first."

"Fine," he whined, "but then she gets to go for the pizza."

* * *

Nicole was pouring over all of the lab results when Grace walked up to her. "If you can find something useful in there, you're a miracle worker." 

Nicole's eyes snapped up from the papers in front of her to the woman who had made the comment. "Just because the Bureau couldn't find anything doesn't mean it isn't there. It just means it didn't jump up and bite you on the--"

"Ladies," Ryan said, cutting Nicole off before she went any further. "Is there something I can help either of you with?"

"Just going back over the results of **my** patient's lab work."

"And you, Dr. Alverez?" Ryan asked.

"I was just going to see if Dr. Hillsdale needed any assistance," Grace said, "but clearly she doesn't so I'll leave her to **her** patient's lab work."

As Grace was leaving the lab Nicole called out, "Don't let the door hit you on the--"

"Nicole!"

"What?" she asked, clearly annoyed. "I was just…warning her to watch out for the swinging door."

"Yeah, right," Ryan replied. "Just what are you hoping to find in those results, anyway?"

"I don't know," Nicole said with a sigh. "I just have this nagging feeling that whoever did this wanted John to end up in this hospital."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I was hoping something in the lab results would jump out at me and--"

"Bite you in the ass?"

"Something like that," Nicole answered with a laugh.

"Maybe you'll find something," he said with a shrug. "God knows I've looked it over so many times I could almost tell you the results from memory. Another set of eyes looking at them can only help."

"Like I didn't pour over these before," she sighed. "There has to be something here…some clue as to what is making John so sick." Sitting down across from Ryan, she frowned at something she saw. "The powdery residue had a silica base? Isn't that rather unusual?"

"Well, yes and no. Silica is fairly common. It's the second most abundant element on the Earth, you know."

"Yes, I know, but is it commonly used as a base?"

"Well…yes, it is. This stuff is extremely pure, though. Like something you would get from a pharmaceutical supplier."

"Makes sense," Nicole mumbled.

"What makes sense?"

"I just can't help thinking that someone wanted John to end up here. If it's someone affiliated with the hospital, then it would make sense that they would order from a pharmaceutical company. Maybe it's someone who's in the medical profession."

"Well whoever it is, they chose a base that's pretty untraceable. I mean, silica is in everything from vitamins to those little packets in your purses."

"It has to mean something, Ryan. I can't explain it, but it means something to whoever did this."

Just then Nicole's pager went off, and she immediately jumped up. The number it displayed was John's room, which meant that Sam had hit the call button. _At least she must have remembered from the other room, when I told her that the call button would go directly through to my pager._

"Emergency?"

"Yeah, but I'll be back to look at those results some more."

"Well it's not like the file is going anywhere."

* * *

"Sam, you're over-reacting," John said as Sam pressed the call button. 

"Better not to take any chances," Sam reasoned.

"Could you get me a glass of water?"

"Sure."

When she handed it to John, he couldn't help noticing how cold the glass felt…and how nice that coldness felt. _Maybe I do have a high fever_, he thought just as Nicole came in.

"So, what's up?" she asked, noting the way John grimaced at the question.

"His fever has gotten higher," Sam answered.

"Well, let's find out just how high it is."

Nicole couldn't hide her concern when she read the temperature - 106°. High enough to cause convulsions if she didn't lower his body temperature fast.

"What is it?" Sam asked, seeing her concern.

"We have to lower his body temperature. Sam, get his gown off of him while I draw a cool bath."

"A cool bath sounds nice," John mumbled as Nicole felt his forehead.

"I'm sure it does." Sam gave him a little kiss on his forehead, and he sighed before closing his eyes. "Come on, you have to actually make it to the bathtub."

"I've got you, John," Nicole said as she put an arm around his waist to steady him once he stood up. "Come on, into the bathroom with you now."

The short walk seemed like an eternity, but as soon as they were in the bathroom John could feel that it was cooler. The tub was not quite three-quarters full, and the clear water looked so inviting…the only thing stopping him was the fact that he would have to remove the hospital gown before getting in. "Sam…"

"John, she's your doctor for crying out loud!"

"I promise not to look at anything," Nicole said, "but please, John, just drop the gown and get in the tub."

With a resigned sigh, John let the gown fall to the floor. To his relief, Nicole's eyes never left his while she and Sam helped him lower himself into the water. "Thanks," he managed to say.

"Now, doesn't that feel better?" Nicole asked as she knelt beside the tub and used a washrag to bathe his shoulders with the cool water. As soon as she touched the old scars on his back he tensed, and Nicole had a pretty good idea of why. "It's okay, John. Some scars aren't going to change how Sam or I feel about you. Are they, Sam?"

"Absolutely not."

"Why don't you take my place, Sam? I'm going to open the drain a little and turn the faucet on so we get more cold water and lower the temperature a little more, and then I want to get some ice from the cafeteria."

"Ice? Now wait a minute…just how cold were you hoping to get this water?" John asked, his eyes wide with surprise or fear, Nicole couldn't tell which.

"Not that cold, don't worry," she said with a small smile. Desperate measures, yes, but the heat that was radiating off his body had her more concerned then ever. "Trust me, okay? I won't freeze anything off."

"Well, as long as you promise…"

"I'll be back."

Sam continued to bathe John in the cool water, and she swore that he didn't even notice as the water got colder. "See, you didn't die of embarrassment," she said as she scooped up a handful of water and let it run down his chest.

"Nicole really knows how to handle things, doesn't she?" he asked, rather sheepishly.

"Nicole likes you very much, John, and she just wants you to get well."

"The water does feel good."

"You just relax then, and let your Sam take care of you."

"For the rest of our lives," he murmured as she continued to let the cool water run over his skin.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Bailey asked as soon as Nicole opened the door. "Is John all right?" 

"His fever went up," Nicole responded while her eyes searched for James. "He's in a cool bath right now, and Sam is with him. I'm going to get some ice. Where is James?"

"He said he was going to his office to grab a report. He shouldn't be more than a minute or two. Is there something I can do?"

The concern in Bailey's voice and in his eyes got to Nicole. It was obvious that he cared about John, and right now he was little more than a worried father. "No, but thank you." She reached out and grabbed his hand, taking him by surprise. "John will be okay."

"I won't lose any member of my team." Bailey was fighting back tears that threatened, and he was loosing the battle.

Nicole slid her arms around Bailey and hugged him. "You're not going to lose anyone. Now why don't you get some rest?"

"When James gets back maybe I'll lie down in the room next door."

"Can I bring you back anything from the cafeteria? Some coffee, or juice…maybe a muffin?"

"No, but thank you."

Grace had watched the scene from the corner of the hallway, not making her presence known until Nicole had gone on her way. "You've managed to win her over."

"She's not a bad person, Grace."

"Well we certainly don't have to worry about John. You should have heard her in the lab." Grace chuckled at the memory. "She's a feisty one, I'll give her that. Feisty and bull-headed, and I don't think she'll quit until she knows who did this, how they did it, why they did it, and how she can torture them for it."

"There's a lot more to her than feisty and bull-headed, you know."

"I know, because what I just saw was someone with an awful lot of compassion and kindness. Now go rest like you told her you would. I'll stay here, so don't worry about anyone getting in that room that doesn't belong."

"She has a very good reason to dislike us, Grace."

"And I'd say she found a reason to like you. Now go, or I'll tell Nicole that you're being difficult."

"I'm going, I'm going," Bailey said, throwing his hands up in the air in mock defeat before going in the other room.

"Men," Grace said to herself as she took up position right outside the door to John's room.

"What about men?"

"Nothing," Grace told James as she smiled innocently at him. "I just told Bailey that I would guard the door until you got back in exchange for him getting some rest in the room next door. Nicole went to the cafeteria to get some ice. Apparently John's fever went up, and she left him with Sam in a cold bath."

"She'll have no choice but to the spinal tap now," he sighed. "She doesn't want to do it, but time may be running out."

"Poor John," Grace mumbled, then noticed the questioning look James was giving her. "He said once that he had a tap done when he was 20, and that it was excruciating. I don't think he's going to be too happy to have another one."

* * *

Nicole returned with her bucket of ice riding beneath a medical cart. "Hi," she said to James and Grace before going for the door. 

"Do you want me to go pick up the pizza?" James asked.

"I don't know if it's such a good idea now. I don't want him getting sick, especially not during the tap."

"I know it's too late to cancel, so I'll pick it up and take it to the nurses' station. Someone should enjoy it, right?"

"No, bring it back here. He needs to eat, right? I think it would be better if I make good on my promise to him. Oh, and where's Agent Malone?"

"He actually did go next door and lie down. I don't think he's sleeping, though," Grace said.

Picking up a paper bag and a Styrofoam cup from the cart, Nicole turned towards her. "He said he didn't want anything from the cafeteria, but I brought him back some coffee and a cinnamon roll. Would you take it to him, please?"

"It'll mean a lot to him that you did this." Grace smiled, and she noticed that Nicole relaxed a little and smiled back.

"Thank you."

Once Grace had the cup and the bag, Nicole pushed her cart and her ice into John's room while Grace was determined that Bailey was going to eat that cinnamon roll…hopefully while telling Grace what he meant when he said that Nicole had a good reason to dislike them.

* * *

John couldn't see the frown on Sam's face as she continued to pour now cold water over his skin. If anything, he seemed to be getting hotter and he couldn't focus enough to carry on a conversation. _Please get back soon_, she silently willed Nicole. 

"Sam?"

"What is it John?"

"I'm cold."

"I know, but we have to get your temperature down. You have a fever, remember?"

"I just want to go back to bed."

Just then Sam heard Nicole coming in with the ice. "Okay, I think this should be enough," she said as she drug a large plastic bucket into the bathroom, filled with ice cubes. "I take it no one drowned?"

"No," Sam replied, smiling in response to Nicole's humor.

"I'm cold, and I want to get back in bed," John said.

"We have to get your fever down, John," Nicole said, feeling his forehead. It was warmer than she remembered it being before. "Sam, can you help me get the ice in the water? Just grab handfuls and drop it in."

John was shivering by the time they had the ice in the water, but his temperature did go down a few degrees when Nicole rechecked. "How much longer?" he finally asked.

"I don't know. The important thing is that it's working."

"Hey!" he suddenly said as Sam absently dropped a handful of ice cubes, causing him to jump. "Could you be careful, please?"

"Sorry." Sam couldn't keep from giggling, though.

"Do I have to take this abuse?" he asked Nicole.

"I'm afraid so," she answered him, managing to keep a straight face which made Sam burst out laughing.

"This isn't fair, you know," he said.

Feeling John's forehead once again, Nicole was convinced that his temperature had gone down enough. "I'll make you a deal. Let me take your temperature one last time, and if it's below 101, you can get out."

"Please, please, please," he repeated softly while they waited for the thermometer to beep.

"101.3," Nicole announced when it was finished, making John groan. "Oh, I think it's close enough. Sam, can you help me get him back out of the tub?"

"Towel," he said, trying to cover himself with his hands as Nicole opened the drain.

"You have to stand up first," she reminded him. Seeing the look on his face, she leaned closer before continuing. "John, I am a doctor. I have seen naked men plenty of times, and no offense, but I have no desire to see another one, so please don't be embarrassed about this, okay?"

"You're not…you know…I mean, if you don't want to see naked men…"

"No, John, I'm not, and I have nothing against naked men. I like naked men very much, but it's not something that I look at when the man in question is my patient. Does that make sense?"

"Yes."

"So can we stand up now?"

"You promise not to look?"

"Yes, I promise."

"Okay." He let Sam and Nicole steady him as he stood, but as soon as he was standing up his hands moved to cover himself. "Towel."

"Here you go." Sam handed him the bath towel, and once it was securely around his waist he finished getting out of the tub.

"What's all this stuff for?" he asked nervously when he saw the cart.

"I have to do a spinal tap, John. The MRI alone wasn't enough, and this is the only way to figure out why you're the only person that is still sick."

"No," he said, backing away from the bed until he bumped into Sam.

"John, it's for your own good," Sam said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"No, I am not going through that. Do you hear me? I won't let you do it."

"Let's just get you settled into bed, okay?" Nicole told him. "James went to pick up that pizza I promised you, and we are going to eat that before I do anything else. Then we'll discuss it."

"There's nothing to discuss."

"John, have you had a spinal tap done before?"

"When I…when I was in the hospital as a little boy, and again when I was 20. It was excruciating, and I…I just can't go through that again."

"Just get in bed and get comfortable for now. You're body has been through quite an ordeal, and that high fever has to have used up a lot of your energy. For now just lie down and rest."

"You won't do anything?"

"No, so lie down."

John refused to let go of the towel until he was in bed and the covers were up over him, and then he pulled the towel out and gave it to Sam. "Please don't do it," he begged.

"For right now, I just want you to relax."

It was hardly possible for John to relax, though. He knew how much it was going to hurt, and even the promise of pizza didn't make him feel better. When James returned with the pizzas, he knocked on the door and Nicole took the boxes from him, setting them on the tray by the bed. John turned on his side so he was facing away from all of them. "I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are." Nicole was sitting on the side of the bed, rubbing his bare back and listening as he sobbed against the pillow. "You know eating this pizza that you've been wanting is hardly conceding the battle, and I only said we would discuss it after we ate. Come on, maybe you'll feel better with some food in your stomach."

"Please, John, let's just eat," Sam said.

"I'm sorry I ruined it," Nicole told him. "I shouldn't have said anything about the spinal tap. I'm so sorry, but please don't do this to yourself. You have been looking forward to your pizza with Canadian bacon and pineapple, so eat it while it's still hot and enjoy it."

Slowly John turned onto his back and then sat up. "It does smell good," he admitted.

Sam found the paper plates and napkins inside a plastic bag, and before John could think about it much more she had two slices of his Hawaiian pizza on the plate and in front of him. "Eat while it's still hot."

Taking a small bite, John relaxed as he realized this was just as good as he had remembered it being the last time he had gotten this kind of pizza. "Mmm…thanks," he said.

"Aren't you going to have any?" Sam asked as she got herself a plate.

"There's something that I need to check on first," Nicole said.

"Oh come on," John said. "Eat it while it's still hot, remember?"

"I'll be back before it gets too cold, don't worry. You just eat, okay? You need your strength."

As she turned for the door, John smiled and called "Yes, Mother," after her.

"Behave, Junior," she replied before leaving.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Disclaimer: Let me check…nope, still don't own Profiler or any of the characters from that show; they and the backstory belong to NBC and some other people. I do however, however, own the original characters and storyline. Please do not post this story to any website or archives without my prior permission.**

* * *

"I guess she doesn't take no for an answer, does she?" Bailey quipped when Grace sat the coffee and cinnamon roll down in front of him.

"She's making an effort, Bailey," Grace said, pulling up a chair to sit across from him at the small writing table. "The least you can do is make an effort, too."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means eat your cinnamon roll and drink your coffee. Then," Grace leaned forward and rested her chin on her folded hands, "you can tell me what you meant when you said Nicole had a good reason to dislike us."

Suddenly that cinnamon roll was the most fascinating thing in the world. "Let me eat first, okay Grace?"

"Sure thing, boss."

Bailey slowly ate the cinnamon roll, trying to buy time while he thought about how he was going to explain things to Grace. "Dr. Hillsdale went through the FBI Academy four years ago."

"And she doesn't like us because she didn't make it?"

"She didn't fail, Grace. She had an incredible gift, almost like she was…empathic, you could say. I've never seen anyone who could tell so much about the way a victim was killed than what she could. Unfortunately she wanted to be a forensic examiner, and those in power wanted her to be a profiler. They wanted her to be the next Dr. Samantha Waters."

"And she fought them, I assume."

"What they did to her Grace…it was unforgivable." Before Bailey could say anymore, there was a knock at the door, followed by Nicole opening it and sticking her head inside.

"I just wanted to be sure that everything was okay. Anything I can get anyone?"

"No, but thank you for the coffee and the roll."

"You're welcome. Dr. Alverez, are you sure I can't get you some coffee?"

"I'm fine, but thank you."

"I should get back to my patient then." With that Nicole left, and Grace's eyes got teary at the thought of what John was about to endure.

"What is it Grace?"

"James said that she's going to have to do a spinal tap to figure out how to treat John."

Bailey clenched his fist at the thought of John suffering any more. "When I find out who did this…"

"I know, Bail, but until we do getting yourself worked up isn't going to do John any good."

* * *

"There's plenty left," John said when Nicole came back in. "Come on, you have to eat some." 

"Oh I never pass up pizza," she said with a wane smile. All she wanted was to let John relax for a little while longer because she knew that the tap was going to be painful.

John had figured out that as long as he kept eating, he could delay the procedure, but finally he reached the point where even he couldn't eat anymore. "Let's get this…and you…cleaned up," Sam said when she knew that John's stalling was over.

"I'll take the leftover pizza and put it in the refrigerator at the nurse's station," Nicole said to Sam, "you work on cleaning up John."

"Hey! I resent that…" he started until Sam came over and teasingly licked at some pizza sauce that was on his lip. "Then again…"

"Behave, you two," Nicole cautioned as she left with the remains of the pizza.

"I can't do this, Sam," John said, and he started to tremble. "I just can't go through it."

"John, you want to get better don't you? This is something that has to be done, and you know that Nicole won't hurt you. And I'll be right here with you, so you can hold onto me. Okay?"

"Well you lay in the bed next to me, Sam? Please?"

"As long as Nicole says it's all right."

"As long as Nicole says what's all right?" she asked, coming back empty-handed.

"He wants me to lay in the bed next to him while you do the spinal tap."

"Of course you can. John, why don't you go ahead and lay on your side while I get everything set up, and Sam can get in so the two of you are comfortable."

"How long is it going to take?" John asked.

"No more than half an hour for the whole procedure, but the needle will only be in place for a minute or so."

"Come on, John, lay on your side and I'll get in so you can hold onto me."

Once she had John positioned on his side with his knees drawn up, holding onto Sam who was lying on her side facing him, Nicole pulled back the covers and John tensed as the cool air hit his backside. The coolness of the antiseptic wash she used on his lower back made him tense even more. "John, I'm only cleaning the area. Relax." Once she was done with that, she picked up a small syringe. "Now I'm going to give you the local, and it's going to burn a little but it should go away in a few minutes."

"It's okay, John. I've got you," Sam said as she rubbed his arm.

"I'm going to give you the shot now, so you're going to feel it but it's only to numb your back."

"Go ahead," he whispered.

The needle piercing his skin barely made him flinch, but as the anesthetic entered his body he shut his eyes and whimpered. "I know it hurts, and if I could make it stop I would. It won't last long, though."

His memories of the previous two spinal taps had him terrified, especially the one that was done when he was in college. His memories as a 20-year old were very clear, and it had hurt so bad that it took three orderlies to hold him down while they did it. _Sam and Nicole don't stand a chance…_

"Can you feel this?" Nicole asked as she pressed the cap of her pen along his lower back.

"No," he answered. "I can't feel anything in my back." And it was unsettling to not be able to feel anything. "I don't like it."

"For right now, it's a good thing, and it will wear off." Nicole pulled a straight pin out of her pocket and held it so the flat head was poking along John's lower back and his spine. "Still don't feel anything?"

"No."

"Let me know when you do feel it," she told him as she made her way up his back. At about his mid-back he could feel it, and Nicole decided he was as numb as she could get him. "Let's do it then."

"Just tell me when you're about to insert the needle," John requested.

"Of course I will. Now try to stay still, all right?"

"I will."

"I know you will. Just hold onto Sam and you'll be fine. I'm going to insert the needle now, so you're going to feel some hard pressure at first. I'll try to get it positioned as quickly as I can, but I want you to tell me what you're feeling, okay? I don't want you suffering when there might be something I can do about it."

John never felt as the needle initially pierced the skin, but as soon as Nicole began positioning it John gripped Sam's hand. "It hurts," he whispered as Sam wiped at the first tears to appear on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, John. I'll stop for a few seconds. Do you still feel the pressure?"

"Yes, but I can take that."

"But it doesn't hurt now while I'm not moving the needle?"

"No, just pressure."

When he relaxed his grip on Sam's hand slightly, Nicole decided to continue. He whimpered once more, but then the needle reached it's target. "We're in the home stretch now, John. It just takes a minute to collect enough fluid, and then I'll take the needle out and bandage you up. How bad does it hurt?"

"Not as bad as the last one, but it still hurts."

"It's almost over. For you anyway. I think Sam's hand may take some time to recover."

"Don't you even think of letting go, John. If it makes you feel better, you hold on as tight as you want," Sam told him.

John gave a little cry as a wave of pain hit him, and Sam had to hold him to keep him still. "John, it's almost over," Nicole reassured him. "The needle must have shifted slightly and hit into nerve tissue. It's almost over, though."

"I can't take it," he said through clenched teeth.

Checking the vials, she reassured John that it would only be another 30 seconds. "You can hang on for 30 seconds. Then it will be over and you can rest. Just 25 more seconds. It'll be over in no time."

"I feel sick."

"It's probably just nerves. It'll all be over soon." Nicole watched as the fluid continued to drop from the needle until the vials were full. "John, I'm going to remove the needle now. You might feel it a little bit, but then it will be over."

John drew in a sharp breath as the needle slid out and Nicole pressed some gauze over the site. "Sam? Could you?" Nicole asked.

"I've got it," Sam said as she held the gauze in place while Nicole disposed of the needle and labeled the vials to take to the lab. John still had a grip on Sam's free hand, so she leaned forward and kissed the end of his nose. "See, you survived."

"Now I just have to put a bandage on that…you can have Scooby-Doo, Sponge Bob Squarepants, Barbie or Blue's Clues." Hearing John moan at the options, she smiled at the thought that she could put one of the Barbie bandages on him, and he'd never know… "What can I say? I normally work with kids, and this is what kids like. It's also all I have, so either chose one or have Sam choose one."

"Scooby-Doo."

"There you go," Nicole told him as she put the bandage in place. "Now let's get you onto your back, and I want you to lie flat on your back for at least six hours. I just have to get a blood sample, and then I'm going to the lab to find out how we can get you feeling better."

"You didn't say anything about drawing blood," John said as he warily eyed the syringe she was holding.

"I just need a little tiny bit. You won't miss it, I promise."

Since the last time Nicole drew blood it hadn't really hurt, he just held out his arm. She found a vein on the top of his hand and had the needle in and the blood collected before John knew what had hit him. "You're really good at that."

"Thanks. Now just lie back and rest. I trust Sam to be sure you lie there while I'm gone. Are you still feeling sick?"

"A little, but it's going away."

"You need to try and drink fluids, but wait until your stomach feels better. Do you want me to bring you back some more Ginger Ale?"

"Please."

"Then I shall." Seeing the fearful look that was still in his eyes, Nicole leaned over and kissed his forehead. "It's over John. You can relax."

"When I…when I was a little boy and they did a spinal tap, they…they restrained me to the bed because my father said he didn't have the time to baby-sit me and make sure I didn't move around too much or get out of bed."

"Where was your mother?" Nicole asked.

"She had gone home to change clothes. My father had them do the spinal tap as soon as she left the hospital."

"There aren't any restraints, John. Sam and I might sit on you to keep you in bed, but that's about the extent of it."

"Thanks," he answered with a slight grin.

"I'll have some of the results in a few hours, so until then just drink fluids once your stomach settles and don't be getting out of bed chasing Sam around the room. If you need anything, just push the call button. As soon as I get these samples to the lab I'll be back with your Ginger Ale. Is there anything else I can bring back for either of you?"

John said no, and Sam assured Nicole that they were both fine, so she headed off to the lab with her samples. She was already concerned because the fluid had been 'muddy', not clear, but she couldn't dwell on that right now. If she let all of the possibilities run through her mind, she'd be a basket case long before she even reached the lab.

"You okay?"

The voice startled Nicole; she hadn't realized anyone else was around. "Lindsey, you scared me half to death."

"I'm sorry. You just looked…distant, and I was concerned."

"I'm all right. I was just on my way to the lab to start running some tests. What are you doing here?"

"Taking a break. This is the one part of the hospital that is usually pretty quiet."

"I know what you mean. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Sure. How is he? Agent Grant, I mean. I assume that he was doing better since they moved him off the isolation floor."

"He's okay."

"I'm sorry. I should let you go."

"I'll see you later, okay?"

Lindsey watched as Nicole went into the lab, and once the door was shut Lindsey turned and walked back towards the main hospital. "See you later," she said to no one.

"What are you doing still here?" Ryan asked, getting up from his computer.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I have gone home, eaten, slept and come back. You, on the other hand…"

"I slept…for a while…and I ate a piece of pizza…"

"Give me the samples, and I'll run the tests. You go home and get some rest."

"I have to do this, Ryan. I just have to."

"At least let me help you set things up."

Nicole just smiled and nodded. Ryan could be so sweet sometimes, and she just couldn't refuse his offer. Besides, she had told John that she would bring him back some Ginger Ale. "Why don't you get it set up while I take some Ginger Ale back to Agent Grant. We'll start when I return."

"I'll be waiting."

* * *

As Nicole made her way back to John's room with a two-liter bottle of Ginger Ale, she felt in her pocket for the extra vial of spinal fluid that she had dropped inside. She wasn't sure why she had done it, really, but she felt better knowing that there was a sample separate from the rest. 

Grace was outside John's room, and when she saw Nicole she tried to hide the guilty feelings. Bailey had told her what had happened, omitting the details of how the boy had been tortured and killed, and now Grace wondered how she could make peace with Nicole. "How is he?" she asked.

"His fever is still down. I was just going to the lab to start running some tests. How's Agent Malone holding up?"

"He's lying down but I doubt he'll get much sleep. Thanks for getting him food and coffee, by the way. Left on his own I think he'd probably starve to death."

Something about the way Grace was looking at her made Nicole wonder if she had been wrong to act the way she had earlier in the lab. After all, the woman was only there out of concern for John. "There's an agent around here watching John's room, right?"

"Right down there." Grace pointed to the end of the hallway, where two agents were standing. "He's safe, Dr. Hillsdale."

"Please, just call me Nicole. And since he's safe, I was wondering if you'd like to accompany me to the lab? Maybe two sets of eyes will be better than one, and I thought I'd run home for a little while if you don't mind doing some of the tests once we get started."

"I would be more than happy to, because you look like you need some sleep. Oh, I need to call my husband and let him know that I don't know when I'll be home, and then I should tell Bailey that I'm going to the lab with you."

"Take your time. I brought up some Ginger Ale to settle his stomach, and I want to be sure he's okay."

"The tap went okay, then?"

"As okay as it could, I suppose. The important thing is that I got good samples so I shouldn't have to repeat it."

"Get the boy his Ginger Ale, and I'll see you in the lab."

"Thank you for your help, Dr. Alvarez."

"Forget the Dr. Alvarez. It's Grace."

"Thank you Grace."

"Thank you for taking such good care of John…and Sam, too."

Nicole went into John's room with the bottle of Ginger Ale and found Sam gently rubbing his stomach. "Let me pour you some Ginger Ale," she said, getting a glass and filling it about half full. "I take it you're still feeling sick?"

"Yes."

"I'll raise the head of the bed up a little so you can drink this." After putting a straw in the glass and silently thanking whoever invented flexible straws, she brought it to his lips so he could take a few sips.

"Thanks for getting this for me," he said when he was done drinking.

"I would gladly get you anything that might make you feel better."

"Maybe a little more Ginger Ale."

"It's not going to make him sick if he drinks that much at once, is it?" Sam asked, and Nicole shook her head.

"We keep a few bottles that have been allowed to go flat, so there's no carbonation and it's not that cold. It won't make him get sick, I promise."

"How soon before you have the test results?" John asked.

"A few hours. Grace is going to help me so I'm sure we'll find a way to cure you."

"Grace is here?" he asked, become agitated.

"No, Grace is in the lab. Which is where I should be heading so I can run those tests." _And for an encore, let me announce that Agent Malone is in the room next door…_ "Let me just check your temperature before I go."

Sam kept rubbing his tummy, and John finally relaxed once Nicole was done. "101…I think you'll be okay as long as it doesn't shoot up again. I'm leaving some pans here in case you do get sick. Under no circumstances are you to get out of bed for the next two hours. If you need anything, use the call button and I'll come back and help you. Understood?"

"I can get up after two hours?"

"You can get up to go to the bathroom, but that will be it. By the way, how's your back? It's not sore, is it?"

"No, I can't even feel where the needle was."

"Do you want any more Ginger Ale before I lower the bed so you're lying flat?"

"Yes, I do." He drank some more, than set the glass on the bed tray so Nicole could get him lying flat again.

"Are you comfortable?"

"I hate laying on my back."

"But when you're laying on your back I can rub your tummy," Sam told him.

"Then I guess I'll just have to tolerate it," he said, smiling at Sam.

"I'll leave you to your unbearable torment," Nicole teased before leaving and heading down to the lab.

"You heard Nicole. If you need anything, I'm using the call button and getting her back here. Okay?"

"I just want to rest. I think I'm going to try to get some sleep."

"You do that, and when you wake up I'll be right here."

"Thanks, Sam."

"Get your rest, John." She kissed his forehead and pulled the covers up over him, then tried to move as little as possible while she got herself comfortable in bed beside him. "You don't mind if I sleep here, do you?"

"I think I'd like it very much."

"Good. It makes it easier to keep rubbing your tummy so you don't get sick."

John closed his eyes and found himself drifting off to sleep. His dreams were far from good ones, though. He was all alone because everyone had grown tired of him. He needed too much from them, and so Sam and Nicole had been the first to turn their backs and walk away from him. Not that he blamed them in the least. Sure, they loved him, but there was only so much that one could take. Then Grace and George had left him when he started needing them do the things that he had come to rely on Nicole and Sam for. Finally Bailey left, saying that if he'd wanted to take care of someone he would have adopted one of the brats at the county home…or spent time with his daughter.

"Don't leave me alone," he murmured in his sleep.

"John? You're not alone, John. I'm right here," Sam said when she heard him cry out.

"Don't leave. I'm sorry, please don't go."

"Wake up John," Sam said. "John! John, wake up. It's just a dream."

John woke with a start, sitting straight up in the bed before Sam could stop him. "Sam, I…oh god, my head hurts now," he said with a moan, slowly laying back down.

"Let me call Nicole--"

"No," he said, cutting her off. "It's just a headache. I'm sure it'll go away now that I'm lying down."

"What were you dreaming about?" Sam asked as she gently smoothed his hair from his forehead.

"Nothing. I don't remember."

"John, I'm calling Nicole just to be safe." Seeing that he was about to interrupt her, she pressed a finger against his lips to silence him. "She said you were to lie flat on your back for two hours. Sitting up the way you did might have done something."

Nicole was still standing outside John's room, trying to get herself together when her pager went off. She had broken down outside the door, not caring that Grace was probably waiting for her in the lab. _At least I saved myself a trip down to the lab and back up,_ she though as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Judging by the amount of time that had, or rather hadn't, gone by since she'd stepped out of the room, her guess was he had developed the dreaded migraine, or he had to go to the bathroom.

"Hi," she said as she peeked her head in, not wanting to just burst in and startle anyone. "What's going on?"

"I just got a little headache, that's all, but Sam…"

"He had a nightmare and sat straight up in bed, then said that his head hurt."

"Well I'm sure it does hurt. Does it hurt as bad as it did when you were sitting up?"

"No. It's better now."

"I'm going to give you something anyway. No point in having you lie here and be miserable with a headache when something can be done about it."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Being a bother."

"John Grant, you listen to me," Nicole told him firmly, turning his head with her hand so he had no choice but to look at her while she talked to him. "You are not a bother. Don't ever feel that way. If you need something, even if it's just the reassurance that I'm close by, you push that button." She gave him a soft smile before continuing. "You could never become a bother to me because I like you, and making you more comfortable makes me happy. Okay?"

"Okay," he whispered as she put the back of her hand against his cheek.

"Let me go get you some pain medication, and I think I'm going to start an IV to get fluids into you."

"No," John said, reaching out to grip Nicole's wrist. "Please, no IV."

"Why? Talk to me, John. Why don't want you want an IV?"

"I…I think I had one when I was in the hospital as a little boy. I remember…something sticking into my wrist, and the doctor…he tied that arm to the rail on the side of the bed so I wouldn't pull it out. I don't want that again. Please."

Nicole knew that with the way he felt, he was little more than a frightened child at the moment…a child who had been treated more like a prisoner than a patient at one time. "John, do you trust me?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me not to hurt you?"

"I want to," he told her, tears running down his cheeks. "You're so much like my mother, and I want to trust you like I could trust her, but…"

"But what, John? Do you think you'll be betraying her if you trust someone? Do you think she would want you to go through life never letting any close, never trusting anyone?"

"No…"

Sam was just sitting on the bed opposite the side Nicole was standing on, and she held John's hand to try and comfort him. "John, you know that I would never hurt you, don't you?"

"Yes."

"And you know that Nicole would never hurt you, right?"

John looked at Nicole and seemed to relax a little bit. "I know."

"I'll bet you won't even feel it," Nicole said. "Can I at least try to get an IV started?" His only response was to nod his head and close his eyes, but the tears still escaped. "How about if I promise that if I don't get it on the first try, I won't try again."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, do we have a deal?"

"You aren't going to tie me to the bed?"

"No, there shall be no bondage on my shift."

"You can do it, then."

"Just try to relax and stay still so you don't cause yourself any more pain, okay? I'll be right back."

"Take your time," he said to the door as it closed behind her.

"John…"

"I never even got dressed," he said when he suddenly remembered that he had gone from the bathroom to the bed in nothing but a towel, and now the towel was draped over the back of the chair.

"And you're not getting dressed now. Just lie still and rest, like Nicole said. Honey no one is going to hurt you. I won't let them."

"I know. I just…I feel so damned…vulnerable…helpless and vulnerable." The tears started again, and Sam brushed them away with the back of her hand.

"You're safe, John. That's all you need to focus on. You are safe here."

"Okay, I'm back. First," Nicole said after she came in and set what seemed to John like an awful lot of stuff on the tray, "let me get the IV started, and I can give you the Demerol through that."

He let Nicole find a vein on the back of his hand and clean the area, but as soon as she produced the fine needle she was going to use he tensed and made a soft whimpering sound. "Look at me," Sam told him, holding onto his free hand. "John, you look at me now."

He shook his head no, but Nicole knew that this wouldn't work. "You're only upsetting yourself. You look at Sam, and I'll have this in place before you know it. John, look at Sam."

"No. I…I want to see. I need to see."

"Then relax. You're sure you want to watch?" He nodded his head, so Nicole removed the protective cap from the needle and began to thread it into the vein.

As soon as it started he gripped Sam's hand almost as tight as he had during the spinal tap, but he never looked away. As soon as it was in place she put tape over his hand so the needle wouldn't dislodge and then finished setting up the IV line.

"Now," she said as she uncapped a syringe and pushed the needle into one of the ports on the IV, "for what you've been waiting for. It shouldn't take long for the Demerol to kick in." Once the dose had been administered, Nicole started the intravenous fluids and waited by the bed until he eyes started to grow heavy.

"Sam?" he asked, squeeze her hand.

"What is it, John?"

"Will you stay here while I sleep?"

"Of course I will."

"Just go to sleep," Nicole told him, watching as his breathing became slower. A quick check of his pulse showed that his heart was no longer racing, and Nicole sighed. "He's sleeping."

"Now what?"

"Now he sleeps, hopefully for a few hours, and you get some much needed rest, too. When he wakes up, please page me so I can examine him again. I mean it, Sam, get some rest yourself. I'll be running those tests so I can figure out what's happening to him."

"Good luck," Sam said as she settled beside John, smiling as his free hand reached out for her, squeezing Sam's hand when he found it.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Still don't own any of the characters that appeared on the show 'Profiler'…but the original characters and the storyline are mine. MINE! MINE, ALL MINE! Sorry 'bout that…too much sugar…anyway…do not copy this story, in whole or in part, or post it to any other archive or website.**

* * *

Finally Nicole left John and Sam, and hoped that Grace hadn't given up on her making it to the lab. Glancing at her watch, she sighed. It had been almost 20 minutes since she had told Grace she was going to meet her in the lab, but since Grace was going to call her husband and talk to Agent Malone first, perhaps she hadn't been waiting too long. Pausing for just a second outside the other room, she smiled with relief as she heard Grace's voice. _Good, she hasn't been waiting in the lab all this time…_ Taking out the small memo book that she carried in her pocket, she began making notesof her own thoughts on John's case while she rode the elevator down to the lab.

There was something not right about the area when Nicole walked through the doors that led into the lab. It was quiet…too quiet. If there was one thing Ryan wasn't, it was quiet. He hummed, he sang, but he did not work silently. "Ryan?" Nicole called, slowly walking inside. "Ryan, are you here?"

A moan caught her attention and she made her way towards the back of the lab, stopping for just a second to remove a loaded syringe from the pocket of her smock and take the cap off. _I knew there was a reason why I brought an extra dose of Demerol just in case John needed it._ Now she could only hope that if anyone attacked the Demerol would be enough to knock them out before too much damage was done…assuming she could inject her attacker…

"Ryan?" she called again, listening for any sounds in response. Since she had already made her presence known, no point in being quiet now, right? "Ryan, are you in here? Are you hurt? Ryan?"

The sound of glass breaking made Nicole jump, and then she heard the door open. "Nicole? What…" Seeing Nicole put her finger in front of her lips, the universal gesture for 'shut up', Grace noticed that Nicole was holding a syringe that appeared to be loaded, and she was holding it the way one would hold a spear. Silently Grace moved back out of the lab, then started running until she found a nurse's station. "Call security, something's happened in the lab!" Grace said to the first person she saw. "Listen to me, I'm a federal agent," she said, showing her badge and ID. "Call security, and call 9-1-1, and tell them that there has been an attack in the lab and Dr. Hillsdale may be in danger!" Grace took off, running back to the lab. _Okay, the cavalry is on the way, please dear God let Nicole be all right…_

After Grace turned and left the lab, Nicole resumed looking for Ryan, syringe at the ready. There was another sound of breaking glass, this time followed by a moan that was loud enough for Nicole to follow. As a precaution, Nicole removed her memo pad and the extra vial of John's CSF from her pocket and set them beside a computer. "Ryan?" she called again, but she got no response. "Ryan?"

She continued to move through the lab, ready to use the syringe on anything that moved. Her heart was pounding, and she knew that she wasn't alone in the lab. The sound of footsteps made her jump, and then she heard the familiar 'click' of the lab doors being locked. Now she was trapped with whoever else was there.

Another moan reached her ears, and she realized that it was coming from near where she was. Dropping to her knees, she finally found Ryan lying under one of the desks. He had a deep gash on one cheek, and there was blood running down the side of his head, but at least he was breathing. "Ryan, it's going to be okay now. I'm going to get us out of here, all right? You just keep breathing." She set the syringe on the floor beside her so she could see what other injuries he might have.

She didn't think he was conscious enough to hear her, so it surprised her when he opened his eyes and gave her a faint smile. "Never…doubted it." Then his eyes grew wide with fear. "Look…out…"

Nicole had been so caught up with helping Ryan that she never heard anyone slide up behind her and pick up the syringe, and Ryan's warning came just a millisecond before she felt the syringe go into her side. Turning her head to see who it was, she gasped at the familiar face. "No…" she said as the Demerol started to affect her, making her world spin out of control.

Nicole was vaguely aware of someone beating on the door and calling her name, but everything was out of focus and seemed so far away. Her last thought before succumbing to the darkness was that she hoped John would forgive her for breaking her promise and not being able to take care of him anymore.

* * *

Grace panicked when the doors to the lab wouldn't open. "Nicole!" she screamed, beating on them with her fists. There was someone moving inside, but she couldn't make out anything but shadows through the small windows on the doors. "Nicole!" 

Four security guards came running up just moments later, and one of them took out his key card and ran it through the reader. It made an angry tone and flashed a red light, but the doors still refused to budge. "It's been manually locked from the inside. The only way in there is to cut through the metal."

"You have got to be kidding me," Grace said. "Why?"

"This isn't the hospital lab, this is strictly used by the CDC. Trust me, you don't want to know the kind of stuff that they store and work on in here."

"What's going on?" James asked as he ran up to Grace, who was crying. "I just got the call that there had been an incident in the lab. What happened?"

"I…I was supposed to meet Nicole down here. We…" Grace paused to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand before continuing. "We were going to see what we could find based on the sample from John's spinal tap. I got caught up talking to my husband, and then to Bailey, and by the time I got down here Nicole was walking through the lab with a syringe in her hand, and she motioned for me to be quiet. That's when I left the lab and ran to get help. When I came back the door was locked."

"If we can't get in, no one can get out," he told Grace before turning to the growing number of security officers, now joined by police officers. "I assume we have the equipment to cut this door open on its way?"

"It should be here any minute," someone answered.

"Oh god, Bailey! I have to tell Bailey what's happening," Grace said, but James grabbed her arm before she moved.

"I'll tell him. This happened on my watch."

"We'll both tell him," Grace said, giving his arm a gentle reassuring squeeze. "That way we can both feel guilty together."

"Okay, we're going to start cutting," a police officer said, and they all waited until finally the door had been cut off it's hinges and the police could go inside.

"Wait," James said to the first officer. "This is a biohazard area. I'm sorry, but a CDC team will have to make a sweep first. We have no idea what may have been unleashed."

"Oh god," Grace said, starting to cry again.

A team had already assembled and had their suits on. "Nicole!" one of them started calling as the team proceeded inside. "Nicole! Ryan! Can you hear us?"

After searching for a few minutes, the leader of the team returned. "There's been no release of any materials, sir," he told James. "There's also no sign of Dr. Hillsdale or of Ryan Whitten. They're both gone."

"What about the samples from the spinal tap done on John Grant?" Grace asked. "Was there any sign of those?"

"Just this, I'm afraid." The man held out his gloved hand, showing them a the broken remains of a vial, stuck to a label that bore John's name, Nicole Hillsdale as his physician and his room number.

"But shouldn't there have been more than one vial?"

"There are four vials, and all of them are exactly like this one. Broken."

"Which means we have to start over again," James said, shaking his head sadly.

"I thought you said if the doors were locked, there was no way for anyone to get out either?"

"That's the first thing we're going to figure out," a detective said.

"I'm a federal agent, and a forensics expert. Can I go in there and look around, before the cops trample the evidence too badly?"

"Go ahead. I'm going to head up and let Bailey know what's happened." Seeing Grace about to speak, he stopped her. "You go in there now, while there's a chance you can find something, and let me worry about Bailey. Go on. It'll make him feel better to know that you're down here helping with the investigation. Now go."

Grace talked to the police detective and put on a pair of gloves before heading inside the lab. James waited until he couldn't see her anymore before heading up to talk with Bailey. This was one conversation he was certainly dreading.

* * *

"She left something behind as a clue. I know she did if she had the chance," Grace mumbled to herself. Nicole had been calm and in control of herself when Grace first walked into the lab, which meant that she would have seized every opportunity that presented itself from the moment she knew she was in danger. 

"I know how they got out!" an officer yelled. Curious, Grace walked back towards where he was pointing to an office off of the lab. "It looks like someone found an unused door."

"That means someone who is very familiar with this lab was in here," one of the CDC team members said. "That door has been hidden behind a bookcase for at least 10 years."

"Where does it lead to?" Grace asked, watching the detectives dust the doorknob for fingerprints.

"The parking garage. When they knocked down the wall and made this office part of the lab, this door was blocked off for security. There's a generator on the other side with a chain link fence that goes floor to ceiling around it, so if they got out, someone had to have unlocked the gate in the fence."

"There are officers checking the parking garage now," the detective told them. "Have you found anything yet?" he said, speaking into his radio.

"Nothing yet. There's an awful lot of blood though," came the reply.

"Let me know if you find anything."

"Will do."

Grace wanted to get out of the lab, but she just knew that there was something they were all missing. Nicole had been too damn calm not to have left something behind. She went over to where Nicole had been standing when Grace first saw her, syringe in hand. _Sam is so much better at this_, Grace thought to herself as she tried to imagine what Nicole would have done next. Would she have continued forward, or would she have backed up and tried to make it to the exit herself? _No, she could have gone for the exit when I did…there was something here she wanted…something or someone…so she would have gone forward…_ Grace took a few steps forwards, looking all around her as she moved, hoping that her eyes would spot something out of place.

An officer was taking photographs where there was a pool of blood under a desk. It looked like someone had been hiding under there, bleeding. What caught Grace's eye wasn't the large amount of blood, though; there was a smudge mark, like someone had kneeled down in it. _Nicole…maybe Nicole found someone under there, and she kneeled down. Okay, I'll assume that this is as far forward as Nicole got. That narrows the area down a bit._ Seeing nothing on that desk, Grace backed up to the previous desk. Binders, notepads, pens and pencils tossed lose…just like every other desk. "Oh Nicole, where is the clue?" Grace asked out loud as she lowered herself into the chair. Resting her head on the desk, she opened her eyes and found herself staring at a little vial and a small black memo book, which were hidden by some notebooks leaning against the side of the monitor. "I knew you left something behind," she said as she reached out and grabbed the vial. Just as she expected, it had the same label as the broken vials did, and when she opened the memo book she found that it was, indeed Nicole's.

There were little doodles on the pages that made Grace smile. Nicole had an affinity for stick figures. There were also a lot of notes which meant nothing to Grace until she reached the last page.

_John-there has to be a connection between his childhood hospitalization and what is happening now. I just feel it. I also think that this is something made specifically to react with John's DNA._

Now that Grace had something, she wondered who she should tell. Technically, she should tell one of the detectives, she supposed…but she was a federal agent, and not under their authority, and besides this was a medical matter…right? Right. Slipping the vial and the memo book into her pocket, she told herself that neither item would help the police catch whoever had done this, and therefore it was none of their business…no point in taking a chance on this vial getting lost or damaged. Instead she decided to go up to John's room and tell James and Bailey the one bit of good news.

* * *

James stood outside the two rooms for a moment, watching the agents at the end of the hall. Clearly security had notified them, and they both took turns walking the hallway. Finally he gathered enough courage to knock on the door of the room Bailey was supposed to be resting in. 

"Come in," Bailey called, and James opened the door.

"James, come on in. I was just watching some sports on TV. I…what's happened? I know by the look on your face that something is wrong. Is it John? Tell me, damn it! Has John taken another turn for the worst?"

"No, it's not John. Someone attacked the lab and destroyed the samples from the spinal tap that Nicole did."

Closing his eyes for a moment, Bailey let out a sigh. "So this is about John specifically. Any idea who did it?"

"Bailey, they…Nicole is gone. Whoever did this took her."

"Oh god." Bailey froze as he processed what this meant. Having the samples destroyed was one thing; hard as it would be, they could have done another spinal tap on John. But now Nicole was in the hands of some psychopath…

"Bailey, breath," James told him. "Bailey…"

"How, James? How did someone get into a secure facility and kidnap her?"

"How the hell would I know?" James yelled in frustration. "My god, Bailey, do you think I knew and just sat back and waited for it to happen?"

Bailey turned away from James, unsure what to do next. If Nicole was gone, then John might be next…or Sam…what was going to happen to Nicole? What if she was hurt so badly she never came back to them mentally? After all she had been through, Bailey didn't think it would take much. Or what if she was killed? Tears started to fall from his eyes, and then it hurt to breath. He couldn't take in a deep breath, and he put his hand on his chest.

"Bailey? Bailey, what is it? What's the matter?" James asked as he came around to face his old friend. "Bailey, sit down," James said, pushing Bailey back onto the bed. His face was pale and the way he was holding his chest…James picked up the phone and dialed the nurses' desk. "I've got a possible heart attack in room 407."

"I'm okay," Bailey insisted, trying to push himself up from the bed.

"Yeah, Bailey. You're okay, and I'm the Tooth Fairy. Help is on the way."

"I don't need--" Suddenly Bailey felt like a ton of bricks had landed on his chest, and he couldn't breath.

"Just stay with me Bailey," James said as he pushed Bailey onto his back and started undoing the top buttons on his shirt after loosening his tie. "Help is on the way."

A team of nurses and two doctors came rushing into the room, but James refused to leave when they told him to. "Please, give us room to work," one of the doctors finally said.

"I'll be right outside," James said as he gave Bailey's hand on last squeeze. "I'll make sure John and Sam are safe." Then the medical team surrounded Bailey, pushing James back until he couldn't see his old friend anymore. Once outside the door, James leaned against the wall and slid down it until he was sitting on the floor. "Please, God, this can't be happening."

"What can't be happening?" Grace asked. She had arrived just in time to see James sit on the floor. "Hey, we'll get Nicole back."

"It's not just that. Bailey just had a heart attack."

"Are you sure? Maybe it was just stress--"

"I know a heart attack when I see one. I told him about the attack on the lab, and that Nicole was kidnapped, and…it's my fault, you know. Everyone was supposed to be safe here. I mean, it's a hospital for crying out loud! People aren't supposed to be ambushed while running lab tests."

"James, listen to me. What happened was not your fault."

"Wasn't it? Obviously I didn't provide enough security to protect Nicole and Ryan. Who's next? You? John? No one is safe here now."

Grace knew that nothing she said was going to relieve James' guilt. _He's a lot like Bailey is._ "Listen, we can play the blame game later. Right now, we need to find Nicole. I'm going to tell Sam what happened."

"Do you know who Bailey's next of kin is?"

"He has a teenage daughter and an ex-wife. As soon as I can I'll get the ex-wife's number."

"I…I'll have to assign another doctor to John."

Sam had heard Grace outside the door, and she walked closer to hear what was being said. At the mention of assigning a new doctor Sam opened the door. "What's going on? You can't do this to John. Grace?"

"Sam, there was an incident in--"

Grace was cut off by the sounds of the team next door wheeling Bailey out of the room on a stretcher. "Mr. Malone," one of the doctors said as he grabbed Bailey's hand before he could try to remove the oxygen mask, "the sooner we get you down there, the sooner it will be over and you'll be out of here."

Sam turned and saw Bailey on the gurney, trying again to remove the oxygen mask. He looked so pale and…weak. "Bailey?" Her voice cracked as her eyes filled with tears.

"Sam…" he managed as they rolled the gurney down the hall.

"Grace, what has happened?"

"We think that Bailey had a heart attack."

"What? Well then, where is Nicole?"

"We don't know. I was supposed to meet her in the lab, and when I got there something was wrong so I left to get help. When I got back the doors were locked from the inside, and by the time they got the doors open she was gone and the vials from John's spinal tap had been destroyed. Luckily I found one vial and Nicole's memo book safely tucked beside a computer."

All of the commotion woke John from his drug-induced sleep. The sounds and the fact that Sam wasn't there scared him, and he tried to get out of bed. "Sam?" he called, trying to stand up and forgetting that he was in his birthday suit.

"Nice view," Grace said as John stood up.

John was confused to see Grace, and when she said 'Nice View' he turned around to see what she had a nice view of. Turning back he felt a breeze, then looked down and realized what she was referring to. Never had anyone managed to get back into a bed and burrow beneath the covers as quickly as he did. "Where's Nicole? I don't feel so good."

"Let's get you settled into bed," Grace said, approaching him.

"What's going on? Where is Nicole?" John could see James hanging back outside the door, and…and what was Grace doing here, anyway? "Sam, what has happened?" he asked, wincing as his migraine returned.

"Nicole was kidnapped," Sam said gently, having decided that the bare truth was better than trying to sugar-coat it. "Someone came into the lab and took her."

"Wh…what? How? Sam, how could…no, no this isn't happening. Nicole is just fine. She has to be. Just because you can't find her doesn't mean that she's been kidnapped."

Grace could see that John was succumbing to the high fever that was still ravaging his body, and she went outside to get James' help. "I need something that will knock him out," she told him in a tone that left no room for arguments.

"I'll check his chart and see if he can have more Demerol."

While James went to get something for John, Grace went into the room and stood beside the bed. "John, you need to calm down. Getting upset won't help you, or Nicole."

"Where's Bailey?" John asked when his eyes settled on Grace. "You guys are going to look for Nicole and find her, right?"

"Bailey's not feeling too good," Sam said.

"But George and I will get the rest of the team looking for Nicole," Grace quickly added.

"Dr. Alvarez," James said as he came into the room, hiding the syringe in his coat pocket. "I found what you were looking for."

"I want Nicole," John said, trembling at the sight of James. Grace was one thing, but having a stranger in the room… "Please, I just want Nicole right now."

James recognized the look in John's eyes, and after slipping the syringe into the hand that Grace had behind her back, he backed out of the room. "If you need anything…"

"Thank," Grace said. "John, just calm down."

"She's really gone, isn't she? She's gone because she cared about me and tried to help me…just like my mother's gone. Sam, you have to save her. Please, you have to find her. Don't let her get hurt because of me. Please."

"No one is going to get hurt because of you, John," Sam said. "She was kidnapped because there is a sick person out there, not because she took care of you."

While his attention was on Sam, Grace managed to get close enough that she was emptying the contents of the syringe into a port on John's IV before he even noticed what she was doing. "Grace? What is that?"

"Demerol, to ease the pain and help you get some rest. You aren't going to do Nicole any good if you get yourself so worked up that you get worse." John reached over to rip the IV out but Grace grabbed his hand before he could. "And just what do you think you're doing?"

"Getting rid of this so you can't shoot me full of any more drugs. I'm an adult, Grace, and you can't just do things like that without my permission. So I'm taking away your means of doing it."

"John, you stop this right now. You are sick, you have a high fever, and you are in no condition to be trying to make decisions right now."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, John, but it's the truth. Now you are not touching that IV, got it?"

"Or what? Or you'll tie me to the bed like…like…"

Sam and Grace both watched as fear began to mix with anger in those blue eyes. Since Sam knew what he was thinking of, she tried to reach him and calm him down. "John, no one is going to tie you to the bed. We're your friends, John, and we're not going to do anything to hurt you."

The Demerol was starting to kick in, and John recognized the feeling as his body began to relax, almost against his will. Damn it, he wanted to fight! He wanted to rip out the IV, get out of bed, and march out there and find Nicole. Lying in bed sleeping wasn't going to do anything but give the kidnapper time to get further away, and to hurt Nicole…maybe even kill her. He had to help her, to save her before it was too late.

"John, just go to sleep. Stop fighting it. When you wake up we can talk about what's happened to Nicole, okay? Right now we need you to calm down so we know you're okay and can concentrate on finding her," Sam said.

"Sam, listen to me," he said, determined that he was not going to fall asleep. "Remember when I said that there was something about this case that was staring me in the face, but I just couldn't figure out what it was? I need to figure out what it was. I need to help find Nicole."

"John…" Grace began, but John cut her off.

"Don't you 'John' me, Grace Alvarez," he shot as he grabbed the IV and managed to pull it out before they could stop him. "Ouch," he said as the needle ripped out of his skin, pulling the tape off with it and causing blood splatter on the sheets.

"John, stop it," Sam said, instinctively reaching to apply pressure to the small hole left by the needle.

"Just leave me alone," he said, pulling away from her.

Grace looked to James, who was standing in the hallway talking to someone. Occasionally he looked in at John, and when Grace caught his eye she shook her head and hoped he would understand that she meant no, the Demerol wasn't working. James nodded his head, acknowledging that he had seen her gesture, and he left with another doctor.

"John, stop it," Sam said again, this time with tears in her eyes. "I just don't want to see you hurt yourself. Please, don't pull away from me."

He was still fighting the Demerol, but the drug was starting to get the upper hand and he had to struggle to keep his eyes open. "Find Nicole, Sam. Please, bring the files I was working on here so I can look at them again. And Grace? Would you go check on Bailey for me? Please?"

"I don't want to leave you alone."

"How about it I go check on Bailey, and when I come back I stay here while Sam gets the files you wanted?" Grace offered.

"Thanks Grace." He was calmer than before, but Sam and Grace both knew that it was only because the Demerol was finally winning the fight.

"I'll be right here," Sam said while Grace picked up the IV line that had been dripping its contents onto the floor. "You just go to sleep, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Grace," he said when he opened one eye and saw the IV. "Shouldn't have done that, should I?"

"Don't worry about it. You just listen to Sam and get some sleep okay?"

"Tell Bailey I said 'hi'."

"I will, John." Grace left the room with the IV pole, looking back one last time to see John finally looking peaceful as the drug carried him off to what she hoped would be a peaceful, nightmare-free sleep.

James returned with a man that Sam guessed was in his forties, obviously a doctor. "Sam, this is Dr. Bellingham. Dr. Bellingham, this is Dr. Samantha Waters."

"I've read in the papers about some of the criminals that you've helped capture, Dr. Waters, and I must say that it is an honor to meet you," the doctor said, shaking Sam's hands. "It would have been preferable under different circumstances, of course. I understand that you're a close friend of Agent Grant, and that he has no other family?"

"That's correct."

"I'd like to take a look at him now. I understand Dr. Hillsdale gave him a dose of Demerol, but it only lasted for half the time that it should have."

"That's right. He had another dose just a few minutes ago," James said.

"Which probably won't keep him out for long. I'll give him Thorazine to keep him calm."

"Oh, and he ripped out his IV," Sam said.

"I'll just give him an injection, and we'll worry about the IV later. I think he's had enough fluids, so we don't have to worry about that. Right now I just want to get that wound cleaned and bandaged so there's no chance of infection."

"I…I'd like to do that, if you don't mind," Sam said.

"I'll have Rebecca bring you whatever you think you'll need while I get a dose of Thorazine ready," Dr. Bellingham replied. "And for what it's worth, Nicole was my friend, too."

"Thank you," Sam answered, her eyes bright with unshed tears as she watched James and Dr. Bellingham leave.


	9. Chapter Nine

"So, just an anxiety attack, was it?" Grace asked as Bailey buttoned up his shirt.

"I told James that was all it was, but--"

"But he had the audacity to be concerned and want to be sure you were okay," Grace interrupted, making Bailey smile.

"Well, when you put it that way…"

"We were all just concerned about you, Bail. And James…James thought that he was to blame for what happened to you."

"He…he what? That's ridiculous."

"He feels responsible for Nicole, because it happened in his hospital, and telling you about Nicole is what caused your little attack."

"Well then," Bailey said as he let Grace button his shirt cuff, "we just need to find James so I can set him straight."

* * *

Once they reached James' office, Grace smiled and reached into her pocket. "Now before you two start in with the contest to see who can take on the most blame, let me give you the one bit of good news that I have. I found this," she showed them the vial and the memo book, "in the lab." 

"I'm going to call George and have him set up here in the hospital. It'll be easier for him to access the hospital computers that way. Grace, go over Nicole's notes with a fine tooth comb and find out whatever you can from what she wrote down. And James, you and I are going to have a little heart-to-heart about why none of this is your fault."

* * *

When George arrived, he had taken Nicole's notes once Grace was done with them and tried to find something that could help them. "I think I may have something here," he said when Grace came to see how he was doing, along with Bailey and James. They had set George up in what was—and hopefully would be again—Nicole's office. 

"What have you got for us?" Bailey asked, sitting on one of the chairs. Grace took the other chair, and James remained standing after shutting the office door.

"For some reason Nicole was making a list of places that would carry silica as a dietary supplement. I was curious, but then I noticed that the base of the powder from the crime scene was a silica base. Not all that unusual, I know, but Ryan, our missing technician, noted in the file that this was a very pure form of silica."

"Nicole had come down to talk to Ryan the first time she and I met. It's possible that they discussed it," Grace said.

"Well if I'm reading her stick figures right—and there's no way of knowing—they're sort of a flow chart, and she believed that someone in the hospital was involved."

"She did ask me who would have been assigned as John's physician if you hadn't requested her, Bailey."

"Well I also found some of Ryan's notes," Grace said. "It seems that he had started to run the lab tests before the kidnapper got there, and he found something very interesting."

"And that would be?" Bailey asked.

"Elevated white blood count, and evidence of a viral infection."

"Well, it's a start. George--"

"Keep on it, I know," George replied with a smile. "And you, get some rest before you have another attack."

"Don't worry, George, I'll keep an eye on him," Grace teased.

"Wait. James, have you figured out who would have been John's doctor is I hadn't called?"

"Well, yes and no. I found out who the system would have assigned as his doctor, but it has to be a glitch in the program because it doesn't make sense."

"Just tell me who would have been assigned."

"If the admissions desk had entered John into the computer, it would have assigned his case to Nicole."

"What?"

"I'm telling you, it's a glitch in the program. The only cases that are auto-assigned to Nicole are the pediatric cases. Then again, patients rarely end up with the doctor that the computer auto-assigns anyway because the doctors swap cases, or one doctor is overwhelmed with new patients, or…"

"I get it James," Bailey said.

"So we have no idea who would have been assigned as John's doctor," George said.

"Actually, I decided to sort of…think outside the box, so to speak, and I asked the admitting nurse who she would have assigned John and Sam to, based on that night's scheduling and if the system had auto-assigned Nicole."

"And?" This time it was Grace.

"She would have given them to Dr. Bellingham or Dr. Chauncy. Both of them had just started their shifts and had no other patients assigned to them yet."

"So John's new doctor may be the killer we're after."

"Killer? Just what is going on, Bailey? I wasn't aware anyone had died from this illness."

"Not the illness," Bailey told James. "We have a killer who has struck four times. Each crime scene was staged, and at the last scene there were papers left out. Papers that we believed contained a hazardous substance."

"So you think the killer's target is John. Do you want me to assign a different doctor?"

"No, not yet. Whether it is Dr. Bellingham or not, we don't want to tip our hand to the killer that we've made some progress," Bailey told them. "Now, I believe Grace was about to force me to take a nap," he said with a smile.

"Just for that remark, I'm going to make you eat lunch first," Grace retorted. "And what are you laughing at?" she asked George, who was trying to stifle a giggle.

"Nothing."

"That's what I thought. You just keep at it, and I'll make sure the boss doesn't keel over."

* * *

"Sam?" John whimpered, reaching blindly with his right hand until he felt her grasp it. 

"I'm here. It's okay."

"Nicole? Where is Nicole?"

"John, it's okay," Sam said when she saw his body tense. "You're safe."

"She's really gone, isn't she?" Tears began to run down his cheeks, escaping as he kept his eyes closed. "She's gone."

"We'll get her back John," Sam said, running a hand over his hair. "We'll find her and we'll get her back."

"Didn't mean for her to get hurt," he mumbled before lying quietly again, and Sam realized that he hadn't really been awake at all.

"It's not your fault," Sam whispered as she kissed his forehead. "It's not your fault."

* * *

"So,is itbusiness as usual as far as Agent Grant's medical care," James asked, "or should I have extra security put on that floor?" 

"I think that would be the best way to handle it. As long as we make sure John is never left in his room alone and the agents standing guard are there 24/7, I think we've got out bases covered," Bailey answered.

"But how does that help us find Nicole?"

"I've got my people on it, James. We'll get her back."

* * *

Grace had started running tests on the vial of John's spinal fluid, and the results were mystifying. They confirmed what the MRI had shown, that there was an inflammation throughout most of John's body, which would account for the high fever. There was a bacterial infection, but it seemed to have been made specifically for John's DNA…which meant that the others that were exposed to it would only have been sick for a short time before their bodies natural defenses killed the bacteria. But because it seemed to be made for John, his body didn't destroy the foreign invader.

* * *

Based on Nicole's notes and what Sam had told Bailey about Nicole believing it was connected to John's stay in the hospital as a child, George started running a search on everyone that currently worked for the Center for Disease Control, looking for anyone who had any affiliation with the Boston Children's Hospital during the time that John had been there as a child. He got four matches and decided to go over each of the matches before telling Bailey what he had found.

* * *

Sam was just watching John sleep when there was a light knock on the door and Rebecca came in. "Dr. Bellingham sent me with some first aid supplies," she whispered as she came over to the bed. "I hear someone ripped out his IV and needs you to bandage him and I need to give him a dose of Thorazine. Just a precaution since the Demerol didn't keep him out long before." 

"We're going to find Nicole," Sam whispered in response as she saw the tears in the older nurse's eyes.

"I pray that you do, Agent Waters."

"Were you and Nicole close?"

Rebecca looked up at Sam and a tear slide down her cheek. "Nicole was like a daughter to me. When she first came here she had been through so much and she…she was so withdrawn. It took over a year for her to finally come out of her shell and start being social again."

"How well did you know the lab technician that disappeared along with Nicole?"

"Ryan? I've known him for the four years he's worked here. Very nice man. I do hope that he's all right as well."

"So do I," Sam said. "Thank you for the supplies."

"You're welcome. You just take care of John. He knows about Nicole, doesn't he? I mean, I assume that is why he ripped out the IV."

"Yes, he does and yes, it is."

Rebecca gave John the injection quickly, then turned to Sam. "If you need anything, just pick up the phone and dial 2. That will put you straight through to the nurses' station, and I'll be there for the rest of the day so please, don't hesitate to call. Would you like me to have one of the volunteers bring you up some coffee?"

"That would be very nice. Thank you."

With that Rebecca left the room, and Sam began gently cleaning the small wound that John had caused himself. Even though the Demerol kept him from feeling anything that she did, Sam instinctively spoke soothing words as she finished cleaning the area and pressed sterile gauze over it, then wrapped tape over and around it so that the dressing would stay in place. Finally convinced that John wouldn't get an infection, Sam laid her head on the edge of the bed and let her own tears fall.

"Please, God, let us find her before it's too late."

* * *

"I know how it was done, Bailey," Grace announced as she came into what had been James' office before being turned into a field office. "I don't know how to reverse it, but at least I know what's happening." 

"So we'll start with what's happening to him."

"At first I thought it was bacteria, but it isn't. Someone has taken the flu virus and genetically altered it. This virus was made specifically for John Grant. All the other people that got sick were exposed to it, but because it wasn't compatible with their DNA, the virus died."

"But in John, the virus is thriving."

"Exactly."

"We're talking some pretty high-tech stuff here, Grace. How the hell did you figure it out?"

"I have some friends in high places myself, and I called in a few favors. The people that looked at the lab results all agreed that we're dealing with a manufactured virus here."

"Well that should narrow the list of suspects down somewhat. It has to be someone with access to a lab that can do this kind of thing."

* * *

"Here's your coffee, Agent Waters," a young woman, Sam guess her to be in her very early 20's, said in a hushed voice as she carried in a tray with a carafe and a cup. "Do you need sugar or cream?" 

"No, thank you."

"Is there anything else I can bring you?"

"I think I'm okay." The volunteer left the room, and Sam gratefully poured herself a cup of coffee. It smelled good andhad a slightly sweet taste even without sugar, and Sam wondered what brand of coffee it was.

That was her last thought before Sam slumped over in the chair, unconscious.

* * *

"This is just too easy," Dr. Chauncy told the volunteer as they waited at the end of the hall for about five minutes. The young woman had also brought coffee to the two agents who were—or had been—guarding the hallway. Now they, too, were lying unconscious on the floor. 

"That's one of the great things about the secure floor. Security doesn't actually check this floor because the feds are supposed to have it secured while John is here."

"You have your cell phone?" the doctor asked, and the woman nodded. "You watch the elevators, and if anyone comes up to this floor you call my pager, okay?"

"Sure."

Pushing the door to John's room open, Dr. Chauncy smiled at the sight of Sam looking very much dead. John, though, was beginning to wake, and that was exactly what Dr. Chauncy wanted. "Come on now, wakey-wakey," the doctor chided, watching as John's eyes moved beneath his eyelids. "Guess you really are sound asleep," he continued, knowing that John was awake but unable to move, thanks to a little switch in the drug cabinet. Instead of Thorazine, Rebecca had unknowingly given him a drug which would cause complete paralysis without suppressing the central nervous system.

Knowing about John's childhood experience in the hospital, Dr. Chauncy decided to use that in his sick game. "Well since you're obviously asleep, I'll just start a new IV and then…then I think I'll catheterize you. After all, you're asleep so you won't feel a thing."

_No…no, I'm not…who are you? Why are you doing this? I'm awake, damn it! I am awake, and I…ow! That hurts…what are you doing to me? Wait…he said he was going to start a new IV…that must be what he's doing now. But why am I feeling pain there…? He was going to catheterize me, too…no! No, god please don't! _

"So much easier when the patient is asleep and I can use the vein in the groin for an IV," Dr. Chauncy said out loud. "Patients always whine about how much it hurts, but it's a much better site for administering drugs."

The needle was threaded into the vein while John screamed inside his head. It didn't hurt as bad as the spinal tap had, but at least for that he had Sam to comfort him and a doctor who tried to make it hurt less.

"Well, that's finished," the doctor announced, putting some tape across the IV site so it wouldn't pull loose until he was ready to hook it up to the IV pump. "Now we'll just get that catheter in place and then we can get moving."

_No…no, no, no, no, no, no, no…_ John's mind raced, willing his body to move, to fight, to stop this…this invasion of him. Of course John couldn't see how the doctor grinned, enjoying himself as he pulled the sheet down and exposed John, quickly inserting the catheter tube until it was in place, leaving the balloon in the end of it inflated so that no urine would leave John's bladder until they reached their destination. By that time, though, John's mind had begun to retreat into another world…at least, until the doctor turned his face and held on eye open with his fingers so he could see Sam, slumped down in the chair.

"She's dead too, John. Everyone who ever helped you is dead, and now you're going to pay for their deaths."

John was plunged back into the dark as he couldn't open his eyes on his own. _He's lying…he has to be lying. Sam is not dead. She can't be. She isn't!_ He wished he could scream, or cry, or…or just move a finger, but he was completely helpless, and he knew it. And he knew that his captor knew it as well. _Why are you doing this? And leave Sam alone!_

"I think we're ready to get out of here," his captor announced. John heard footsteps, and then another person entered the room. The next thing John knew, he was being lifted out of the bed by two pairs of hands, and rather unceremoniously dumped amid…something. He wasn't sure what it was until another voice spoke.

"Taking him out with the dirty laundry…rather fitting, don't you think?"

Something about the voice sent a chill down John's spine. _I know that voice…it sounds so familiar, but in a very bad way. And I guess I'm in a laundry basket…please let it not really be the dirty laundry…at least give me that much…_

The cart was pushed by an orderly down the hall and into the elevator, and no one thought twice as it went towards the laundry room, then past it, and outside into an alley where service vehicles parked. At this hour, though, there were no service vehicles, just a light blue van that was the next destination for John and his captor.

The back doors of the van were open, and Dr. Chauncy and his accomplice lifted John from the laundry basket and laid him on the floor of the van. He was drug a short distance, the sheet that they had covering him offering no protection to his backside. _Now I have rug burn on my butt…like I don't have enough problems all ready…_

"Now, I'll just get your IV hooked up so we can start the medication. We can't have you moving around on us, now can we?" John felt as something started slowly flowing through the IV, and again he willed his body to move, to fight…but nothing happened. He would have cried in frustration, but he couldn't even do that.

_Why are you doing this…who the hell **are** you? _

* * *

"I'm going to see how John and Sam are doing," Grace announced as she stood up. "I promised John that I would tell you that he says 'hi' and then stay with him so Sam could get the papers that he was working on before he got sick." 

"Do you think he'd mind if I came up and said hi?" George asked.

"There's only one way to find out," Bailey said. "You two go on up, I'm going to stay here and go over these hospital employment records. Whoever kidnapped Nicole had to have either worked here more than ten years ago to have known about that sealed off door, or they were familiar with the hospital blueprints."

"We'll see you later, then. And Bailey?"

"Yes, Grace?"

"Get something to eat. If not for yourself, for Nicole."

"Thanks Gracie. I will, don't worry."

* * *

"Shouldn't there be agents around?" George asked as he stepped off the elevator with Grace. He had expected it to be quiet and fairly deserted since at the moment John was the only patient in this section, but still… 

"Yes, there should be, and there were when I left." Grace hurried to where John's room was and cursed under her breath at the agents who had left their post. "Sam, you okay?" she called as she pushed the door open. "Sam?"

"Oh god," George whispered when he saw Grace rush over to Sam, who was slumped across the arm of the chair she had been sitting in. Her coffee cup was hooked by one finger in the handle, the coffee having run across the floor. "Grace, is she…she's not…Grace, I don't think she's breathing…"


	10. Chapter Ten

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1**

**A/N: hangs head Hi guys…umm…sorry this is so late. Yes, there is a reason for it taking so long; no, I won't discuss it here and bore you. That's not the reason you read these stories. I apologize, and I know that this chapter isn't as long as they usually are but I thought it better to post what I have done rather than making you wait another week. Again, I apologize and I hope that you will continue to read and review…and I'll try to keep the promise of updating every Saturday…**

* * *

"George, calm down. Sam is breathing," Grace reassured him as she felt for a pulse. "Sam, come on, wake up. Sam!" She lightly slapped the unconscious woman's face but got no response. 

"Bailey, it's George. John is gone, Sam is unconscious and the agents that were guarding them are nowhere to be found," George said, talking to his boss on his cell phone.

"Sweet Jesus," Bailey said. "I'll be right up there." Turning to James, he said, "John is gone, along with the agents that were supposed to be guarding him and Sam." He dialed another number on his cell phone. "This is Agent Malone. Agent Grant is now missing as well as Dr. Hillsdale and Mr. Whitten. I need the hospital completely shut down. Seal all the exits, check every vehicle that tries to leave. Let's just pray that we're not too late and that John isn't already gone."

* * *

Grace and George managed to get Sam into the bed, and Grace kept trying to revive her but was having no success. George stood guard by the door, despite Grace's urgings to go and look for the missing agents while Grace took the coffee cup that had been in Sam's hand and found a plastic bag to put it in. 

"And what if whoever did this is still here, and they come back to finish the job? I'm not leaving this room, and that is final. Period, end of discussion."

"George…"

"No." He did come over to see for himself how Sam was doing, and was relieved to see that she was beginning to stir.

"Sam, honey, come on and wake up now," Grace said as she lightly patted Sam's cheek. "Come on, wake up."

"Grace?" she mumbled, trying to get her eyes to open. "Grace, what's going on?"

"We were kind of hoping you could tell us."

Realizing that she was lying in bed, she reached out and found that no one else was there with her. "John! Where is John?"

"Sam, calm down," Grace told her. "How do you feel?"

"Like I'm trying to fight my way through the fog. And my head hurts. Where is John?" Sam finally got her eyes opened and focused enough to see George standing by the bed as well. "George? Would someone please tell me what is going on?"

"Sam, what's the last thing you remember?" Grace asked.

"I…I was sitting in the chair, watching John sleep, and a volunteer brought me coffee."

"Sam…" Bailey breathed the name like a sigh of relief when he reached the room and saw that she was, in fact, still there and still alive.

"Bailey, where is John? Why won't anyone tell me what's happened to John?" Sam's eyes were filled with tears now, and they began to run down her face. "What is wrong with him?"

"We don't know where John is," Grace said gently. "George and I came up here to see how you were doing and we noticed that the agents that are supposed to be guarding the hall were gone. You were slumped over in the chair, unconscious, and John wasn't here."

"The hospital is completely sealed, Sam. If he's still here, we'll find him," Bailey reassured her. "The agents that were guarding the hallway were found tied up in a janitorial closet, and the last thing either of them remembers is a volunteer bringing them coffee. Probably the same volunteer that brought you coffee."

Glancing at the clock, Sam shook her head. "It's been almost 20 minutes since she brought me the coffee. That's plenty of time for them to have gotten out of here with John."

* * *

"I suppose you're wondering why this is happening to you," Dr. Chauncy said, still enjoying seeing John completely helpless. "To understand you have to go back to when you were seven years old. Remember that year, John? That was the year your old man beat you so bad you ended up in the hospital. The doctor that took care of you decided that your bloodwork indicated that you should have some tests done, so they did a spinal tap and a marrow test. Unfortunately you were a weak pathetic little boy who couldn't handle a little pain, and your father decided that because you 'suffered' he had to punish the doctor. And so your father kidnapped the doctor, who just happened to be my father, along with me, my brother and the twins, my youngest brother and sister, and forced us all to watch as he tortured my father and made him suffer a slow, painful death. I've been waiting for this moment for a very long time, and we are all going to enjoy seeing you meet your fate. It just seems so very fitting, you know? Your father killed my father because of you, and now the children of the dead are going to kill the child of the executioner…and we are going to enjoy every second of it. So don't worry that you'll die right away, John. We plan on keeping you alive for a very, very long time…alive and at **our** mercy." 

John's mind was racing, panic and frustration overwhelming him. Yes, he was at the mercy of the people who had abducted him, and he had no control over any aspect of his own body. Everything was in the hands of strangers who wanted him to suffer the way that their father had suffered. _But where is Nicole? Maybe she's wherever they're taking me. Please let her be okay. I don't care what they do to me, God please let her be okay…_

"Only two more hours now," a female voice called, and John mentally cringed. He didn't know if he could take two more hours of being bounced as the van hit every pothole there was. Being unable to move also made him aware of a million tiny things, like the way the rug irritated the back of his legs, and how much his nose itched, and that he was actually getting a cramp in one of his toes when he didn't know that toes could cramp up. Yes, it was going to be a very, very long two hours…

* * *

"Okay, Bailey, I've found four people who could be involved in this, based on Nicole's assumption that this has to do with John's past." 

They were all gathered in Nicole's office so that a forensics team could search John's room and the entire secured floor for any clues as to what had happened. "Tell us who they are," Bailey said. "It's a starting point."

Sam was trying to pay attention to what was going on, but all she could focus on was that John was gone, and it was her fault. She was supposed to be there to protect him, damn it! Instead she accepted coffee from a complete stranger and now…now John was with the killer, Nicole was…was probably dead, along with Ryan, and…

"Dr. Waters, are you all right?" It was Rebecca, who had been there with them from the moment she found out that John had been taken. She blamed the whole thing on herself, since she was the one who had asked Sam if she wanted some coffee. None of the team blamed her, though; the volunteer had asked Rebecca if anyone wanted coffee, and the nurse had merely thought that perhaps Sam and the agents might like some.

"I'll be all right when we find John and Nicole and Ryan."

"And we will find them," Bailey stated. "Now then, George, tell us what you have."

"There are four people currently working at this hospital that have direct links to Boston Children's hospital. One doctor, Christopher Matkins, was a resident at the time that John was there as a child and now works here as an ob/gyn. The second person, Mark Beal, worked as a radiology technician there two years ago before transferring here."

"Mark…that's the guy that did the MRI with Nicole," Sam said.

"Okay, so we have one potential suspect who had contact with John here," Bailey said. "Who's the next one?"

"Dr. Edward Bellingham, John's current physician, worked as an ER physician there for five years before he came to work here six months ago, and Lindsey McCook worked there as an LVN until four months ago when she completed her nursing degree and took a job here as an RN."

"So one of these people could be the killer, and could have John and Nicole," Grace said, resting her head on her hands.

"Or it could be none of them," Sam said, looking closely at the printout George had given them on the four potential suspects. "I don't think that our killer is any of these people."

"Why not?" Bailey asked.

"This is personal, and none of these people have any personal connection to John."

"That we can find," George added.

"Is there any way of finding out who John's doctor was when he was there as a little boy?"

"I'm working on it, but unfortunately they were still using paper records back then, and the hospital policy is to toss records over 15 years old."

"Let me know when you find out who the doctor was," Sam said, standing up. "That is what will tell us who our killer is."

"Where do you think you're going?" Grace asked, standing up at the same time.

"To get the papers that John was working on at the office. He wanted me to get them because there was something there. Maybe if I look at those papers I can figure out what it was that he had almost figured out."

"I'll go with you," Bailey said. "Or better yet, I'll have an agent get the papers and bring them here."

"I want to see them as they are on John's desk. There could be something about the way he laid them out that will tell me what he was seeing."

* * *

Finally Bailey consented, and he and Sam, along with two other agents, left the hospital and returned to VCTF headquarters. There on John's desk, just as he had left them, were photos from the previous crime scenes, and Sam sat down in his chair and began studying them. Each body was positioned differently, they were found in different rooms of their homes…nothing to tie them together except that they had all been found bound hand and foot with strips of the same muslin fabric. 

"I'll get the Polaroid and take a picture so I know how John had them laid out, and then I'm going to pack them up and we can take them with us to the hospital. Maybe George and Grace can help figure out what John was seeing in these photos."

* * *

"I've found the connection between our four victims," George announced half an hour later. "Unfortunately it didn't occur to use to go back far enough to find the link." 

"Just tell us," Bailey said.

"The first victim, Karen Strasser, was a nurse at Boston Children's Hospital at the time that John was there, as was Marcia Trevor, victim number three. The second victim, Rhonda Viers, was a high school student who worked as a volunteer in the pediatric ward at that same time, and victim number four, Janice Ressi, was a cafeteria worker."

"John must have had contact with all of them," Sam said, musing over why the killer was targeting the victims that he was. "Two nurses, a volunteer and a cafeteria worker – maybe the killer is going after people that were cruel to John, in the killer's eyes."

"Or people who were kind to him," Bailey added, "since all four victims are women. Maybe they showed maternal instincts towards him."

"Like Nicole," Sam mused. "George, any luck finding out who John's doctor was?"

"Still trying. I did find something interesting though. One of the doctors here, Dr. Robert Chauncy, never had any connection with Boston Children's Hospital, but his father was a pediatrician there at the time of John's hospitalization."

"Where is Dr. Chauncy's father now?" Sam asked.

"Dr. Robert Chauncy Sr. was found dead two weeks after John was released from the hospital. According to the police records, it was a brutal killing and the doctor was tortured for days before finally dying." The computer beeped, and George smiled. "I have more information coming in. Let's see…" George's smiled faded as he read the latest message.

"What is it?" Grace asked.

"The hospital was able to go through old billing files and find John's doctor. It was Dr. Chauncy Sr."

"But why go after John?"

"There's more to this message, Sam," George said. "One of the administrators was working as a doctor himself at the time of Dr. Chauncy's killing, and he remembers who they all thought was responsible for the death…Patrick O'Doyle."

"This required more than one person," Sam said. "Where there any other children?"

"There were four children total. After Dr. Chauncy Sr. was killed, his wife committed suicide and all four children were placed in foster care. Three were adopted and their records are sealed. The oldest, Dr. Robert Chauncy Jr., was never adopted, which is why he still has the same last name as his father."

* * *

John was nearly out of his mind by the time the van came to a halt. Being reduced to this level of helplessness, with no control over his body at all, was terrifying. Adding to that the fact that he thought that Sam and Nicole were likely dead only added to his mental anguish. 

"Time to see how Nicole is doing, don't you think?" Dr. Chauncy's voice asked, and John felt himself being lifted from the van and carried for a short distance, then deposited onto what felt like a bed. At least it was more comfortable than the back of the van had been.

He was turned onto his stomach and his hands were cuffed to the headboard; his legs were them spread so that each ankle could be tied with rope to the bedposts. Much to his horror, he felt hands making sure that the catheter and the IV lead were unobstructed, and then he felt a burning at the IV site.

"Like I said, time to see how Nicole is doing," Dr. Chauncy said, and he opened one of John's eyes like he had at the hospital.

What John saw was Nicole, lying unconscious on the floor by a fireplace. There was no sign of Ryan, though. _She's dead…just like Sam…_

"The reason that I've given you the drug to counter your paralysis is that I want to hear you beg. Just like my father did. I want to hear you beg and scream for mercy. Not for what I'm doing to you, though. You'll find out soon enough what I have in store for you."

Another man came in, younger than Dr. Chauncy but with similar features. _One of the brothers,_ John thought just as the other man kicked Nicole hard in the back. Nicole just gave a little cry of pain and her eyes fluttered open. "Back so soon," she said sarcastically, which earned her another hard kick.

"Shut up!" the man yelled, and that was when John became aware that there were other people in the room. Dr. Chauncy had let John's eye close, but John could hear what was going on around him, especially when he heard someone being slapped, and he could only assume that Nicole was on the receiving end.

"Stop it!" a female voice said. A voice that sounded familiar, but he wasn't sure from where until Dr. Chauncy spoke again.

"Lindsey, wait outside."

"No! You said no one else was going to get hurt. Don't do this, not to her."

"Lindsey is right. Peter, leave Dr. Hillsdale alone. She may have aided and abetted our target, but as she didn't know what John's crime was, I'm willing to show her some mercy, for Lindsey's sake. But she will not be set free, sister dear. Now go find your twin. I don't have the time or the patience to round him up."

"He's outside getting everything ready," Lindsey answered.

"Good. Now John, I'm going to give you the antidote that will save you. As I said before, I don't want you dying on us. Lindsey, why don't you help Nicole over here. I'm sure she would like to be the one to save you from dying."

John had regained enough of his motor skills that he could open his eyes and see as Nicole pushed Lindsey away and stood up on her own. "You expect me to believe that you're going to let me give him the antidote?"

"It's right here, Nicole," Dr. Chauncy said, taunting her with the syringe.

"How do I know that it's really the antidote and not something else?"

"I guess that's a chance you'll have to take. Either you give it to him now, or I toss this syringe in the incinerator. The choice is yours."

Nicole walked over to the side of the bed and held out her hand. Dr. Chauncy complied, setting it in her waiting hand. "Oh, there is one thing. It has to be administered intramuscularly. I'm sure you can figure out what part of his body that requires."

"Then could you give me something to clean a cheek?" she asked, making John cringe. She must have seen the look on his face because she rested her free hand on the small of his back and began lightly rubbing in little circles. It wasn't much, but it offered John some comfort at least.

"The good doctor until the very end, I see. Fine." He handed her an alcohol wipe, which she tore open and used to clean a small area of his left buttocks.

"Relax John. I'm not going to hurt you, okay?" She tossed the wipe aside and stuck him with the needle, injecting the antidote in one smooth push on the plunger. Removing the needle, she handed the used syringe to Dr. Chauncy and began rubbing over where she had just injected him to get the medication to move into his blood stream a little sooner and hopefully ease the pain that she was sure he felt by the way his body had tensed. "You don't need to have him catheterized," she said. "Let me remove it."

"I don't think so. Besides, you and I haven't discussed payment. Surely you didn't think the antidote came without a price."

"So what do you want?" Nicole asked defiantly, continuing to rub John's back.

"I want you of course. Lindsey, go find your brother and stay outside with him until Peter comes to get you."

"Robert, you said--"

"I said go outside and wait with Mark. Now!" Lindsey left, and Dr. Chauncy smirked at John and Nicole. "Now then, I did tell John that he would be screaming for mercy, and you owe me for letting you give him the antidote, so let's get on with this."

* * *

"Lindsey, you know that this is wrong as well as I do. What are we going to do now?" Mark asked his twin sister. 

"Are you saying that you don't think he deserves to suffer for what happened to our father? Because of him we lost our mother and our father, and each other."

"Nicole had nothing to do with that. Does she deserve to suffer?"

"No, I…"

"What are you two whispering about?" It was Christine, the hospital volunteer and Robert's current girlfriend.

"How good it is to finally get revenge," Lindsey said with a smile. "So, what are you doing?"

"Robert wanted me to bring some things in from the van. How come you're both out here?"

"He wants us to wait out here until he comes for us."

"Oh. Well, I'd better put the rest of the stuff in the shed."

Christine left them, and Lindsey breathed a sigh of relief. "I can't believe Robert included her on this."

"He's in lust," Mark replied.

"Yes, but it's like Dumb and Dumber all in one person."

Mark couldn't help but smile at the comment his sister had made, but that smile soon faded as the sounds from inside the cabin echoed outside.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Disclaimer: See previous chapters. Do not copy this story or any part of it, or post it to any website or archive without my permission.

**A/N: Okay, so its Sunday instead of Saturday but the important thing is that I'm updating right? Right. Just when I thought that I could get back into working on this regularly, my computer lost Microsoft Office. How a computer can 'lose' an entire program is beyond me, but that's what popped up… 'Microsoft Office is missing or lost – please reinstall the entire Microsoft Office setup program'…bad computer.**

**So anyway, here is the next part of this chapter. This part of the story should be winding down in a few more chapters, but that doesn't mean that the story is coming to an end…I do hope to be able to continue updating once a week, but I am now at the mercy of my computer…**

**Thanks again to all of you who have continued to read and leave reviews. Your reviews are the reason that this story continues…okay, you and the fact that I am determined to see John and Sam happily married by the time this story is finished…**

**Okay, I've babbled enough…here's the story…**

* * *

John watched as Nicole screamed at the top of her lungs until she couldn't scream any more. The two men tore her clothes from her body as she tried to fight back, and then took turns holding her down on the floor and brutally raping her. Part of him wanted to close his eyes and block out what was happening, but he couldn't. He felt responsible for what was being done to Nicole, and he thought he owed it to her to witness what was being done to her because of him. In the beginning he even screamed at them to leave her alone, but her screams and the two men's taunting laughter made it impossible for his pleas to be heard. 

When they were finished with her, they left her crumpled body lying in front of the fireplace. "Peter, get Lindsey and Mark in here. I want them to be able to witness as we get our revenge."

Dr. Chauncy's words made John realize that it was now his turn, and he had no doubt that he would indeed suffer at their hands, but his focus was on Nicole. These men had done what even the FBI hadn't managed to do; they had broken her. There was no doubt in John's mind that her body and her spirit had been broken beyond repair as she lay there, silently crying but making no effort to move. The only reason John was even sure she was still alive was because she was facing him and the tears continued to run down her cheeks and onto the floor.

"What the hell did you do this for?" Lindsey said as she ran over to Nicole. "Mark, get one of the beach towels and bring it to me."

"Lindsey, what are you doing?" Dr. Chauncy asked, almost a low growl.

"Cleaning up after you. My god, Robert, look what you've done to her! And you don't even care, do you?"

Mark got a beach towel from one of the dresser drawers and handed it to Lindsey, who draped it over Nicole. Nicole tried to push the towel, and Lindsey, away from her, but Lindsey grabbed Nicole's hand. "Shh, it's okay, Nicole. They won't hurt you again. I won't let them." Nicole looked up at her, surprise and fear in her eyes, and Lindsey pushed a stray lock of hair from Nicole's forehead. "We may not have always seen eye to eye at work, but I swear I would never wish this on anyone. You just try to rest, okay? I'll help you get cleaned up later."

"If you're going soft on me, Lindsey…" Robert said.

"I cannot believe that I'm the only one with a problem hurting innocent people!"

"She gave John the antidote, and she paid for it. It was a fair trade, Lindsey; think of it as a business transaction. Now this next part," Robert took down a wide belt as he spoke, "is just the beginning of our revenge. Surely you don't have a problem with this."

"No, I don't have a problem with punishing people who deserve it," Lindsey answered.

"Good, because I thought we'd all take turns giving him a good thrashing with this belt to get things started. We each get to give him 25 strokes with the belt. Lindsey, do you want to get things started?"

"Gladly." Lindsey took the offered belt from Robert and made sure John got a good look at it as she ran her hand down the length of it.

_That's 100 strokes with the belt…even my father never hit me that many times with the belt…_ John pulled at the handcuffs and the ropes, and Robert just laughed.

"Oh there's no escaping, John…but feel free to try. Seeing you struggle makes it so much more enjoyable for the rest of us."

_Focus on Nicole…my god, what she just went through is nothing compared to 100 lashes with the belt…just focus on Nicole…I have to save her…_ The sound of the belt cutting through the air made John clench his fist just as it connected with his back, making him cry out.

"One," Robert counted.

The belt came down again, and John tried not to cry out again but he couldn't help it. With each stroke the belt landed on a new area, and the last five caught the back of his thighs. He was sobbing uncontrollably against the mattress when Lindsey handed the belt to Mark.

"Here you go," she said, and Mark took the belt from her as though it were a snake that might bite him. "Go on, give him 25 lashes."

"Don't tell me you're going soft on us," Peter said, and Robert scowled.

"Either you give him the 25 lashes, or I'll give him the 25 after I give 25 lashes to you," Robert said.

"I…I'll do it," Mark said, but he kept looking back at Nicole. She had pulled the towel up so that it covered her more, but she never took her eyes off of John.

"Then do it already," Peter said. "Some of us are waiting for our turn."

_I can do this…I will not beg them to stop…I won't… _John was trying to convince himself, but he couldn't stop the tears that continued to fall.

Determined not to anger his brothers any more, Mark brought the belt down hard. John's cries of pain made Mark start to shake, though, and the blood welling up along the stripe that the belt left behind only made him feel worse.

"Twenty-six," Peter said, patting Mark on the back. "That was a good one. You surprise me, boy. Go on, just twenty-four more to go."

The next blow fell with much less force, and John was relieved. He didn't know if he could have handled it if Mark had continued to put as much force behind all of the lashes as he did the first one. Not that it didn't still hurt like hell, because Mark was criss-crossing where Lindsey had already gotten him. John was trying hard not to cry out because he could see that each time he did, Nicole cried harder. Focusing on Nicole helped him block out some of it, and their eyes locked as they both tried to send each other the strength to get through their torment. Finally Peter counted "Fifty" and Mark handed the belt to him.

"Wait," Robert said before Peter could get started.

"Now what?"

"We can't have him getting an infection," Robert said as he pulled out another syringe, "and since Mark laid into him harder than I thought he would, I think it's time to give John an antibiotic, just to be sure nothing ruins our little 'fun'."

John could read exactly what Nicole was thinking as she continued to watch him. _I'm sorry_, her eyes seemed to scream at him, _I'm so sorry that I can't help you and take away some of the pain._ Nicole never broke eye contact, and for some reason being able to have eye contact with her kept him just a little bit calmer.

_That's gonna hurt_, Nicole though when she saw Robert produce the syringe. John couldn't see it, and Nicole saw no reason to alert him to what was about to happen. Instead she just watched, unflinching, as Robert brought the syringe down in almost the same location as where she had given him the antidote.

She swore he screamed louder from that than when he was getting his first 50 lashes with the belt. Robert and Peter started laughing, and while they were paying no attention to the other end of the room, Mark crouched down and slid something under the towel, behind Nicole.

"Fire poker," he whispered in her ear. "If they try to touch you again, use it." He stood up as his older brothers glanced in his direction, but they thought that he was merely checking on Nicole.

"She okay?" Robert asked.

"No, she's not okay. She's going into shock."

As soon as John heard that, he tugged again at the restraints that kept him in place. "You have no reason to make her suffer," he said. "Please, help her. Please."

"Lindsey, make sure she doesn't die. And you," he told John as Peter drew the belt back, "just shut up."

"Fifty-one," Peter said calmly, swinging the belt with such force that John swore it would cut straight through him. His screams were ignored though, as Peter prepared for the next stroke. "Fifty-two."

When Peter had reached 60, John's entire body was consumed by pain and he could feel the blood running down his sides. _I can't take this…dear God, please…I can't take anymore…_ Then the sounds of screams filled his ears, and he though that it was Nicole but realized that it was his own screams as Peter resumed his lashing.

By the time he reached 75 and handed the belt off to Robert, John was ready to beg them to stop. The only thing stopping him was the fact that the pain wouldn't let him catch his breath enough to actually get the words out.

"Leave him alone." Nicole's voice was soft, but it was heard and he opened his eyes to see her looking back at him. "What are you going to prove by beating him to death? Leave him be and let him rest for a while."

Robert wrapped the belt around his hand and walked over to where Nicole was still curled up on the floor by the fireplace, Lindsey and Mark both close by. "And are you willing to take his 25 lashes with the belt?"

Nicole closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Yes."

"Nicole, no…don't…" John said, and he began struggling again to free himself from his restraints.

"Leave John alone," Nicole repeated. "Please, just leave him alone."

"After I get my 25 lashes in," Robert replied. "Then I'll leave the two of you to comfort each other while we finish our preparations."

* * *

John's throat was so sore he couldn't even manage a whisper when Robert was done with him. Dr. Chauncy put everything he had into that lashing, and when he was done John's back was nothing but blood and torn flesh. "Come on, we still have work to do out in the shed," Robert said, locking the door from the outside after he and his siblings were on the porch of the cabin. The door had a deadbolt lock, but it required a key to open from either side. 

Gripping the poker with one hand and holding the towel around her with the other, Nicole tried to get to John but ended up crawling only a few feet because she hurt so badly. Even through his tears John could see that Nicole was bleeding badly, and there was no doubt she had internal injuries judging by the pool of blood on the floor.

"I'm…I'm coming…John, just…just hold on…I'll be there…"

"Nicole, don't," he said, but it wasn't audible. His throat was raw from screaming in pain, but he had to try and keep her from making her injuries worse. "Nicole…please, stop."

"John, I…I'm sorry…" Her vision began to blur, and some part of her mind knew that she was indeed going into shock from her injuries and the loss of blood. All she could think about, though, was that she didn't want John to be alone and afraid. "I'm here…and I won't leave you…I won't…"

Finally Nicole curled up on the floor and was silent, leaving John to wonder if she was asleep, unconscious, or dead.

* * *

"Any luck finding out who the good Dr. Chauncy's siblings are?" Bailey asked, setting a cup of coffee down for George, and one for Sam who was still looking over the photos from John's desk. 

"No, but I did find a possible location for where they could be taking John. There's a cabin, just a few hours from here, that belonged to the late Dr. Chauncy. That's where the doctor was found murdered, and that's where the mother went to commit suicide. Dr. Chauncy Jr. still owns it." George handed Bailey a printout with the address and a map to the location.

"I'll get a chopper ready to take us there. Sam, anything?"

"No, I have no idea what John saw in these photos. Then again, if it's somehow connected to his childhood and his father, whatever it is would mean something only to John."

"One of you, please tell Grace to be ready to leave in half an hour. Oh, and James too. Just in case we need a doctor."

* * *

While his siblings were groping around in the shed, Mark reached into his pocket to make sure that he still had his cell phone. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Peter asked, seeing Mark hanging back. 

"Watching you."

"What have you got there?" Robert had caught the shape of something in Mark's pocket, and when Mark tried to stop Robert from reaching into his pocket Robert pushed him hard enough to send Mark sprawling on his back.

"A cell phone," Peter remarked when Robert pulled it out of Mark's pocket. "And just who were you planning on calling?"

"No one. I just wanted to be sure I had it. What if something happens and we need to call for help?"

"You mean you wanted to be sure you could call for help. You never did have the stomach to avenge Dad's death, did you?"

"Peter, stop it!" Lindsey said. "We're not supposed to be attacking each other!"

"He's the one that wants to undermine everything we've worked towards, but I am not going to let him stop me from getting revenge."

"Peter, no!" Robert said when he saw Peter pull a gun that had been tucked in the waistband of his pants and point it at Mark.

"No!" Lindsey screamed as a gunshot echoed through the woods.

* * *

"What do you mean we'll have to drive in to that cabin?" Bailey was yelling at the helicopter pilot who had landed to fly the team. 

"Look, that's some very dense forest in that area. There is no way I'm landing a helicopter. I'll land you here," the man said, pointing to a spot on the map, "and you can drive in to the cabin."

"That's unacceptable," Bailey said, glaring at the man.

"Fine," the pilot answered, shrugging his shoulders. "If you don't want me to fly you to within a mile of that cabin, I'd suggest you get in your car and start driving. I'm flying back to the hangar."

As the pilot was about to walk towards the helicopter, Bailey conceded. "No, flying us within a mile of the cabin will be fine. I'll make arrangements for ground transportation to take us the rest of the way."

* * *

After staring in shock at her brothers, Lindsey went over to where Mark was lying on the ground, blood oozing from the wound in his chest. "No, Mark, don't leave me," she said as she sat down and cradled his head in her arms. "Please, Mark, don't die." 

The bullet had pierced a lung, and his lips were barely moving but no sound came out. The pain that seemed to burn throughout his body as he tried to breath was incredible, and finally he closed his eyes and succumbed to the darkness, where there was no more pain.

"You bastard!" Lindsey screamed as she felt Mark go limp in her arms, his eyes sliding shut. "How could you? Your own brother!"

"He was going to turn on us," Peter said calmly, backing away with the gun in his hand. "I had to stop him before he ruined everything."

"Give me the gun," Robert said, holding out his hand. "Peter, give me the gun."

Lindsey was still holding onto Mark, sobbing, and Peter couldn't take his eyes off them. "He's…he's dead? Oh god, I…I didn't mean to kill him. I didn't…"

"Peter, give me the gun and it will be okay."

"No, it will not be okay," Lindsey said calmly. "Mark is dead, and nothing will ever be okay again."

"Lindsey…" Robert began, but she stood up and backed away from them.

"I hate you! I hate you both and I'm not letting you kill anyone else!"

Lindsey ran into the woods, but Robert stopped Peter when he started to go after her. "You are not going to kill our sister. She won't get far, and we'll deal with her later. We have a plan, and it didn't include killing one another. Now give me the gun."

The last statement was followed by another gunshot, and this time there was only silence.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Disclaimer: See previous chapters. Do not copy this story or any part of it, or post it to any website or archive without my permission.

* * *

When she heard the gunshot, Lindsey turned around and saw Christine, Robert's girlfriend, holding a gun, and Peter falling to his knees. For a moment she considered going back and seeing if she could save this brother, but she shook her head and continued running. Robert was a doctor; he could save Peter if he wanted to. She had to get the hell away from there and find help. If only she could have gotten Mark's cell phone, but Robert had it and there was no way she could have gotten it away from him. No, she just had to hope that she could reach civilization and call the police before any more harm came to Nicole. She tried to tell herself that she didn't care if John suffered because he deserved it, but she couldn't keep herself from feeling guilty for her part in his torture. It was Nicole, though, that drove Lindsey to run faster and faster through the woods that surrounded the cabin. Nicole had done nothing to any of them, and Lindsey was damned well not going to let her suffer at her brothers' hands.

* * *

"Christine, what in the hell are you doing with a gun?" Robert asked as he went to Peter's side. 

"I was protecting you. He was going to shoot you, Robert!"

"Where did you get the gun from?"

"It's mine. You didn't think I was going to come up here without some way to defend myself, did you?"

"Why didn't you tell me you had a gun, Christine?" Robert asked as he knelt down and continued to hold onto Peter.

"Robert…I…I'm so…sorry…" Peter said.

"He will pay for this," Robert promised as he gently lowered Peter to the ground. "This is his fault, and he will pay for it. Christine, I need you to go after Lindsey and make sure she doesn't make it to the main road." He tossed her the keys to the van, then turned his attention back to Peter. "It's not a fatal wound, but it will be if I don't get it cleaned and bandaged so it doesn't get infected." Mentally he cursed himself for giving the antibiotics to John, but how was he to know his girlfriend would shoot his brother…or that one of his brothers would shoot and kill the other one, for that matter. "I'll be right back; I'm just going in to get bandages and water, okay?"

* * *

As soon as Nicole heard the key turning to unlock the door, she gripped the poker tighter and gathered up all the strength that she could find. A plan had formed in her head, but she would get only once chance to carry it out. When Robert came in alone and shut the door behind him, she knew that this was her best opportunity to strike. 

"This is all your fault!" Robert screamed at John, picking up the belt that had been discarded at the bottom of the bed. "Because of you I lost my father and my mother, and my brother, and maybe my other brother and my sister. Oh you are going to pay and pay dearly for that."

Ignored for the moment, Nicole managed to slowly rise to her feet, clutching the beach towel with her free hand as she took painful steps towards the bed. Just as Robert was about to swing the belt again, he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned as Nicole lunged and hit him in the side of the head with the poker.

John heard what sounded like metal hitting a ripe watermelon. Robert fell to the ground, and John turned his head, seeing Nicole standing there with the fireplace poker in her hand. Almost immediately she backed away, sitting on the floor in a corner of the room and crying. Her eyes never left the body of their attacker, now lying on the floor, and John could see that she was still terrified.

Knowing that he couldn't help her until he was free, he hoped that the key to the handcuffs was on the key ring that he had seen Robert slip into his pants pocket. "Nicole?" he called, hoping that he could talk her through getting the key and undoing the handcuffs. His entire backside, from his neck to his feet, was screaming for something to stop the pain, but his heart was crying out for Nicole and the things that John had been forced to witness. It was one thing to study a case and read the details of what some of the sick and twisted minds can do to horrify and humiliate a young woman, and quite another to watch it live and hear the victim screaming, begging her attackers to stop. "Nicole?"

Her eyes filled with hatred as she clutched the towel to her body, a rush of adrenaline giving her strength now, and John was afraid she was going to attack him with the poker when she gripped it tighter in her hand. When her gaze fell on John, still lying on his stomach, handcuffed to the bed, she started crying again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, John. I'm sorry."

"Sshhh, Nicole, listen to me. We are going to get out of here and I'm going to get us to safety, but I need you to do something. The key to the handcuffs is in his front pocket."

"I can't. I can't, John. I…I can't."

"Yes you can. He can't hurt you, Nicole. He can't ever hurt you again. Get the key out of his pocket."

"What if…what if he wakes up while I'm…what if…he…"

Nicole was getting worked up again, and John didn't know how to calm her down. "Nicole, come over here. Come on, come closer to me." He had hoped that if he could just get her to sit on the bed she might not feel so alone, but she refused to get anywhere near the prone body, much less step over it to reach John.

"No…I…I can't."

"All right, it's okay." He had to close his eyes against the new wave of pain that washed over him before he could continue. "I'm sure the team is looking for us, and they'll find us."

In the meantime, Nicole's fear was giving away to her desire to help John. All she had to do was get the key out of Robert's pocket and undo the handcuffs; once John was free everything would be okay. Cautiously she poked at Robert's arm with the poker, and when that got no reaction she poked him hard in the groin. John couldn't help but smile at that one, especially when he saw the faintest hint of a grin on Nicole's face after she did it. Hell, if it made her feel a little better he'd help her castrate the bastard… She was cautiously inching closer, still holding the poker like a weapon in her right hand while she reached into his front pocket with her left hand.

"That's it, you're doing fine," John coaxed when he saw her start to tremble. "It's all right, Nicole. You're all right."

Nicole was shaking so badly that she was afraid she would drop the keyring when she finally got it out of the pants pocket and was holding it in her hand. Now she just had to get over to the bed and get the handcuffs open…easy, right? Right… She kept her eyes on the body she had to step over to get to the bed, reminding herself that if he so much as twitched, she'd just bash his head in with the fireplace poker.

Relief flooded her when she finally made it to the bed, after what felt to her and John both like hours. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking, though, and once she located the right key she was too afraid of breaking the key off in the lock to try using it until she calmed down. Glancing quickly around the room, her eyes fell on the dresser. Perhaps there was something in there, a long shirt maybe, that she could cover herself with…yes, John needed her to free him but until she stopped shaking there was no way she could get the handcuffs undone. "Give me a minute," she said as she went to the dresser and out of John's view.

"Nicole?" he asked, hearing the drawers being opened one by one.

"I'm not leaving, just looking for something to wear. Ah, this will do," she said as she pulled out a sweatshirt that was big enough to cover her all the way past her knees. Much better, she thought as she pulled it over her head, but then her eyes went to John. He needed to be covered up, too, only because Nicole didn't want him to feel any more humiliated than he probably already did. All she had to cover him was the towel, though -- a towel that was stained with her blood. Disgusted by it, she threw the towel on the floor and started looking for something else.

"Nicole?"

Taking a deep breath, she returned to the bed. "I'm here, John. I'm sorry. Let's see if I can get these handcuffs open." The doctor in her kicked in, taking the place of the frightened woman, and she got the handcuffs open after a few tries, then cut the ropes that held John's ankles with the pocket knife that was on Robert's key ring. "Just lie still for a minute and let me see what your injuries are, okay?" she told him when he immediately tried to sit up. Putting her hands on the back of his neck, she could feel the tension from having his arms in an uncomfortable position for far too long.

"I need to get us out of here," John replied.

"Do you even know where we are?" When he didn't respond, she continued as her hands gently worked at the knots that had formed in his muscles. "We're in the middle of an 1800 acre piece of land in the middle of nowhere. We need a plan before we just go running out into the woods."

"What about…him?" John asked. "We need to be sure he can't leave until we can lead the authorities back here."

Nicole took another look at the body and started shaking again. "I think…I think I ki…killed him. Oh god, I've killed him. Oh god." She slid down onto the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees, rocking herself. "I killed someone. What do I do now, John? I killed him."

"It was self-defense, Nicole. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I killed him."

John was afraid that the loss of blood, along with the trauma of what had happened to her, were going to send her into shock rather quickly, especially when the adrenaline rush wore off, so he tried to stand up but only managed to whimper in pain and roll back onto his stomach.

"Let me remove the catheter and the IV line before you even think about moving, okay? I can't believe I didn't do that as soon as I unlocked the handcuffs." Nicole struggled to her feet, and John could see that she was bleeding again, the front of the shirt she was wearing soaked with blood.

"Nicole, sit down and rest," John said, but Nicole shook her head.

"No, I need to remove your catheter. John, I don't want you to get an infection. Now just relax." She went over to the dresser where Mark had found the beach towel she had been clutching, and she found another large beach towel to cover John with. To her surprise, the bags that should have been on the other end of the tubing were laying on the nightstand so she grabbed one and put it in place. "I'm going to deflate the balloon that's in your bladder, John. Don't try to control it or fight it, okay?"

Part of John was relieved because his bladder was so full it was becoming painful, and part of him was horrified that he had to just lie there while Nicole did this. The tears started to sting his eyes, and he cursed himself for being so emotional about something so silly. He just felt so helpless and so humiliated at the moment.

Nicole was trying very hard to ignore the pain that was going through her. She had felt like the two men were trying to split her in two, and now she thought that perhaps they had succeeded. The fact that the front of the sweatshirt she had put on was soaked with blood only confirmed what she had known from the beginning...she was losing blood, and fast. Still, John's safety was more important than her own. She had to make sure that he was okay, that he would survive and be with Sam. That was all that mattered to Nicole, that he was going to be okay. Physically, she knew that he would recover, but emotionally...she knew, for instance, that right now he was completely humiliated that she had to do this for him. "John, it's all right," she reassured him as the bag filled and his bladder emptied. "You'll feel better once the catheter and the IV are removed, I promise."

As she removed the catheter, she kept talking to John, trying to distract him from what she was sure was an embarrassment for him. "So, once we get back to civilization, what's the first thing you want to have Sam bring you to eat?"

"I...I think I'd like a cheeseburger," he answered, relaxing once he felt the catheter slide out. "And some fries."

"Suffering from cholesterol withdrawals already?" she joked, glad that John couldn't see her cringe as a sharp pain shot through her body.

"People ate that kind of food for years before all this nonsense about cholesterol."

"Yes, and people also once had a life expectancy of 40 years."

"But they were quality years."

While he was distracted with the conversation, Nicole tossed the tubing and the bag into the trash can and set about removing the IV. "The tape's probably going to pull some hairs," she cautioned.

"Well just do it quick and get it over with."

Nicole yanked the tape quickly, making John give a little yelp of pain. "You said to do it quickly and get it over with," she reminded him.

"Next time, don't ask me and do it slow, okay?"

"Just lie still for a few more seconds while I get the needle out." As soon as the IV was removed and discarded into the trash, Nicole pressed her finger against the wound to try and stop the bleeding since she didn't see anything that she could use as a bandage.

"Umm...Nicole? How long were you planning on leaving your finger there?" he asked, rather uncomfortably.

"Until I'm sure that it won't start bleeding. Oh for heaven's sake, would you just relax?"

"Easy for you to say," he mumbled.

Nicole felt another searing pain, and she looked down to see the pool of blood that was forming on the ground_. Okay, just stay calm. I will not bleed to death, and I will not pass out while John needs me. Maybe once we're safe I'll pass out, but not before then. _

John could feel her hands trembling, and her skin was cold when she touched him. _She's going to go into shock soon. I have to get her to lie down or something, before she passes out._ "I think you can safely assume that it won't bleed. Nicole?"

"John...I...I don't feel good..." To Nicole, her voice sounded like it was miles away as the room swayed and she collapsed onto the floor.

"Nicole!" John scrambled from the bed, ignoring the pain from his back as he wrapped the towel around him and knelt on the floor beside her. _Oh god, there's so much blood...she can't die, she just can't. _"Nicole, talk to me. Come on, wake up. I need you."

"John?" she whispered, her eyes too heavy for her to open.

"I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

"Cold. I'm so cold."

"Let's get you lying down flat, okay? Then I'll find something to elevate your legs, and..." He paused when he realized again how badly she was bleeding. "Hey, you're going to be okay, you hear me?" he asked, brushing her face with his fingers. She was so cold, though... "Nicole, come on, stay with me. I need you to tell me what to do for you."

"I...I don't..." Nicole tried to focus and get the words out, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. "You need to find something to cover yourself up before you catch cold," she said.

"I'm fine."

"Liar," she replied, just a hint of a smile on her face.

"Excuse me?"

"Your back has to hurt like hell, so don't tell me you're fine."

"Women," John said, rolling his eyes. "Always have to argue about everything, don't you?" The last thing he wanted to do was joke, but since Nicole seemed to be hanging on to her sense of humor, the least he could do was try and joke along with her. "Now you just behave while I try to find a blanket, okay?"

"I'll try to behave, but I'm not making any promises."

"Try very hard," he told her, turning away in case she opened her eyes and saw his tears.

* * *

The helicopter landed in a clearing, and Bailey was relieved to see that there were two SUV's waiting to take the team the rest of the way to the cabin. "How far do we have to go to reach them?" Sam asked the pilot. 

"It's just barely over a mile, but the road doesn't run straight and it's not really much more than a dirt and gravel path which will slow you down. I'd say it'll take you about 20 minutes to get there."

* * *

Lindsey had heard the helicopter fly over as she ran through the woods, but she knew that the people in the helicopter couldn't see her for all of the trees. From the sound of it, though, it was getting lower and lower, which meant that either it was preparing to land or someone was looking for something. Either way, Lindsey hoped she could reach a clearing and get the attention of someone on board so she started running faster. 

Just as the agents were about to drive off, Lindsey burst out of the clearing. Recognizing her, Sam immediately pulled her gun, as did Bailey and Grace. "Please, listen to me. You have to get to them before it's too late. Please, you have to save them." Lindsey fell to her knees and started crying in frustration and the realization that it was too late to save her twin, Mark. "Oh god, I can't believe he's dead."

"Who's dead?" Sam asked, approaching the woman before her with caution. "Lindsey, who is dead?"

"Mark. He...he killed him."

"Who killed him?"

"Peter. Mark wanted to...to save Nicole and John, but...Peter had a gun…"

"Lindsey, where are Nicole and John now?"

"At the cabin. Robert is still there, and Christine…I don't know where Christine is."

"Who is Christine?" This time it was Bailey posing the question.

"Robert's girlfriend," Lindsey said, wiping a tear from her eyes. "She shot Peter. Please, we have to get back there before he kills them."


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Disclaimer:  The backstory and all characters that have appeared on the television show 'Profiler' belong to people who obviously didn't know how to take care of them.  The storyline itself and all original characters are my property.  Do not copy this story, in whole or in part, or archive the story on any website.  **

**A/N: It's not much, I know, especially since it's taken a month for me to update.  Mimi, yes you were good, not that pestering would have made much difference.  When the inspiration is gone, it's gone, and all I do is stare at the blank screen.**

**I admit, I don't think this chapter is all that good but I don't think you wanted to wait another month so…maybe the next one will be better.  Assuming you all haven't given up on this story and left.  **

* * *

It was decided that one SUV would take Bailey, Sam, Grace and James to the cabin, while Lindsey was put in the back end of the other SUV to wait for the local authorities and the ambulances that had been called.  As the first SUV made its way up the winding road, the van that Christine was driving was aimed right at it.  Fortunately the driver saw it in time to swerve off the road, narrowly missing a grove of trees.

 "Suspect is headed for your location," Bailey said into his radio to the agent that was waiting for the ambulances at the landing site.  "We're returning to assist you."

 "Bailey…" Sam said, her eyes wet with unshed tears.  The name was a plea to the man to save those she cared about, who she couldn't bear not to see again.

 "Cancel that.  We're continuing to the cabin.  Send the ambulances up as soon as they get there."

* * *

"John…" Nicole said softly while John was searching through drawers for a blanket.  

"There has to be a blanket here somewhere."

"John."

Something about the way that she said it made John realize that it was urgent, and he dropped to his knees beside her.  "What is it?  What can I do to help you?"

"John, in his shirt pocket…I think it's a cell phone."

Following her gaze, John saw the object that had caught Nicole's attention, and he carefully retrieved the item.  Even though he was sure that Robert was dead, he shared Nicole's fear that the man might suddenly rise up and attack them both.  "It is a cell phone!  Oh god, Nicole, I can just call Bailey and he'll come get us."  Breathing a sigh of relief when the phone turned on, John began dialing Bailey's cell phone number.  "We're going to be saved Nicole…Nicole?"

Nicole was lying perfectly still, her eyes closed, making her look so peaceful that John forgot he had dialed Bailey's phone.

* * *

"Malone," Bailey said, answering his phone on the first ring.  There was nothing, and just as he was about to hang up he heard an anguished cry.  "Hello?"

* * *

"Nicole, don't…please, you…you can't leave me.  Not now, not after all this.  Please," John said, letting the phone fall from his hands onto the floor.  "Please."  With that he knelt down and gathered her upper body into his arms, rocking back and forth and he held her tightly against him.  "No one's going to hurt you now, I promise.  I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

* * *

"John!" Bailey yelled into the phone.  Even though it was a bad connection, as soon as he heard Nicole's name being said he knew that it was John on the other end and he knew that something was terribly wrong.

"Bailey, is it John?" Sam asked.  "Bailey, what is it?"

"I heard John in the background, but he isn't holding the phone."  The signal was lost, and Bailey hung up.  "But he's alive Sam.  I heard him, and he's alive."

"And Nicole?  And Ryan?" Sam asked, the tears now flowing.

 "The only way to know is to get there and save them," Bailey said, "and that is exactly what we are going to do."

* * *

John buried her face in Nicole's hair, unwilling to believe that she was dead.  She was too soft and warm and…and so like his mother, Noreen, the last time he saw her before she died.  She was even about the same age as his mother had been.  "No," he sobbed, gripping her tighter.  "No!"

* * *

Nicole had felt the world around her slowly fading away, and then everything was peaceful and quiet, and she wasn't cold anymore.  _I must be in the hospital.  They must have rescued us._  She couldn't remember what she had been rescued from, though, only that she and John had been in need of rescuing.  "John?" she called, opening her eyes.  She couldn't see anything for the light that seemed to shine from everywhere and enveloped her.  "John!"

"John isn't here," a woman's voice said from beyond the lights.  "Don't be afraid, dear."

Something told her that she should have been in pain, and she wasn't, which made her cry.  "I don't want to die.  Please, I have to be sure that John's okay.  Please…"

"John will be okay," the voice said, and then Nicole saw a woman emerge from the light, holding a small boy by the hand.  "As will this little one."

Nicole gasped as she recognized the sweet face of the little boy who was standing before her.  "Why are you doing this to me?" she asked with a sob, turning away.

"Because I've watched over John, and I've seen the way you cared for him.  You did what I couldn't do, so I wanted to do what you couldn't do.  Nicole, he's safe and he's cared for now.  He will never be alone, or hurt or scared, ever again.  I promise you."

"I'm sorry no one stopped to help you, sweetie," Nicole said to the little boy.  "I'm so sorry you suffered."

"He isn't suffering anymore, Nicole.  I will be sure of it for the rest of eternity.  But you have to go back now."

"Go…go back?"

"You've seen that he's not suffering, and I will keep him safe and happy and loved.  Now I ask that you do the same for John…for my son.  And that you give him a message for me."

"I will," Nicole said, unprepared for the darkness to overtake her so quickly.

* * *

"Mm…wmm."

John heard the muffled sound and looked at Nicole's face.  Had she just tried to say something?  But that would mean that…that she wasn't dead!  "Nicole!  Nicole, did you say something?"  He tried to check for a pulse or for signs that she was breathing, but he was too tired and shaky to be able to.  "Just hold on, Nicole.  Hold on."  Then he remembered the forgotten cell phone, and he was able to reach out and pick it up.

"I…will," Nicole whispered, clearly this time because John wasn't squishing her.

"Nicole?"

She opened her eyes and smiled at him, then closed her eyes again.  John could clearly see the rise and fall of her chest now, though, and he breathed a sigh of relief.  She wasn't dead; she had just passed out before.

* * *

Bailey's phone rang again, and he answered it, hoping that it would be John again.  "Malone."

"Bailey, it's John."

"John, thank god.  We're on our way to the cabin."

"We're going to need an ambulance, Bail.  Nicole…Nicole's hurt pretty badly."

"Ambulances are on the way.  Just hold on, we'll be there soon."

"We'll be here."

"Let me talk to him," Sam said, snatching the phone from Bailey's grasp.  "John?"

"Sam?" John's voice broke with emotion as he heard her voice.  The last time he had seen her, Dr. Chauncy had made him think that she was lying dead in the chair beside his hospital bed.  "Sam, are you okay?"

"Am I okay?  John, I…yes, I'm okay.  How are you?  And Nicole?  John, what happened to both of you?"

"Just get here Sam…hurry.  Please hurry."

Since Sam had taken the cell phone away from him, Bailey decided to check with the agent that had stayed at the landing sight.  "Has there been any sign of the suspect in the van?"

"No, but the local police are here and are starting to search the area.  The two ambulances are here as well, and they've started up the road.  They're about six minutes behind you."

* * *

"Sam, who's with you besides Bailey?" John asked, watching Nicole to be sure she continued to breath.  If she stopped he wasn't sure what he would do, so he just silently willed her to continue.

"Grace and James, and the local field agent that's driving.  They  brought some first aid supplies, so they can start to take care of things until the ambulance gets there.  John, how bad is it?"

"Just get here," he whispered.  He wasn't about to say that he thought Nicole was dying when Nicole might hear him.  Suddenly there was a static-y sound coming from the phone.  "Sam?"  Looking at the display, he saw that it read 'no service' and realized that wherever the team was, they had lost cell phone reception.

* * *

"John?" Sam asked when she no longer heard anything but static.  "John?"  She realized that the call had been dropped and handed the phone back to Bailey.  "Well at least we know that they're alive."

"I can see the cabin," Grace said, pointing out the window.  "We're almost there."

"Stop here," Bailey told the driver, "and we'll walk in.  I want us to have the element of surprise."

* * *

John heard the sound of crunching leaves and he knew someone was approaching the cabin.  Whether it was friend or foe, he couldn't be sure of, though, so he took up the fireplace poker just in case.

_"Oh god, it's Mark,"_ he heard Sam's voice say, and that was all it took for John to drop his weapon.

"Sam!  Sam, we're in here!  Sam!" he started yelling.

"John?  John, I'm coming!"  Sam ran for the cabin but Bailey stopped her before she could throw open the door.

"It could be a trap," Bailey told her.  "John?"

"We're inside the cabin.  For god's sake, get in here and help me save her!"

That was all it took for all four people to burst through the cabin door.  The sight that greeted them, though, made them all sick to their stomachs.  John had his back turned towards them just enough that they could see the torn skin and the blood that was covering him.  "John!" Sam said as she rushed over and knelt beside him, thinking that the pool of blood on the floor was his.

Not that she felt any better when she realized that it was Nicole's.

"It's okay, honey," Grace said, kneeling opposite John so she could try to check Nicole's vital signs.  "The cavalry has arrived."

"Took your damned sweet time," Nicole whispered with a slight smile, opening her eyes.

"Yeah, well, we wanted to make a dramatic entrance," Grace replied, smiling back at Nicole until the other woman winced in pain.  "No more laughing, just tell me where it hurts."

"Where it doesn't hurt is a shorter list.  I…I know that I've lost a lot of blood, Grace."

"That's why we're going to get you to the hospital, and you and John will be good as new in no time."

James had carried in the medical supplies that he had thought to pack into the bag, and now he was kneeling down beside Grace.  "John…" Nicole said, turning to James.  "Help John."

"I will, just as soon as I'm sure you're going to be okay."

"No…John needs you.  They…they beat him.  They…"

"Nicole, it's okay.  You just relax now, all right?" John said, stroking her cheek with his hand.  "It's okay now."

"They tied him to the bed and they…they whipped him…100 lashes…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I couldn't help you."

Nicole's tears made John start crying as well, because she was the one who had suffered because of him.  "It wasn't your fault, Nicole.  None of it was your fault.  Shh, it's gonna be okay now."

"No it's not," Nicole cried, "it's never going to be okay again."

"Let's just try and get the bleeding stopped," Grace said, but as soon as she started to pull back the sweatshirt that Nicole had on, Nicole panicked.

"No!  No, don't…don't touch me."  Her breathing became very shallow and rapid, and Grace and James both knew that she was about to hyperventilate.

"No one is going to hurt you, I promise," John said, reaching out to take her hand.  "I'm right here, okay?  No one is going to hurt you."

"What happened to…to the others?" Nicole asked, gripping John's hand tighter.

"Lindsey found us," Sam said, "and she told us how to get here.  Mark is…"  Sam paused, knowing that she shouldn't be telling Nicole this as it would only upset her – but she deserved to know the truth.  "Mark is dead, and so is Peter."

"And so is Robert," James said, coming back from checking the body.

"I killed him," Nicole sobbed, closing her eyes.  "God help me, I killed him."

Grace saw that Nicole was still bleeding, and she was afraid if she didn't stop the flow Nicole wouldn't make it to the hospital.  She also knew that Nicole was likely to fight back as soon as anyone touched her, and as much as she hated what she was going to do next she didn't see any alternative.  "James, could you come here?"

"Sure. Hey kiddo, you just hang in there," he told Nicole.

"I will.  Just promise me you'll make sure John's okay.  Please?"

"I promise," James said, taking her free hand.

Grace had been prepared to ask James to hold her still while she tried to stop the bleeding, but Nicole seemed to calm down as soon as he took her hand and promised that John would be okay.  "Honey, I need to stop this bleeding.  Okay?"  Nicole just nodded her head, and Grace pulled the sweatshirt back and knew without any medical equipment to help her that Nicole had been brutally raped and was hemorrhaging internally.

Bailey came closer and looked at Grace, raising an eyebrow.  Somehow Grace understood the question and she shook her head slightly.  There was nothing that could be done for Nicole here, and the ambulances hadn't arrived yet.  "I'm going to check on the ambulances," Bailey said, and he went outside.

"I'm going to be in trouble for killing him, aren't I?" Nicole asked, looking to Grace for an answer.

"No, honey, of course not.  It was self defense.  You didn't do anything wrong."

Grace's words seemed to satisfy Nicole for the moment, and her eyes slid closed as her body went limp.  "Nicole…" John said, feeling the hand that gripped his suddenly relaxing.

"It's okay, John.  She's lost consciousness, but she's alive."

Just as Grace finished her sentence, the ambulances pulled up outside the cabin along with several local police cars and a team of FBI agents from the local field office.  Bailey hurried the paramedics inside but told everyone else that they would have to wait.  They quickly got Nicole onto a gurney and into an ambulance, but John refused to leave her side.

"I'm sorry," one of the paramedics said, "but there's not room for you.  Dr. Pearson needs to ride with us to the hospital in case anything happens."

Turning to John, James set his hand on the younger man's shoulder.  "Let Grace take care of your back while you follow us in the other ambulance, and Sam can ride up front."

"I have to stay with her."

"John, Nicole wanted you to be okay, which means letting Grace take care of you and getting you to the hospital as quickly as possible.  Let them take her there, John, and we'll be right behind," Sam said.

"John," Bailey said, "we're wasting time.  The sooner they leave, the sooner you and Nicole can both get the medical care that you need."

Bailey's words made John relent, but only because he knew that if he continued to argue with them it would delay Nicole getting help.  Soon, both ambulances were on their way, with Bailey staying to prepare for the paperwork that would have to be done and to oversee the other agents that were now going through the cabin for evidence.  The local police had caught Christine, but she was refusing to talk.  _Not that it really matters,_ Bailey thought to himself.  Robert, Peter and Mark were dead, and Lindsey had told them all that they needed to know.  One of the agents that had come to the cabin said that Lindsey wasn't even interested in making a deal for the information that she had…apparently she had a conscious and felt that she deserved to be punished severely for her part in what happened to Nicole and John.  Lindsey wasn't his concern, though, and he just wished he could have gone with the ambulances to the hospital.  _Sam has my cell phone number, and she'll call me as soon as she finds out anything about either of them,_ he told himself as he turned to see what the other agents were doing.

"We've got another one!" a man called out, and Bailey went to see what he had found.

There, inside a closet, was Ryan, lying on the floor like a discarded rag doll.  He wasn't moving and all color was gone from him except for the blood that had dripped onto the floor.  Just to be sure he really was dead, Bailey knelt down and felt for a pulse. Lindsey had already told them that Ryan had been killed when Robert and Peter had kidnapped him and Nicole, but he had continued to hope that Lindsey had been mistaken, and that Ryan wasn't really dead.

The reality of the situation hit Bailey, and he had to go outside and breath.  "So many lives destroyed here," he said out loud, "and for what?"  He didn't feel any regret about Robert and Peter being dead…but from what Lindsey had said, Mark wasn't a willing participant and was dead because Robert and Peter thought he was going to turn on them and try to save Nicole and John.  He remembered what Sam had said, how he had seemed compassionate and had gotten a wheelchair and blanket for them to take John back to his room after the MRI.  And Ryan was just a lab technician, trying to help Grace and Nicole figure out what was wrong with John.  

Had George not been able to make the connection that he did, Nicole would have died too.  From the look Grace gave him before she got in the ambulance with John, Bailey knew that Nicole still might die, and if that happened he didn't know what John would do.  It would destroy him to have one more person who tried to help him end up dead.

Not knowing what else to do, Bailey turned his face towards the heavens, letting a few tears fall from his eyes and down his face.  "Why?"

* * *

"Ow!"

"I'm sorry, John," Grace said for what seemed to both of them like the millionth time.  She was trying to be gentle about cleaning the cuts on his back, but there wasn't an inch of him that wasn't broken, bruised and bleeding.  In fact Grace was surprised that he had as much strength as he did, considering how much blood he had to have lost.  "Maybe this should wait until we get to the hospital."

"No, when we get there I have to see Nicole."

"Honey, she's probably going to go straight into surgery."

"It's…it's that bad?"

"Yes, John, it's that bad.  What did they do to her?"  Grace hated to ask, but she had a feeling that if she didn't ask now John may never tell her.

"They raped her, Grace."

"John, she was losing a lot of blood.  If we're going to help her, we need to know what they did to her."

"Peter…he…oh Grace, he…kicked her, and I…I don't know what had happened to her before…before I got there…she was…curled up on the floor.  I think she was already hurt before they…they…"  John sobbed and let Grace gather him into her arms.

Grace could feel her own eyes filling with tears as John told her what had been done to Nicole.  _Just raping her wasn't enough_, Grace thought as she held John as tightly as she could without hurting him more.  "She's safe now, John.  She's safe and we'll heal her.  Shh, it's okay now, John.  It's okay."

"It's my fault, Grace.  They raped her…as payment for…her giving me the…the antidote."

As John finally collapsed against her, his sobbing making his entire body shake, Grace tried to wrap her mind around what John had just said.  _'They raped her…as payment for…the antidote'_.  She found herself gently stroking John's hair and murmuring words of comfort in his ear as he continued to cry.  _He blames himself.  How can he not?  Right now, he thinks that if she wouldn't have been attacked except that she gave him the antidote._  "John, sweetie, how did Nicole get the antidote?"

"They…gave it…to her.  Said that…that she could give it to me or…he would…destroy it."

"It wasn't your fault, John.  None of what happened to her was your fault."

"But…"

"Just like what happened to you wasn't Nicole's fault," Grace said quickly.  

"Of course it wasn't Nicole's fault!" he cried out.

"And what happened to her wasn't your fault, John.  The only people to blame are the sick, twisted minds that put this into motion.  If she had refused to give you the antidote, you would probably be dead and they still would have done this to her.  Don't blame yourself, John."

"I can't help it.  You…you weren't there to hear her, to see her, to…"  John started to sob harder, and he just leaned against Grace.

"It's going to be okay, John.  I'll see how she's doing as soon as we get to the hospital, and I promise you I will tell you exactly where things stand."

"She has to be okay.  She just has to."  

Grace realized that John became silent, and his body relaxed a little.  Exhaustion had finally caught up with him, and he had fallen asleep with his head on her shoulder.  Finally, she let her own tears fall for what had happened to John and to Nicole.  She only wished that Robert and Peter had lived, because she would have taken great pleasure in having them on one of her tables so she could let them experience some of the pain that her friends were going through now.

* * *

Nicole was rushed into surgery the moment that they got her out of the ambulance, so John didn't get the chance to see her and neither did Grace.  "I'll find out what her condition is just as soon as you have been taken care of."

"Sam…"

"I'm right here," Sam said, rushing up to the gurney that the paramedics were wheeling him in on.  "I'm not going anywhere either."

"Dr. Alvarez?" a man said, holding a clipboard as he approached.

"I'm Dr. Alvarez."

"We have been instructed that you will be treating Mr. Grant.  I just wanted to take you to an exam room, and to let you know that anything and anyone you need is at your disposal."  Seeing Grace's raised eyebrow, the man smiled.  "Courtesy of Dr. James Pearson.  Apparently he called before leaving Atlanta General to make arrangements should Mr. Grant and Dr. Hillsdale require medical attention."

"Do you have any word on Dr. Hillsdale's condition?"

The man shook his head.  "I'm sorry, no.  Dr. Pearson is performing her surgery, and he has our best team in with him.  I can bring word as soon as the surgery is over, if you'd like."

"Please."

"Come on, the room is right this way," he told the paramedics, and they got John into a room and then left.  "If you need assistance, just press this button," he showed Grace on the phone, "and it will go straight to my pager so I can come here.  Oh, my name is Tim, by the way.  Anything you need, let me know."

"Thank you."  Once Tim had left Grace turned to John, who was still clutching the towel that covered him.  "Let's get that back taken care of, shall we?"

"They told me you were dead," he said, turning to Sam who was sitting on the gurney beside him.  "I saw you slumped over in the chair, and he…he said that you were dead, just like everyone else who ever tried to help me."

"But I'm not.  I'm here, and very much alive, and so is Nicole.  She'll make it John, because she's too strong and stubborn not to."

* * *

**Okay, that's it for this month…see you in November!  (Just kidding – unless of course you all really have given up and stopped reading…)**


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1 I'm just having fun and not profiting in any way from this story.**

**Do not copy this story, in whole or in part, or post it to any other website or archive without the prior consent of the author (hey, that would be me!)**

**A/N: Hey, at least it's not November yet…anyway, this story still has at least a few more chapters to go…maybe more, depending on what direction my imagination depends to go off in. A big thanks to those of you who are still reading this story, despite the sometimes long lapses between posts, and to all of you who have taken the time to review. It makes me want to keep writing :-)**

Bailey walked over to the shed, where three agents were bagging up items found inside. "So, what did you find?" he asked.

"Just how sick those people really were," one agent said, and they all moved aside so Bailey could see what had been in the shed, waiting for John.

It was a wooden chair, with strips of metal running across the seat, across the back, and along the arms of the chair, as well as down both front legs. Leather restraints were on the arms of the chair, to hold someone just below the elbow and at the wrist so that the person restrained couldn't move his arms away from the metal strip. The legs of the chair had similar restraints, positioned to hold the captive's legs at the ankle and just below the knee. Taking a closer look, Bailey saw that the metal strips angled outward, away from the chair legs, meant to be bound directly to the captive's legs.

"Cattle prod," an agent said, picking up the device. "We also found jumper cables and a small car battery. Once they got John in this, a jolt from it would have caused electrical burns everywhere those metal strips are."

"Bastards," Bailey said under his breath. They had wanted John to suffer, but this was beyond cruel. Just the thought of it made Bailey sick to his stomach, and he had to turn and go back outside, mumbling something about paperwork as he left.

* * *

"I'm just going to spray your back with Benzocaine," Grace said as she approached, bottle in hand, "to ease the pain." 

He refused to lie down, so she had to work with him sitting on the gurney, holding onto Sam's hand as she sat beside him. "So how bad is it?" he asked, flinching as the cold spray hit his skin.

"You'll need some stitches," Grace replied, "and you'll have to lie down for that."

"Please, Grace, I don't want to lie down. My neck is sore enough from lying there, tied to the headboard."

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry." Grace hadn't even thought that, but she was determined to get her patient comfortable. "How about if you just lean against Sam?"

"That I can do," John said, feeling Sam slipping her arm around him and guiding his head onto her shoulder.

"You just relax and let Momma Grace fix you up," Sam teased.

"That'll be the day," Grace mumbled as she picked up a syringe. "I'm going to give you a local, just to be sure you don't feel it when I sew you back together, okay?"

"You think you could give me enough to numb my entire body?"

* * *

Nicole was still in surgery when Grace was done stitching up the deepest cuts. John was getting anxious, so Grace went to see if she could find out any information while Sam rubbed an anesthetic salve across his back to ease his pain. 

"You need to call Chloe and let her know that you're okay," John said.

"I need to take care of you so you live long enough to marry me."

"Haven't scared you away yet?"

"Nope, and nothing will. We are going to be married."

"I just hope Nicole will be there to witness it. She is at least partly responsible for our engagement, after all."

"So do I."

* * *

Grace had tears in her eyes when she saw James coming towards her, still in surgical scrubs. "The nurse said that…that it doesn't look good…" 

"In the beginning it didn't, but we've got her blood pressure up and her heartbeat and breathing are back to normal so now we just have to keep the faith. The bleeding has been stopped, and she's in the recovery room now. I just came out for a few seconds in the hopes of telling you that she's okay. How is John?"

"I got him stitched up and settled into a bed, but he asks me every five minutes to check for word on Nicole."

"He's still awake?"

"He drifts off for a few moments, but then he wakes up and asks about her."

"Maybe you could give him something to make him sleep for a few hours," James suggested.

"That would help him, but what about Sam and I?"

"Give yourself and Sam the drugs too. And give me some while you're at it."

"She's going to be okay, isn't she?"

James recognized that Grace needed to hear the words so she could finally tell them to John and Sam, and they could all relax. "Yes, Grace, Nicole is going to be okay."

* * *

"We're finished here, sir," one of the agents told Bailey as they all began to leave the cabin. Ryan's body had been taken to the VCTF headquarters to Grace could do an autopsy and determined just what the young man had died from, and the bed sheets had been stripped away and bagged up, sparing Bailey another look at the splattered blood that had covered them. Honestly, Bailey wasn't sure why they were taking everything as evidence; the kidnappers were all dead, except for Lindsey who from what he heard was confessing to everything and ready to be punished, and Christine who was in custody and would no doubt be convicted with Lindsey's testimony. Still, procedures had to be followed and there was always the chance that they could catch and prosecute whoever made the virus for Dr. Chauncy, but Bailey would have preferred to just burn everything to the ground. 

"Going to the hospital?" another agent asked as Bailey got in the SUV with the agent that had driven them to the cabin.

"Yes," he replied, shutting the door as the engine turned over.

They drove together in silence until they reached the emergency room. "I'll say a prayer for Agent Grant and Dr. Hillsdale," the man said as Bailey was exiting the vehicle.

"Thank you, Agent Siles. I appreciate that."

"Do you have a way to get home, sir? I can come back and pick you up when you're ready to leave."

"I guess none of us have a way to get home since we flew from the hospital to the landing site."

"Here's my cell phone number. Give me a call and I'll drive you home whenever you're ready to go."

"Thank you."

With a nod to Bailey, Agent Siles pulled away and Bailey went inside the emergency room, scanning for Sam or Grace but finding neither. "Excuse," he finally said to a woman at the information desk. "I'm trying to find information on either John Grant or Nicole Hillsdale."

"And you are?" she asked.

"Bailey Malone, FBI."

"I'm sorry, sir, but all I know is that Dr. Hillsdale is still in surgery and Agent Grant is being moved to a private room until he can be transported back to Atlanta."

Just as he was thanking the woman, Grace walked towards him. "Bailey, I assume everything is finished at the cabin."

"Yes, it is. How are they?"

"Luckily, the only injuries John suffered were the lacerations to his back. The blood work confirmed that John received the antidote and the virus is gone from his system."

"John received the antidote?"

Grace bit her lip, debating how much she should tell Bailey. _Oh hell, it's going to come out sooner or later…maybe if he already knows it will make things easier on John…_ "They gave Nicole the antidote to give to John…and then they raped her as payment."

"Oh my God," was all Bailey said as he felt his legs giving out beneath him. Grace was able to guide him over to a chair, and he sat down and put his head in his hands. "And John knows this?"

"John is the one that told me. He thinks that Nicole would be okay if she hadn't accepted the antidote from them."

"Shit," he said under his breath. As if John didn't have enough to heal from physically and emotionally, he would be adding guilt over Nicole to the pile. "How is Nicole?"

"James just came to tell me that she's in the recovery room. They're moving John to a private room so that the two of them can be together. He says that the first thing Nicole will want when she wakes up is to know where John is, and maybe if they are together she'll be okay."

"I'm sure John will feel better too, if they're together."

* * *

John had been moved to a private room and was asleep, exhaustion finally catching up to him. Sam was sleeping in a chair beside the bed when Grace and James wheeled another bed into the room. The slight squeaking of the wheels woke Sam, and she thought they were going to be taking John somewhere until she realized that the bed they had brought in already had a body in it. "What's going on?" she asked as she tried to get herself to wake up completely. 

"Nicole," Grace whispered, putting her fingers to her lips so that Sam would be quiet. "The surgery went well, and we thought that it would help if she can see that John is okay when she wakes up."

"She's going to be okay?" Sam whispered back.

"Only time will tell," James said. "Right now the biggest danger is infection. Hopefully we can transport her and John back to Atlanta tomorrow so she'll be in familiar surroundings."

Nicole's eyes fluttered, and Sam saw that one of her hands moved slightly. "She was starting to wake up in the recovery," Grace said, "so maybe our sleeping beauty is returning to us."

"John?" It was a hoarse whisper, but it made James smile.

"Shh, don't try to talk. Your throat is going to be raw for a while. Do you want to sit up and suck on some ice chips?" James asked.

"John? Where…where is John?" Nicole's eyes were open and slowly coming into focus. "James? Where am I? Grace?"

"You're in the hospital, honey," Grace cooed, brushing the hair back from Nicole's forehead. "John is right here, see?" She directed Nicole's gaze to the bed that was pushed right up against hers. Seeing Nicole trying to reach out to John, who was still sleeping, Grace cautiously reached over and took Nicole's hand in hers. When Nicole didn't react, she put Nicole's hand on top of John's. "He's right here, honey."

"Alive?"

"Yes, he's alive, but he's sleeping. You just came out of surgery, Nicole," James said. "How are you feeling?"

"Hurts…everywhere…"

"I'll get you a shot of Tylenol and Codeine for the pain."

James left, and Sam took his place beside Grace. "Thank you, for saving John." Nicole looked confused, and Sam quickly explained. "You gave him the antidote that saved his life, and you stayed with him and tended him the best you could until we got there. He is alive because of you."

"He's really okay?"

"Yes, he's really okay." Sam reached over and took Nicole's other hand, feeling the gentle squeeze that Nicole gave her.

"Take good care of him."

"I will. Now you get some rest so you can heal."

James returned with a syringe, and after the pain medication was injected into her IV, Nicole closed her eyes and felt herself falling back asleep. There were so many things that she wanted…no, needed…to ask, but they would have to wait because she couldn't keep sleep from overtaking her. Just as she was about to succumb, she heard John say her name as she felt him squeeze her hand, and she squeezed his in response.

Something had woken John up, although he wasn't completely awake. He could feel someone holding onto his hand and assumed that it wasSamuntil he opened his eyes. Because of his back, he was lying on his stomach but luckily he was facing her and didn't have to move to see her. "Nicole?" he said, relieved when he squeezed her hand and felt her squeeze back. "We're going to be okay now."

"Yes we are," she said, opening her eyes just long enough to get a look at John. "Go to sleep. Your body needs rest so you can heal."

"Yes, Mother," he said, a little smile on his lips.

"Behave, Junior," she whispered back, a smile on her own face as they both fell asleep, still holding onto one another.

"They really are going to be okay," Sam said as she watched Grace sit in one of the chairs beside the door.

"So who wants to give Bailey the good news?" Grace asked. "I already told him about John's condition, so someone else can have the honor this time."

"I'll do it," James said. "Maybe I can get him down to the cafeteria to eat something, and when I return the two of you should get yourselves some food."

"I intend to stay right here and make sure these two are okay," Grace said. "Besides, if Nicole wakes up frightened, she's going to need a familiar face, not some strange nurse poking at her."

James started to say something more, but Sam stopped him. "She's in full 'Momma Grace' mode, and you don't want to mess with Momma Grace."

"I'll just go see Bailey now," James said, moving towards the door.

"I won't kill the staff, I promise," Grace said.

"Still, you might want to warn them that there's an armed Momma Grace in the room."

"Sam, would you stop that!" she whispered to Sam, who was trying hard not to laugh out loud. "This is not what they need."

"Oh, I have to disagree," James told her as he was going out the door. "I think Momma Grace is just what they need. In fact, I think Momma Grace is what we all need. You keep guard over those two while I inform Pappa Bailey that they are in good hands and out of danger."

* * *

"I'm not hungry," Bailey said. "Besides, I should call George and let him know what's going on." 

"You can do that from the cafeteria. I told Momma Grace that I would take you to get something to eat, and…"

"_Momma Grace_?"

"Sam's name for her, not mine. Anyway, Grace and Sam are staying in the room with them now, and there's nothing for you to do except come with me to get a cup of coffee and then you can call George and I'll call Rebecca."

"So Nicole's really going to be okay?" Bailey asked as he and James walked towards the elevator.

"There's always the danger of infection, which is why I've got her on IV antibiotics, but physically she should be okay. She must have been kicked or hit pretty hard, because there were a lot of internal lacerations. She'll recover, though."

"Physically, anyway."

"She's already bossing John around and calling him 'Junior', Bailey. She'll make it, and so will John."


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Many thanks to those of you who continue to read and review…**

* * *

John and Nicole were transported back to Atlanta in the same ambulance, since John didn't want to be away from her. James rode in the back of the ambulance, with Sam in the front and Grace and Bailey in the SUV. Luckily when Bailey had asked the agent if the offer of a ride home was still good, he had gotten to the hospital as fast as possible and followed the ambulance. 

Now, about 36 hours after they had been rescued from the cabin, John was being released to go home but he still refused to leave Nicole.

"John, please, go home and get some rest, and maybe Sam can spend time with her daughter."

"Sam can visit with Chloe without me going home."

"Like she's going to leave you here. John, I want you to go home, take a nice hot bath and get some sleep, maybe eat a little something, and then you can come back, okay?"

"What are you still doing here?" Grace asked John as she walked through the door. "Go home all ready. I'm going to stay here with Nicole, so you get."

"Please. I need to talk to Grace about…girl stuff. Go. Now."

"Well, if you're going to talk about 'girl stuff'…" John smiled down at her and kissed her forehead, enjoying the reversal of their roles. "If you need anything at all, Grace has my cell phone number."

"And I will not hesitate to use it, but you have to actually leave first. Go on, she'll be fine."

"All right, Momma Grace."

* * *

"So, what do you suppose Nicole wants to talk to Grace about?" John asked as he and Sam were walking towards the parking lot. Grace had told them that they could take her car to go home, and then John would drive Grace's car back and Sam could drive her own car back. 

"Things that you can't really discuss with a man," Sam replied.

"But I _know_ what they did to her…I was there!" John cried out, hitting his fist against a wall.

"But you don't understand how she feels, and there is no way that you can, not really."

"Then help me understand."

With a sigh, Sam walked closer to him. "Fine. Tell me all about the last time you had your prostate checked."

"What?"

"Go on, tell me about it. What did the doctor do, how did it feel, how did it make you feel…well, come on, John. Tell me."

"I…I can't explain it," he said, turning a little bit flushed at the memory of what he considered a rather humiliating experience.

"Why not?"

"Because you…you just…can't…understand…just like no man could understand what a woman feels like when she's been raped. Right?"

"By George, I do believe he's got it," Sam said, smiling as she gave him a quick kiss.

"Speaking of George…"

"He's working on finding out who made the virus for Dr. Chauncy as we speak."

"So do you think Nicole will ever be able to talk to me about what happened to her?"

"Of course she will. For all the things that you can't understand, there are even more things that only you can understand because you were there. Afterwards, you were the first person to touch her and to hold her. You are the one that she felt safe with."

"It was so awful, Sam," he said, leaning against the wall he had just punched. "She was screaming at them, begging them to stop, begging…begging someone to help her. And I couldn't. Oh god, I couldn't help her." John started to cry and Sam moved closer to comfort him.

"It's okay, baby. Shh, it's okay," she said as she put her arms around him, guiding his head to rest on her shoulder. "It's okay now."

"It was like losing my mother all over again. I mean, I know that she's not nearly old enough to be my mother, but she's so much like her. So much…"

"You didn't lose her, John. You and Nicole are both still here, and you have the chance to help her. You didn't lose her, baby. Nicole will heal, and so will you. You'll both heal together."

"Let's go home, Sam. I want to take a shower and change, and maybe take a nap, and then there's something I want to do for Nicole."

* * *

"He's hurt, isn't he?" 

"Who? John?" Grace asked.

"He doesn't understand, and I've hurt his feelings. I didn't mean to hurt him, Grace. I can't lose his friendship. I have to be sure he's going to be okay."

"He is going to be just fine, Nicole, because he'll have you to help him through this, along with me and Sam and Bailey and George."

"George?"

"Oh, you didn't meet George, did you? He's our resident computer geek."

"Oh."

Seeing the slight look of apprehension over another stranger that would be hanging around, Grace smiled and patted her hand. "You don't have to worry about George, sweetie. He's as kind and gentle as they come, and he has a healthy fear of John's wrath so he would never do a thing that might hurt you or upset you."

"I can't imagine anyone that knows John being afraid of him."

"You haven't seen him when someone he loves is hurt. But George would never give John any reason to be upset with him."

"Okay."

Seeing that Nicole still didn't look all that sure, Grace sighed. "Honey, George is gay."

"Really? Happy gay, or – "

"He prefers men."

"Oh." Nicole relaxed and leaned back against her pillow. "I think I'd like to meet George."

"You'll like him, I promise."

"Where's Bailey?"

"Bailey?"

"Yeah, you know. Bailey. Your boss."

"I know who he is," Grace said, relaxing herself as Nicole seemed to be acting like her usual self. "Why do you want to see Bailey, though?"

"I have a feeling he feels responsible for what happened and I just want him to know that he's not, and that I don't blame him."

"Do you want me to go and find him?"

"No!" Nicole's eyes held a look of panic for a moment, until she realized that Grace was, in fact, not leaving her alone. "No, I just wondered where he was."

"He's at the VCTF headquarters, working on who manufactured the virus for Dr. Chauncy."

"I think I'm just going to get some sleep. I'm still so tired."

"And you will be for a while. Just rest, and I'll stay right here, I promise."

"Thanks Grace." Nicole's eyes went closed, and soon as she sleeping.

"Sweet dreams, honey," Grace whispered, sitting down in the chair beside the bed.

* * *

"John!" Chloe squealed when she saw her mother getting off the lift with John. Before Sam could stop her, she threw her arms around John and hugged him tight, nearly knocking him off balance in the process. 

"Hey there, Princess," he said, trying to hide his pain.

"I was afraid you'd never come back," Chloe sobbed, her grip on him loosening as she started to cry, burying her face in his shirt.

"I'd never leave my girls," he said in an attempt to soothe her.

"Not ever?"

"Not ever, Chloe."

"Does that mean you're gonna live here with us?" she asked, her face brightening.

"Well I certainly hope it does," Sam said. "Chloe, baby, how would you feel about John and I getting married?"

"You…you asked her?" Chloe asked John, wide-eyed.

"Actually, your mother asked me," he confessed as he knelt down in front of Chloe, "and I said yes."

"When? Soon? Can I be in it? Can I call you 'daddy'?"

"We don't know yet, yes, and I would be honored," John replied.

"I love you," Chloe whispered in his ear after throwing her arms around his neck.

"I love you too," he said in response. "Now if your mother doesn't mind, I'm going to use her shower and then lie down for a while."

* * *

John felt a lot better after he had taken a hot shower, although there were a few times when the water made the cuts on his back sting. The stitches were starting to bother him as well, so he decided to take one of the pain pills that James had given him in the hopes that he could get some sleep. 

He gave the pill a few moments to kick in before telling Sam and Chloe that he was going to lie down. Sam couldn't resist the opportunity to tuck him in, and by the time he reached the bed he was feeling pleasantly drowsy. "Must be some strong Codeine," he said as Sam pulled the covers up around him.

"You just go to sleep," Sam replied, kissing him soundly on the lips.

* * *

It didn't take long for the comfort of familiar surrounds and some much needed peace and quiet to lull John to sleep. Something startled him out of his sleep, though, and he realized that he was scared. _Must have been a nightmare_, he though as he remembered thinking that Nicole hated him, and that she blamed him for someone hurting her. 

"Are you all right?" Chloe's soft voice asked as she snuggled a little closer and an arm, holding onto Pancake, was flung across him so that Pancake was against John's chest.

"I am now, sweetheart. Thank you."

"You were crying before, and you kept telling Nicole that you were sorry. Who's Nicole?"

"Nicole is a friend of mine and John's," Sam said, making her presence known before she entered the bedroom. "And Nicole was hurt very badly by the people that hurt John."

"But why were you saying you were sorry?"

"Because I couldn't keep her safe, and even though here," John paused, pointing to his head, "I know that there was nothing I could have done to save her, here," he paused again, pointing to his heart, "I feel like there had to be something I could have done to stop her from being hurt, and I feel guilty because she was hurt because she was trying to save me."

"Well if she saved you, then I want to meet her and say thank you for saving you."

"I'm sure one day you can, but it may be a while before Nicole is ready for that."

"Maybe we can go to the toy store and buy her a stuffed bear like Pancake. That way she'll never be alone. I know when I don't feel good, just having Pancake to hold onto makes me feel better."

"Chloe, that is an excellent idea," John said, and Sam scooped her daughter up and hugged her.

"And you can help pick out the stuffed bear," Sam said. "Maybe we can even get Pancake a friend." She couldn't help but feel a little guilty about having spent so much time away from her daughter lately, and if buying a toy would relieve some of that guilt then Sam was more than willing to buy toys. "But we'll do it later, after we all get some rest."

* * *

"John? John, where are you?" Nicole was calling out for him because she couldn't see anything. There were sounds all around her, of people laughing and talking, but she couldn't make out anything that they were saying. "John?" 

"You're okay, sweetie, wake up now."

It was a familiar voice, and Nicole opened her eyes to find Grace sitting beside her. "John?" she whispered.

"He went home with Sam, remember? You wanted him to leave so he could get some sleep and you and I could talk."

"Right." She remembered wanting John to leave and him finally relenting, and she smiled weakly. "You think he'll actually get some sleep?"

"About as much as you are. Want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about. It was weird. I couldn't see anything, I could just hear people talking, but I couldn't understand anything that was being said."

"Well no one else is here, and I won't leave so try to go back to sleep, all right?" Grace took Nicole's hand in hers.

"I hope John gets some sleep," Nicole said as she closed her eyes again. "And Sam too. They both need to get some rest."

"So do you."

"Yes, Momma Grace," she whispered as she fell asleep.

* * *

"I want to go back to be sure Nicole's okay," John said, sitting up. He couldn't sleep, and he knew that Sam couldn't either. 

"Okay, why don't we see if Chloe feels up to looking for a stuffed friend for Nicole?" Sam suggested.

"Sounds good to me. Maybe we can get Chloe something too. You did promise her a friend for Pancake."

"So I did."

* * *

Chloe was thrilled to get to go to the toy store and find a friend for Nicole, although when they got to the stuffed animals there were just too many to chose from. 

"Maybe you should get her a doggy, to protect her like Denzel protects us," Chloe suggested, hugging a stuffed German Shepard.

"I think she needs something cuddly and friendly, like this little guy here," Sam offered, holding up a teddy bear which was holding onto it's own tiny teddy bear.

"But he is cuddly and friendly…" Chloe stated with a little pout.

"Maybe we could get her the doggy and something else," Sam compromised. "One can never have too many stuffed friends, right John?"

"I gave my Mom a doll just like this," he said as he gingerly picked up a porcelain doll. She was wearing a brown gingham dress and had dark brown hair and blue eyes, and John gently ran a finger over her face. "It was the first Mother's Day that I could buy her something and celebrate the day with her."

"Maybe you should buy that doll so that you'll always remember the good memories of your Mom," Chloe said, hoping to make the sadness in John's eyes go away.

"Actually, I think I'll get it for Nicole. She took care of me just like my mother would have."

"Well I still think she should have the doggy, to protect her and make her feel safe."

"How about if we get her the porcelain doll from John, the doggy from you and the teddy bear and baby from me? If she has all three then she'll really know that she's not alone," Sam said.

"You're so smart, Mommy!" Chloe exclaimed as she threw her arms around Sam.

"John?" Sam asked as John put back a stuffed teddy bear he had picked up.

"It's a great idea, Sam. We'll get her all three." He gave the teddy bear one last longing glance before heading out of that aisle. "Let's pick out a card that all three of us can sign to give to Nicole, too."

"A funny one!" Chloe said, grabbing his hand. "She should laugh, 'cause laughter is the best medicine, right?"

"Right. Sam, you coming?" he asked, realizing that Sam wasn't at his side.

"Be right there. I just want to look at something." That satisfied John, and he let Chloe lead him over to the cards, and Sam picked up the teddy bear that John had been looking at. "And what is it about you that made John so sad to leave you behind?" she mused out loud before sticking the teddy bear in the cart with the other bear. _I wonder if he ever had a teddy bear as a child? Certainly not while he and his mother were with Patrick…maybe after his mother escaped with John…hmm…_

"Sam?"

John's voice brought her out of her thoughts, and Sam hurried to catch up with John and Chloe, tossing her jacket into the cart to cover up the teddy bear she intended to buy for John.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1**

**A/N: I know, it's been over a month…:-( My thanks to old beldam and Denise for reminding me that people are still interested in this story.**

Just as they were about to head for the checkouts, Sam realized that they had forgotten to get a friend for Pancake. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. Come on, let's go back and you can pick out any stuffed animal you want to be Pancake's friend."

"It's okay, Mom. Really."

"No it is not, Chloe Waters. I made a promise and I intend to keep it. Now we are going to get a friend for Pancake. Otherwise poor Pancake will continue to be lonely when you're not there."

Chloe giggled, then grabbed onto John's hand. "Will you help me find a friend for Pancake?"

"Of course I will," John said, and he ruffled her hair playfully. "I did pick out Pancake, didn't I?"

When they returned to the stuffed animal aisle, Sam couldn't miss the look of disappointment on John's face as he searched for the teddy bear that he had picked up before. She almost caved in and moved her coat to give John the teddy bear, but she didn't. He would have given the bear to Chloe as Pancake's new friend, and Sam wanted this to be John's teddy bear.

"Look, an elephant!" Chloe squealed, pointing to the animal in question that was right by John. He picked it up and looked at the elephant, then at Chloe.

"You really think Pancake and an elephant can be friends?"

"Why not? Anyway, I think Pancake and the elephant will be really good friends."

* * *

Sam didn't have to do too much convincing to get John to go with Chloe to get an ice cream cone while she paid, so she was able to get the teddy bear without him realizing it. 

"Thank you for letting me get a friend for Pancake, Mommy," Chloe said when they got to the car, throwing her arms around her mother.

"You're welcome, baby."

"And thank you for helping me find Pancake's friend," she told John, giving him a big hug as well.

"It was my pleasure."

When they got back to the firehouse, Chloe could hardly wait to tell Angel all about Pancake's new friend, the elephant. After listening to Chloe's list of potential names, she watched the little girl disappear into her bedroom and then sat down at the kitchen table across from John and Sam. "So you bought Nicole some stuffed animals too?"

"I know it's silly and it's not going to help, but – "

"You stop right there, John Grant," Angel said, cutting him off. "Look, I know that I work with children, but even with adults it has been proven that anything that can help the person feel a sense of security, of not being alone, helps tremendously. You can't be there 24 hours a day, but your presence will be, because every time she hugs and even just looks at one of those, she'll remember who gave them to her and she'll know that you love her and care about her."

"Thanks Angel," John said, giving her a smile as he gently clasped her hand. "Would you mind if we go back to the hospital now?"

"Of course not. Chloe and I have a tea party to finish."

"Angel, you're the best," Sam said as she gave her best friend a quick kiss on the cheek. "Let me just tell Chloe that we're going to see Nicole."

* * *

Chloe had been happy to know that her mother and John were taking the toys to Nicole, because she seemed to believe wholeheartedly in the ability of stuffed animals and dolls to cure just about any problem. 

When they reached the hospital parking lot, though, John seemed a little less sure than Chloe had been. "Sam, what if…what if she thinks that we…that we're treating her like a child?"

"John Grant, I want you to listen to me. I don't think anyone cares about Nicole more than you do right now. I certainly know how much she cares about you. The only thing she is going to think is that you must care an awful lot to pick out a doll for her. Nicole is going to love the doll, and the bear and the dog. Trust me."

"I do Sam. Thank you."

"Wait, before you get out there's something that I got for you." Sam reached into the back seat and grabbed a bag, depositing it in John's lap. "Don't just sit there, open it."

Slowly John opened the shopping bag and pulled out the teddy bear. "Sam…why?"

"I saw you looking at it in the store, and you looked so sad when you set it down that I just had to get it for you."

"Thank you," he said, tears running down his face. "My mother gave me a teddy bear like this, when I was seven years old," he told her, clutching the bear tight against his chest. "But my father…he took the bear and he…he…he tore the eyes off, and then…he ripped the head off…and he said that if she ever bought me something like that again, he'd do the same to her." The tears were still flowing freely as John started to rock himself, clutching the bear as tight as he could. "I wasn't allowed to have anything that was soft and cuddly. My father said that things like teddy bears were for sissies, and he wasn't going to have a son who was a sissy."

"Well your father can't take this away from you," Sam said softly, placing her hand on his arm. "Did your teddy bear have a name?"

John shook his head. "I hadn't had a chance to give him a name when my father took him."

"Then name this one, John, because you two are going to be together for a long time."

* * *

Nicole was sleeping while James sat by the side of her bed. Grace had left to go home for a while, but she planned on returning after she spent some time with her family. "The VCTF is my family too," she had told James when he insisted that she see her family for a while. "Nicole is very important to that family, which makes her a part of the family." 

"I hope you know how very much you are loved," James whispered, but she just stirred slightly before curling up on her side, a slight smile on her face. "That's right, nothing but pleasant dreams for you. Doctor's orders."

* * *

Nicole knew instantly where she was and that she was dreaming. "Hello?" she called out as the mist swirled around her. 

"Can we play?" a young boy's voice asked.

"Yes, but later. First I need to talk to her," a familiar woman's voice said.

"Noreen?"

"How are you sweetheart?"

"I…I forgot to tell John when I woke up," Nicole said, suddenly feeling very sad because she had let Noreen down.

"You didn't forget dear. When the moment is right, the memory will surface in your conscious mind and you will tell him. Until that time, it will remain locked up with your memory of us, in your subconscious."

"Hi," the little boy from before said, peeking out from behind Noreen.

"Hi," Nicole responded, kneeling down so she was at his level. "How are you?"

"Good. I'm very happy here. I miss my mommy and daddy, but Noreen says that one day they'll come and join me, and until then she's going to take care of me."

"I'm glad."

"Nicole, I need you to protect John," Noreen said. "He's going through a lot of difficult emotions right now because his memories of his childhood have returned. I know that you can see the hurt little boy inside him, and that you are the one person down there that he will allow to comfort that little boy." There was suddenly a teddy bear in Noreen's hand, and she held it up to look at its face. "He wasn't even allowed to have a teddy bear because his father felt such things were for sissies and not for his son." When Noreen turned to face the little boy again, he held up his arms for the teddy bear that he wanted. "Here you are, my little one."

The little boy immediately buried his face in the soft teddy bear, then looked at Nicole and smiled. "Everything is okay now," he told her. "You can't mourn me anymore. Remember me, but please don't mourn me. You did what you could."

Then it all faded as the mist rose up around her, blocking her vision, and then she opened her eyes and found herself back in the waking world. "Have a nice nap?" James asked when he noticed her opening her eyes.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Hi, kiddo. How are you feeling?"

"Tired." Even as she said the word, her eyes were closing and she drifted back to sleep.

* * *

Her dreams were far from pleasant, though, as Robert and Peter filled her thoughts. She tried to fight back as she felt their hands all over her, their hot breath making her skin crawl. "John!" she cried out as she realized that he wasn't in the room. "John, help me! John, please, I need you to help me…please…come back…" 

"John isn't going to save you," Peter said. "He's too disgusted by what we've already done to you. They all are. No one is going to save you or want anything to do with you."

"You're ours," Robert laughed.

"No, no, John! Grace, or Sam, or…or anybody…James! Bailey…somebody…don't leave me…"

* * *

"I think I'll wait to pick out a name. Like you said, we're going to be together for a long time," John said, keeping a tight grip on his bear as he got out of the car and helped Sam with the bags. 

"Yes, you are, so you and teddy can take all the time you need to get to know one another."

They made their way to Nicole's room, stopping only to show their identification to the two agents who were posted outside of her room. _Thank you, Bailey_, John thought to himself. He knew that the brothers were dead, but it still made him feel better knowing that no one else could hurt Nicole while she was there.

The first thing that John heard was Nicole calling out his name, and he rushed through the doors, Sam on his heels. James was talking in a soft voice, but Nicole didn't seem to hear him. He held up his hand to them, tears in his eyes as he looked down on Nicole who had curled up once again, softly crying for her friends to come back, to not leave her there. "If we try to wake her up, there's no telling what could happen," he whispered to John.

"I'm here, Nicole," John said as he stood beside James. "I'm here, and so is Sam. No one is going to leave you, okay?"

"I don't want to be theirs," she sobbed, and James stepped back so that John could sit on the bed since she had responded to his voice.

"Shh, you're not anybody's property, Nicole. I'm here, and I won't let them hurt you all right?"

"Just don't leave me. I'm sorry I couldn't stop them, but I tried…I swear I did…I tried to fight…"

"No one is going to leave you. Sam is here, and James is here, and I'm here, and Grace and Bailey and all of your friends will be here for you."

"I could feel them, touching me, and it…it seemed to real," she said as she opened her eyes. "They were saying that no one was going to save me because…I was disgusting."

"You are not disgusting," John said firmly, taking a deep breath, "just like I am not disgusting because of the things that happened to me when I was a child. We were both unable to stop what happened, but it wasn't our fault."

Nicole finally looked up at John, and when she did she didn't see any signs of disgust or anger, only love and concern, and she smiled. "I'm glad you're here."

"So am I. Why don't you go back to sleep, and Sam and I will stay here with you."

"No, I've slept enough today. Besides, you two didn't come back here to watch me sleep."

"You're right, we didn't," Sam said. She knew from experience with Chloe's nightmares that Nicole just didn't want to risk falling back into one.

"Since John and Sam are here, I'm going to do some paperwork and give the three of you some privacy." Nicole nodded, and James left the room.

"We brought you some things to help speed your healing. Now this one is from Chloe. She thought you might like a guard puppy." Sam handed her a bag as she was speaking.

As soon as Nicole opened the bag she felt her eyes filling with tears again. "I always wanted a doggy," she whispered, "and now I have one."

"So what's his name going to be? Can't have a dog without a name, you know," John said, which got a smile out of Nicole.

"Well, since it is my guard puppy, I believe I shall name him Johnny."

John's eyes grew large, but he was smiling. "I'm honored…I think."

"Well you should be. The naming of one's guard puppy is a very serious matter, after all," she said, her spirits seeming much better.

"Thank you," John said as he kissed her forehead. "Now, the next one is from Sam."

Sam handed her the bag and watched as Nicole set Johnny beside her and pulled out the teddy bear cuddling its little baby bear. "Oh, it's precious! Sam, I…I love it." As she straightened out momma's and baby's little outfits, she kept thinking about John and his mother, and she wasn't sure why. "Now what shall I name you two? I know…Momma and Baby Boo."

"Baby Boo?" Sam asked, and Nicole smiled again.

"Yes, Baby Boo. Thank you so much, Sam. I think they are just adorable, and I love them." She opened her arms and Sam hugged her tight.

"We love you," Sam whispered in Nicole's ear.

"I love you both too. Thank you," Nicole whispered back.

"Now there's just one more," John said, and Nicole giggled. "What's so funny?"

"I haven't gotten this many presents since Christmas," she replied.

"What, it's not Christmas? Sam, why didn't you tell me that it's not Christmas? Sorry, these all have to go back," John teased as Nicole clutched her puppy and her teddy bear duo.

"Mine," she said, glaring at John as though daring him to take her new toys.

"But it's not Christmas," John insisted, and he reached towards her puppy.

"Mine!" she said again, slapping at his hand.

"Okay, yours," he finally complied before kissing her forehead again.

"Damn straight they are. You said I have one more, so hand it over…please," she said, looking like a perfectly innocent little angel as she batted her eyes at John.

"Grace taught you that, didn't she?"

"I'm not telling."

"Just give her the doll, John," Sam said with a laugh.

Gone was the teasing as John sat on the bed and handed Nicole the last of the bags. "I…I hope you like it."

"Of course I'll like it. It's a gift from my friend, and that's the most important thing." As the porcelain doll was pulled from the bag, she could see the tears in John's eyes. "She's beautiful, John." And there was something familiar about the doll's features. "I love her. In fact, I think that I shall name her…Noreen." The name just popped into her head and came out of her mouth.

"What?" John whispered, and Nicole looked up into his eyes.

"Noreen. It's…it's the name of the angel that I saw when I…when I thought I was going to die. She said that I had to go back and watch over you, and…and I was…there was something she wanted me to tell you." Now Nicole was crying as she got frustrated with herself. "There was a message that I was supposed to give you but I…I can't remember what it is."

"Noreen was my mother's name."

"She loves you, and she's always watched over you, John. She told me so. The little boy is up there with her, and she's taking care of him until his parents can join him, and she said that I had to come back to take care of you because it wasn't my time yet."

"I got my mother a doll just like this one, the first Mother's Day that we were away from him," John said as he reached over to smooth the doll's dress. "She treated that doll like it was the greatest treasure in the world." His eyes were again filled with tears as the memories came back. "Every morning after she made the beds, she would put that doll on the pillows like it was guarding the room."

"She was proud of you for changing your name to Grant," Nicole said, her eyes lighting up. "I remember the message. She wanted me to tell you that she was so very proud of you for taking your grandmother's maiden name of Grant, and associating yourself with her family instead of cutting yourself off from both sides of your family."

"How…how do you know that? No one knows that…"

"I don't know," Nicole said, crying as she held all of her new gifts tightly. Johnny was clutched tightly in one hand, while Momma and Baby Boo were clutched in the other, one arm wrapped around Noreen. "I don't know, I just remember that she said when the time was right I would remember the message."

"She's been here this whole time," John whispered. Nicole looked up at him and he leaned down and again kissed her forehead. "I believe you, Nicole. I've felt her presence ever since I met you. She's really proud of me?"

"Yes, John. She's so very proud of you."

"Thank you," he said, and he sat on the bed, resting his head in her lap. "Thank you, Mommy."

Nicole reached out and began softly stroking John's hair. "I think she just wants you to find some peace."

Sam just watched in awe as Nicole comforted John when he had come to the hospital hell-bent on comforting her. Picking up the teddy bear that John had set in a chair, Sam put the bear into John's arms and watched as he snuggled against it. Suddenly Nicole looked over at Sam and smiled, then patted the bed beside her.

"I think there's room for one more in this bed. Come on, Sam, make me happy and join us."

Sam sat on the other side of the bed, pulling an extra pillow up behind her so that she could sit up leaning against the head of the bed. Nicole leaned back against Sam and sighed, her toys and John nestled into her lap. Wrapping an arm around Nicole, Sam felt Nicole relax as she continued to stroke John's hair.

"Couldn't resist getting him a teddy bear of his own, could you?"

"No, I couldn't."

"Can we always be like this? This close, I mean. This comfortable and relaxed with each other."

"Yes, we can. Now why don't you get some rest, and I will watch over you both."

"You're sure you aren't going to fall out of the bed? I know it's a double bed, but still…"

"I'm not going to fall out. John looks like he's already asleep, so why don't you do the same?"

James returned about an hour later to check on them and found Nicole sleeping between John and Sam, who were also asleep among a stuffed doggy, two stuffed bears, and a porcelain doll. All three looked so peaceful that he couldn't help watching them for a few moments. In spite of the horrific events that Nicole had gone through, he didn't think he had seen her look so content in the time that he had known her. "Sweet dreams," he whispered before backing out of the room and silently shutting the door.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1**

**A/N: waves to the people still reading A belated Merry Christmas and an early Happy New Year!**

For the next three days, John and Sam were regular visitors to the hospital.  It was well known that they were sneaking in food, but Rebecca told all the other nurses that they were to look the other way.  Nicole was eating, even if it was croissants with chocolate milk for breakfast and pizza for lunch, and that was the most important thing.

The team was back to work, although John was restricted to desk duty.  Not that he was at his desk much.  John preferred to stay close to Nicole, because even though Robert and Peter were dead, John couldn't deny the little voice in his head that whispered there was still a danger out there.  Once he found out the connection to the murder victims he had been investigating when this all started, he had cried for hours.  

Now all that remained was to get Nicole home and healed, and to see that Christine was punished for her role in the whole ordeal.  Lindsey had pled guilty to the charges of kidnapping, attempted murder, being an accessory before and after the fact, and a long list of other charges.  She had also told the FBI and the district attorney everything that she knew about Robert and his plans, but she didn't know who had manufactured the virus for Robert.  And so George quietly worked at trying to find out just who had done it; the list of who could was pretty short, but there were plenty of countries were genetic research went unchecked and it could just as easily have been done abroad and then smuggled into the country.

But for today, the only thing that any of them wanted to think about was Nicole.  James had finally said that she could be released from the hospital as long as she wasn't alone.  It was too soon after surgery and she wasn't completely healed, so there was still a chance that something could happen, but everyone thought she would do better if she weren't stuck in a place that was a constant reminder of what had happened.

John reminded Bailey of a little kid on Christmas Eve, eagerly awaiting the moment he had been looking forward to.  Although he would never say it, it was hard on John to come back into the hospital after all that had happened.  Nicole was on the same floor that he had been on, although James had her in an entirely different section.  Still, the memories came back every time he caught the smell of hospital disinfectant.  But hard as it was, as long as Nicole was there, he would be there too.

Ever since Nicole had been given her gifts, she refused to let them out of her sight except for when she was allowed to take a shower.  Even then, she didn't settle down until she was sure that they were still right where she had left them.  Rebecca had come in and changed the bed, making it up and placing the animals and doll right where Nicole had left them.  It was obvious that those were a 'fill-in' for when John and Sam couldn't be there, although she was never left all alone.  James was there quite a bit, and Grace would spend a few hours there after work until John and Sam arrived.  They had become hours that Grace actually found herself looking forward to, because the two women could simply sit together and not say a word, and take comfort in each other's presence.

James came out of Nicole's room and quietly shut the door behind him.  They had been waiting in the hall for him to come out, and now that he was they could officially pack Nicole up and get her out of the hospital.  "Remember, she still needs her rest," he told the anxious faces that were surrounding him.  "She shouldn't really be leaving the hospital in her condition, but I think it would do her good to be out of here.  There are too many bad memories for her…for all of you, I'm sure."

"Don't worry, we'll all see to it that she doesn't lift a finger or want for anything," George promised.  He and Nicole had met only once, but they had instantly hit it off and Nicole had asked him if he would mind watering her plants which he agreed to.  After calling to reassure her that none of her greenery had suffered during her absence, the conversation had turned to other topics like cats and whether or not the Braves would win the world series.  That was when George knew that he liked this young woman, and he could see why John and Sam were so attached to her, as was Grace – it was just so easy to like her.

"John, I see you have the wheelchair," James said.  "I'll push her out to the car, just so we keep with hospital rules–"

"Actually," one of the agents who had been guarding Nicole's door interrupted, "since she is under the protection of the FBI at the moment, I believe it should be one of us who pushes the wheelchair.  To be sure that she's safe at all times."

Bailey raised an eyebrow at this and smiled.  So even the agents outside her door had fallen under her spell.  "Let's just get our little princess home, shall we?"

Rebecca had come up to see Nicole off, and when she announced that she would push the wheelchair no one dared to say otherwise.  It was obvious how close she and Nicole were, especially when they got to the car and Rebecca leaned down to hug Nicole.  "Sweetie, don't cry.  I'm only a phone call away if you need anything," she said as she stroked Nicole's hair.  "I'll come and see you as often as I can.  I love you, sweetie."

"I'll miss you," Nicole sobbed.

"You're going home, not moving to another country," Rebecca said as she wiped a tear from Nicole's cheek.  "You call me anytime, and maybe next week you and I can go out for lunch.  Okay?"

Nicole finally nodded, and John helped her into the car.  All three of her 'babies' had come down in a large plastic bag so they didn't get dropped along the way, and Rebecca gently removed each one and placed them in Nicole's arms.  John could tell watching them that Rebecca was to Nicole what Nicole was to him – someone to step in when you needed a mother's comfort.

"Why don't I ride in the back with Nicole?" Grace said as Rebecca gave Nicole a kiss on the cheek and went back inside the hospital.  "That way Sam can sit up front with John while he drives."

During the drive back to Nicole's apartment, she had been very quiet, just playing with her 'babies' like a little girl.  It wasn't until they were almost to the apartment that Grace realized Nicole was still crying as she toyed with her Momma and Baby Bear set.  "Honey, what's the matter?  Are you hurting?  Do you need a pain pill?"

Nicole shook her head no and buried her face in the Momma Bear, wishing that there was a pill that could take away the pain that she was feeling at the moment.

"Then talk to me.  Tell me what's wrong so we can help you feel better?"  Nicole just shook her head again, but as she held Momma Bear and Baby Boo, Grace slowly realized what had upset Nicole.  Knowing the kind of injuries that Nicole had suffered, most likely she would never be able to have children.  "Oh honey, come here and let me hold you."

Obliging, Nicole leaned against Grace and let herself relax as Grace's arms held her.  So many things were going through her mind, mostly that she had managed to create a safe haven within her hospital room and now that was gone.  She was back out in the cold, unfeeling world and it scared her.  Those that she had come to rely on had lives and work to get back to, and she had nothing but an empty apartment.  The Momma Bear with her baby had reminded Nicole of what James had told her that morning as well, that she could never have children of her own.  _"But you can adopt children, Nicole.  There are so many who deserve to have a mother, and you would be the best."_  While that may have been true, Nicole felt like she deserved to have a moment of selfishness and she wanted a child that was hers, that grew inside her for nine months before coming into the world.  

_You'd have to have a man in your life to get pregnant, stupid.  What man is going to want you?  _Nicole started to sob harder the further they drove.  Her life was back there at the hospital, and she knew that she would never be able to return to it again.

When they got to Nicole's apartment, John and Grace helped her slowly walk up to the door while Sam walked behind her.  What would normally have taken her about 40 seconds took well over five minutes and when they got inside Nicole collapsed onto her sofa.  "Do you need anything?" John asked, sitting down next to her.

"No, it's just good to be home."  She smiled as Sam let Bailey and George into the apartment.  "Welcome to my most humble abode."

"We just wanted to be sure that you got home okay," Bailey said.  "We should go so you can rest."

The tears again welled up in Nicole's eyes as she held Johnny tight against her chest.  "Please don't," she whispered.

"Nicole, if you want us to stay we will.  For as long as you want us to.  Nothing is more important to us than you are, princess."

Nicole looked up at Bailey and smiled, just a tiny little bit.  "Did you just call me 'princess'?"

"I…I guess I did."

"So does that make you Prince Charming?"

"I am at your service, milady," Bailey said, making a sweeping bow before her.  

"Well in that case, can I have a glass of water, please?"

"As you wish, milady."  He kissed her on the forehead and went off to get her glass of water.

"The kitchen's in the other direction," she called as Bailey headed towards her bedroom.

"I'll rescue him and get you your water," George said, going after Bailey.

"I hope you didn't think that we were going to leave you," John said.  "Because Sam and I are going to be here for a very, very long time."

"Oh I…I know that.  I…guess I just assumed it.  I mean I know that both of you have your jobs and your lives, and there's Chloe, and…"

"And for the time being you are at the center of all that," Sam said.  "Nothing means more than you do, okay?"

"We will never leave you all alone, Nicole," John said, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.  "We love you too much to ever let you feel alone."

Bailey and George finally returned with water for everyone, and after a few minutes Nicole stood up.  "I'm going to take a shower, and then I think I'll lie down for a while."

"Let me help you," Grace said as she came beside Nicole and slid her arm around Nicole's waist.  "We'll just go nice and slow, okay?"

"I'm not a helpless invalid," Nicole snapped, and Sam smiled slightly.

"No, you're not a helpless invalid," Sam said, "but it makes us happy to fuss over you and take care of you.  Now can Grace and I please help you?"

"I…I have to do this myself.  Please understand."

"Of course we understand," Grace told her.  "But if we hear anything that could possibly mean you need help…"

"I know, and that's why I know that I can do this.  Because if I can't, you'll all be there to help me.  But I'll be fine, really.  John, will you…watch my babies.  Please?"

"They will be perfectly safe with me," he said as she handed him Johnny.

"Thanks."  She started down the hall again, then stopped and came back.  "Could one of you…just check…just to be sure that…that no one else is here…please?"

"I'll do it," Bailey said, immediately getting up and heading over to Nicole.  "You stay right here, okay?  Once I'm sure everything is safe and secure, I'll come back."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare be sorry.  You haven't been here and it didn't occur to any of us to be sure that this apartment was still secure.  Listen to me; you were very smart not to go in there alone without one of us checking.  Okay?"

"You don't think that I'm being paranoid?"

"No, you aren't."

"Bailey's right, we should have checked the apartment before we even brought you in here," George said.  "I mean, I checked that the windows were all shut and locked and everything was okay when I left after watering your plants, but that was – "

"You did?"

"Of course I did.  I didn't want to see you get robbed."

"Everything is still locked up tight, and there isn't anyone here but the people you see in this room," Bailey said as he returned.  "You can go on in there."

"Can I ask something silly?"

"Ask whatever you want."

"Will you check in my closet?  I know there's no monsters hiding in there, but…"

"Princess, I will check under the bed and in every single cupboard and drawer if it makes you feel safer."

"Just the closet, please, but thanks for the offer."

* * *

Nicole was barely in the shower two minutes when John was in her room, sitting on her bed with her babies.  

"John, what do you think you're doing?" Sam asked as she followed him.

"I can't help it, Sam.  I just…I have the feeling that she is going to need us, and I want to be close by when that happens."

* * *

Standing under the warm water felt wonderful to Nicole, and she let the spray wash over all of her as she just stood there for a while.  This was the first time that she had felt truly clean since the ordeal had begun.  Finally deciding that it was time to wash her hair, she reached for the bottle but lost her grip and the bottle hit the tub, bouncing.

The instant John and Sam heard the thud of the shampoo bottle they were both on their feet.  The others had also heard the sound and ran to the room just as John was about to open the bathroom door.  

"John, wait a minute," Sam said.  "Maybe she just dropped something.  If you barge in there, you'll be invading her privacy.  Let's wait before we rush in, okay?"

"Nicole, are you okay?  We heard something fall," John yelled through the door.

"I'm okay," she yelled back, sticking her head out from behind the shower curtain and smiling at the knowledge that they were just on the other side of the door and would be there in an instant should she need them.

"What did she say?" John asked Sam, unable to understand her above the running water.

"From the tone, I'd say she's okay," Sam assured him.  "Come on, let's sit back down on the bed and wait for the water to shut off."

"And then what?"

"And then," Grace told him, "we all go back in the living room to wait for her to come out."

The moment that they heard the shower being shut off, all of them except for John got up to leave the bedroom.  "John," Sam whispered, not wanting Nicole to hear her, "come on."

He slowly stood up, but instead of following her he walked over to the bathroom door.  "You all right?" he asked softly.

The moment she heard his voice, Nicole relaxed.  "Yes, John, I'm all right.  Thank you for checking on me."  _And as long as you're here, I know that I'll be safe…I just don't know what I'll do when you're not here…_

Bailey and George had made a hasty exit from the bedroom, not stopping to wait for the others.  Grace had hung back with Sam, just outside the doorway while John talked through the bathroom door.  George's cell phone rang, and he looked at the number that was flashing, then went outside to take the call.

Nicole emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a fuzzy white robe.  John had stayed on the bed to wait for her, and she immediately went over and sat beside him, resting her head on his shoulder as she cried.

"Hey, what's the matter?  Shh, you're safe.  It's okay, Nicole.  We're all here, and nothing's going to happen."

"I…I know," she said as she choked back another sob.  "I'm just…scared…of what I'll do when…when you're not here."

"We will be here for as long as you need us," Sam said as she went to sit on the other side of Nicole.  "Sweetie, there's no time limit."  Sam began to gently stroke Nicole's hair until Nicole turned and went into Sam's embrace.  "We'll be here 24 hours a day, okay?"

"What about your jobs?"

"We'll bring you with us if we have to."  Sam felt Nicole chuckle at that, and she smiled at John.  "We're not going to leave you alone, I promise."

"I know, and I love you all for that.  I'm really tired, so I'm going to lie down now."  She pulled back the covers and smiled at the sight of all of her babies already on the other side of the bed.  "Thank you, John."

"For what?"

"Bringing my babies."

John got her tucked in, and Sam nestled her babies on both sides of her.  "Do you need anything?" Sam asked, sitting on the bed like she did when she was putting Chloe into bed.  "A glass of water?"

"I'm fine, Sam, but thank you."  Nicole was smiling, which made John and Sam both relax.  "But would you maybe stay here with me for a while?"

"Why don't you scoot over just a little?" Sam asked as Nicole moved to the center of the bed.  Sam laid down beside Nicole, although she was on top of the covers, and John was soon on the other side of Nicole.  

"Think you can get some sleep now?" John asked as Nicole yawned.

"Mmm-hmm.  Good night," she mumbled as she burrowed beneath the covers – with her babies, which made John smile.  "I'm surprised she parted with them when she went in the shower," he whispered to Sam.

"She knew that they were in the best of care," Sam whispered back, and then she and John just lay there and watched over Nicole as she slept, safe and sound under the covers with her babies.

* * *

Grace had stayed out of sight in the hallway until she was sure that Nicole was settled, and then she went out into the living room just as George was coming in.  "Shh," she cautioned him, putting her finger to her lips.  "Nicole just went to sleep," she added in a whisper.

George didn't look happy, and he motioned for Bailey and Grace to step outside with him so that the others wouldn't hear.  "That must have been one hell of a phone call," Bailey remarked once they were outside.

"Bailey, since the firehouse is the safest place in the city, I think we need to be there with Nicole."

"George," Grace said, trying to stay calm, "what are you getting at?"

"I think we should move Nicole to the firehouse to keep her safe, as well as to keep John and Sam safe, and reactivate the security.  Remember the friend who was helping me try to track down who could have created the virus that made John sick?  That was him on the phone."

"So?  We already know who had the virus made.  It was Dr. Chauncey, and he is currently dead so why do you want me to reactivate security at the firehouse?"

"Yes, it was Dr. Chauncey, but there was another party involved.  Seems the geneticist that delivered received a wire transfer of $750,000 into his account – and the name on the wire was O'Doyle."

"Patrick O'Doyle?" Grace asked, but George shook his head.

"There was no first name.  Under comments the wire just has O'Doyle.  The money came from an unnumbered account in the Cayman Islands."

"So we go and arrest the geneticist, shut down the company and go through their records to find out more."

"The company is operating in South America.  There are no restrictions on genetic research, and we have no jurisdiction there, Bailey."

"We're getting them out of here now," Bailey said, but Grace blocked him before he could go down the hall.

"Wait a minute, Bailey.  Nicole just got out of the hospital, and she's finally settled and sleeping…with John and Sam at her side, of course," she added with a small smile.   "They are all safe for the moment, so please, as a doctor I am asking you to let Nicole get some much needed rest.  When she wakes up, we'll help her pack up some things and we'll move her to the firehouse."  Bailey nodded, and Grace continued.  "And let me explain why we're moving her to the firehouse.  I know you mean well, but if you come across too strong you could panic her, and that we don't need."

"You're right.  She trusts you."

"She trusts you, too, in case you hadn't noticed."

"I'm going to make some calls and have agents watching the hospital.  He may try to get information about John from there.  And I'm having four agents immediately assigned to guard this apartment until Nicole is able to go to the firehouse."

Bailey went into the kitchen to make his call, and Grace sat on the couch, motioning for George to sit next to her.  "Talk to me.  I want to hear more about this friend of yours, and how he was able to track down where the virus was made."


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1**

**A/N: I know it's kind of short, but I just wanted anyone still waiting to know that this story hasn't been forgotten…**

John found himself unable to move, and he panicked as he remembered the beating he had already received.  "No, please…"  Tears began to well up as he realized they had finally made him beg them to stop.  He had sworn that he wouldn't beg, but it had hurt so badly…

"John?"

_Oh god, please don't let them hurt her.  Nicole's been hurt enough…_  "Leave her alone," he managed to whisper.

"John, wake up," he heard Nicole say.

Cautiously he opened his eyes and looked into her eyes.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine.  You want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Your nightmare.  You were begging someone not to do it again."

"I don't remember."

"You were begging Robert and Peter not to hurt you anymore, weren't you?  It's okay, John.  There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to stop hurting you."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"For what?"

"Not protecting you."

"John, it wasn't your job to protect me, and I'm alive aren't I?  I'm alive because of you.  Yes, you saved me.  You stayed with me."

"But I didn't do anything!"

"You were there.  That's the most important thing."

John looked past Nicole and saw Sam still sitting on the bed, smiling at them both.  "Nicole, how are you feeling?"

"Better.  Much better, thank you Sam.  Think you can help me get this one to settle down, though?"

"I think you're doing just fine in that department.  Is there anything I can get for you…either of you?"

"I think I'm hungry," Nicole said.  "How about you John?"

"I'm fine, but you should eat."

"No, it's not worth the effort to fix food just for myself.  I'm not that hungry anyway."  Nicole laid back against her pillow, curling up to John as best she could.

John looked at Sam for some support, but Sam just glanced down at Nicole and then back to John before shrugging her shoulders.  _Great.  Nicole needs to eat and Sam isn't going to help me.  I guess I'll just have to do this myself…_  "If it's not too much trouble, I am kind of hungry," he said.

"I'll go in the kitchen and…"  Nicole started to sit up, wincing in pain as she did so.

"You will do no such thing," Sam gently admonished her.  "You need to just rest, or James will put you back into the hospital."

"He will not," Nicole scoffed, although she knew that her body hadn't healed from the surgery yet and that she did need to stay off her feet and in bed as much as possible.

"He will if I tell him that you're not resting.  Now lie back," John said as he put his arm behind her back to help her gently ease herself back.

"I'm sorry," Nicole said as tears suddenly ran down her face while she looked up at him.  "I should have fought harder, and now…I'm sorry.  I didn't mean for you to have to play nursemaid to me.  I'm so sorry for this."

"Hey, no one's playing nursemaid all right?  We're your friends, and we're just making sure you get the rest that you need to heal."  He knew that after what she had gone through, some sudden emotional upsets were to be expected, but he hated that she was so angry with herself.  "You did fight, Nicole; you fought as hard as anyone could have, but you were outnumbered.  This isn't your fault.  None of it is."  Nicole had gotten on to her side, and John laid facing her, his arms pulling her closer to him so that her head was resting on his chest.  "None of what happened was your fault."

"You should be with Sam, recuperating, not taking care of me."

"I am just fine."

"No you're not.  You were hurt badly, and you need to rest and heal."

"We'll rest and heal together, okay?"

* * *

"The syringe that contained the antidote was found when the agents searched the cabin," George explained to Grace, "and there was enough of the antidote left for me to send a trace amount to my friend.  He was able to find chemical markers, which he used to trace where the raw materials came from, and then he just followed the trail.  Of course we're just assuming that the antidote was made by the same person that made the poison."

"And I suppose this is where you tell me that I don't want to know the rest, right?"

"You said it, not me," George replied, standing up.  "You don't think it's going to traumatize Nicole more to make her leave her home and go to unfamiliar surroundings, do you?"

"It won't be easy, but at least she'll be surrounded by familiar faces, and I know that John will rest more easily knowing that she's there with him, safe and sound."

"Everything is set," Bailey said when he rejoined them.  "There are two agents already outside the door, and they'll stay there until we all return to the firehouse.  And yes, Grace, they know that we will be staying here until Nicole wakes up."

"Speaking of Nicole, I think I'll go and see if she's still sleeping."  With that Grace excused herself and went to see how her patients were fairing.  At the doorway she paused, briefly hearing voices.

"I couldn't stay awake long enough to eat anyway.  I wish I wasn't so tired," Nicole said, yawning.  John just chuckled and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, guiding her head to rest on chest.

"You're body is telling you that it wants sleep to heal.  Listen to it.  After you get caught up on your sleep, we'll go out and eat lots of junk food so you can get your strength back."

"Yes, doctor," she teased, her eyes already closed.

_Thank goodness she's getting the sleep that she needs_, Grace thought as she quietly crept back down the hallway.  _Now if only John will do the same._

Once John was sure that Nicole was again sleeping, he looked over at Sam.  "Will we ever be okay again?" he whispered.

"Yes, John."  She wasn't sure if he meant him and Nicole or him and her, or all of the people in that apartment at the moment, but it didn't matter because the answer would be the same.  "It's going to take a lot of love and a lot of time, but there's plenty of both."

"Do you have any idea what they did to me, Sam?  They took away my control over my own body.  I was catheterized and it made me feel so violated.  I can't even imagine what Nicole felt."

"So let's talk about what you felt."

"I felt helpless, and I felt scared.  They beat me like my father used to, with the belt…"  He felt Nicole move and he paused until he was certain that she was still sleeping.  "I swore to myself that I wouldn't cry, but it hurt so bad, Sam."

"And there is nothing wrong with crying, especially under those conditions.  No one thinks that it makes you weak.  It just makes you human."

"I hate going to James, Sam.  I know that he's a good doctor, but I don't feel as comfortable with him."

"Why not?"

"Because…because every male doctor I've ever had has wanted to torture me."

"What about Dr. Bellingham?  He didn't want to hurt you."

"Doctors that I had while I was unconscious and/or delirious don't count."

"And too many memories have been brought back to the surface.  I do understand John, but you have to receive medical treatment until you've healed, and isn't James better than a complete stranger?"

"I suppose, but…do you think once Nicole is better, she could maybe be my doctor again?"

"I think you'll make her very happy if you ask her.  How is your back?  I know that you haven't taken any pain pills today."

"I don't want to be doped up when Nicole needs me, and it really hasn't bothered me."

"Then why don't you try and rest, so you're awake later on?"

"Every time I close my eyes, Sam…"

"I'll be right here, and I promise you that I won't let anything bad happen to either of you."

* * *

"Agents are in place at the firehouse, waiting for our arrival, and there are two agents outside the apartment," Bailey announced when he came back inside.

"I was wondering why you were gone so long," Grace remarked.

"I'm not taking any chances this time, Grace.  I thought that they were safe before, and look what happened."

"What happened wasn't your fault.  No one could have guessed," George chimed in.  "Anyway, now that you're here I can tell you both what I've found."

With Bailey on one side of him and Grace on the other, George showed them on the laptop's  screen several transactions where money was wired into Dr. Chauncey's account.  "Always a deposit the day before one of our victims was killed," Bailey said softly.

"And going by the time's of death that Grace established, he went into the bank and made cash withdrawals within four hours of each victim's death.  Then when John was kidnapped, there was a large deposit wired into the account within half an hour of his disappearance, and the entire amount was withdrawn before we even got to the cabin."

"How was the withdrawal made?" Bailey asked.

"Electronic wires transfer through an offshore account.  The transfer originated on the Internet, so the phone company is trying to track it to an Internet service provider.  It's a long shot, but any shot is worth taking at this point.  Oh, and every transaction had the same reference line – O'Doyle."

"So how are you going to break the news to John," Grace asked, "that there's still a very real threat to their safety?"

"When I figure that one out, I'll let you know."  Bailey knew that John would be upset that there was still a danger to Nicole.  John wouldn't care that he was in the most danger since he had been the target all along – the only way to keep John safe was to convince him that Nicole, Sam and Chloe would be the safest if they were tucked away with him at the firehouse.  How he was going to convince John of that, he had no idea, but he had to think of something.

* * *

At some point John drifted off to sleep and Sam eased herself off the bed, careful not to disturb the remaining occupants.  Neither of them moved, so Sam left the room and went to see what the rest of the team was up to.

"Hey," she said as she entered the living room.

"Hey yourself.  Are John and Nicole still sleeping?" Grace asked.

"Yes, thank goodness.  I think this whole event of coming home from the hospital has just worn Nicole out, and John hasn't sleep this peacefully since this ordeal started."

"Well after they wake up, we're going to have to move them again," Bailey told her with a frown.  After catching Sam up on what George had learned, they all crept down the hallway and peeked in to be sure that Nicole and John were still sleeping.  

Nicole had shifted slightly, now lying more on the side that Sam had been on, and she had relinquished her hold on Johnny.  The stuffed dog was now in John's grasp, and he was holding onto it for dear life.  

"His teddy bear," Sam whispered.  "I forgot his teddy bear."

"Well it looks to me like Nicole is willing to share, so don't worry about it," Grace whispered back.  "With any luck those two will sleep for a few more hours, so let's leave them be."


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Hi there :-) Remember me? waves to the readers Yeah, I know, it's been a while...I really didn't intend for it to be a new chapter every three months...remember when it was once a week? Me too...I miss those days...anyway, here's chapter 19, and I'll try not to go more than a month between chapters, 'kay? OK.**

* * *

When Nicole woke up again, she really was hungry. John was still lying beside her, sound asleep as he clutched her doggy, and it made Nicole smile to see him looking so peaceful and content. Unable to resist, she leaned over and kissed his forehead, which caused him to frown.

"Mommy," he whispered as he wrinkled his nose. "Not in front of my friends."

"Sorry," she whispered back, and John snuggled down with Johnny. _Food. I want food._ Slowly she slid over to the edge of the bed and then slipped off. Once she was sure that her legs would, in fact, support her, she got her robe back on and went into the bathroom to be sure her hair wasn't a complete disaster before going into the kitchen.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Sam asked, standing up at the same time that Grace and Bailey did when they saw her slowly making her way down the hall.

"Didn't we already agree that I'm not an invalid? And keep your voices down; John is still sleeping."

"So how are you feeling?" Grace asked.

"Hungry. That's the only reason I came out here; believe me, I preferred to stay in bed but my stomach had other ideas." She winced as she sat down, hoping that Grace hadn't noticed.

"Well I'll fix you something to eat," Sam told her. "Just tell me what you want."

"Poached eggs," she said softly, looking down at the table. "I can make them."

"No, you will sit there and keep Bailey and Grace company, and I am going to make you breakfast. Now, do you have a big pot I can boil the water in?"

"I have a microwave egg poacher over by the microwave," Nicole pointed out. "Eggs are on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. Haven't you guys eaten anything?"

"Haven't been hungry," Bailey told her.

"Nonsense. You need to eat too. Besides, all the food in my refrigerator will probably be spoiled soon so it may as well get eaten."

"So, who else wants poached eggs?" Sam asked, smiling as Grace and Bailey each raised a hand.

"Where's George?"

"Playing with his computer," Grace replied. "Don't worry, Nicole, I'll make sure he eats."

* * *

George was trying to find out the whereabouts of Patrick O'Doyle, and any other O'Doyles that might be connected to what had happened to John. No bank accounts with the name of O'Doyle had any transactions that matched the dates and amounts of the ones into and out of Dr. Chauncy's, though. Just as he was about to continue searching for accounts, Grace came into the living room.

"Nicole would like very much if you could join us for breakfast."

"Breakfast? Grace, it's – "

"Time of day doesn't matter, dear. Nicole wants poached eggs so we are having poached eggs."

"What about John?"

"He's still sleeping. Don't worry, once I assure Nicole that you'll be joining her for breakfast shortly, I'll go and check on John."

"Have you mentioned…"

"No, and I know I don't have to remind you not to say a word. Right now she is enjoying a little normalcy and I think that is what she needs."

* * *

Once George was at the kitchen table, Grace went to check on John while Sam fixed them all breakfast. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of him, curled up with Johnny still in his grasp while Nicole's other two 'babies' were propped against her pillow. John looked so still and peaceful as he slept, unaware of his audience, and Grace wished that he could look half that content when he was awake, and so she stayed for a while longer, just watching him sleep.

* * *

This time it was John who opened his eyes and found himself surrounded by the mist. Light seemed to be shining from all around him, but he couldn't see a thing at first. _Why aren't I afraid?_

"Johnny," a feminine voice said, one that John recognized in a heartbeat.

_Mommy_. In that instant, John was a 12-year old boy again, longing for his mother's embrace and soothing words to tell him that it would all be okay. And this time, he got both.

"My sweet baby," she said as she wrapped her arms around him. "Oh my baby boy, I am so very proud of you."

"Where am I?" he whispered, holding onto her tightly, less she vanish into thin air if he let go.

"It's sort of an in-between place, where the dead can sometimes connect to the living."

"Why didn't you visit me before? I needed you." The tears were running down his face as he rested his head on her shoulder.

"Because it wasn't time, sweetheart. Now that you have Nicole, I can say goodbye to you and leave you in peace."

"Leave…me?"

"I have watched over you all your life, my angel. I am so proud of you, John." She pulled away briefly and held his face in her hands. "I will always be with you here," she told him as she pointed to his heart, "but you have to let me go and move on. I know that Nicole is young, but I also know that you see in her a maternal figure. Maybe it's because she's the age that I was when I died, or maybe it's because she showed you kindness and compassion that you only felt you received from me. She will be there for you, John, and I will continue to watch over you both. I love you, my son."

As Noreen released him John started to cry harder. "Don't leave me! Please, not again! I have so many questions!"

"Hush, little one," she said as she took him back into her arms and began to run her fingers through his hair. "I'm not going to leave you. I told you, I will continue to watch over you. It's all right, John. I can't answer the one question that I know that you have though, sweetheart."

"Why?"

"My death is something for you to deal with. Let it go or discover the truth. If I tell you, I take that choice away from you."

"I can't just let it go. He killed you, and I am going to make him pay for that."

"John…"

"He took you away from me when I was only 12 years old! I can't just let it go."

"You don't know the truth, John, and if you act without discovering it, you'll never forgive yourself."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"That I love you, and that you'll be making a mistake you'll regret for the rest of your life if you go after your father for vengeance. I love you John, and I want you to enjoy your life with Sam. You can't change what has happened, but you can change what will be."

As the light around him grew dimmer, he heard her voice call out "I love you, my son" and then he opened his eyes and saw Grace watching him.

"Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer," he mumbled as his eyes began to focus on other things in the room. After a few moments he realized that this wasn't his room; it was Nicole's room, so where was Nicole? "Grace, where…"

"Nicole is fine, John. She was hungry so she wandered into the kitchen and is eating breakfast. I told her that I would make sure that you were okay. Do you want something to eat?"

"No, thanks."

"How are you feeling? I know that you haven't taken your pain medication."

"I am a little sore."

"Well it seems that your pills and the water are right here," Grace said as she opened the pill bottled and put a pill in one of John's hand, a small glass of water in the other and smiled.

"Rather pleased with yourself, aren't you?" he asked just as he popped the pill into his mouth.

"Yes I am. Do you want to come out and visit with Nicole for a while? Bailey and George are there, too, and Sam is cooking."

"Sam? My Sam is cooking? This I have got to see."

"Just remember, slow and easy okay?"

Grace helped John wrap the blanket around his shoulders and made sure that he didn't fall as he made his way to the kitchen where everyone was seated and eating their breakfast. Nicole stood up as soon as she saw John and went over to hug him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Is that the question of the day?" he asked.

"Yes, it is. Answer it or we'll torment you."

John laughed at that, rolling his eyes and hugging Nicole although he made sure he didn't hug her too tight for fear he might hurt her. "I'm okay."

"I won't break you know," she whispered in his ear.

"I saw her," John said, pulling back slightly. "My mother. I saw her in my dream." Tears began to form but he quickly wiped them away. "I think she really likes you."

"Well I **know** that she loves you and is proud of you, John. I hope that you feel better now that you've seen her?"

"Yes, although she seems convinced that I should let you mother me now."

"And are you going to let me?"

"Like I have a choice? Between you, Grace and Sam…I'm outnumbered and I know it."

"Good. Then you'll be joining us for breakfast, right?"

"Whatever you say, doc."

"You should sit down, both of you," Bailey said, standing up. "I have some calls to make, so take my seat John."

It became obvious as silence fell over the group that they were hiding something. "Come on, out with it. What's the bad news?" John asked. Getting only more silence in reply, he grew agitated. "I know something is going on, so just tell me and get it over with already!" Out of the corner of his eye he saw Nicole cringe when his voice rose, and he put his hand over hers. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…you're safe now, Nicole. I swear, no one will hurt you. I – "

"I know that I'm safe. I'm not afraid of you, or of anyone else here, John. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me, you know."

"You're right John, there is something that we have to tell you," Grace finally said. "We think that whoever originally planned the attack on you is still out there, and may try again."

"But I thought that all of the children were dead except for Lindsay, and she's in jail."

"But someone put the idea into their head. Thanks to George, we know where the virus was created, and we also know that money was deposited into the geneticists account after all of the Chauncy siblings were dead and/or in custody."

"So? I mean, couldn't the deposit have been set up to take place automatically?"

"John, I want you to listen to me," George said calmly. "These deposits came from the Cayman Islands, which means there could be someone outside the country calling the shots."

"What did the geneticist have to say?"

"He's in South America, John," Bailey said as he came back over to them. "We have no jurisdiction there, and there are no limits on genetic research in that country so we have no grounds to even question him."

"So now what?" Nicole's voice sounded so small that Bailey wanted to gather her into his arms and promise her that everything would be okay, but instead he looked to Grace to answer her question.

"We are taking you and your stuff to the firehouse, to live with John and Sam for a while. It's completely safe, and there are agents on duty guarding it around the clock."

"I have to leave again?"

"We will bring whatever you want with us to make it feel like home, won't we Bailey?" Sam said. "So if you want your plants, or even your own dishes, you just say so and it will be brought to the firehouse."

"When do we have to leave?"

"You finish eating, and when you feel like it you just tell me what you want to bring. I'll have all of your clothing brought over so you don't have to worry about that. It's only for a little while; you'll be back here in your own place before you know it," Bailey told her.

Nicole's only reaction to this was to nod and push a piece of toast around her plate with her fork. Finally, she raised her head and asked another question: "What if I don't want to go?"

"You have to," John said, grabbing her hand. "I have to know that you're safe. Besides, Sam and I will be there, and Chloe."

"That's why I can't go. I'm sorry, but I'm staying here."

"Nicole…"

"I can't deal with kids right now, okay?" she shouted, surprising even herself. "Oh god, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she said as she looked down at the table. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry."

"How about a compromise?" Bailey offered, kneeling beside her. She refused to look at him or anyone else, keeping her head down, so he put one hand on her back to reassure her. "What if you go over there with us for a little while, just to see how it would be, and if at the end of…oh, say three hours…you don't want to stay there, I'll bring you back here and guard you myself. Will you do that? Just try it for a little while."

"You promise you'll bring me back here after three hours?"

"I swear it."

"Okay. Three hours. I guess I should go get dressed."

"I'll see if Angel can go with Chloe to the park for a while," Sam said, but Nicole stopped her from calling home.

"Sam, I didn't mean to say what I did before. It's just…" Tears welled up again as she remember the words that James had said to her. "James told me before I left that I'll never be able to have children of my own. I didn't think that I could handle being around someone else's."

"Oh sweetie, you don't have to worry about that. Angel can take Chloe to the park and…"

"No, she should stay. I can't avoid children for the rest of my life, right? It'll be okay."

Sam couldn't resist giving Nicole a quick hug. "There's nothing we won't do for you, you do know that?"

"Yes, I know that, but getting rid of your daughter seems a bit extreme, don't you think? Now I'm going to go get dressed and then we can head out so I can meet this daughter of yours. I do believe I have her to thank for Johnny."


	20. Chapter Twenty

Nicole refused all offers of help as she took clothes out of her closet and threw them in a box.  This was just proof that she would never get her life back – how could she when she was being forced out of her own apartment because of a threat that may or may not exist?

"Sweetie, your clothes will be all wrinkled," Grace said when she came in to check on Nicole and saw what she was doing.  "Let's leave them on the hangers and -- "

"I want them wrinkled," Nicole said as she deliberately wadded up a blouse before shoving it down into the box.  "It's not like it matters anyway."

"Look, Nicole, I don't know what -- "

"That's right, you don't know.  You weren't there and it didn't happen to you, so don't you dare think that you can come into my bedroom, in my house and tell me what to do with my clothes!"

"We are your friends, Nicole…"

"Well I didn't ask you to be!"  Her anger was growing, and she was mostly angry at herself for what she was thinking: _None of this would have happened to me if it weren't for you people._  She didn't blame them for her rape anymore than she blamed John for what happened to him, but she couldn't get the thought out of her head. 

When Nicole raised her voice, the others heard it but Sam convinced them that she would go and see what was going on.  One look at Nicole and it was obvious that she was very angry, but Sam also got the feeling that she just needed to vent and wasn't really angry with Grace.  "Everything okay in here?" she asked from the doorway.

"Fine.  Grace was just on her way out."  Nicole turned her back on them and continued to pull clothes off of the hangers and stuff them into her box.

"Okay."  Sam had to push Grace to get her to leave, and once they were out of earshot Grace grabbed Sam's arm.

"What the hell are you thinking, leaving her alone?" she hissed at Sam.

"She's angry and she needs to vent, but she also needs space so that she can vent without feeling guilty about it later.  If there's no one else there, she doesn't have to apologize and make up for her behavior.  She'll be okay, Grace."

"Then perhaps you would care to tell me what is going on with her."

"She's angry."

"I could see that for myself."

"She's angry with herself, Grace.  She's angry because she's being forced from her own home when she should be healing, physically and emotionally, but she can't.  She angry with herself because she knows, as well as we do, that if we hadn't come into her life she wouldn't be in this position."

"Well she's right, and she has every right to be angry about that," Grace said, solemnly.

"You just have to remember that it isn't us that she's angry with."

"Is she okay?" John asked when he saw Sam and Grace returning.

"Yes, John, she is.  She's just…packing," Sam said. 

"Well shouldn't someone be helping her?"

"Trust me, she's better off doing this by herself."  Seeing the look on John's face as well as Bailey's, and knowing that they didn't like her answer, Sam tried to explain.  "Nicole is very angry right now, and she needs to vent that anger so it doesn't eat her up inside."

"Which is all the more reason why she shouldn't be alone!" John said.

"She has to be alone so that she can let all of her feelings out," Sam said gently.  "She doesn't want to take the chance of hurting any of us, especially you, and if she's not alone she'll shut down out of fear and bottle all that anger up."

Before Sam could explain any more there was a soft thump, like something being thrown at a wall.  It was followed by a louder thump and then a muffled cry, and before Sam or Grace could react John was off, heading down the hall with Bailey close behind him.

"I'm sorry," she said between sobs, clutching her porcelain doll tightly as she sat on the floor.  "I have to get Johnny and Momma Bear and Baby Boo, so you stay right here and I'll be back, okay?"  Gently she sat the doll in the box of clothes, then proceeded to crawl over to where the stuffed dog and the bears were lying on the floor.

Both men watched from the hall, unsure what to do until Nicole grabbed her stomach and cried out in pain.  "Let us get those for you, Princess," Bailey said as he went to grab the stuffed animals while John sat on the floor and put his arms around Nicole.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it," she said as she let John hold her and rock her.  "I didn't mean to take it out on them."

"No harm done, okay?  Shh, it's all right," John said as Bailey put the bears into the box but knelt down and offered her Johnny. 

"Thank you," she said, clutching the stuffed dog as though her life depended on keeping a grip on him.

"What happened?" Bailey asked.  "Did you fall?"

"No, I…I was mad, and I threw them against the wall…and then I felt terrible and I went to pick them up and I…I need Grace.  Please."

"I'll get her."  Bailey stood up and raced out to the kitchen while John continued to hold her.

"Bailey, what…" Sam started.

"Grace, she says she needs you."

Nicole was no longer sobbing when Grace got to her, but the fear was plain in her eyes when she looked up and softly said, "I think I'm bleeding."

"Okay, honey, let's take a look."  She looked to John and tried to sound perfectly calm as she told him, "Can you carry Nicole back to bed?"

John got to his feet and scooped Nicole up in his arms, gently setting her down on the bed.  "You want me to wait in the hall?" he asked when Grace moved closer.

"Does he have to go?" Nicole asked Grace, who just smiled and shook her head.

"No, honey, if you want John to stay he can stay."

John sat on the edge of the bed, holding Nicole's hand and keeping his back to what Grace was doing.  "Just relax, everything's going to be okay," he reassured her.  "Momma Grace will have you fixed up in no time."

"For once, John's right," Grace said as she pulled Nicole's gown back into place.  "You just pulled a stitch loose and there was a little bleeding from that, but nothing more.  You're okay."

"You shouldn't have asked John to carry me," Nicole said.  "He's hurting enough without adding to it."  All present knew that it wasn't Grace that she felt was wrong, but John for doing it.

"I'm fine, and there was no one else here," John told her, but Nicole wasn't about to be appeased that easily.

"Well since Grace has said that I'm okay, I think as your doctor I'd like to take a look at your back and see for myself how it's healing."

"Nicole, I don't…want you to see that."

"Oh, so it's okay for you to see my bruised and broken and bleeding, and an emotional wreck, but it's not okay for me to see your wounds?  Come on, off with the shirt.  Now."

Realizing that Nicole was serious, John unbuttoned his shirt and then took it off, followed by his white undershirt.  He knew how bad it looked because he used Sam's small mirror with the full size mirror in the bathroom to get a look at it every morning.  "Nicole, please…"

"Come here and sit down on the bed so I can see," Nicole said as she sat up further in the bed.  There was no way out of this so John sat on the bed with his back to her so that she could see the damage that Dr. Chauncy and his siblings had inflicted. 

"Well as long as you've got your shirt off…" Grace began, and John cringed.

"What?" Nicole asked, resting a hand on John's shoulder to reassure him.  "John, what's wrong?"

"There's a salve that is supposed to be put on those cuts twice a day, but Sam says that he insists he's done it himself and won't let her do it," Grace said.

"I don't like it," John said.  "It makes the cuts sting."

"That's just because it's keeping you from getting an infection," Grace quickly said.  "Luckily I have the extra tube of it here, so maybe Nicole can put it on you."

"Of course I will," Nicole replied, holding out her free hand so that Grace could give her the tube.  "Now you just relax," she told John, giving his shoulder a gently squeeze. 

"Ow," he said under his breath as Nicole applied the salve to one of the cuts that ran across his upper back.

"It'll be over before you know it," she said as she continued to work, covering every cut with the salve until John gave a soft whimper.  "Almost done," Nicole said, but she took a moment to wait for John to relax again.  "I promise I'll be done in just a minute."

Nicole worked quickly, making sure that every place the whip had touched was covered with the salve, and John looked so miserable that Grace couldn't resist giving him a kiss on the forehead.  "Now, now, the stinging should start to subside soon."

"I'm more concerned with the bruises I'm seeing," Nicole said.  To prove her point, she lightly ran her finger across a particularly nasty-looking one on John's lower back, causing him to jump off the bed and cry out.

"I'm so sorry," Nicole quickly said, getting out of bed herself.  She still had to move slowly, though, and by the time she was at John's side he was snickering.

"Good thing I'm not bleeding to death over here," he said before he realized that it really wasn't funny.  Nicole was moving slowly because she was still in a lot of pain, and that was hardly anything to laugh about.

"If you were I'm sure Momma Grace would save you."  Nicole caught Grace's eye, and Grace nodded, indicating that she too was worried.  "How long have you had that bruise?"

"Ever since our run-in with the Chauncy siblings, I guess.  I first noticed it two days after we were rescued."

"Well why didn't you say anything, you big goofball," Grace teased.

"It's just a bruise, no big deal."

"When it's this big, it's not 'just a bruise', and you said you didn't notice it until two days after…"  Nicole couldn't finish, and John noticed the look of pain on her face.

"I'm okay, so don't worry," John quickly said, but Nicole shook her head.

"No, you aren't.  You were sick, kidnapped, tortured…humiliated."  The last word was a whisper, but John heard her.

"I will be okay, Nicole.  If it makes you feel better, I'll talk to someone about what happened."

Even Grace's eyes opened wide at that statement.  She knew that John Grant did **not** talk to counselors or shrinks, and he would never consider a support group, because he was invincible and didn't need anyone else's help outside of his friends.  She also knew that he was only saying that to make Nicole feel better, and she hoped that he meant it.

"And do you mean that, or are you just saying it?"

_Aha, so Nicole knows how he is as well_, Grace thought to herself, watching how John reacted to her question.

"I mean it.  I will go and talk to someone…if you'll come with me the first time.  I…I can't talk to a complete stranger about what happened, but if you're there then…well you already know what happened, so maybe I could tell someone else about it by talking to you."

"Of course I will go with you," Nicole said as she reached over and squeezed his hand.  "And I hope that you'll come with me if I need you to."

"I'll be there."

"Now that we've got that all straightened out," Grace said, smiling at the two, "I'm going to ask Bailey if he'll carry this box of your clothes out to the van that's outside, and as soon as you're ready we'll get you into the van and over to the firehouse."

"I should get dressed," Nicole said as John put his shirt back on.

"You don't have to," Grace said, "but if you want I'll help you."

"I'll take the box out to Bailey then," John offered.  "I'll see you when you're ready to go, okay Nicole?"

"Okay."  Nicole walked over to her closet and picked out a pair of loose jeans and a sweater.  "I can do this myself, but thanks for the offer."

"Oh I know you can do it yourself, but the only way John was going to leave was if I offered to help you."

"Thank you.  For everything."

"I haven't done anything special."

"You've been my friend.  To me, that's pretty special."

"Oh honey," Grace said, gently drawing Nicole into an embrace.  "We are all your friends, and we will be here whenever you need us, okay?  Even when this whole thing is over with, we'll still be your friends."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

"Before you make me cry I'm going to wait in the hall while you get dressed."

"You can stay here if you want, and I'll just change in the bathroom.  John might be upset if he sees you standing out in the hall.  Besides, I'm feeling a little wobbily so it might be best if you're here to catch me should I fall again."

"If you're comfortable with that, than I'll stay here in the bedroom while you change."

"Thanks Grace."

Nicole took her clothes into the bathroom and Grace sat on the bed facing the wall so that she was in no way invading Nicole's privacy.  Once Nicole was finished, the two women walked out to where the rest of the group was waiting for them.

"Your chariot awaits, m'lady," Bailey said as he opened the door.

"Why thank you sir," she said, walking between John and Sam with Grace right behind them.  "But I do believe that it's 'Princess' to you."

"You started this," Grace told Bailey.  "And it makes her laugh, so keep it up," she added, lower so that the others wouldn't hear.

"Don't worry, I intend to make our Princess laugh as much as possible."


	21. Chapter TwentyOne

A/N: My apologies for this chapter taking so long, but my uncle passed away in July and it's been hard enough getting through each day much less finding the energy to actually write anything. He was more than my uncle, he was a father to me when my own father couldn't be there, and even after almost two months it's hard to get creative and write.

I hope that this chapter isn't a complete disappointment, and that you'll all continue to be patient as I slowly work at getting this story completed.

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For the ride to the firehouse, Bailey had a limousine sent over so that they could all ride over together. He had to call in a few favors, but it was worth it when he saw the smile on Nicole's face. "Nothing is too good for our Princess," he said as he held open the door and waited for her to get in.

"Then what is the van for?" she asked, looking back.

"Taking your stuff to the firehouse, and following behind us for security. Don't worry, we'll be safe and sound for the entire ride."

"You realize that you just jinxed us," John told Bailey once Nicole and Grace were inside the limo. "Never, ever say that we'll be safe and sound."

"Just get in so we can get over to the firehouse, John." Bailey gave him a playful push as John got inside, then got himself in and closed the door.

"How did you manage a limo?" Grace asked once they were moving.

"I have friends who owed me," he replied. "Besides, our Princess deserves the very best."

Nicole blushed this time and cast her eyes down. "This is too much, though," she softly said.

"Nonsense, there's no such thing as too much where this family is concerned...and make no mistake, you are now a part of this family."

Much to everyone's surprise, Nicole reached over and rested her hand on Bailey's, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you," he said, smiling at him.

"You're welcome, Princess. We'll be at the firehouse any minute."

Despite John's comment about them being 'jinxed', the ride was an uneventful one and as soon as they got to the firehouse several "firemen" came out to greet them. "These are the agents that guard the place, all FBI agents," Sam said, putting her arm around Nicole's waist. "There are cameras on all of the doors, alarms on all of the windows, and nobody gets inside without getting past these guys."

Angel and Chloe came out of the den and approached slowly. "You must be Nicole," Chloe said, smiling. "I knew that you'd like the doggy."

That was when Nicole realized that she still had Johnny in her arms, and she smiled back at the little girl. "I like him very much. Thank you."

"You get to sleep in my room, and I'm going to sleep in Angel's room."

"Oh Chloe, I don't want to put you out of your own room."

"Nah, I like sleeping in Angel's room. It's like a slumber party 'cause Angel and I watch movies on her TV and eat popcorn and tell stories. It's cool."

"Then I thank you again, Chloe."

"How do you know my name?"

"Your mother told me that her daughter was the most beautiful girl in the world, and her name is Chloe."

Chloe giggled. "I like you. Anyway, I got all my toys picked up so you should be okay in there."

"Why don't we show Nicole where she'll be sleeping while she's here," John suggested. He could see that Nicole was getting tired since this was the longest she had been on her feet since being kidnapped.

"Excellent idea. I'm sure you'll want to get some rest; this was been a tiring day for everyone," Sam said.

"I am tired. Would you mind if I just go to bed and see everyone in the morning?"

"Of course not. If you want to go to bed, that's fine. No one is going to mind, I promise."

"Thanks Sam."

"I'll get your clothes from the van," Bailey offered, and while he was going to fetch her things Sam, John and Grace guided her to Chloe's room.

As soon as they reached the bedroom Nicole sat on the bed. "So are you going to let Sam put the salve on your back tonight?" she asked John.

"Yes, I will, I promise."

"Good. Look, I'm okay. You all don't have to stay here. I'll be fine."

"We have nothing else to do until Bailey gets back," Grace said, earning her a grateful smile from Nicole.

"Thanks."

"We're your friends, this is what friends do."

"Could you make sure John gets enough rest?"

"I'm fine," John quickly said. The last thing he wanted was Grace hovering around him.

"I think maybe you should go to bed and get some rest," Nicole told him. "In fact, as your doctor, I'm ordering it. Plenty of bed rest for you."

With a loud sigh, John sat on the bed next to Nicole. "Listen, I'm okay. Honest. I'll let Sam put the salve on my back so you can be sure that it's being done. Please, don't worry about me."

"If you had been letting Sam put the salve on your back all along, there wouldn't be a risk of you getting an infection and getting sick. You need to be getting at least 8, preferably 10, hours of sleep each night until your body heals." John just rolled his eyes, which only made Nicole more determined. "You need to be getting to bed right about now, mister."

"I'm not tired."

"Yet. Sam, will you make sure that he gets his rest?"

"Oh, you better believe I will."

"Will what?" Bailey asked, coming in with Nicole's things.

"Help Nicole," Grace said, winking at John. She wasn't about to make him feel worse by having Bailey on his case.

"Of course we will. Your wish is our command, Princess."

"Thanks for bringing my stuff in. Do you think John and I could have a minute to talk?"

"Of course." Sam kissed her cheek, and Grace followed suit.

"If you need anything..."

"Don't worry, Grace. I'll yell for Bailey."

Once the others were gone, Nicole placed her hand on John's arm. "You don't have to pretend you're okay, John."

"I am okay."

"You're tired, you're hurting, and a little part of you is still scared...scared that this is the dream and that you'll wake up and find that we haven't been saved at all."

"I guess I am a little tired and sore," he conceded. "But the only thing that scares me is the thought that you could get hurt again."

"What happened isn't your fault, John. I don't blame you."

"They only hurt you because you were my doctor."

"They hurt me for the same reason that they hurt you; because they were sadistic bastards." She smiled when John yawned. "I think you need to get some rest, and if I have to I'll tell Sam and Grace that as your doctor I'm ordering bed rest for you."

"And do you intend to take your own advice, _Doctor_?"

"Yes, I do. I'm going to change into my nightgown and just lie here and relax for a while."

"I guess I should go lie down before I fall asleep sitting here."

"Go on then. I'll be okay, John. Go get some rest."

He leaned over and kissed her cheek before standing up. "We'll get through this together."

"Yes, we will."

Finally John left her and headed for the room that he shared with Sam. "She okay?" Sam asked when she saw him coming down the hall.

"She will be...we will be. I'm going to lie down and get some rest. Doctors orders."

"Okay. Are you going to be okay? If you ever want to talk or you just want me to stay with you..."

"I'm okay, Sam, just as long as I know that you'll be there to comfort me after a nightmare."

"Planning on having a lot of nightmares?"

"No, but I have a feeling that they're going to be coming."

The rest of the household decided to get some sleep as well, so while John and Sam cuddled together in one room and Chloe and Angel camped out in Angel's room, Bailey and Grace sat in the living room with George. "I guess I should be going," George finally said, standing up. "Should I...do you want me to work on this from the office or from here, Bailey?"

"Where can you get the most work done?"

"Well I...I can access more files from the office."

"But..."

"I'd rather work from here," George admitted, drawing out each word slowly.

"Glad to hear it. Nicole seems to feel more comfortable with all of us here, so why don't you come over here and set up after you've gotten a good night's sleep."

"Thanks, Bailey." George stood up and grabbed his laptop before heading out.

"What about you?" Bailey then asked Grace.

"I want to stick around in case Nicole needs me. I can sleep out here on the sofa."

"Nonsense," Sam said, walking by them. "I got thirsty and decided to get a glass of water," she explained as she pointed towards the kitchen. "There's another bedroom down the hall that you can use."

"A four bedroom firehouse? I'm impressed," Grace teased.

"Never know when you'll have company," Sam answered. "Besides, I think it was meant to be used in case there was a need for another agent to stay up here with us."

"Well I'll take a bed over the couch any day. What about you, Bailey?"

"I'll take the couch."

"No, you should – " Grace started, but Bailey cut her off.

"I know that I won't get any sleep tonight, so you may as well take the bed and actually use it. I just want to be close by...just in case anyone needs anything."

"Let me at least grab you a pillow and a blanket," Sam told him, taking off down the hall before he could say 'I'm fine'.

"I'm going to run home and grab my overnight bag and tell Morgan that I'm spending the night here," Grace said. "Bailey, you want to come along? We can swing by your place if you want."

"I don't think it's a good idea for both of us to take off at the same time, Grace. You go take care of what you have to, and when you get back I'll go over to my place."


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo

**Thanks to all for your understanding. I'm finally at the point where I can write and enjoy it again. And Michelle, I don't know what I would have done without you :-)**

**Hope you all enjoy this latest installment :-)**

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When Bailey returned, things were quiet at the firehouse. Nicole was settled into Chloe's bed, and John and Sam were sleeping in Sam's room. Grace was waiting up on the sofa, but as soon as Bailey was back she headed for the spare bedroom to get some sleep herself. "You sure you'll be comfortable out here?" Grace asked before leaving the room.

"I'll be fine, now go."

"Yes, boss."

Bailey made himself comfortable on the sofa and laid down to get some rest, but just as he was about to fall asleep he – and the rest of the firehouse – heard Nicole scream at the top of her lungs.

He raced down the hall to Chloe's room, running into John, Sam and Grace on his way. "Nicole, what happened?" Bailey asked when he opened the door to the room and saw a silhouette standing in the middle of the room, backlit by the full moon outside.

"Someone was out there," Nicole whispered, pointing towards the window.

"There's no way anyone could get up to that window. We're on the second floor, princess."

"There was someone out there!" Nicole shouted, turning around. "It wasn't a nightmare, there was someone there. I heard a noise and opened the curtains, and there was someone looking in through the window. I don't know how they managed to get to a window on the second floor, but someone was out there!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like I was doubting you. But you're safe here. I'll have agents check the grounds to be sure that there isn't anyone out there now." Bailey had moved into the room, wanting to take Nicole into his arms but afraid that he would only frighten her more.

"It's okay, Nicole," John said from the doorway. "Listen, why don't you sit with Sam and I until the agents confirm that the grounds are clear?"

"I'm not crazy, there was someone out there," she said, her voice barely audible.

"No one thinks that you're crazy," Sam said, joining in. "Let's all sit in the living room, and I'll make us some hot cocoa while the grounds are checked."

"I'm not crazy," Nicole said again, letting John come over and wrap his arms around her.

"No, you're not. It's okay."

"I won't let anyone hurt you, princess," Bailey said.

"I know."

"I'm going downstairs to talk to the agents."

"Wait," Sam said, walking over to the window. Nicole's insistence that there was someone at the window reminded her of the nights when Chloe would wake up and swear that she had seen a man outside her window. Her mind was going into overdrive, wondering why it hadn't occurred to her before now to consider that Jack might be involved. Pulling the curtains aside, Sam grabbed the flashlight from Chloe's nightstand and shined it on the glass.

"My god," Bailey said when the beam of light revealed two handprints on the glass.

Sam ran her finger over one of the prints, but it didn't smear. "They're on the outside. Someone was out there, on the other side of this window."

Nicole clung tighter to John, and Grace rubbed her back. "Okay, everybody to the living room," Grace said. "Come on, Sam, I believe you offered to make hot cocoa for us."

"No one is going to get inside here and hurt you," John said. "Let's go sit in the living room until the agents figure out what's going on."

"I want two agents in the elevator at all times, and I want a third agent up here on the second floor," Bailey said into his radio to the agents downstairs. "There are handprints on the outside of a second floor window. I want to know how someone got up there, and how they did it without being seen by security. Have someone review all of the security tapes. There has to be something."

John knew what Sam was thinking; she had told him a few times about Chloe's nightmares about the man outside her window. For Nicole to see the same thing in the same room was too much of a coincidence for either of them to dismiss. He didn't think that Nicole could handle discussions about Jack at the moment, though, so he decided to change the subject before it was brought up. "Come on, let's get comfy on the sofa and we'll watch movies and drink cocoa, and before you know it they'll have figured out what happened and we can get back to bed."

"You'll stay with me, right? Please don't leave. I don't want him to get you."

"No, honey, none of us will be leaving you, especially not John," Grace quickly said. "He's still under bed arrest, remember? I'll make sure that he doesn't go anywhere."

"So will I," Sam said, coming back over to them.

They all went into the living room, but Bailey looked towards the lift. "I'm going to see what they find down there."

"You'll come back, right?" Nicole asked.

"Of course I'll come back. I won't be gone any longer than what it takes for me to see what the agents down there are doing to investigate."

"Okay."

"We won't let anyone hurt you, princess."

"I know. Just please be careful."

"Always." Bailey leaned close and gave Nicole a kiss on the cheek before leaving to find out just what was going on.

"Okay, you three get settled and I'm going to make that hot cocoa." Sam went into the kitchen while Grace stayed in the living room with John and Nicole.

"Who do you think it was outside the window?" Nicole asked as she and John cuddled up together on the sofa.

"I don't know, but Bailey will tell us as soon as he knows anything."

"You shouldn't be out of bed."

"Do you ever stop being a doctor?" John asked, rolling his eyes.

"I just worry about you, that's all. I'm sorry."

"I was just joking with you. Honest, I kind of like that someone worries about me."

"Oh, please." This time it was Grace who was rolling her eyes.

"You mean I'm really not driving you crazy?"

"No, of course not." John kissed Nicole's forehead, then pulled her close so that her head was resting on his shoulder. "How could I complain about something that keeps all of my favorite girls close by?"

Nicole relaxed against John, feeling her eyes getting heavier as he brought his arm around her. "Why don't you go back to sleep? You need your rest."

"But Sam..."

"She'll understand, and I promise she'll make hot cocoa for you later, when you're awake. For now, just rest."

"You rest too."

"I will. You believe that you're completely safe here, don't you?"

"Mmm-hmm. No one can get in here." She started to believe that maybe there hadn't really been a man outside the window, that it was just a product of her imagination. That was easier to believe at the moment, so she let herself believe that as she fell back to sleep leaning against John.

"There are footprints on the ground, and marks that could have been made by a ladder," Agent Carter told Bailey. "We're going through all of the security camera footage now to try and figure out how someone got a ladder against the building and climbed up it without any of us noticing."

"There are handprints on the outside of the window. Get someone up there to dust and see if we can get some good prints to run through the system."

"Right away, Agent Malone."

"I want to know how this happened, and I want to know why it happened. Right now I have a terrified rape victim who I made a promise to. I promised her that she would be safe here, and instead of being safe she found herself face to face with someone who climbed up a ladder to a second floor window!"

"I understand, sir."

"You cannot possibly understand! How can you know what it's like to hear someone you care about screaming at the top of her lungs, knowing that no matter what you do she'll never feel safe again?" Bailey shouted.

"With all due respect, sir, my baby sister was raped when she was 14 and I was 17. I **do** know what it's like."

"I'm sorry," Bailey said, his tone taking a dramatic turn. "Sometimes I forget that other women have been raped, and that other men have helped them recover."

"Sir, if I'm not overstepping my bounds by asking, what are your feelings for Dr. Hillsdale?"

"Excuse me?"

"The one thing my sister wanted more than anything was to find a man who knew what had happened and loved her anyway. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about her. You're possessive of her, but in a good way. You want to love her and cherish her and protect her. There's nothing wrong with that. Just take things slowly."

"Did your sister ever find what she wanted?"

"Yes, sir, she did. With a man who is a lot like you, actually. They have three beautiful children and are the happiest people in the world."

"Right now I just want to be her friend, and to help her feel safe again."

"You will, sir."

Sam had to stifle a laugh when she saw what was waiting for her in the living room. Nicole was sound asleep with her head on John's lap, holding onto his knee like it was a pillow, and John was sleeping with his head on the arm of the sofa and his hand by his mouth, sucking his thumb. "Talk about a Kodak moment," Sam whispered as she handed one of the mugs of cocoa to Grace, who was sitting in a chair by the sofa.

"Moments like this make you feel like things are almost normal, don't they?"

"Hmm, almost. I think I'm going to go back in Chloe's room and see if I can get anything. I hope they run a blacklight over the windowpane. If it's connected to Jack, those handprints are there to draw our attention to that window."


	23. Chapter TwentyThree

**Author's Note: Yay! My Muse is back! Sorry this is so short, but the next part will be longer, promise!**

* * *

"Sir? I think we're got something," an FBI agent said, shaking Bailey's shoulder to wake him up. 

"What time is it?" Bailey replied as he tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

"Seven o'clock in the morning, sir."

Bailey thought back on what he had done and how time had gotten away from him like that. After coming downstairs and yelling at the agents to figure out how they had let someone climb a ladder up to the second floor, he had gone back up and found Nicole and John sound asleep on the sofa. Agent Carter had been assigned to stay on the second floor, and once two more agents were assigned to stay with the elevator Bailey had gone back downstairs to see if anything showed up under a black light and…

"Guess I fell asleep," he said out loud before turning his attention to the FBI agent at his side. "What did you find?"

"Well, when we ran a black light over the outside of the window we got nothing, but Agent Carter noticed a car that parked so that if you looked out the window, the handprints were over the car. When we ran a black light over the car…well, you should come see for yourself."

Stretching, Bailey stood up and followed the agent outside. "We ran the plates, the car came back as stolen," the agent said. As they approached the car, several people who had been combing the car for evidence backed away. Turning on the black light, the agent ran it over the trunk of the car, then the side doors of the car. Both bore the same message:

**Welcome home, Nicole.**

"Son of a bitch," Bailey said beneath his breath.

"So far there's nothing," a female agent said. "No prints, no fibers, not even any evidence that the car was driven here.

"He probably had it on a flatbed tow truck and dropped it off here." Bending down to inspect the tires, Bailey found that there was no dirt on them despite the fact that the road in front of and behind the tires was covered in dirt. _This was supposed to be a safe house, where she could recover…where they could both recover… _"Was anything found on the side of the building, or anywhere else besides the car?"

"Nothing, sir," the female said. "No sign of the ladder, no footprints leading up to the grass, nothing on the window when we went over it with the black light."

"Keep the area secure," Bailey instructed. "I'm going to arrange for transportation to another safe house."

His stomach was turning itself inside out as Bailey got off the lift on the second floor and walked over to the sofa. How was he supposed to tell Nicole that she was now in the sights of a madman? Glancing down at the sofa's occupants, he frowned. Where was Nicole? John and Sam were sleeping on the sofa, and Grace was just coming down the hall…

He found Nicole in the kitchen with Angel and Chloe, eating cereal. "Good morning Princess…Princesses," he corrected giving Chloe and Nicole each a kiss on the cheek."

"Good morning, Uncle Bailey," Chloe greeted him.

"You look like you didn't sleep at all last night," Nicole said. "Want some cereal?"

"No thanks. I'm going to wake Sam up and talk to her about some things."

"What did they find, Bailey?" Nicole asked.

"Nothing. The window and the building are clean. They didn't find any clues or anything to tell us who did it."

"Guess I shouldn't be surprised. I mean whoever is behind this has to be very good at what they're doing to have made it this far, right?"

Nicole went back to eating her cereal so Bailey left her and Chloe to their breakfast, although he was aware that Angel had followed him out of the kitchen. "Sam, wake up," he said as he sat on the arm of the couch that was closest to her.

"Bailey?" Sam rubbed her eyes and looked around, surprised to find that it was daylight and… "Where's Nicole?"

"Eating cereal with Chloe."

Angel took a seat in an overstuffed chair, obviously waiting to hear what Bailey had to say.

"So what did they find?" John asked as he, too, rubbed his eyes and tried to wake up.

"Nothing on the window or the building," Bailey said before lowering his voice so that Nicole and Chloe wouldn't hear. "There was a message on a car that was parked across the street, though. Welcome home, Nicole. Showed up under black light."

"Jack." It wasn't so much a word as a curse the way that Sam said it. "Why would he go after Nicole?"

"Maybe Jack was the one behind the whole operation to kill me," John said. "He could have pulled the strings that got the psycho siblings to swing into action."

"And Nicole saved you, which means that she is now the enemy," Angel said.

"We have to move to another safe house," Bailey finally said, "since this location has been compromised."

"I think we should stay right here," Sam told him. "Jack expects us to pick up and run. We stay put, it throws a wrench in whatever plans he may have."

"No way, Sam. He may have calculated our staying put into whatever he's planning. The only thing he can't foresee is where we'll go."

"He's hacked into out systems before, Bail. He probably knows every safe house in the country," John said.

"So who says we're going to an FBI safe house?"

"Bailey, what are you planning?" Grace asked, making her presence known as she walked into the living room.

"I'll tell you later. Everybody just try to relax, and I'll be back in a few hours."

"Should we pack?" Sam asked.

"Yes. You should pack in case we have to move fast. I'll let Nicole know before I leave."

"Moving again? I should have just stayed in my apartment," Nicole said with a sigh. Bailey was relieved that there at least was no anger in her voice.

"Hey at least here you're amongst friends," he said, smiling.

"Yes, I am. Thank you for that." Nicole stood on her toes and kissed Bailey's cheek before heading towards Chloe's room. "Guess I should repack the few things I unpacked last night."

Bailey stood there for a few moments after she had left, trying to figure out what it was about her that drew him to her. "Like a moth to the flame," he said out loud to the empty lift as he got in it to go back downstairs.


	24. Chapter 24

**See Chapter One for Disclaimer.**

"Okay, everything is just about set," Bailey announced when he returning to the living quarters where everyone was gathered. "I made arrangements for us to use a safe house that isn't on any FBI sheet, so…"

"Bailey," Nicole said shyly, looking away. She looked almost…ashamed. "I have doctor's appointments for follow-up care. So does John."

_Oh…crap. _"That's okay, I'll talk to James and see what we can arrange. Don't worry, all right?"

"All right, I trust you to take care of things."

"I am going to take care of everything, I promise Princess."

"Wow," Chloe said when she saw the RV that was waiting for them. Two SUV's had brought the group to the rendezvous point and now they just had to wait for the items they had packed to be loaded into the RV so that they could head for the new safe house.

"Hey, can I drive?" Nicole asked, batting her eyes innocently. Then she laughed and yelled "Just kidding!" before following Chloe inside.

"I have to admit, when I first saw it I thought that this RV was a bad idea, but seeing the look on her face...way to go, Bailey." John smiled and clasped Bailey on the shoulder as he followed Sam inside.

"I have to agree. For at least a little while, she managed to leave what happened to her behind and just be happy."

"That wasn't exactly the reason I chose the RV, but I was glad to see the look in her eyes. She looked happy."

"She is happy, Bail. She knows that she's safe." _And you, my friend, are falling for her. Just be careful and move slowly._

Nicole wasn't sure how long she slept; she didn't even remember falling asleep but she found herself curled up between John and Bailey. John was still sleeping so Nicole moved slowly, careful not to disturb him.

"How are you feeling?" Bailey asked, keeping his voice low.

"I'm fine. Which is a miracle considering we fell asleep around this little table. How much longer?"

"Just a few hours. You hungry?"

"Depends on what's available to eat."

"By the way, I've arranged for James and Rebecca to meet us and stay with us at the safehouse for a while. That way you and John will still be under the best medical care, and they'll both be safe."

"Thanks." Suddenly her eyes filled with tears and she turned to look out the window. "How was the funeral? For Ryan, I mean. I...I couldn't go. But I wish now that I had so I could say goodbye."

"I didn't realize you two were that close."

"I remember when he first came to work there. He was so quiet and shy, and I...I felt comfortable with him. He just let me be, you know?" She wiped at her tears before continuing. "Were his parents there?"

"I don't know. I didn't go, but Grace and George went. You should ask them about it."

"I will."

"When things calm down and it's safe, we can visit his grave if you want. So you can say goodbye."

"I'd like that. Thanks."

The safe house was an old farm in Nebraska. It was isolated, but all of the modern conveniences were available and it had the advantage of allowing for easy surveillance since there wasn't really any place that the bad guys could hide. That and the fact that there were no neighbors to question who they were made it perfect.

Nicole felt more relaxed once she was settled into her room on the second floor. It offered her a view of the road and the hay fields on the other side. A tractor was driving down the road at the moment, and the driver looked up at the window and waved to her.

It made her a little uneasy, but she reminded herself that this was how people were in this part of the country. She waved back and saw the reddish glow from a cigarette as he turned back to the road and continued on his way as the sun began to set.

To be continued

* * *

_So now Nicole and company have made it to the safehouse...but how safe is it there? _


	25. Chapter 25

Jack watched from his computer screen as Nicole went through her nightly ritual of closing the curtains before undressing for bed. She seemed to be the only one with any modesty left; for the last week, the others had just changed with the windows open and assumed that there was no one around to see.

Technically, they were right. Jack was watching via a satellite feed. It had been remarkably easy to hack into one of the satellite systems used to control tractors as they went through the cornfields and hayfields. Taking control of the cameras that were used only in the event of a collision alarm or other alert had proved less than challenging and now Jack had a front row seat to the goings on at the old farmhouse.

At first, Jack hadn't cared what had happened to John, although when his Samantha ended up in the hospital as well Jack had gotten into gear and started cracking into computers. He had hoped that John Grant would be killed when he and the doctor were kidnapped, but that hadn't happened. Having everyone holed up at the firehouse was okay, since Jack could easily monitor them from there, but then...

Then someone mimicked him, leaving a message for the doctor. Leaving a message on a car window that was visible only under a black light. That infuriated Jack, to have someone do such a sloppy job and blame it on him. So he followed them all to Nebraska as much to find and punish this copycat as to keep an eye on his Samantha.

But Nicole started to fascinate him, too. He hadn't cared what happened to her at the hands of her attackers, but now he felt something when he watched her. Not pity exactly, for she was too strong willed to want or need anyone's pity. At times he felt a pang of guilt that he hadn't followed their kidnappers to the cabin just to make sure that John died there; if he had perhaps he would have prevented the brutal rape that she had suffered.

Shaking his head, Jack looked back to the monitor and saw that the light in Nicole's room was off. He punched up some commands and the camera zoomed back so that the entire front of the farmhouse was visible. All of the windows were dark, so Jack relinquished control of the camera lest some technician actually check systems and find that the satellite was under someone else's control, and headed to bed himself. He needed to decide what he was going to do now that he was here and had found a way to keep tabs on everyone.

* * *

The next morning Nicole was up bright and early, and she and Rebecca went out to pick wild blackberries with one of the agents that was guarding the safe house. No one went anywhere alone on the property, despite the fact that there had been no incidents since they arrived. Bailey was watching the two women through the kitchen window while waiting for the other members of the VCTF team to join him so they could have a meeting. The fact that nothing more had happened did nothing to calm his nerves; if anything, it made him feel even more uneasy about the whole situation. 

"What's up Bailey?" John asked as he and Sam walked into the kitchen arm in arm.

"Is something wrong?" Sam noticed the look on Bailey's face and glanced out at Nicole and Rebecca outside.

"No, everything is fine. That's the problem. There's been nothing since we got here. No new clues, no contact, we've hit a dead end and are no closer to knowing who was actually behind the attack."

"So what? Are we just giving up?" John began pacing the kitchen and Bailey sighed.

"No, of course not. I just wanted to let the team know that the trail has gone cold. We can stay here for as long as we need to. I just have the feeling whoever is behind this is just waiting and planning."

"Do you think that it could really be Jack? I mean, the message for Nicole..."

"It could be, John, but I'm not convinced of it," Grace said, joining the conversation with George. "The material used was the same, but the strokes used to paint the message don't match exactly."

"Copycat?" John asked, raising an eyebrow.

Grace just shrugged, and Bailey decided to be sure of some things. "Not one word about this to anyone else. I don't want Nicole upset by this, and Rebecca and James don't need to know either."

* * *

Jack watched as Bailey and Nicole sat outside, watching fireflies. Bailey was beside her on the steps, his arm around her shoulders, and Jack could feel the rage building inside of him. First Bailey cozied up to **his** Sam, then he encouraged her to be with John, and now he was getting close to Nicole. Jack wasn't going to just sit by and let Bailey hurt Nicole. Bailey couldn't care about anyone, of that Jack was certain. Bailey didn't even care enough to solve the case and find the person that hired John's attackers. 

"Maybe Agent Malone just needs to be reminded that Nicole is still in danger," Jack said out loud. He ran a gloved finger over a multitude of photos he had printed, screenshots taken from his satellite view. Finding the perfect picture, he took a drag off of his cigarette and put it into an envelope. Tomorrow he would mail it to the safe house, attention Special Agent Bailey Malone. "That ought to frost his ass, at the very least," Jack said, smiling at the thought.


	26. Chapter 26

Nicole had slept in later than usual that morning; for the first time all of the aches and pains had left her alone all night and she took advantage of it. As a result the sun was almost all the way up and breakfast was long since over with by the time she came out of the shower and slinked down the stairs in jeans and a tank top.

"Well, look who decided to join us." Bailey said as he folded up the newspaper he had been reading. "You okay?"

"Yes. I guess now that I'm not hurting as much I finally got caught up on my sleep. Where is everyone else?"

"Working."

"Working? On what?" Nicole asked as she entered the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"A case came in, the local authorities asked if the VCTF would take a look at the evidence and offer some assistance with cracking the case."

"And they can do that from here?"

"Not as well as traveling to the crime scene, but we can still tell quite a bit without visiting the crime scene."

"What about James and Rebecca?"

"They went into town to pick up some medical supplies that they want to keep on hand."

"Is Agent Carter around? I was hoping to go further down and find some more blackberries."

"You didn't eat enough of them yesterday?"

"Hey..."

"Please, there were more blackberries in you then there were in Rebecca's basket."

"I offered to share."

"Yes, you did. Look, there's nothing more I can do on this current case so why don't I go blackberry hunting with you?"

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Cool. Let me just eat some cereal and then we can head out."

* * *

Bailey noticed that Nicole still moved slowly, but she didn't seem to be in any pain as they made their way across the yard. Agent Carter, who had been keeping an eye on her when she went out, was in the living room and stood up but Bailey stopped him from trailing them. "Take a day off, agent. I can keep up with her." 

Agent Carter nodded and sat back down, although he did give Bailey a sympathetic look that said 'good luck with that job'. At least Bailey knew that assigning him to watch Nicole had been a good decision. Nicole at times needed her 'alone time' but she allowed Agent Carter to stay close by when she would ask everyone else to please just leave her be. There was some unspoken respect between them and while Bailey was at times envious, he was also grateful that Nicole's safety was ensured.

"You sure you want to go that far?" Bailey asked when Nicole told him where she wanted to go to pick blackberries.

"Yes, I'm sure. James says I'm healing fine, and besides it's not that far."

"Still..."

"Bailey, please. I'll be okay. It's not like I'm going to race you there."

* * *

"I need a break," John announced, standing up from the table they had all been working at. 

"Sounds good. I want to talk to Nicole anyway," George said, stretching his back before standing. "She asked if I could help her figure out RollerCoaster Tycoon. Seems her laptop crashes when she plays it."

"Chloe and Angel went into town with James and Rebecca," Sam said, sliding up next to John, "so what do you say you and I spend a little time together, hmm?"

"We haven't had much of that, have we?"

"No, we haven't. Come on, let's go to our room so we can be alone."

"Lead the way," John said with a chuckle as Sam grabbed his hand and pulled him with her.

"Grace, if you see Nicole tell her that we have something to discuss with her later. Wedding plans," Sam yelled as she and John were leaving the room.

Grace smiled, knowing how hard it was for them, but especially for John, to not know exactly where Nicole was and what she was doing. Just that morning she had caught John standing by her door, the door cracked open just an inch so he could watch her sleeping.

_Just what do you think you're doing?_ Grace had asked. Yes, John meant well but the last thing thatNicole needed was John spying on her like a peeping tom.

_I had a nightmare. She was lost and alone and kept crying for someone to help her, but I couldn't find her. I just...I had to make sure that she was safe and sound in her bed. I didn't mean any harm, Grace._

_I know, honey. You're just a big softie who worries about people. Nicole is fine, as you can see, so why don't we go get some breakfast and let her sleep in, okay?_

At least John wasn't insisting that he and Sam find out how Nicole was first; slowly he was coming to trust that Bailey could take care of her, and Agent Carter would keep her safe.

* * *

Jack had thought long and hard about mailing his little 'present' to Bailey. As soon as it was received, Bailey was likely to pack them all up and move them all to a new location. "Oh dear, this is a dilemma isn't it Samantha?" he asked the picture he was holding of Dr. Waters. "What ever am I going to do?" 

He remembered the time he nearly succeeded in killing Grace's husband. The entire team and their families had bunkered down inside the VCTF building, not that it stopped him from watching them. It was so easy to get inside government computers. That was why Bailey had chosen a safe house that wasn't listen in any database. Jack didn't need a database to find them anyway. He had a much better method.

When he had broken into the cabin that Sam and Angel shared, it hadn't been to hurt anyone. He had simply known that soon his Samantha would take flight again. He intended to follow her, and so he had placed a GPS tracker inside one of Chloe's old stuffed animals since she would take them with her wherever they went.

No, even if they did hide again, Jack would find them easily enough. He walked into the post office and slid his package into the slot for 'small flats', then left to watch the show unfold on his computer screen, knowing that his package wouldn't be delivered until the next day.

* * *

When George found out that Nicole and Bailey were together, he decided that he would wait to talk with her. Sometimes he wondered if Nicole saw the love in Bailey's eyes when he looked at her, or if Bailey realized how Nicole's face lit up whenever they were together. Yes, theirs was a difficult relationship to try to classify. It seemed that they made each other happy, and that was all that mattered. 

In his wandering through the house, he found Jake Carter standing by a window, scanning the area where Nicole and Bailey were. "Something wrong?" George asked.

"No, but I feel responsible for her."

"Bailey can take care of her, you know."

"I know that, but I can't help worrying. When we've been outside sometimes I feel like we're being watched."

"You are. There are cameras monitoring every part of the property and agents monitor the feeds 24/7."

"I guess that could be it."

"You know as well as I do that nothing can happen on these grounds without dozens of FBI agents instantly knowing about it and swarming the place. We're safe."

* * *

John and Sam were lying together on their bed, side by side as Sam flipped through a bridal magazine. "You think that Nicole will be willing to be a bride's maid?" she asked. 

"Why wouldn't she be?" John returned, frowning. "I thought that the two of you had become friends?"

"We are, I just...she seems to really shun having attention on her, not that I blame her, and I...well I don't want to have her in the wedding if it's going to make her uncomfortable."

"I really don't think that she'll have a problem with it, Sam. She's not going to be the center of attention at our wedding, you are. Besides, she'll be walking down the aisle with Bailey and she trusts him to keep her safe, or hadn't you noticed?"

"And do you think she'd be willing to wear this dress?" Sam asked, pointing to one in her magazine.

"She's not blind Sam. No one with any sense of dignity would wear that dress."

They both started laughing then, until John moved so that Sam was on her back and he was on top of her, and he pressed his lips to hers. That effectively ended all talk of hideous bride's maid dresses and began an afternoon of gentle lovemaking as they took advantage of the fact that everyone, including Chloe, seemed to be otherwise occupied.

* * *

Nicole winced and rubbed her back as a sharp pain went through her. "Damn it," she said under her breath. 

"What's wrong?" Bailey asked, putting an arm around her for support.

"Nothing to worry about. I think I just overdid it with all the walking yesterday and then coming down here this morning. I should have listened to you."

"Let's go back to the house and you can rest. I'll carry the basket, you just let me help you." Bailey had the basket in one hand, the other arm still wrapped around Nicole's waist. They went very slowly and as soon as they were in the door Jake and George were both there to help Nicole over to the sofa.

"I'm fine, guys, really. I just pushed myself a little too far."

"Nonsense. We've nothing else to do anyway, so just accept that we are going to fuss over you, aren't we Agent Carter?" George said as he arranged several pillows at one end.

"Absolutely."

By the time they were done she had her feet up on the sofa and was leaning back against the pillows. "Thanks. Really, I'm glad that I've got friends like you."

"Bailey, why don't you sit down and I'll make you two some hot tea," George said while Jake took the basket of blackberries into the kitchen to wash them.

"I think you should give Agent Carter a raise," Nicole said, picking up the remote control to turn the television on. "Want to watch a movie?"

"Nicole, you okay?" Grace asked. She had looked out her window and seen Bailey helping her back and immediately came downstairs.

"Yes, I'm okay. Just pushed myself a little too hard is all."

"Well then you just rest and let us take care of you. Otherwise we'll never hear the end of it from James and Rebecca."

"Thank god they aren't here," Nicole said with a sigh. "I love them dearly but sometimes..."

"They smother you?"

"Exactly."

By the time Rebecca and James returned with Angel and Chloe, Nicole had fallen asleep on the sofa. Chloe hadn't meant to make noise, but as she came in the storm door slammed shut and Nicole woke with a start and sat up.

"It's okay," Bailey said, getting up and sitting on the edge of the sofa. "It was just the storm door."

"I'm sorry," Chloe said when she realized what had happened. "I didn't mean it."

"It's okay, Chloe," Nicole told her as she calmed down. She wasn't even sure why the sound of the door had scared her like that. "No harm done.

"I'll be quieter next time, I promise."

"No, you don't need to be quieter. So what movie did you and Angel go see?"

"We didn't. The movie was an old one that we had both seen so we went shopping instead."

"Buy anything exciting?"

"A sketch pad and some colored pencils. Angel says she'll help me draw the landscape."

"Sounds like you two are going to have fun."

"You can join us. Angel says creating is good for the soul."

Nicole chuckled at that. "I can't even draw stick figures."

"Then I'll teach you to draw them."

"I'm sure that you could. You hungry? I was thinking of making some lunch."

"You will do no such thing," Bailey quickly said. "You need to rest."

"Bailey is right," Grace said. "You need to just rest."

"Nicole, is something wrong?" Rebecca asked.

"Nothing. I just tried to go to far. I'm fine, really."

"All right, if you say so. I'm going to see what our choices are for lunch."

"You okay, kiddo?" James asked as Rebecca went into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"I'd better see if I can give Rebecca a hand before she turns lunch into a seven-course meal."

"Did you get everything that you needed in town?"

"Yes, we did. Where are John and Sam?"

"I believe they are in 'do not disturb' mode," Grace said, "locked away in their bedroom."

* * *

Jack was watching the entire scene and clenching his fist in anger. How dare his Samantha make love to John? The satellite gave him a clear view of their bedroom, the curtains floating in the breeze enough to let him see her naked body, the way she let John touch her, begged him to touch and caress her. **His** Sam was begging for the touch of another man. 

Well she would just have to be taught a lesson. She was his, and no one else could have her.


	27. Chapter 27

Nicole had retreated to her bedroom before lunch was ready, claiming that she was tired. Grace knew that the truth was she felt uncomfortable with all the attention sometimes, and try as she might to hide it, Nicole was still a little skiddish around people. One moment she would be fine, and the next she was trying to hide in a corner. _I feel like an ant under a magnifying glass sometimes_, she had once told Grace.

Grace knocked on her door and heard Nicole's footsteps as she came over. "I brought you a sandwich in case you were hungry."

"Thank you," Nicole said as she opened the door and took the offered plate. "Come on in."

"So how are you, really?" Grace asked as she sat on the bed.

"I'm okay. Some moments are just more okay than others. How are you doing? I mean, it can't be easy to be away from your husband for so long. Has Bailey said anything about when we'll be going back?"

"I am doing fine, and Morgan understands why I can't be there right now although I will be flying back to see him this weekend. Are you in a hurry to get back to Atlanta?"

"The government isn't going to pay for this place and all these agents indefinitely. There has been no new leads and no indication that we're in any danger." Seeing how Grace raised her eyebrows, Nicole sighed and sat down beside her, plate still in hand. "I can see and I can hear, Grace. Sooner or later you have to concede and let it go."

"And can you? Can you honestly tell me that you can let it go?"

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that at some point you simply have no choice. Letting go is the only way to survive."

"Not interested in coming back to the Bureau then, huh?"

"As what? The department nutcase?"

"You're not a nutcase," Grace said firmly, then smiled. "I was told a few months ago that I could have an assistant, and I'd love to work with you."

"Cutting up dead bodies? Ugh, no thanks."

"I was thinking more along the lines of I cut up the dead bodies and you help with the analysis."

"I need to have contact with the people I help, Grace. I need to comfort them, to hold them. I handle pediatrics, not...dead people."

"I'm sorry I brought it up. Really, I shouldn't have and I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. It's just not something that I want to do, much as I love spending time with you. We're still friends though, right?"

"Oh sweetheart, of course we're still friends. Now eat your sandwich. You have to keep up your strength."

"Yes, Momma Grace."

After Grace left, Nicole ate and then went to look out her window. It was so peaceful and calm out there, in the world that she felt she would never have the strength to rejoin. _I'm afraid of my own shadow and can't even go on the porch without an agent holding my hand_, she thought sadly. _No matter how hard I try, it's just a brave front to hide a frightened little girl from their prying eyes._

_

* * *

_

Sam watched John sleep for a while before she let herself relax. Slowly she reached over and rubbed his back, but he whimpered and turned onto his side. He still laid on his stomach most of the time because he was sore and the still-healing flesh was too tender to take laying on his back. It brought tears to Sam's eyes to think that even rubbing his back brought him pain, but she had sworn not to say a word about it to Nicole. Their friend seemed to be healing and recovering well from her ordeal and John refused to risk bringing back bad memories for her. At times his logic infuriated her because Nicole wouldn't want John protecting her at the risk of his own health, but at other times Sam caught a glimpse of just how terrified Nicole still was of the world around her. Yes, Nicole appeared for the most part to be more confident but Sam saw the truth; Nicole was still fighting her demons and only time would tell if it was a battle that she would win.

John stirred in his sleep and softly cried out, prompting Sam to kiss his forehead and whisper words of comfort in his ear until he calmed down again. She believed that if Nicole was there with them John would sleep without nightmares, but he refused every time she suggested that he and Nicole talk.

"Sam?" he sighed, opening one eye.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Sam smiled and leaned down to kiss the tip of his nose. "I know you do, and I love you too. How are you feeling?"

"My back hurts."

"Do you want me to get Nicole?"

"No, it doesn't hurt that bad."

It was Sam's turn to sigh as she rubbed his neck. "I'm getting dressed and asking Nicole to come by to see you."

"Sam, no, don't."

"She is your doctor and your friend, John, but you've hardly wanted anything to do with her since we got here."

"I just don't want to cause her to relive everything."

"And you think she feels better with you shunning her?"

"I'm not shunning her."

"Then what would you call it? You aren't talking to her, and that is what she needs. Nicole misses you. She needs her friends, John. All of her friends."

"Please go get her, Sam. Ask her if she has a minute to talk."

Sam gently kissed his cheek and pulled the covers up over him before she left to go to Nicole's room.

* * *

The sound of light knocking brought Nicole out of her thoughts and she realized that she had been crying. Grabbing a tissue she dabbed at her eyes and hoped that they weren't too red before opening the door. "Sam, you were the last person that I was expecting."

"I am so sorry Nicole. I didn't mean for you to feel abandoned, it's just..."

"Huh? Grace implied that you and John were having some quality time together, so I assumed that you two would be incognito until tomorrow."

"John needs you, if you have a minute."

"Of course I do. Is something wrong?"

"His back is still bothering him, but I don't think that's the only reason that he asked me to get you.

* * *

Sam opened the door and ushered Nicole into the room, where John was sitting on the side of the bed trying to finish getting dressed. He had managed to get his pants and t-shirt on, but not his shirt. 

"Hi John," she said as she came in.

John stood and came over to her, wrapping his arms around her. "Hey, how are you?"

"I'm okay, but I think I'm supposed to be asking you that."

"My back is a little sore, but it's been worse."

"Sore muscles, or is it still sore from all the cuts and bruises?"

"A little of both, but mostly just from the cuts. Everything seems to be healing up okay but I was hoping to get a second opinion from an actual doctor."

"Then why did you put a t-shirt on?"

"I didn't know if you'd actually come."

"Why wouldn't I have come?"

"I don't know."

"I'm your friend and I care about you. I will be here whenever you need me; you just have to ask. All right?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Not being much of a friend to you since we've been here."

"We all have our things to work through, and you and Sam need your time together. I understand. Now let's get the t-shirt off of you so I can take a look at your back."

"Thank you for coming," John said as he pulled the t-shirt off.

"I meant it, I will be here whenever you need me and for whatever reason. Do you want to lie down or sit on the bed?"

"I think I'll sit."

Once he was comfortable she sat next to him and had him turn slightly so that she could see all of his back. "There are a few areas where it looks a little redder than others. Have you been lying on your back at all?"

"No, it hurts too much."

"I'll talk to James and see what they have in the supply box. How about when you move around? Does it hurt when you twist from side to side or when you bend?"

"A little."

"Where does it hurt when you move?"

"Kind of in the middle on the right side."

"About here?" she asked, gently resting her hand in the area.

"Yes."

"I'd like you to move like you did the last time it hurt so I can get an idea of what might be causing the pain."

Slowly John turned, fearing the pain that he knew would shoot through him. It didn't hurt as bad as it usually did, but he still whimpered.

Nicole put her hands on his neck and shoulders and pressed lightly, making him whimper again. "I think most of your problem is that you need to relax. You're so tense I'm surprised you get any sleep at all."

"I suppose next you're going to tell me that I need to stop worrying so much."

"That would be asking the impossible. What I want is for you to lie down while I go and get something. I'll be right back."

* * *

Nicole left them and went to find Rebecca. "Is everything okay honey?"

"Well, no. Is there any Benzocaine in the supply box you and James have?"

"Yes. Is something bothering you?"

"It's not for me. John's back is still...god, it looks so raw I don't know how he can stand to put a shirt on."

"It always looks worse than it is, although I imagine it is still at least a little painful. There's some spray; come on, let's get it so you can make your patient feel better."

"I never did thank you for coming here with us," Nicole said when she and Rebecca got to the den where the medical supplies were being kept.

"Oh honey, you don't have to thank me. Do you honestly think that James or I would leave you to the care of some stranger? We love you, sweetheart."

Nicole looked away, tears in her eyes. "Thanks," she said as she wiped at the tears.

"You're welcome." Rebecca took Nicole in her arms and hugged her tight, then kissed her cheek. "Are you all right?"

"I am now."

"Take this," she said, putting the bottle in Nicole's hand, "and go make your patient feel better."

"Yes, Ma'am," Nicole teased before leaving Rebecca.

* * *

Sam made sure that John was comfortable lying in bed on his stomach before she pulled the sheet back up. She hated to even cover him up, his back looked so irritated, but he said that he was cold. "Is that comfortable?"

"Yes, it is. Thank you."

"I was just afraid that it would bother your back."

"It doesn't, Sam, and besides, I was cold."

Sitting on the side of the bed, Sam reached over and rested her hand on the back of his neck. "Nicole's right, you do need to relax."

"I know."

"We are safe here, John. All of us. Nicole seems to be doing well, so what are you so tense about?"

"Someone not only tried to kill me, he or she played copycat to Jack which can only have infuriated Jack. I'm scared for all of us Sam, but mostly I'm scared that either Jack or the person behind what happened to me is going to kill some innocent person that has nothing to do with any of this."

* * *

"I got what I needed," Nicole said, coming in only after she knocked lightly so as not to startle anyone. "This will at least help with the pain from the cuts."

"Then give it to me," John mumbled with a smile.

Nicole pulled the covers down and shook the bottle in her hand. "It's going to feel cold at first," she warned.

"Cold would probably feel good."

Nicole liberally sprayed the Benzocaine over his back and John relaxed as it began to work. "How does it feel now?"

"So much better. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now we just need to do something about your tension."

"I wanted to give him a good backrub but...well obviously that's out of the question for now," Sam said.

"Maybe there's something else you could do." Nicole said as she pulled the covers back up over John. "His back isn't the only thing that you can massage, you know."

"Excuse me?" John said, and Sam laughed.

"You just let us girls decide how best to care for you," Nicole said, rubbing his leg through the covers. "Sam will take good care of you, I'm sure. I should be going, but if you need me..."

"I'll have Sam get you, I promise."

Nicole gave him a kiss on the cheek, winked at Sam, and quietly left the room.


	28. Chapter 28

John and Sam skipped dinner, although Sam did come down and let them know that John was finally comfortable and they were calling it a night early. Nicole followed her back upstairs and asked Sam how things went.

"Really well. Once you sprayed his back it was like he could finally think about being comfortable, so I massaged his legs and his feet until he really relaxed. He was almost asleep when I came down here."

"Legs and feet only? Come on, Sam."

"I was saving the best for last. That cute little tushie is going to get massaged, don't you worry."

"Well somehow I don't think he would appreciate you and I discussing his tushie."

"He wouldn't care, Nicole. He trusts you. He loves you, honey, and all he wants is for you to be happy and a part of our lives."

* * *

Nicole was up before the sun the next morning, slipping on her clothes and trying to move quietly through the house so she didn't wake anyone up. Of course there were agents on guard 24 hours a day but she wasn't going to count them. No, she was going to do this alone just to prove to herself that she could.

Jake Carter woke up as soon as Nicole's door shut. He had always been a light sleeper and now the slightest sound put his whole system on alert. Nicole hadn't been an early riser since he had been on this duty, so for her to be up and moving around at this hour just set off more alarms. Throwing on a robe, he found his slippers and crept out of his room, gun in hand. Whoever had come out of Nicole's room was far enough ahead that he couldn't see who it was, so he moved cautiously down the stairs, relaxing only when he saw Nicole, alone, going into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator.

He wanted to ask her if everything was all right, but it most likely would only have scared her so he kept his distance and just watched as she started a pot of coffee, then got a yogurt out of the refrigerator and ate it while the coffee brewed.

Nicole felt like she was being watched, and she glanced around. Her eyes finally landed on Jake, yawning as he stood at the bottom of the stairs in his bathrobe. _Geez, I didn't mean to wake him up. Poor guy needs his sleep._ She walked over to him, noting the look of surprise on his face that she was aware of him.

"I heard you leave your room and I was afraid that something might be wrong," he said softly, trying to justify following her through the house.

"It's okay. I know that I don't usually get up so early. Why don't you go back to bed? It's early and you look tired. I'll be fine; there are plenty of agents outside to be sure that no one comes in. Go on, get back into bed."

He looked around and then reluctantly agreed to go back to sleep. "But be careful, please," he said before heading back upstairs. He had no intentions of going back to bed, though. Instead he was going to simply find a way to keep an eye on her from a distance so that she wouldn't be aware of him. Someone was watching them, someone that shouldn't be, he was certain of it.

Nicole was quite proud of herself for having told Jake to go back to bed when in reality she wanted him to stay. This old farm house was rather creepy in the wee hours of the morning, but she decided to be brave and go back into the kitchen, throwing out her empty yogurt container before pouring a cup of coffee. Occasionally she would glance out the window over the sink, half expecting someone else to be looking back at her, but there was no one else there.

Jack was watching everything from his link to the satellite, and he almost felt bad that Nicole was a pawn in this game. He was beginning to like her, but there was just no way that he could carry out his plan without involving her. No, Bailey needed to learn a lesson and Jack was not going to regret what he did...he hoped...

After eating a bowl of Corn Flakes, Nicole put her dishes in the sink and wandered over to the door that led to the porch. Surely no one would get upset if she went outside for a bit...

Silently she undid the deadbolt that was on the door, moving the slide bolt carefully so that it wouldn't make any noise, and opening the door so very slowly, she finally crept outside. It was colder than she had expected, but the cold felt good; it made her feel alive. Taking a deep breath she ventured out a few more steps onto the porch, enjoying the view of the morning stars just beginning to fade and the birds in their quiet flight.

After a few more minutes of just observing the peaceful world around her, Nicole sat on the porch swing. Unfortunately it squeaked as the swing moved ever so slightly on its old chains, and Nicole flinched. Nothing happened, though, and after a few minutes she breathed a sigh of relief, feeling much like a teenager who managed to not wake up daddy when she came home late. If Bailey or John knew that she had done this there would be hell to pay.

"I don't care," she whispered with a small smile. "I'm an adult and I can decide for myself if I want to go outside."

Jake had raced back downstairs from the camera room when he realized what Nicole was going to do. "Oh bloody hell!" he said under his breath as he hoped against hope he was wrong, and that she wasn't going outside. "Nicole is heading out to the porch," he said quietly into his radio, hoping not to wake up anyone inside the house.

He reached the porch just in time to see Nicole close her eyes and lean back on the old porch swing, no longer worrying about the creaking chains. Quietly he went back inside through the door that Nicole had left open, not wanting to disturb this peaceful moment. Something told him peaceful moments were about to become hard to find.

The peace ended much differently than Jake had imagined it would. Bailey woke up and noticed that the door leading to the porch was open. Not seeing Jake sitting at the breakfast bar just five feet away , Bailey drew his weapon and headed for the open door.

"Bailey, no--" Jake said, trying to warn him before he went outside and scared Nicole. At the sound of Jake's voice inside Nicole turned, seeing only the gun and not Bailey. She screamed, which brought the rest of the house and the agents running to see what had happened.

The remainder of the morning consisted of Nicole chewing Bailey out for pointing a gun at her when all she had done was to go out on the porch, and how dare he tell her that she shouldn't go out there alone when she was a grown woman and would damn well go out there if she wanted to.

Things were calming down when Bailey told Jake, "I'll talk to you later. You were supposed to keep an eye on her."

That just got Nicole started all over again, only this time the rest of the group rather enjoyed it. "Don't you DARE chew Jake...I mean Agent Carter out for this. He has done his job, Bailey. He heard me leave my room and he came down here. He watched me while I was outside on the porch to be sure that I was okay. For god's sake, he was sitting less than five feet from the door when you came down here all macho, with guns drawn like this was the O-K Corral. Well you ain't Billy the Kid. Get over it."

When she was done speaking Grace started to clap. Soon all of them were clapping, which made even Bailey laugh. "Okay, I over-reacted. I get the point."

Nicole came over and kissed his cheek. "It's okay. I think I may have over-reacted a bit too. But god, it felt good to yell at you and forget about being afraid."

"Well if it makes you feel better, Princess, then I suppose you can yell at me."

"Nah, I'll yell at someone else next time." She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I think I got up much too early, so I'm going back to bed. Goodnight."

Once she was up the stairs and they heard her door shut, Bailey shook his head. "What in the hell was that?"

"It's perfectly normal, Bailey. She's on an emotional roller coaster, unexpected outbursts and behavior is...well, to be expected. If she's going to act out, at least she's doing it here and not trying to run away from us," Sam said.

"Why don't we all go back to bed?" Grace suggested. "I know I could use a few more hours of sleep."

"Grace is right, all of you should get back to bed."

"You aren't mad at Nicole are you?" John asked.

"No, I'm not mad at her. Everyone handles things differently, and everyone behaves differently after the kind of trauma that she's been through. I just wish that she would tell us when she's going to do things like sneak out onto the porch in the wee hours of the morning."

"Actually, I think the point of her actions was that she wanted to feel independent. With all due respect, I've been watching her since we got here and she reminded me of a little kid who decided that she was grown up and was going to prove it, at least to herself."

"Jake is right. She's asserting her independence, and much as it may drive us crazy, it's what she needs to do to heal. She has to prove to herself that she can still do things on her own without being afraid."

"This is going to be like raising teenagers, isn't it?"

"Look on the bright side," George chimed in. "I'm pretty sure she won't ask to borrow the car."

* * *

Nicole sat on her bed, trembling, the curtains drawn tightly shut. The reality of what she had done hit her, and she couldn't believe she had been so stupid as to go outside by herself. The feeling of being watched hadn't gone away, either, even after she was safely in her room. _Bailey was right to be upset with me...but not with Agent Carter. It isn't his fault that I'm stupid._

The adrenaline rush wore off and she crawled into bed, pulling the covers up over her, hoping that daylight would take away the fear that she felt in the pit of her stomach.


	29. Chapter 29

"Bailey, there's a mail carrier out here. Says that there's a package addressed to Nicole."

Immediately Bailey had an agent call the field office in Omaha to request assistance. There was just no way in hell that anyone should be sending packages to Nicole or anyone else for that matter. The label was handwritten in neat, block letters, addressed to Nicole Hillsdale, M.D., along with the complete address of the farm house, rural route number and all.

Nicole had still been in her room when the delivery van arrived, and curiosity got the better of her so she came downstairs to see what was going on. Terrified when she heard that a package had been delivered there addressed to her, Bailey and the rest of the team had reassured her that everything would be okay and that they would get to the bottom of it but she refused to take their advice and go back to her room to rest.

The mail carrier was, in fact, just a mail carrier, and package tracking showed that the package had been brought into the local office there in town the day before to be delivered. Satisfied, the poor man was allowed to leave while Nicole paced the kitchen. "I swear, I haven't been in contact with anyone," she said, and John pulled her into a friendly hug.

"It's okay, Nicole. We all know that you wouldn't do something like that. Just relax, there's nothing to worry about."

"Someone knows that I'm here! Someone out there knows the exact address of this place, which is more than even I know!" she shrieked as she pushed John away.

"I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing to say."

"All right kids, let's all just calm down." Grace, the voice of reason, came into the kitchen to try and keep peace.

"Why is this happening? You --" she turned on John, "--promised me that the firehouse was the safest place that there was, but it wasn't so we came here and now...now I'm getting packages sent to me here when I don't even know where here is!"

"We don't know how this happened, but we won't let anything happen to you. I promise you that."

"That's what you said when you took me to the firehouse instead of letting me be in my own place. I don't believe anything you people say. I just want to go home."

"Nicole," John started, but she turned on him again.

"I WANT TO GO HOME!" she screamed.

"Well so do I!" Grace yelled. "I didn't ask for this!"

"I didn't ask for it either, and I sure as hell never wanted it! So let's just end this right now! I'm leaving and I'm going home." Nicole stormed out of the kitchen and straight for the door leading to the porch and the mystery package that was sitting there.

Before anyone could react she had thrown the door open and was outside, grabbing at the package and trying to open it. "Stop her!" Bailey yelled even as the agents on the porch were grabbing her and pulling her away.

"It's my package, let me open it! I want to know what the son of a bitch sent me! God damned you, let me go!"

She was fighting harder than any of them had been prepared for, kicking and clawing and nearly getting the upper hand against the agents who were trying to keep her from ripping the package open.

"Nicole!" It was James, with Rebecca right behind him, standing just outside the door, and his voice startled her enough that she stopped fighting.

Two of the agents got Nicole down on the ground, infuriating Bailey. "Get off of her!" he yelled. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The sound of Bailey yelling made the two men quickly get up. Nicole, however, remaining unmoving.

"Nicole?" Bailey asked, moving towards her to kneel beside her.

"What did you do to her?" John snarled at the two agents as he led James and Rebecca to Nicole.

"Honey, talk to us. What's wrong?" Rebecca asked, kneeling opposite Bailey.

"Do I need to call for an ambulance?" John asked from behind Rebecca.

"No," Nicole finally said.

"You okay?"

"Never better."

"Is anything broken?"

"How the hell should I know?" She tried to get up but James put his hand on her shoulder.

"Just sit there and let me check you out. Bailey, can we get a little space?"

"All right, everybody back to your assigned posts. You two," Bailey pointed to the two agents who had tackled Nicole, "inside now! We're going to have a nice chat with your local field office about your next assignment."

"John?"

"I'm right here, Nicole. You're safe, I promise."

"How much trouble do you think I'm in?"

"You're going to have to do worse than this if you want to get into trouble."

"I thought maybe you'd be angry with me."

"Nope."

"Help me up then."

"Nicole, let me check you out," James said, but she waved him off.

"I'm fine. Stop poking at me."

James sighed but let John help her up. Jake had stayed close by and he came over when she let go of John's hand. "Can we at least get you inside?" he quietly asked as she brushed off her clothes.

"You ready to ask for a reassignment yet?" she asked when he opened the door and motioned her inside.

"Are you kidding? This assignment is a piece of cake. No way am I asking for a reassignment."

"I guess John was right, I'll just have to try harder," she said with a little laugh, but then she started to cry and he took her in his arms.

_Somehow I doubt Bailey is going to yell at me for this_, he thought to himself as he held her until she stopped trembling. "It's okay. We're here, and we're not going to let anything bad happen to you," he told her. Cautiously he looked to see John's reaction, but John just nodded his head and Jake knew that he had done the right thing. "Do you want to go up to your room and lie down for a while?"

"I don't want to be alone."

"Shh, you won't be alone. I'll stay, and I'm betting John and Sam and anyone else that you want will stay with you."

"Nicole, I am so sorry," Grace said when Nicole finally came inside. "I never should have yelled at you like that, and I was wrong."

"It's all right. Don't give it another thought, okay? Just promise that you'll let me know what's in the box when you get it open. It is my package, after all."

"I will, honey. You just try to relax. No one is going to hurt you."

"Maybe not physically..."

"You're part of the family now, and that means that we will close ranks around you and protect you on all fronts. Get some rest."

"Yes, Momma Grace." Looking around, she frowned. "Where's Sam?"

"She wanted to be sure that Angel and Chloe are okay," John said, "but I'll tell her to come up and sit with us after we get you settled in."

"No, that's okay. She needs to be with her daughter. God knows none of this is fair to Chloe."

"Chloe is just fine, so don't worry about her. Come on, let's get you up to your room."

* * *

After half an hour, Nicole said that she wanted to get some sleep so Rebecca and James stayed with her while the others returned to figuring out what was in the package. The local office had sent their bomb squad to the farmhouse to x-ray the package. Nothing electronic was found, so Bailey cautiously cut the package tape with a box cutter and pulled the flaps open. 

When nothing happened, they all relaxed a bit as Bailey reached in to see what was inside the box. It was filled with packing peanuts, but towards the bottom there were several loose photos.

"Bailey?" Sam asked when she saw her boss turn a ghastly shade of white.

"Come on Bailey, I promised Nicole that I'd tell her what is in the package so share with the rest of us," Grace said.

"Here," he told her, handing the pictures to Grace. "See for yourself."

Grace finally lowered her eyes to look at the images that Bailey had handed her. The pictures were all of Nicole in her bedroom. Nicole getting dressed, Nicole sitting on her bed, Nicole talking with John, Nicole sleeping... "How did he get these?"

"All right, show us Grace. What has Jack done this time?"

"John, I don't think..." Before she could finish the sentence John had snatched the pictures out of her hand.

"He was here? How the hell could he have been close enough to take these pictures?" _What if it's one of the agents assigned by the local office. It could be any of the agents that aren't part of the VCTF. Jake Carter, he was there in the firehouse and he's been here, so it could even be him. _When John got to the picture of him and Nicole together, he handed the pictures to Sam. "How do we tell her? How do we tell Nicole that this person not only knows where she is, he took pictures of her in her room here?"

"We don't," Bailey said firmly. "Not yet, anyway. We need to figure out how someone could have taken these pictures first, so we can assure her that it won't happen again."

"I'm going to check on her," John said. "I have to be sure she's okay."

* * *

Sam went up with him, and he knocked on her door. "John," Rebecca said quietly, "is something wrong? Do you know what was in the package?" 

"Yes. It was some pictures." He was able to see that Nicole was sleeping and turned questioning eyes on Rebecca.

"James gave her something to help her sleep. He's in his room calling the local pharmacy to get a prescription filled for her. She's all right, John."

"I don't want to disturb her, so..."

"You aren't disturbing her. Come on in, you need to see for yourself that she's really okay. Those must have been some pictures to have upset you like this."

"The pictures were of Nicole...in this room."

"But how? This place is crawling with security."

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out."

"John?" Nicole suddenly asked, barely able to keep her eyes open as she looked at him, still mostly asleep.

"Hey, how you feeling?"

"Sleepy."

"Then go back to sleep."

"No, I don't want to. Every time I go to sleep I see...them."

"What if Sam and I stay here with you? We won't let anything bad happen to you, I promise."

"Sam is here?"

"I'm here, honey," Sam said, entering the room. "You should go back to sleep."

"You'll stay?"

"We'll both stay right here and keep you safe."

* * *

Bailey had sent the two agents that tackled Nicole back to their local office; their supervisor had not been particularly happy to learn what they had done. "At least I don't have to worry about those two," he told Grace as they sat together. 

"But we still have no idea how anyone could have taken those pictures."

"Jake is going through every second of surveillance video from the camera that is under the eave of Nicole's window."

"Something tells me he won't find a thing."

"It's that optimism of yours that I love about you."

"George, you have anything for us?" Grace asked when he came into the living room.

"No. I tapped into a satellite to get a better view of the area, but there is no where that someone could have hidden to take those photos. Even assuming that a very high powered zoom lens was used, there's no place that would have given that clear of a view. Jake is still going through the video footage but so far there's no sign of anyone other than agents hanging around the property, and none of them pulled out a camera and started taking pictures. By the way, are we sure that it was Jack who sent the photos?"

"Oh yes, there's no doubt about it. There was a message left on the back of one of the pictures, of course using Jack's trademark 'black light' method, and the strokes of each letter matches Jack's perfectly."

"Why didn't you tell me about the message before?" Bailey demanded. "Grace, this is important!"

"I thought that we should get the whole team together for this one."

"Sam and John are still with Nicole. Rebecca came down to tell me that she woke up and asked John and Sam to stay with her while she sleeps. I pray to god this doesn't cause a setback for her."

"She's stronger than you give her credit for, Bailey. Of course this will cause her to have a setback, but she'll rebound from it,"

"I hope you're right, George."

"Of course he's right. George is always right, aren't you?" Grace said.

"Yeah, listen, I'm going to see if I can drag Jake away from the videos for a while. He's really taking this hard, Bailey, so if you could perhaps find it in you to tell him that he is not solely responsible for Jack somehow getting those pictures..."

"Wait. First, Grace, tell me what the message said."

Grace closed her eyes as though trying to gather the strength to repeat the words she had discovered. Finally, she spoke, her voice quiet.

"Sweet dreams, Princess."

"What?"

"That's what the message said, Bailey. It said 'Sweet dreams, Princess'."

"That son of a bitch...he's been listening too."

"Any idea what the message means?" George asked.

"It's Jack's way of letting me know that this is about me and Nicole, not about Sam."

"So I guess we just have to figure out what we do with this information." Grace stood up and headed for the kitchen. "The only other thing I can tell you about those photos is that they were printed out on a printer, not taken to a photo lab. The office in Denver has a photo expert, and she's coming out here to examine the photos and see if they have been digitally altered in any way, but it doesn't look like they were."

"Can't hurt to cover all bases. I'd better talk to Jake."

"Bailey?"

"Yes, Grace?"

"When you're giving him the 'this wasn't your fault' speech, try listening to it yourself, okay?"

"Yes, Momma Grace."


	30. Chapter 30

When Nicole woke up, she found John sleeping, his arms folded on her bed so he could rest his head on them. "John?" she asked softly, her voice slightly slurred.

"Nicole, hi. How are you feeling?" Sam asked, coming over. She had been standing by the window, trying to figure out how in the world those pictures could have been taken.

"I've been better. My whole body feels heavy. John's going to be sore if you let him keep sleeping like that."

"Well neither one of us has any intention of leaving you. He'll be okay, I promise to take very good care of him. Why don't you go back to sleep."

Nicole sighed but closed her eyes. "I do still feel tired. Sam?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for being here when I've needed you."

"Well you were there when we needed you. That's what friends do. Now go to sleep."

Sam watched until she was sure that Nicole was sleeping, and then she went back over to the window and watched her and John. _You should be jealous. Jealous or angry that he choses her over you_, a voice whispered in her head. Should be, perhaps, but Sam wasn't. With all that they had been through, John and Nicole had forged a friendship, and so had Nicole and Sam. They both loved John in their own way, but it was in two completely different ways. _If we hadn't found them in time..._

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Sam turned and looked out the window. If they hadn't found them in time then Sam wouldn't be here in the middle of nowhere because there would have been nothing left to do but bury them. Her heart broke all over again at the thought of losing John just when she'd found it within her to admit her love for him. If she had anything to say about it, no one and nothing would ever hurt John again.

_Or Nicole. I don't want her ever hurt again either._ Sam had come to view Nicole as more than just a friend, but almost like a sister. When she thought back on their first meeting, with John so sick, she shuddered to imagine if any other doctor had been in charge. _Stop worry about what could have been. Nicole was there and thanks to her John survived the illness and his kidnappers._

* * *

At the same time Jack was watching via the satellite link that had proved so very useful. His Samantha looked so sad as she stared out the window. It had taken him by surprised when he went to watch Nicole's room and found his Samantha there, and he smiled at the thought that he could watch both of them at once. John was visible, sitting by the bed with his head down, and Jack felt angry that _he_ was in the room but stopped himself from getting too worked up about it. _The only reason John is there in that room is because Nicole wants him there. She's been through so much, it wouldn't be right to deny her the comfort of having her friends there, now would it?_

Lighting a cigarette, Jack picked up one of the pictures of Nicole that he had kept for himself. She was laughing in it, something that he had only seen her do the one time while she was picking berries. He actually felt some guilt for what had happened to Nicole when the package of photos arrived; she was, after all, truly innocent and undeserving of what had happened to her. Samantha had been hurt by his actions over the years, but that was her own fault. Killing was the only art form he knew that attracted her attention and made her notice him. John, Coop, Bailey, Grace -- they all tried to interfere, to stop him from having his Samantha. The pain that he had caused Samantha was only so that she could learn and grow.

Nicole had been of no interest to him until after she had become involved in this latest case. Jack had to admit that it was clever of someone to take up his hobby of killing obscure people from Sam's past and apply it to John, but it also angered him a bit. _Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery_, he told himself, _but to leave blacklight messages is just going to far. I'm surprised they didn't leave her a red rose too. That reminds me, it's been far too long since I sent roses to Samantha._

* * *

Sam turned from the window and went back over to where John was sitting, lightly rubbing his back. Nicole had been right, he was going to be sore if he stayed in that position but she also knew that he would never agree to leave. _Maybe if I just get his muscles to relax a little... _She could feel the tension beneath her fingers, and as soon as she tried to gently knead the muscles John was awake and tensed, ready to attack. "It's just me. Come on, relax."

"Sam."

"You won't be able to move in the morning if you stay in this position. Why don't you lie down for a while?"

"No, I'm not leaving her."

Realizing that John was about to dig his heels in and refuse, she let it drop. "Then will you at least let me get you a pillow so you're not at such an uncomfortable angle while you sleep?"

"I'd appreciate it. Thank you, Sam."

"I love her too, you know," she said, placing a gentle kiss on his lips when he turned his head to look at her.

"I love you Sam."

"I know, and I love you. I'll be right back." She kissed him again, then kissed his forehead before leaving to get the pillows.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Nicole, but it looks like John is going to have to be removed from the picture. He's become too much of a distraction for Samantha, and I need her focused on finding this copycat so I can get back to her lessons," Jack said out loud after clearing everything from the table in a fit of rage at the sight of his Samantha kissing John.

Sam left the room and Jack disconnected the link, removing a red rose from the vase beside the monitor. "Yes, a red rose for Samantha. Some white ones for Nicole would be nice, but Bailey will never let her have them. Oh well, a red rose and a message will have to do for the time being."

* * *

Nicole opened her eyes and smiled, reaching out with one hand to play with John's hair. He was sleeping with his head on a pillow, sitting in a chair beside her bed. "You should be in your own bed," she said softly.

"You're awake?" he mumbled, trying to wake up himself.

"Well it is morning. I think I've slept quite enough. I'm going to take a shower and get dressed so I can have breakfast."

"Breakfast does sound good." John tried to sit up but his back and shoulders ached. "I guess I should have listened."

Sam had been quietly watching the two of them until John winced, and then she was instantly by the bed. "Just relax and let me work out some of that tension."

"Thanks, Sam."

"Maybe you ought to take a hot shower to try and relax. You shouldn't have stayed here all night."

"Hey, I was right where I wanted to be. Don't give it another thought. You go get ready and Sam and I will see you downstairs?"

"Sam, please take care of him."

"I will. Come on John, let's go to our room so you can lie down and I can work out some of that tension."

Sam convinced him to do as she said and lie down for at least a few minutes so she could try to massage some of the tension out of his muscles, being careful not to press down where his back still showed signs of his ordeal. He moaned in pain when she pushed down hard on his shoulder, relaxing when she kissed the back of his neck. "You have got to relax, or you'll just cause yourself more pain. Let's try that hot shower."

The feel of hot water pouring over him did seem to ease some of the pain in his muscles; unfortunately the shower wasn't big enough for him and Sam to share it. When he was done washing Sam was waiting for him and she gently dried him, massaging stiff muscles until she was convinced that he would survive.

"Why don't you go down and spend some time with Nicole? I think you both need it. I'll be along shortly."

"Thanks Sam."

* * *

John managed to get dressed while Sam was in the shower, and when he went downstairs Nicole was at the kitchen table with Jake, eating scrambled eggs.

"I have to go check on something," Jake said when he saw John approaching. "I'll be back in a little bit, and I'll won't be far. Okay?" Not that he had anything to check on, but he could tell by the look on John's face that the other agent needed a few minutes alone with her.

"I'll be fine. Besides, John's here and he's going to sit down and have breakfast with me, aren't you John?"

"How could I not spend time with one of my favorite ladies?" he asked, kissing her cheek and pleased to see that she seemed to be in good spirits. "Jake, where is everybody else?"

"Outside. Do you want me to get Bailey or Grace?"

"No, I was just wondering," John said, putting his hand over Nicole's. He nodded to Jake, who slowly walked out of the kitchen and left the two of them alone.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. My back's still a little sore, but--"

"I told you to go to bed."

"I know, I know. I just wanted to be close by in case..."

"In case I had another episode?"

"In case anything happened."

"As you've pointed out several times, there are plenty of agents guarding this place so nothing is going to happen."

"I really hate it when people use my own words against me."

"I'm not using your words against you, just reminding you that, as everyone keeps telling me, there's nothing to worry about."

"So who made you scrambled eggs?"

"I am capable of fixing scrambled eggs by myself, thank you."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't."

"John, would you please just relax? I'm not made of glass, and despite yesterday's unfortunate events, I **am** okay. I'll fix you some eggs, all right?"

"I can--"

"I want to do this. You just relax." Nicole took her empty plate and put it in the sink, then got eggs from the refrigerator. "Do you want any bacon?"

"We have bacon?"

"Yes, John, we have bacon."

"If it's not too much trouble."

"Nah, it says I just have to toss it in the microwave. Do you want your eggs scrambled? Because I can do them however you want."

"No, scrambled sounds good."

Sam came downstairs while John was eating and Nicole was playing with a piece of bacon. Both of them were laughing about some cartoon that was in the morning paper, and it made Sam smile. Nicole brought out a part of John that she hadn't thought existed, and now she could only hope and pray that Nicole would stay a part of their lives once this whole nightmare was finally solved and life returned to normal.


	31. Chapter 31

"I think I've figured out how he did it," George said, talking to Bailey on the phone from the local field office. He had gone there to ask the local agents if they knew how it could have been done since they were familiar with the area.

"And?" Bailey motioned for the rest of the team to sit down at the dining room table with him so he could relay the information. It was close to noon and Nicole was with Angel and Chloe, painting.

"The same way that I was able to look around and tell that there was no vantage point on the ground he could have taken those pictures without being seen. Jack hacked into a satellite, Bailey. The neighboring farm using a satellite-service to remotely operate their tractor. The satellite has a high-powered camera lens so that if an alarm goes off, a technician can checked on the property and see if there is something wrong, an obstacle or a malfunctioning piece of equipment. It's very rare that it happens, though, so if Jack got control of the satellite uplink and redirected the camera--"

"No one on the ground would know," Bailey said, finishing the sentence. "Son of a--"

"Everything okay?" Nicole asked, wandering in from the porch where she and Angel had been helping Chloe paint a picture of the landscape.

"Everything's fine, Princess."

"Are you bleeding?" John asked, standing up, and Nicole laughed after looking down at her top and her hands.

"It's just red paint. I was coming in to try and clean up since Angel and Chloe are just about finished."

"I was just about to tell the rest of the team how George thinks that Jack got those pictures, if you're interested."

"Of course I'm interested, Bailey." She sat down next to John, forgetting about the red paint for the moment.

"George thinks that Jack hacked into a satellite that is used to remotely control farm equipment in the area. There are cameras that are only checked if an alarm goes off, so the odds of anyone discovering that Jack was using the uplink were practically nothing."

"So he was watching me via a satellite? Well I guess we can't hide from a satellite, can we?"

"George, I assume that you're on your way back here?"

"Yes, I am."

"Fill us in when you get here. At least now we know how he was able to spy on us, maybe we can use that to our advantage." Ending the call, Bailey turned back to the group. "Now that we know how Jack was able to spy on us, we need to find a way to use that knowledge."

"How about boarding up all the windows?" Nicole said, half joking.

"Why not, Jack probably already knows that we're on to him," Sam said, sighing. "He'll just find another way to toy with us."

"I'm going to wash this paint off of me." Nicole left the table to go into the bathroom, and John held his head in his hands.

"Why is Jack going after Nicole?"

"Because she was the target of whoever copied Jack and left a blacklight message on that car. I don't believe Jack intends to harm her. She's a means to an end. By hurting her, he pushes us to find the copycat."

"Somehow, Sam, I don't think Nicole is going to appreciate that Jack doesn't really mean her any harm."

"So we have a decision to make. Do we move to another location, or do we stay here?"

"There's been nothing to indicate that whoever is behind the killlings has any idea where we are," Sam pointed out, "and Jack will find us no matter where we go. We may as well stay put."

* * *

Lunch was uneventful, and all of them were thankful for that. Nicole wanted to be part of the discussions on what was going to be done next so Bailey let her sit between him and John, where she felt the safest. "We need to find whoever set the plan in motion to hurt John," Nicole said when Bailey had George bring up information about Jack. "He won't stop until we find the person responsible, the person who is now playing copycat. Finding Jack won't help us. We have to find the mastermind behind it all."

"She's right, Bailey," Sam conceeded.

"All right; George, have you found any new information about those deposits into Robert Chauncy's bank account?"

"No, only that whoever was behind it wired the money from a Swiss bank account to the Cayman Islands, and then from the Cayman Islands to Robert Chauncy. Both the Swiss account and the Cayman Islands accounts are numbered but have no names on them."

"Do you think it could be my father that is behind this?" John asked.

"No, it's not him. It's someone that wants to hurt him by hurting his son," Nicole stated, then put her head down. "Sorry."

"No, this is good. Anything you feel you can contribute is welcome here," Bailey reassure her.

"But that leads us back to the children," George pointed out.

"Not necessarily. There are plenty of other people who would probably love to get even with my father for killing or hurting a loved one."

"Any ideas about who they might be? Do you remember anyone connected with your father and his business around the time that you were in the hospital?"

"Not that I remember."

Nicole rubbed his back and gave him a smile. "Don't stress yourself out over it. I'm sure George can find something."

* * *

George found several possible leads to people who had reason to want revenge on Patrick O'Doyle and who knew about John's experience in the hospital as a child. Bailey had agents around the country looking for the men and checking into their recent financial transactions. "I want to do something fun," Nicole said, sounding to Sam somewhat weary. "Can't we watch something on pay-per-view or rent a movie or something?"

"You know what, that sounds like just the thing we need," Grace told her. "We can pick out something on cable, make popcorn and just have a nice movie night."

"Sounds good to me." John stood up and rested his hands on Nicole's shoulders. "We could all use a break from this."

* * *

After convincing Chloe that she could have fun having her own 'slumber party' with Angel, James and Rebecca, they picked out a few movies and settled into the living room with bowls of popcorn to watch Shrek. Nicole was on the sofa between Bailey and John, with Sam on the other side of John, and halfway through the movie Bailey made the bold move of putting his arm around Nicole. After he did it he panicked, wondering what had prompted the move and if he had made a huge mistake, but Nicole leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I think this is just what we all needed," she said with a contented sigh.

Grace had been watching the two closely, and Bailey could see that she didn't approve of his little move. Her warning expression softened a bit when Bailey glanced back over once Nicole had settled against him, but she didn't say anything. John and Sam snuggled together, and Grace and George had to share a knowing smile that for once, everything was going well.

When the movie ended Nicole sat up and smiled at Bailey. "Thanks."

"For what?"

She shrugged. "Just thanks." Standing up, she started to pick up empty bowls but George stopped her. "Grace and I will take care of this. You just enjoy yourself for the rest of the evening."

"I think I'm going up to my room, write in my journal a bit and then get some sleep."

"Goodnight, Princess," Bailey said, hugging her. "See you in the morning."

"We should be heading for bed too," Sam said, slipping her arm around John's.

"Right, we should. Well, 'night guys."

"Goodnight," Grace called out after them as the couple headed up the stairs.

* * *

"So, what was the reason you wanted to go to bed so early?" John asked as he unbuttoned his shirt and kicked off his shoes before sitting on the bed.

"Maybe I just wanted you all to myself for a while," Sam replied, seductively removing her own top before slipping out of her shoes and slacks.

"Well then why didn't you say so earlier? We could have skipped the movie and come straight up here."

"Nicole needed that, and she needed all of us there so she could feel safe."

"You don't resent her do you?"

"Absolutely not. She is our friend, and the reason she needs you know is because she suffered something horrific just because she wanted to help you. I will always be grateful for what she did, and I never want you to worry that you're spending too much time with her. She needs to know that she can rely on us, but especially that she can rely on you being her friend and not abandoning her."

"I'm glad you said that, Sam. I know that you would never resent Nicole wanting me to hang around when she's scared, but I guess I just needed to hear it."

"So now why don't you let me show you." Sam leaned down and pressed her lips to his, gently pushing him down onto the bed. "You just let me take care of you."

"Like I have a choice," he said as she began unbuttoning his pants.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No."

"All right, then. You comfortable?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Good, because I intend to take very good care of you and come morning, I want there to be no doubt in your mind how much I love you, John Grant."

* * *

Jack grew more and more angry as he watched Sam making love to John, spreading her legs willingly for him when John wasn't worthy of her. "Nicole will be better off without him around to corrupt her too," he said angrily, slamming his fist down on the tabletop. Then, calming down a bit, he smirked and lit a cigarette. "And I know just what I'm going to do with you, Agent Grant." 


	32. Chapter 32

_**A/N: Okay, I know it's not much and it's waaaay overdue, but hopefully someone is still interested in this story.**_

It didn't take Jack long to decide on the best way to get close enough to take John out of the picture. Bailey hadn't met most of the local field agents; even George only met a handful when he was at the office, so it would be easy to get a hold of a fake badge and pose as one of the local agents. Smiling again, he pulled up the roster of local agents to decide which one he wanted to go in as.

"You'll thank me for this one day, Samantha," he said to the picture he was now gently stroking with his finger. "And Nicole needs to be rid of him so she can move on."

* * *

"Sam," John whispered, feeling her warm body beside him as he slowly woke up. 

"Is it morning already?"

"I think so. Last night was..."

"Shh, don't analyze what it was or wasn't. Let's just enjoy the here and now."

"We should probably get up. The others will be wondering where we are."

"So let them wonder."

* * *

Nicole sat on her bed watching her reflection in the window as she brushed her hair. All night long she had strange dreams but blamed it on too much popcorn. The sun was just beginning to come up and she couldn't help wondering if Jack was watching her window. Slowly she walked to the window and looked out, seeing a few agents standing just off the porch. It was a familiar sight, one that she saw every time she looked out that window, and yet it seemed so strange each time. 

One of the agents looked up towards her and she could see the glow of a lit cigarette. For just a moment she felt a chill go up her spine, remembering that first night and the man in the tractor, waving at her while smoking a cigarette. The man that was down below now, waving to her, was Jake Carter and not some monster hiding in the shadows, and she mentally made a note to give him a hard time about taking up smoking again since he had told her before that he had quit.

Feeling better, she grabbed jeans and a tank top to head for a shower before breakfast.

* * *

Jake cringed slightly when he saw Nicole come out onto the porch, putting out his cigarette certain that she was going to lecture him about his smoking. To his relief she just sat on the porch swing and asked how things were going. 

"Fine. Sleep well?"

"Not really. I had the strangest dreams."

"Nothing bad, I hope."

"No, not really. Just strange."

"You should probably eat something."

"Eh, it's early yet. Have you eaten breakfast?"

"About three hours ago, actually."

"Oh. I guess you really got an early start."

"One of the local field agents that is supposed to be here called in sick, so I came down at 3 o'clock to relieve Andy. Poor guy hadn't slept in 36 hours."

"Does Bailey know?"

"Not yet. I just happened to come downstairs for water and saw that Andy was still outside. When he told me what happened I sent him to get some sleep but I didn't see any need to wake Bailey up."

"Thanks," she said softly for no apparent reason.

"For what?"

"Telling me about what your sister went through. Being my friend. Taking care of me. Watching out for me."

"I'm glad that we're friends, Nicole. Don't ever forget that, okay? You can talk to me about anything."

"I know. Do you think I would be out here at this ungodly hour if I didn't know that?"

"Maybe you should head back inside. It's kind of cold out here."

"You're just afraid of what Bailey will say."

"And what do you think that Bailey will say?"

"Bailey will say," they heard as the porch door opened and Bailey came out, "that a certain young lady is going to catch a cold if she keeps coming out here when it's cold and damp."

"Guess that means I'd better go in before Dad grounds me." Nicole went inside without another word, although she did mouth 'be nice' to Bailey as she passed him.

"I'm not upset that Nicole was out here if that's what you're worried about. She's an adult, and she can make her own decisions."

"Yes, sir."

"Quit calling me sir." Bailey took out a cigar and lit it.

"Does she know you smoke those?"

"No, and I don't expect her to hear about it. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."

Bailey started to say something, then shook his head and sat on the porch swing. "So what was that I heard about an agent not showing up?"

"Someone from the local field office called in sick, so I told Andy...Agent Hernandez to get some sleep and that I'd take over for him."

"Thank you for not waking me up at 3AM then. Yes, I heard most of your conversation with Nicole. Where are the other agents that are supposed to be on this shift?"

"Walking the perimeters to be sure that everything is secure. Agent Carlisle is in the video control room watching all of the camera feeds."

"Go back in and get some sleep yourself, and I'll stay out here until the next shift comes on at seven. You only got a few hours sleep at the most, and while I appreciate that you wanted to relieve Andy so he could sleep now I want you to do the same. Nicole trusts you and she depends on you to keep her safe, more so than the rest of us. Get some sleep. That's an order."

"Yes, sir."

After Jake had gone back to his own room, Nicole returned to Bailey with two cups of coffee. "Peace offering?" she joked as she settled in next to him on the swing.

"I thought we agreed that you shouldn't be out here in this cold, damp weather, at least not without more clothing on."

"And here I thought we agreed that I'm an adult and can do as I please."

Bailey just smiled and shook his head, taking a drink of his coffee. "So what has you up so early this morning? I heard you tell Jake you had strange dreams."

"Yeah, probably just the result of too much popcorn last night."

"Well if you have any nightmares I'm just a few doors down, and so are Jake and John and Sam."

"I know."

"But some things you just have to work through yourself, is that it?"

"Kind of."

Bailey reached over and put his hand on hers. "There's nothing I won't do for you, Princess."

"I know, but like you said, some things you have just to work through yourself."

"Just remember that we're all here for you."

"I should be heading back in. Wouldn't want to catch a cold or anything."

"Stay. Please. You wouldn't want to be responsible for a lonely old FBI agent sitting around talking to himself now would you?"

"Why, is there a lonely old FBI agent around here somewhere?"

"You're something special, Princess. Don't ever forget that."

"Thanks."

_(For those of you wondering about the reference to what happened to Jake's sister, it's in Chapter 22)_


	33. Chapter 33

When the new shift started at 7AM, Nicole slipped back into the house with a few of the other agents that she knew. There were some new faces reporting for duty and she didn't want to encounter any strangers.

Grace and George were already up and sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. "Good morning. You're up early," Grace commented.

"Couldn't sleep, and then I was talking to Jake and..."

"Jake? I haven't seen him this morning."

"I guess an agent from the local office called out sick so Jake relieved Agent Hernandez and then Bailey came out a little after six when Jake and I were talking and he told Jake to get some sleep." She glanced back at the door as Bailey came inside. "I don't like them."

"Don't like who?" George asked.

"The new agents. I just don't feel comfortable with them."

"Well you don't have to deal with anybody you don't want to."

"I know, I just...wish I could feel comfortable around people again."

"You will honey," Grace said, "and it's understandable that you'd be uncomfortable around strangers."

"But it wasn't a stranger that did this to me. I knew Robert, and I knew Mark and Lindsey. I worked alongside them, but I guess I didn't really know them or what they were capable of."

"It always hurts more when you're hurt by the people that you know and trust," George said softly, causing Nicole to reach out and put her hand over his.

"But at least I have people that I do know I can trust," she said.

"Hey, where's Jake?" John asked as he and Sam came into the kitchen.

"Sleeping. An agent called out sick so Jake was up until 6AM when Bailey came along and told him to get some sleep," Nicole answered.

"Any idea who it was that called in sick?" John asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee before joining Sam at the table.

"No, but Bailey probably knows."

"It was a new agent, just transferred in from Kansas," Bailey said as he sat down to join them. "I called to find out what the story was and apparently he was involved in a minor accident on the way here two days ago, called in last night to say that he was sore and made an appointment with a doctor for this morning. Looks like the story checks out."

"I think I'm going to fix some oatmeal," Sam announced, "anyone else want some?"

After breakfast they all gathered together to look again at the evidence that they had to work with in order to find who was behind the attack on John. "Anything new?" Bailey asked George, and they all tried not to look too disappointed when the answer was 'no'.

"Something will come up," Sam said, trying to encourage George who looked like he expected to be attacked for not finding anything.

"Yeah, but how many more people have to be hurt or killed before that happens?" John was angry about the lack of progress and he slammed a fist onto the table, not thinking about how Nicole would react until it was too late. "Oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he said, trying not to smile because despite hating to see her frightened, the way Bailey had taken her in his arms, and the way she was now holding onto him, was a rather touching sight.

"Shh, it's okay," Bailey whispered, holding him against her. It had been a natural reaction when she had cried out at the sudden noise, and now he felt her relaxing against him but making no attempt to move away from him. "It's just John and that temper of his," he joked, and he felt her chuckle against him.

"I'm all right," she finally said, but she still wanted him to hold her. It just felt so _right_ to have his arms around her, feeling his heart beating beneath her fingertips. Finally, though, she did pull away from Bailey to voice something that she had been wondering about for a few days. "What if the person that we're looking for started copying Jack to save face? If his plan was to get back at John, and that failed when the Chauncey siblings turned on each other, maybe he started copying Jack so that he wouldn't be a failure? I know that this isn't making much sense, believe me. I guess what I'm saying is, what if our killer turned his obsession with John into an obsession with _Jack_ so that he could continue on without having to admit to himself that his plan failed?" Getting nothing but blank looks, she sighed and slumped back in her seat. "Never mind."

"No, I think I get what you're saying. Up to and including having the Chauncey siblings kidnap John and you, there was nothing similar between our killer and Jack. But afterwards, he's copying Jack's blacklight message. If he was copying Jack all along, why not leave messages at the first four crime scenes? Or roses, or something?" This time it was George that slumped back in the chair. "But what do I know, I'm just a computer geek, right?" He smiled at Nicole, and she gave him a small smile back.

"That still doesn't tell us who this is, or why he's doing it," John said, this time without hitting anything.

"I think we should start with reviewing all of John's cases. Maybe this need for revenge has to do with John being responsible for someone's conviction," Sam offered.

"Or someone's death. Sam's right, we should review all of John's cases," Nicole agreed.

"We already did that once," George said. "You think we'll find something new?"

"Can't hurt to look again," Grace replied.

"I'll get copies of every case and we can divide them up later," Bailey said. "Now let's try to relax and enjoy the day, shall we?"

Sam and Nicole both rolled their eyes at that. _Enjoy the day. Right._

* * *

A/N: I know this was a very very very short chapter and that after waiting so long, you deserve more. The story is coming along and will be picking up pace, so hopefully there will be a new chapter with Jack and his evil plan very soon :-) 


	34. Chapter 34

_Disclaimer: Nicole and Jake are my own original characters, everything else belongs to NBC and whoever else owns rights to Profiler._

* * *

Jack laughed out loud as he sat on the couch of his own farmhouse. One of the things he loved about small towns was that everything was so much easier and simpler. Once he knew where Bailey was moving Nicole and the rest of the team to for safe keeping, Jack simply went to the town, found an isolated farmhouse that was empty with a 'for sale' sign, called the agent with a cash offer, and the place was his. Getting the utilities hooked up had also been fairly simple, and now he had electricity, water, and of course internet service. 

The other thing he loved about small towns was that farmhouses such as his tended to be miles from the nearest neighbor. No one had even noticed him moving in. The one that he now owned had a wonderful root cellar too; no doubt the original owners had filled it with the bounty of fruits and vegetables that they had grown. Currently the cellar was occupied not by fruits and vegetables but by one very pissed off FBI agent. Jack could hear the yelling, cursing and pounding from the driveway and relished in the thought that his 'guest' was wearing himself down. The odds of anyone coming upon the scene and hearing the noise was practically none; the mailbox was on the street and the farmhouse sat at least a mile from the road, probably more, and no one was going to be sending him any mail anyway.

"Time to see how my guest is doing," he said to the air, rising and heading outside to throw open the doors revealing the cellar stairs.

As he made his way down into the cellar, Jack was greeted by the site of his 'guest' charging blindly towards the sound of footsteps, only to reach the bottom step and fall down with a thud. "I guess those eye drops are still working," Jack said, almost gleefully. Ever since he had used them to blind Samantha, Jack had been experimenting with making the affects more severe and longer lasting. It appeared that, at least on this test subject, he had been successful.

"You son of a bitch!" the man yelled before grunting in pain. Judging by the way he was holding his wrist instead of trying to get up again, Jack assumed that in breaking his fall on the staircase, the wrist had been fractured, if not the hand as well.

"No need for sweet talk," Jack taunted as he continued down the stairs. When the agent reached out to grab Jack's foot, Jack just stepped on his hand, ignoring the cries of pain that it caused. "I would suggest you not do that again. Now when I lift up my foot, I want you to get off the stairs and go backwards until you back into the wall on the other side. Once you get there, do not move. Understood?"

There was a faint 'yes', and as soon as Jack's foot came up he managed to propel himself off the stairs and do as Jack had instructed. No sense getting himself killed, after all.

"No one is looking for you, by the way. No one even knows that you're gone. You see, I borrowed your credentials and put my face on the identification, waltzed right into that safehouse. Of course it helps that you're new here and no one in the local field office knows you from Adam, not that Bailey bothered to think about asking for my credentials and calling the local office to verify my identity. It's all so perfect. Once I'm done you will have disappeared, and I'll leave the credentials where they'll be found so that everyone will think _you_ are really Jack of all Trades. Oh, I also got into the bureau's computer and switched the photo in your personnel file with the one I used on the credentials but I did leave your fingerprints intact. Eventually they'll figure out that I just used your identity, but by then I'll be off planning my next move."

"And what are you going to do with me?"

It was the first sentence Jack's prisoner had uttered, and it took Jack by surprise but he quickly answered the man. "I don't know, I hadn't really thought about it. I plan on keeping you here until the affects of the drops wear off or until I'm able to grab John Grant, whichever comes first. Why, do you have a preference about how you'd like to die?"

* * *

Nicole and Grace worked on one set of case files while John and Sam worked on another. Bailey was going through all of John's cases from the Atlanta PD, and George would run names as they gave him lists. By the time Rebecca had finished dinner, they had made no progress and John declared it a lost cause. 

"Come on, let's eat and maybe we'll feel better," Grace suggested, but Nicole shook her head.

"No, let's eat and forget about this for a while. All we're doing is frustrating ourselves." Nicole stood up from the couch and went into the kitchen to eat, smiling when she saw what Rebecca had fixed. "Chicken and dumplings?"

"I know it's one of your favorites."

"Thanks."

After dinner Nicole fixed a pot of hot cocoa and sat on the floor, watching Sam and John snuggle up together on the couch. Jake had come down to eat but didn't stick around long. He seemed upset about something and Nicole made a mental note to find out what it was later. Grace and George had retired to their rooms to make some phone calls; Grace to talk with her husband and George to see if any of his old contacts could help him with this case.

The autumn weather had turned rather cool, and Bailey had built a fire in the fireplace, giving a nice warm glow to the room. Nicole found that if she tried really hard, she could almost pretend that everything was normal.

"Hopefully no one will call in sick tonight," Bailey said, and reality came back to all of them.

"And here I had convinced myself that Sam and I were off enjoying one another in some nice ski lodge in Switzerland," John said with a sigh.

"Hmm, I think I like that fantasy," Sam told him, running a finger down his nose. "Maybe after we get married..." She looked around and remembered that Chloe and Angel had gone to their room to watch some new movie that one of the agents had picked up for Chloe. "I'm going to go say goodnight to Chloe, and then what do you say we head up to our own room?"

"I'll go get things ready," John volunteered, making Sam laugh.

"Goodnight Nicole, Bailey."

"Goodnight Sam."

"Night, Sam."

It was just Nicole and Bailey left, and Nicole got up and sat on the vacated couch. "So, what do you want to do?"

"We could watch a movie."

"Okay, what do you want to watch?"

"Let's see what's on Turner Movie Classics. I happen to know you like those old black and white films." Seeing her surprised look, he smiled. "Rebecca told me."

They started watching an old western, and when that was done the original version of The Haunting came on. Nicole had fixed a bowl of popcorn and she and Bailey were both sitting on the couch, the popcorn in her lap, watching the movie. Bailey glanced over a few times and saw Nicole jump at a few of the scenes. He resisted the urge to put his arm around her shoulders, reminding himself that they weren't a couple of kids in high school; hell, they weren't even a couple. When it was finally over, Bailey turned off the television and stood but Nicole remained seated, legs tucked beneath her on the couch, holding onto the bowl of popcorn for dear life.

"Nicole, you coming up to bed?"

"Yes," she said, slowly getting up from the couch. She barely managed to set the bowl on the counter before she was racing out of the kitchen and back to the living room and the warmth that lingered from the fire that had gone out some time back.

"Come on, Princess, let's get you tucked in before someone finds out I kept you up so late."

Nicole stayed close to Bailey as they made their way upstairs, reluctantly parting company with him only when they reached her door. "Well, goodnight," she said as she went in, shutting the door behind her and waiting for something to happen. _This is not a haunted house, and there is no evil presence here. I am a grown up, and I am going to go to bed and get some sleep._

* * *

Ten minutes later, as Bailey was getting ready to turn off the lamp on his nightstand and go to sleep, he heard a knock at his door. _You're hearing things. Turn off the light._ There it was again, that soft knocking, and Bailey laughed at his own imagination going into overdrive. _The house is NOT haunted._

Getting out of bed he thanked whoever instilled in him the modesty to always wear pajama bottoms to bed whenever he was out of town on a case, because on the other side of the door was Nicole. She was wearing her own two piece pajamas except that hers were a silky violet material, and in her arms she was clutching her blanket and a pillow.

"I can't sleep, and it's all your fault," she simply stated, looking at him with eyes that pleaded for someone to make the things that go bump in the night just go away.

"Come on in, Princess," he said, stepping back to let her come into the room.

She held the blanket and pillow like a shield against whatever she thought was going to attack her from the corners of the bedroom, and Bailey tried hard not to laugh as he shut the door behind her. She reminded him of a frightened toddler, and he wasn't sure if he expected her to start sucking her thumb or produce a teddy bear from under her blanket.

"I heard noises," she said as means of explaining why she had come to be at his door.

"We shouldn't have watched a scary movie so late. It is my fault. Come on, crawl in bed."

She stood mortified at his words. No, she was _not_ getting in bed with him. Why had she come here? What did she expect? The truth was she had wanted to go to John and Sam, but she knew that they're plans did not include her intruding on their privacy. Jake was her next thought, but she didn't want to disturb him. _Rebecca, I should have gone to her._ "This was a mistake. I have to go."

"Goodbye, Princess."

She had turned to flee the room but his words stopped her. Why was he saying goodbye? Was he going somewhere? Were they sending him back to Atlanta? He would have said something before, wouldn't he? Why did he sound so sad? Facing him, she was an incredible sadness in his eyes and felt her own heart ache.

"Why goodbye?"

"Sorry, I meant goodnight. Goodnight, Princess."

"No, that's not what you meant. Okay, spill it." She sat on the end of his bed, blanket and pillow tossed beside her, and motioned for him to sit down.

"It's nothing, really. Just been a long day, and I hate the thought of you being scared all night because we watched a scary movie."

He could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn't believe him, but she let it go. "I probably shouldn't go waking up anyone else," she finally said. "But I sleep on top. That's the only way I can do this."

"No, honey you get under the covers and I'll sleep in the chair."

"No, we both sleep in the bed, I just sleep on top of the covers. It'll be fine." She got in opposite where he had been laying before, putting her pillow down and wrapping herself up in the blanket.

"Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight, Bailey."

He turned the light off and then laid on his side, his back to her, and he felt her hand come to rest on his shoulder. "You should get to sleep," he said gently.

"I'm not going anywhere, you know. It may take me a while to get past my little quirks, but I have feelings for you, and I'm not running away from them...or from you." She sighed before continuing. "I don't mean to hurt you, but I know that I do and I will with my actions. I wish I could just be normal again, but I can't."

Bailey turned over to face her, longing to just wrap his arms around her and hold her, yet knowing that it would only drive her further away. "Princess, you have never, ever been normal." That at least got a slight laugh out of her. "I'm not going anywhere either. I just hope that one day you'll be comfortable enough to sleep under the covers and trust that I'm not going to do anything to make you uncomfortable."

"It is kind of cold even with this blanket," she mumbled, but Bailey heard her.

"Please, Princess, get under the covers and be warm. I can't stand the thought of you cold."

"Okay." She hesitantly got off the bed and slipped under the covers, keeping her blanket wrapped tightly around her.

Turning off the lamp, it was a few minutes before he picked up on the slight sound of muffled sobs. "Nicole, you all right?"

"I don't want to end up all alone, and I'm afraid that I will if I keep pushing people away, and I don't mean to. I don't mean to get angry or to withdraw, but sometimes it's the only defense mechanism I have. Please don't let me be all alone."

"Shh, you'll never be all alone, Princess." Cautiously he wrapped his arms around her – well around the bundle of her and her blanket, anyway – and drew her closer to him so that her head was resting on his chest. "It's okay, I've got you."

Finally content, she sighed and her body relaxed. "I think I love you," she whispered before falling asleep.

* * *

Sam and John lay together peacefully, the sounds of lovemaking that had earlier filled the room – despite their efforts to be quiet and not disturb anyone else – having been replaced by a comfortable silence. Finally, John broke it by sitting up and blowing out the candle that was on the nightstand. 

"After that, I don't want to hear one word out of you about me needing more physical activity for at least a week," he said, giving her a playful smile.

"Hmm, I don't know if that counts as a week's worth," Sam teased. "I think just to be sure we should do this routine once a night."

"I'm sure you do. Next time though, let's not pretend to be someplace cold."

"I agree. How about tomorrow night we crank up the heat and pretend we're in the Caribbean."

"You do know how much I love you, right? Because I don't think I've told you today."

"Yes, I know how much you love me. I love you too."

* * *

_Remember, reviews are love...and a loved Muse is a productive Muse..._


	35. Chapter 35

As always, I own nothing except for the characters of Nicole Hillsdale and Jake Carter. And as always, the story is un-beta'd so please be kind if you find a mistake.

* * *

Before the sun could even begin to rise, Jake was awakened by hunger. Normally he would have grabbed a late night snack before heading to bed, but Nicole and Bailey had stayed up late watching movies and he didn't want to risk disturbing them. Now, though, his stomach was grumbling and he knew that both of them should be in bed...well he hoped so anyway, at least for the sake of the agents working at the safehouse. Bailey tended to be very very difficult to work with when he was sleep deprived; Jake had that misfortune once while Nicole was in the hospital, and he hoped never to tangle with that Bailey Malone again.

_Grab a bowl of cereal, go for a quick jog, hope none of the agents shoot me by mistake – damn, that one agent yesterday looked ready to shoot anything that moved, I have got to talk to Bailey about him – then a hot shower and change for the day. _He traded flannel pajamas for sweats and jogging shoes, then tried to be silent as he made his way out of his room.

It had become habit for Jake to check Nicole's room when he got up, even if all he did was stop by her door and listen. It was almost always quiet except for those rare occassions when she had gotten up before him. This time it was quiet, but the door was slightly ajar.

One thing Nicole always did was shut her door completely when she went to bed. It was behavior that he understood because his sister had done the same thing; she simply could not stand being in her room without knowing the door was fully shut. With great caution he approached the door, afraid that he was the one over-reacting and that he would end up scaring Nicole.

"Nicole," he called softly, praying that she would answer. "Nicole, you in here?" Getting no response Jake pushed the door open an inch, just enough to see her bed, at least where the pillow should have been. He opened the door a little more and saw that the bed was a mess. Nicole had never been big on making her bed up but she did usually manage to make it presentable. Now it looked like it had been torn apart. Still, he wanted to keep assuming that everything was just fine. There were rare moments when her behavior caught them all by surprise, and he hoped this was one of those moments.

No water was running through the pipes so she wasn't showering, and when he got up the nerve to check her bathroom it was empty. At least he had grabbed his radio since he was going jogging, and he decided to use it.

"This is Agent Carter. Has there been any sign of Dr. Hillsdale?" _Please, let Bailey and the others have their radios off,_ he thought while waiting for a reply.

"This is Agent Carlisle. I've been watching the porch since just after midnight and no one has come out of the house."

"Thanks."

"Agent Bremmer here, sir. I've had the rear of the house and there's been no activity. I did notice some light coming from her window around 1:30 this morning, but then it went out again so I assumed she had gotten up and then went back to bed."

Jake wanted to ask Agent Bremmer why he hadn't reported this when it happened but stopped himself. The last thing any of them needed was to worry over every little detail. _ She probably just went to the bathroom, and she'll freak if she knows that now there's a log for that._ "Thank you."

"Agent Carter, this is Agent Taylor. I've been watching the monitors all night and there's been nothing, but I can pull the tapes and go over them again to see if maybe I mised something."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I'm going to alert Agent Malone of the situation, and we'll go from there."

Jake looked like a man being led to his execution as he approached Bailey's room. _Every second delayed is a second wasted,_ he told himself before raising his hand to knock.

* * *

The knocking wasn't loud but it was persistant, and Bailey silently cursed the person on the other side of the door. It amazed him that Nicole didn't even wake up when he extricated himself from her and laid her head on her pillow. 

Grabbing his robe, Bailey opened the door and felt a knot forming in the pit of his stomach. For Jake to be up and knocking on his door at this hour meant something serious. "What's wrong, Jake?"

"It's...I've lost Nicole, sir. I checked her room and she's gone, none of the agents on duty have seen her--"

"Why would you check her room?"

"The door wasn't shut. She always shuts the door fully, so when I saw it open an inch I called her name. Then I opened the door a little more and...her bed looks like someone fought in it."

"Jake, it's okay. You did the right thing, but Nicole is just fine."

"She is, sir?"

"We were up late watching a horror movie. She was scared and couldn't sleep by herself so she slept here."

"She's been here this whole time?"

"Yes, she's been here this whole time. I'm sorry that you were worried, but I'm glad to know that you are so observant."

"Thank you sir. I'm going to go down and tell everyone that it was a false alarm."

"I'm proud of you, Jake. It's reactions like these that save lives. But what are you doing up at this hour? It's not even 6 o'clock yet."

"I was hungry, thought I'd eat some cereal and then go for a run."

"Go for a run where?"

"I'll take my gun and radio with me, sir."

"Don't tell me you were thinking of leaving the premises? Jake, we have a killer to contend with in addition to Jack, who we know is close by. No, I'm sorry, but you are not leaving the premises to go for a run."

"I just need to get away from here for a few hours, sir. Please. I'll be careful, and you know I can take care of myself."

"Absolutely not. Go eat your breakfast and then...I don't know, run around the house if you have to, but _**do not**_ leave the property."

"Yes, sir," Jake said, turning to leave.

"You know, if you weren't such a good agent, I'd let you go running as far as you want, but I need people like you too much to risk letting you get yourself killed. Maybe you should watch some horror movies so you'd know that you _never_ go running on an isolated road while there's a serial killer out there."

Jake laughed. "All those years I avoided watching horror movies, and now I find out that they contained all the necessary clues to surviving? Damn."

"I'm serious, Jake. You do not leave the property."

"Yes, sir," he replied, turning and leaving to get his breakfast. _Can't leave the premises. What am I supposed to do, run around the yard in a circle like a damn dog? _Part of him wanted to just go back to his room, slam the door a few times for good measure, and spend the rest of the day pouting in there. That thought didn't last long because he knew that Bailey was right; it would be foolish to leave the premises now, especially since they had two serial killers to worry about. _Okay, just calm down, go see what there is to eat in the kitchen and deal with the rest after you eat._

* * *

A quick hunt yielded the Pop Tarts that Angel had hidden so he put one in the toaster and waited for it to get hot. He was so wound up now that if he didn't do something to burn off the adrenaline of thinking Nicole was gone he'd be a mess. As it was he couldn't stop pacing around the kitchen while he waited for the toaster to pop up his breakfast. Peering out the window over the sink, he wondered if Jack was watching him now the same way Jack had watched Nicole. 

He was so intent on looking out the window that the sound of the toaster popped up made him jump, and he laughed a little. _This is ridiculous, _he told himself. _I have got to find someway of unwinding._

Once Jake was gone, Bailey eased himself back into bed and managed to get some of the covers away from Nicole without waking her. He thought back to what Nicole had said before she fell asleep, and he wondered if he shouldn't end things now before they both got hurt. _Can you truly love her? Or are you just settling for her because she reminds you of Sam?_

It had been a while since Bailey had acknowledged he had feelings for Sam, and once it became clear that she and John were in love, those feelings had been pushed to the back of his mind but now...there was no denying that Nicole was like Sam in a lot of ways, and it was easy – _too easy_, his brain was screaming at him – to love her. But was it really so wrong to be with her when it gave them both what they needed, which was the love and affection of another human being?

_Well...yes_, his heart replied, _if you're thinking of Sam when you're with her_. _But if you end things, she'll think it's because she's damaged goods. Chose carefully...hurt her now or hurt her later._

_She doesn't have to get hurt at all. I do love her, damn it. Just because she reminds me of Sam doesn't mean that I don't love __**her**_

_What about your daughters? They may hate her, and hate you for being with her. It's not like they took the divorce particularly well._

_No, I can't ignore my daughters' feelings, but I won't let their opinions come between me and Nicole._

Nicole moved in her sleep, snuggling against him again and resting her hand on his chest, and he knew that he could never, ever give her up...not when this felt so damn **right**._I love Nicole...I just need to stop worrying about it. I __**do**__ love Nicole._

* * *

Sam ran her hand across John's back, watching him as he slept. He still slept on his stomach, and in moments such as this she would trace the fading scars with her finger. It never seemed to bother him and for some reason it made Sam feel better, like she could somehow take away the pain that had been inflicted on her love. At least the nightmares had lessened in the past week, but still his sleep was disturbed often by memories of his torture at the hands of the Chauncey siblings. When she thought about what they had done to him, and what they had planned to do to him, it got her wound up and sex was the only thing that guaranteed them both a peaceful night's sleep. Whether the physical release simply made John and Sam too exhausted or the emotional closeness drove the nightmares away, the bad memories left them both alone for the entire night after their lovemaking, but Sam worried that it wasn't the healthiest way to deal with the trauma. 

"I can hear you thinking," he mumbled, and Sam quickly moved her hand away. "Hey, I didn't say to stop what you were doing," he teased.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. Besides, I like waking up to the feel of you touching me. It makes me feel safe."

"It's 7:30. You feel like getting up."

"I guess so. A nice hot shower sounds good, if you're willing to share one with me."

"John..."

"What, I just think we should do our part to conserve water."

Sam didn't say anything in reply, but the sparkle in her eyes told him that even if she didn't believe one word of his reason, she was very much in favor of the idea.

* * *

It was nearly nine o'clock when Nicole finally rolled out of bed only to find herself alone in Bailey's room. _I shouldn't have come to him, no matter how scared I was. He doesn't even want to be in the room with me. What have I done? _Cold tears started to run down her cheeks and she cursed herself for being so damn emotional. _Who can blame him for leaving when I cry over nothing?_

She was almost to the door, planning on heading back to her own room when Bailey opened the door and came in.

"Good morning, Princess. I fixed...what's wrong? Nicole?"

"I cry over nothing, Bailey. Surely you've noticed."

"No, you do not cry over nothing. What's the matter?"

"I told you, it's nothing. Now what did you fix?"

"Breakfast. I made you breakfast." He lifted the napkin that had been covering the tray to show her, and she smiled.

"You made this yourself?"

"Yes, I did. I'm not a complete lost cause in the kitchen."

The thought of him fixing her fruit and scrambled eggs made her want to cry again, but she managed to take the tray from him and set it down on the little table that sat against one wall. "Thank you so much for this," she said, hugging him tight. "I don't deserve this."

"No, you deserve so much more but this is all I could manage. I love you, Princess. Never forget that."

"How come there's only one plate of food? Aren't you going to have breakfast with me?"

"No, there's a new case for us to work on this morning."

"Oh."

"You eat your breakfast, and I promise that I will join you for lunch." He kissed her cheek and she watched as he left the room, gently closing the door behind him.

* * *

There was something different about Bailey as he went over the new case that they had been asked to help on. Sam couldn't put her finger on it, but when they decided to take a break she conferred with the others and Grace, George and John all agreed that there was definitely _something_ different. 

"You don't think that...well I mean when Sam and I went to bed Bailey and Nicole stayed down here, and I heard from the morning shift that Jake was up at 5AM and couldn't find Nicole. He went to tell Bailey, and suddenly Nicole is just fine and it was a false alarm."

"Are you saying that you think Bailey and Nicole...?" Grace asked, and John shook his head.

"I think they slept together in the **literal** sense of the word. Two people cozying up to each other, and nothing more."

"Well I can certainly see both of them doing that," Grace answered. "The two of them just seem to fit so well together."

* * *

Bailey had gone back upstairs and found Nicole still in his room although she was dressed. "What are you doing still here?" he asked, smiling as she came over to him. 

"Well after I ate breakfast I decided to take a long shower, get dressed and wait for you here. It wouldn't be very nice if I were to just disappear back to my room after all that you've done."

"I'm glad that you're here. I was afraid that maybe we both went a little too fast last night, and I--"

"This feels right to me Bailey. Besides, what happened to me..." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I want to be with you, Bailey. I am attracted to you on so many levels, including physically, and lying next to you felt so right...and waking up alone felt so wrong."

"Is that why you were crying this morning when I brought you breakfast?"

"Yes."

"Before we go any further there's something you need to know. I have an ex-wife. And two teenage daughters."

"I already know that. Sam told me. So did Grace. And John."

"I see."

"You'll have to do better than that if you want to scare me away."

"I don't want to scare you away, but I'm afraid that all of this is too good to be true and that you'll realize what a mistake you made and leave me."

"I'm going into this with my eyes open. I love you." She kissed him lightly on the lips before pulling away. "I'm going to take the breakfast dishes downstairs and wash them, and then maybe we can have that lunch you promised me."

* * *

They all ate lunch, and afterwards John stood next to Nicole while she stared out the window at the fields that surrounded them, watching Jake. Bailey had told Jake to take the day off and try to relax, and he had decided to look at some old piece of farm equipment that was a few hundred feet from the house. "I can't believe that I thought there was a whole big world out there that I would never be a part of again, and now I think I have the strength to rejoin it." 

"You and Bailey?"

Nicole didn't answer for a few seconds. "I keep telling myself that this can't be happening, that it's all too fast and I'm rushing but...the truth is that I love him and I want to be with him."

"If it makes you happy, then I think it must be right."

"I've missed you lately. I guess we've all been preoccupied with other things. Thanks for still being there when I need you."

John took her in his arms and felt her relax against him. "We've been through hell together, and there is nothing that could keep me away when you need me."

"When the time comes I hope you remember that I'll always be here for you as well."

"I am so sorry for everything that you've been through. If it wasn't for me --"

"None of this was your fault, John. We've discussed this, remember?"

"So how are you feeling?"

"Pretty good most days. How about you? Is your back still bothering you?"

"It's a little sensitive at times, but for the most part it's all right."

"What are you two over here plotting?" Sam teased as she joined them by the patio door.

"Oh, you know," Nicole told her, "stuff."

"Oh."

"I'll let you guys get back to work. I'm going to see what James and Rebecca are up to."

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, Sam, everything is fine. She's just a little worried about how well things are going between her and Bailey."

"She's worried about how well things are going?"

"She's happy and afraid that she's going to lose that happiness now that she's found it."

"Well I can understand that." Sam slipped her arms around John's waist and rested her head on his shoulder. "Sometimes I still think that at any moment I may lose you."

"You won't, Sam. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. No way would I leave my girls now."

* * *

Bailey and Nicole were washing dishes after dinner when the fire alarm went off inside the farmhouse. "Oh now what?" Bailey sighed. Within a few seconds the power went out, and the agents outside started running in with flashlights as Angel, Chloe, James and Rebecca were making their way down the stairs. 

"Nicole, come on, let's get out of here and figure out what's going on." Bailey reached over and grabbed her arm just as Jake came running into the house with a large flashlight.

"There's smoke coming from the attic," he said as he and Bailey both got Nicole outside. "Where are John and Sam?"

"They went up to their room after dinner," Nicole said as they made it onto the patio. "I dont' think there's a fire." She started coughing and they walked further from the house to where Angel and Chloe were.

"Tear gas," Bailey said as the stinging in his eyes finally registered.

"I'm going in to find John and Sam," Jake said, running back inside before Bailey could stop him.

"This doesn't make any sense," Angel said.

"Yes, it does," Nicole told her. "Someone wanted us outside, and here we are."

* * *

As Jake was running up the stairs he could hear what sounded like someone else running across the attic. The door to John's and Sam's room was closed, and when he opened it the room was empty. He heard a loud thud and came out of the bedroom and felt a sharp pain in his neck. Between the darkness and the stinging of the tear gas, he couldn't see who else was there but as he felt his mind slipping towards unconsciousness he knew that he had probably been hit with a tranquilizer dart. 

The fire department arrived in response to the alarm going off, and Bailey told them that there were still three people inside the house. Five minutes later they came out with John and Sam, both of whom looked ready to pass out. An ambulance was there by that time, and both John and Sam were led to be checked out by paramedics.

"Nicole, you stay with Grace and George," Bailey told her before he went over to the ambulance.

Several firefighters went back inside, but came out minutes later without Jake. "There's no one else inside the house," the fire captain told Bailey. "Your guy must have made it out."

"There where is he? He ran into the house to get those two--" Bailey pointed to John and Sam, sitting in the back of the ambulance. "-- and hasn't been seen since."

"My men have checked each room of the house, and there's no one in there."

Nicole ran over to the ambulance, Grace right behind her. "Are you okay?" she asked John and Sam, ignoring Bailey.

"I thought I told you to stay over there," Bailey said.

"Oh just shut up and let me take care of them," Nicole replied quietly. "John, keep the oxygen mask on or it's not going to do you any good."

"Did you just tell me to shut up?"

"I'm sorry Bailey, but I'm a doctor and I need to be here, making sure that these two are all right."

Bailey shook his head and put his hand on her back. "I understand, but Jack is planning something and I don't want to give him the chance to hurt you."

"I know, and I'm sorry I told you to shut up."

"Would you two kiss and make up already?" John's voice interrupted them, and they turned to see him putting the oxygen mask back on before either of them could tell him to do so.

"Where were you two when all of this started?" Bailey asked.

"John and I were in bed," Sam said, blushing slightly. "When the fire alarm went off the tear gas started coming through the vent in our room. Then the lights went out and we heard someone running in the attic, so we thought we were safer hiding in the closet, and then our eyes were burning and it was hard to breath so there was no way for us to find our way out. That's where the firemen found us."

"Do you want us to transport them to the hospital?" One of the paramedics asked, but Nicole shook her head.

"No, I think they'll be fine. I'll make sure of it."

"We still have to find Jake," Grace said. "He wouldn't just disappear."

Bailey spoke to the agents who had been outside when everything started, then went back to the ambulance after instructing them to search every square inch of the property for any sign of what had happened to the missing men. "Jake isn't the only one missing. The agent who was supposed to be watching the rear of the house is MIA as well," Bailey said once he was back at the ambulance.

"I think Jake came into our room," John told them. "I heard someone calling our names but then the footsteps ran across the attic again and I didn't hear him calling for us anymore."

The local field office sent investigators to figure out what had happened, and the fire truck and ambulance left as the sheriff was pulling up. "Great," Bailey mumbled when he was the black and white. "Just what I need, some local who thinks his toes were stepped on."

"Wait until he actually complains before you bite his head off, would you?" Sam asked.

James and Rebecca came over to where John and Sam were sitting. "You two all right?" James asked.

"We're fine, but thanks," Sam answered. "Is Chloe okay?"

"Chloe is just fine, and so is everyone else," Rebecca assured her. "How long do you think we'll be out here?"

"They'll have to wait until the house airs out some before searching it for evidence," Sam said with a slight sigh. "Searching the house could take hours, so we'll probably be spending the night and part of the morning out here."

The sheriff wasn't as bad as Bailey had been prepared for, even offering that he could have a trailer brought out for them to stay in until the house was cleared. "We got it when the county building was being remodeled and occassionally loan it out to the college for out of town events. It only sleeps six, but it's better than being outside in the cold."

* * *

Jack had moved quickly to grab the body of his victim and drag him down the hallway. There was an unused chute at the end of the hall that went down into the basement and although it was a tight fit, Jack managed to get the body in and slide John down, head first, into the basement. It crossed his mind that something was wrong but it was dark and Jack dismissed it. He was second down the chute, sliding down just as a firefighter was coming up to the second floor. 

It wasn't until Jack managed to get up and remove his gas mask that he got a good look with the light of his flashlight and realized that something _was_ wrong. He didn't have John Grant after all.


	36. Chapter 36

Once the trailer got there, Bailey got everyone tucked away safely inside where they would be warmer and where George could get on his computer and see what additional information he could find on the agent that had disappeared along with Jake. _It has to be someone already inside_, Grace had said, and George had to agree that it was the only thing that made sense, and that left them with the new agent from the local field office who was also missing as their best suspect.

"Maybe you should lie down," he heard Nicole say and he smiled, knowing that she was talking to John. He also knew that as stubborn as John could be, he wouldn't argue with Nicole.

"I guess so. It's so cold in here though. Sam, you and Chloe want to join me?"

"Yay, it can be just like a slumber party!" Chloe said, leaving no way for Sam to disagree with the idea.

Once Sam, Chloe and John were safely in one of the trailer's bedrooms, Nicole stopped to pat George on the back before going outside where Grace was talking with Bailey. "So, anything new?" she asked, sitting next to Bailey on a plastic bench.

"You should be inside where it's warm," Bailey said, taking off his coat to put it around her shoulders.

"I want to be out here, helping. I can't just sit in there and do nothing, not when...when Jake's life is in danger."

"There's not much we can do, Princess. The Sheriff has all of the local roads blocked, all of his deputies have been called in along with a volunteer group that helps when they have any kind of disaster --"

"They won't find anything, though. Whoever was behind this, they're smart enough to have planned out an escape route that will be undetectable." She straightened up and her eyes widened as she thought of something. "Has the basement been searched?"

"The basement?"

"Come on, an old farmhouse like this is bound to have a basement. There's a laundry chute at the end of the hall where the bedrooms are, I assume that it goes into the basement. We just never used it because the laundry room is off the back porch."

"Why didn't you say anything before about this house having a basement? Jack – or the copycat – could have been using it as a base of operations this whole time!"

"Because I assumed that the FBI would know whether or not their own safe house has a basement."

"George," Bailey spoke into his radio, "was anything mentioned about this farmhouse having a basement when we came here?"

"Yes, the local field office said that the house had a basement but that when it became a safe house the basement was sealed off for security."

"We need to find the entrance to the basement of this house and search it now!" Bailey shouted into the radio, taking off running towards the command center that the special agent in charge of the local field office had set up.

"That basement has been completely sealed up, Bailey," the agent started to say.

"If this is Jack, and my gut tells me it is, there is no seal in the world that would stop him."

"All right, I'll have the original plans for the house brought out so we can find a way into the basement."

"Find a way in?"

"The original entrance was blocked when the new laundry room was built. I believe there was a second set of stairs in the basement that led out into the fields."

"Great, by the time we find it Jack will be long gone."

* * *

Jake groaned and tried to move but found that his body was unwilling to do as his brain was commanding. Something was holding him down, although he couldn't feel any restraints. Giving it a bit more though, he realized that he couldn't feel _anything_, nor could he get his eyes to open so he could take in his surroundings. 

There were sounds, though, or at least he thought he heard something over the pounding of his heart. The sound came again, and there was no mistaking it the second time – it was the sound of someone screaming. The sounds were coming from close by, and Jake tried to bring up the last thing he remembered. _The safe house. Alarms went off at the safe house, and the power went out. There was smoke coming from the attic_

More screaming interrupted Jake's thoughts, and he recognized the coppery scent of blood that was now making its way to him. He fought harder but it was no use, something was keeping him from moving or opening his eyes. _Drugs. That would be like Jack, to use drugs to subdue his victims._

The screaming stopped and footsteps approached. "I figured you would be awake by now," a male voice said.

_I know that voice! But...Bremmer? _

"You'll be awake soon enough, although I have a feeling you're awake now and just can't move because of the drugs. Maybe I put too much in the dart. May as well take advantage and get a few of the unpleasant tasks out of the way."

His heart pounded in his chest at the thought of what could be considered 'unpleasant' compared to whatever had been going on that caused all that screaming. Fingers forced his eyelids open before he could give it much thought, drops were placed in his left eye and then his right. It made his eyes burn and water, but his captor didn't seem to care much. Jake struggled to move, but the drug had too strong of a hold on him. _Damn it, this isn't a fair fight._

"I'm going to go have some fun with my other toy for a while. Did you know that you can use a grater on human skin? It's an effective, but painful, method for removing ones fingerprints. Ah, but you'll find out all about that later. I have to go finish with the real Agent Bremmer. He's been here with me the whole time while Jack of all Trades was right under your noses."

* * *

The sun had been up for several hours and still they hadn't gained access to the basement, nor had they found the exit that was believed to be somewhere in the fields surrounding the farmhouse. John and Sam were sleeping with Chloe, but no one else could even think about sleep while Jake was missing. Bailey had spent a long time on the phone talking with the FBI director before sitting with Nicole. "I have something to talk to you about." 

"Okay."

"It's a job offer."

"I have a job Bailey. Remember?" _Not that I'll ever return to it,_ she thought sadly. "Besides, Grace already told me about the position as her assistant, and I told her no."

"This isn't about that. The director wants you back. He's extended an offer for a position with the VCTF as a forensic psychiatrist."

"I'm a pediatrician."

"Yes, but your medical degree is in psychiatry. The director says because you were nearly finished with the academy and were passing, you'll be marked as graduated and made a full FBI agent."

"Don't I have to be able to handle a firearm?"

"You passed a course in firearm safety and proficiency two months ago. We can accept it since you took the course through a federally recognized institute."

"Damn it, is there anything you _haven't_ investigated?" Bailey looked away and Nicole ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "I know that it wasn't _you_ personally, but --"

"I know, believe me, the director was really overstepping his bounds, but what's done is done. Will you at least consider being part of my team?"

"Fine, I'll consider it, but I have to talk to James first. I owe him that much."

"I understand."

"If I decide not to be part of your team, if I go back to the CDC, will things change between us?"

"Absolutely not, Princess. If I had my way, you'd be kept locked up in a tower, far away from the VCTF so you would never again have to witness the things that we deal with."

"With a dragon guarding me while I wait for my Prince to rescue me?"

"Reading fairy tales, are we?"

"Shrek, actually," she said with a shrug. "And I'll take the position."

"Nicole, you should think about it first."

"I can't go back to the hospital, Bailey, not after what happened there. I want to help other people, though, and I think I can do this...if I have my friends there to help me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure, but please don't say anything to anyone else. I want to be sure that James hears it from me. I think he's suspected all along that I wouldn't be coming back, but..."

"I understand, Princess."

"This means that we can't be anything but friends, doesn't it?"

"It just means we have to be careful. If John and Sam can be together, then so we can."

"But you're the boss."

"All the more reason why I should get what I want. This won't come between us."

"But aren't there policies against --"

"Would you just hush?" he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "You let me worry about policies."

"Hey, we've got something!" someone yelled, and Bailey went to see what it was while Nicole wandered back in the trailer to check on John and Sam.

* * *

Movement was slowly returning by the time the screaming had turned to weak sobs and then stopped altogether. Jake tried to look around but when he opened his eyes everything was dark. He didn't have enough control over his muscles to try anything when the footsteps returned so he remained perfectly still.

"Well, Jake, it looks like it's just you and me. Don't worry, though. You'll survive. You see, you're going to be the canvas with which I'll send Samantha and the rest of the VCTF a message."


	37. Chapter 37

"I thought you were going to get some sleep?" Nicole said softly, peeking through the open door of one of the rooms to find John, Sam and Chloe all in bed watching television.

"Who can sleep after what happened?" Sam sounded so dead tired as she said the words that it seemed a miracle she was awake.

"Is the bad man going to come back," Chloe asked, "and take someone else away?"

"I don't think so," Nicole said. "He knows that we're expecting him now, and he's not stupid enough to try and come back here, so you get some rest and don't worry, ok?"

"Ok."

John turned the television off as Nicole came closer to the bed. "You all right?"

"Yeah, just worried about Jake."

"It's not your fault, you know."

"I know."

Chloe pulled Pancake out from beneath the covers and tossed him on top of John's legs. "Don't worry, Pancake will keep the bad dreams away."

"I'll let you know if there's any news, so get some rest. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

Nicole left them and went back outside. Bailey had Grace, George, Angel, Rebecca and James all gathered with him and she let herself hope that they had found something. "What is it?" she asked when she was close enough that Bailey turned at the sound of her footsteps.

"We were just discussing some changes. I think Angel, Rebecca and James should go home. It would be safer for them."

"I don't want to leave you," Rebecca said.

"Neither do I."

"James, Rebecca, I don't want you to go either but I think Bailey's right. It would be safer for you to go, and I'll be fine. Please, go back home and be safe. I'm sure that you'll be provided protection."

"It's not us I'm worried about," James told her. "What if something happens and you need medical care?"

"I'll be all right, I promise. Hopefully we'll get this all resolved and I'll be back home in Atlanta before you know it."

* * *

"Where shall I begin with you, that is the question isn't it?"

Jake would have shuddered at the tone if he could have, but the drugs were still winning the fight and any movement at all was an effort.

"I'm sure you've noticed that you can't see. That's because the drops I put in your eyes were to blind you so you won't be able to give any descriptions of me or of where you're being kept. I think I'll start with your arms. Now this might hurt a lot, but no pain, no gain, right?"

A sound that was eerily like the whirring like a dentist's drill filled the space, and Jake could only hope that the drug that was keeping him from moving much would deaden some of the pain. Unfortunately it didn't, and Jake heard himself screaming as white-hot pain traveled slowly up one arm.

"Hmm, very little bleeding," Jack said, inspecting his work. "I always knew that these woodworking tools were better suited to the human body. I'd better sketch out the rest of my design. Wouldn't want to make a mistake and have to start over, now would we?"

* * *

"I was able to pull up some old irrigation records," George said, "and they show where the original ditches were." Moving over to a survey map of the property that the local field office had brought, George pointed to an area about 150 yards from the house. "The irrigation ditches were diverted here, and there's no reason to other than there was something else there."

"And logically the only other thing that would be there is the exit from the basement," Bailey breathed out, patting George on the back.

"We've already got floodlights that will be here in just a few minutes," the Sheriff said. "Although I don't know how finding the exit to the basement is going to help you."

"If Jack assumed that we would never figure it out, he may have left a trail, thinking that it would be washed away by rain or wind by the time we found it," Grace answered.

* * *

Jake barely noticed the tears stinging his eyes as he screamed until he nearly passed out from lack of air. Never had he imagined that anything could hurt so badly, and the fact that Jack didn't care how loud he screamed only made him more certain that they were too far away for anyone to find them. He wasn't even sure what part of his body hurt because the pain seemed to be coming from every nerve ending in his body, and the fact that he couldn't see only made it worse.

"There, the first part is done. You rest while I get what I need for the next part of my creation."

Footsteps slowly fading told Jake that he was alone again. The pain seemed focused on his left arm, but Jake couldn't even imagine what had been done to him that would hurt so badly. Instinctively he turned his head and opened his eyes, but all he could see were fuzzy blurs of darkness.

* * *

"They think they've found something," George said with a yawn. "Some old wooden doors in the ground. The old irrigation ditches were diverted right around them."

"Has anyone opened those doors yet?" Bailey asked.

"No, there's a new brass lock on it. They're waiting for us to get out there before they take a bolt cutter to it."

"Let's get going then. Nicole, you stay here."

"No way. You need a profiler, and Sam isn't available."

"And why do I need a profiler?"

"How do you know that you won't? We can't afford to waste time arguing about this, I'm going with you!"

"Come on then," Bailey said, offering her his hand as a sign of concession. She took it and let him pull her close, an arm protectively around her shoulders as they followed some other agents into the fields.

* * *

Something cold was poured on his chest, and Jake recognized the smell of rubbing alcohol. "Wouldn't want to risk an infection," he mumbled under his breath.

"It wouldn't do for my artwork to get destroyed, and I need you alive and coherent when you're returned. Now this is going to be painful, I know, and since you weren't my intended victim I'm going to show some mercy. I'm going to give you a bit of Versed. You see, I'm not the heartless bastard that everyone seems to think I am."

Pain flared in Jake's body as the tip of a sharp instrument dug into his flesh and traced a pattern. "So much for mercy," he hissed.

"You're right, I guess I have enough that I can start the IV now."

The pain diminished and he started to relax, but that just made Jake fight it. The blurry shapes that he had been seeing were now just one big blur, and sounds echoed inside his head.

After the IV was started, Jack began tracing a pattern onto his chest and despite the drugs Jake cried out. Blood welled up and Jack blotted it with gauze to clear the path so he could keep going. "It will all be worth it when I'm done, I promise," Jack said as he continued to cut.

* * *

"Damn, no tracks leading to or from this place," one of the agents said, squatting down to examine the ground more closely.

"This section hasn't been watered yet, and with the ground dry there wouldn't be any tracks." Nicole looked around and in the glare of the lights she saw something. "Look at the stalks on the corn in that direction – some of them are broken and leaning, like they were pushed aside. The rest of the stalks are leaning the opposite way. I think this is the path that Jack took."

"Get a team together and search in that direction. I want to know what roads he would have been able to reach if he did go that way. I'm going to cut the lock and then we'll see what's in this basement," Bailey said.

"You really think you'll find anything?"

"This is Jack, he'll have left us something."

"Here are the bolt cutters, sir," a young man said, passing the tool to Bailey.

"Well, time to find out what's down there." Bailey positioned the jaws of the bolt cutter and soon they all heard the snapping of the metal. The doors were silent as he pulled them open and peered into the darkness. "Let's get some light over here!"

"You want me to find a black light?" Grace asked. "I'm sure Jack will have left us a message."

Bailey nodded, and Grace left to walk back to their make-shift command center. "I'll go with her, I want to check on everybody," Nicole told him.

"What do you think is down there?"

"I don't know, Grace, but whatever it is, I doubt it will lead us to Jake." She looked back to see Bailey starting down the stairs. "We should see about flashlights, too."

As they were walking back Nicole suddenly stopped. "Honey, you all right? Nicole?"

"I just had the most horrifying image pop into my mind."

Grace had been around Sam enough to know that when those images popped into a profiler's mind, it could be significant. "What did you see?"

"Blood. Blood everywhere, dripping from walls, running across the floor, and this demon-thing was motioning for me to follow it."

"Demon thing?"

"Yeah, it was definitely a demon. Red, horns, glowing yellow eyes..."

"Sounds more like the devil."

"It was a demon. I just don't know what it's supposed to mean or what my subconscious is trying to tell me."

"Maybe your subconscious thinks you need a vacation away from all this. You've been through a lot emotionally and seeing demons can't be a good sign."

"Let's just worry about getting what we need and getting back. I want a look at that basement."

"I thought you wanted to check on everybody?"

"I do, Grace. I'm really worried about John and Sam. They breathed in more of the tear gas than any of us."

"Bailey used to tell Sam that she worried too much. I think you do too."

"All the more reason for us to hurry so I can check on them and then we can check on Bailey and be sure he didn't fall down the stairs."

"Like he would ever admit to it," Grace teased, quickening her steps to keep up with Nicole's pace.


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimers: See chapter one. Nicole, Jake, Rebecca and James are mine; anything else is being borrowed and will be returned in the same condition that it was in when I borrowed it.**

* * *

Grace went to the command center that had been set up to find flashlights and the black light while Nicole talked with James and Rebecca. "I'm just really worried about John and Sam, they breathed in more of the tear gas than anyone else."

"We'll keep an eye on them, honey, I promise," Rebecca told her, "but so far they're not coughing or having any trouble breathing so I think everyone is going to be fine."

"Was Bailey able to find the basement doors that he was looking for?" James asked.

"Yes, in fact that's why Grace and I came back. We wanted to grab some flashlights and the black light to check and see if Jack left a message down there."

"It looks like Grace is waiting for you," James told her, pointing to where Grace was standing with a canvas bag. "Go find Jake. We know how much he means to you."

"No more than the rest of you do. You two know how much I love you, right?"

"Of course we know." James hugged her, then stood back with his hands on her shoulders. "We love you too, sweetheart, and all we want is for you to be happy."

"You know, don't you?"

"Know what?" This time it was Rebecca asking the question.

"Bailey offered me a job with the VCTF."

"Did you accept it?"

"Yes, but I told him not to say anything until I had a chance to talk to both of you. This isn't how I wanted that discussion to go, though."

"I think we always knew that you wouldn't return to your old job, not after what happened," James said, "and I'm just glad that you accepted Bailey's offer. We can talk more about it later if you want."

"Thank you both for everything." She hugged and James and then Rebecca, then wiped the tears that were threatening to fall. "I'd better head back with Grace."

* * *

Bailey had just the light of the small penlight as he made his way down the stairs, careful not to use the railing in case they could lift prints off the wood. When he reached the bottom he waited for Grace to return with (he hoped) more flashlights lest he trample evidence. Looking around with the penlight, it didn't look like they would find much, though.

"Sir," another agent called as he came halfway down the stairs, "we've got an offer from the Denver PD to bring in their chopper."

"Tell them thank you, we need all the help we can get."

* * *

Grace and Nicole peered into the darkness, barely able to make out Bailey's silhouette at the base of the stairs. "Find anything?" Grace yelled as she and Nicole started down.

"No. I didn't touch the railing so hopefully we can get some prints, although I doubt it, and I was afraid of stepping on evidence without more light to see by."

"Well then you are in luck. We have some big flashlights and the portable black light."

"Never doubted for a minute that you'd come back without them, Gracie."

Now that they had ample light, all three searched the basement for any signs that could tell them where Jack was headed. "There's not even any sign that anyone was drug across the floor," Grace said after they had been searching for a few minutes.

"Let's turn on the black light and try to find the message then," Nicole suggested.

It took just seconds to locate the glowing blue message on the side of an old cardboard box – ONLY MEANT FOR ME, SAM

"Any ideas what this means?" Grace asked.

"Jake wasn't the intended target. Jack was trying to get John out of the picture," Nicole answered.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Think about it Bailey – why would Jack go after Jake? He has no connection to Sam. On the other hand, we know that Jack was watching me through the satellite and I doubt he limited himself to my bedroom window."

"Shit, if he knows that John and Sam are together..."

"He wanted Sam to know that she was meant only for him, but Jack got the wrong person. He must have written this message before he made his move. It doesn't make any sense if he left it knowing that he had Jake."

"Okay, so we assume that Jack made a mistake and grabbed the wrong person. Now what?"

"We know Jack has been watching us for a while, and we know that he's here now. There's no reason to believe he hasn't been here all along, but he would need to be staying somewhere. There's no evidence that anyone has lived here. I'd like George to check real estate transactions. It would be hard to kidnap someone and keep them in a motel room without arousing suspicion."

"There's no way Jack could have bought a house here. It takes at least 30 days just to close escrow."

"This is Nebraska, Bailey. People buy and sell homes over the radio. Saturday Swapmeet."

"All right, I'll have George check for recent real estate transactions. Denver is sending one of their big choppers with infrared to help us search as well."

Grace was crouched down near the old laundry chute. "There's some evidence that someone or something came down here recently. I'll get someone to make a cast of this impression and maybe we can figure out what it is."

"Great thing about these old basements – dirt floors. Easy cleanup," Nicole said. "I'm going to head back up and talk to George. The sooner we can find where Jack took them, the sooner this nightmare ends."

* * *

Grace and Bailey went over the basement some more while Nicole talked to George. "You really think that Jack bought a place here?"

"Yes, I do, and I'm willing to bet that it's pretty close."

Twenty minutes later George had run to the basement where Nicole had returned to join Bailey and Grace in searching for clues. "You guys are not going to believe this!" he was yelling.

"George, calm down," Bailey said, heading up the stairs to see what had their resident computer geek so excited. "You didn't have to run all the way over here, you know. The radio works just fine."

"No, no way was I putting this over the radio. This is 'tell it in person' news."

"So tell us already."

"Nicole asked me to run a search of properties bought and sold in the last 30 days, and I got a hit. There was ONE property sold in a ten-mile radius, and it was a cash sale so there was no escrow."

"That has to be it," Grace said, standing with Nicole at the bottom of the stairs. "So tell us where it is."

"Right behind us! It's the property right behind us!"

"Son of a --" Bailey didn't finish the thought before he quickly left the basement, Nicole and Grace rushing to keep up with him. "See if that chopper from Denver is in the area yet," he told the other agents that were assembled, "and tell them that we have a target location."

"Whoa, Bailey, slow down. You can't just go rushing in there without a plan."

"I have a plan. Go in there, get Jake out, hopefully kill that son of a bitch in the process."

"Yeah, I think we may want to put a bit more thought into that." Nicole got in front of Bailey and forced him to stop. "Bailey, please don't go rushing off doing something that's going to get Jake or someone else killed."

"I can't get you any information on who purchased the property before the courthouse opens," George added, "and that won't be for another seven or eight hours. You can't go rushing in there, guns blazing, with no evidence of any wrongdoing."

"I can't just sit and do nothing until the courthouse opens."

"Listen, I have an idea. Remember when Jack sent those photos, and I up-linked to the satellite to look around? Let me try connecting with the same satellite and take a look at that property."

"Anything that you see would be inadmissible."

"But it could give us an idea of what's going on. If I see someone getting in a vehicle and leaving, there's nothing that says we can't be driving down the road at the same time they are to get a look at the person."

"Do it, George. That's a good idea."

"Let the local office send forensics to dust for prints," Nicole said, putting her arm through Bailey's and leading him away from the basement. "I would kill for some decent coffee right now, so what do you say we see about getting some?"

"What?"

"Well there has to be someplace that sells coffee, it's not like we can go make a pot ourselves so I just thought --"

Bailey started laughing, and he saw the confusion in her eyes. "We're forced out of the house and can't go back in because of tear gas, your friend has been kidnapped, and you're trying to get a decent cup of coffee?"

Confusion turned to tears as she pulled away. "I didn't mean it like...I want us to find Jake and get him back and I want us to stop Jack and I...I don't see what you find so funny about any of this!"

"I didn't mean that it was funny, it's just...I don't know why I laughed. Come here."

She let him fold her up in his arms while she cried. "I don't know what I'll do if we don't find Jake before it's too late."

"We're going to find him. You just have to have faith."

"I know."

"I'll send someone into town to get us some coffee. It's going to be a long day once it finally gets started."

* * *

"There's been no activity," George said with a yawn, "in the last five hours. How's Nicole holding up?"

"She's fine. I checked on her ten minutes ago and she had fallen asleep on the sofa."

"She's good for you, Bailey."

"Excuse me?"

"You wouldn't be this calm and rational if she wasn't around. We've all seen the change in you as you've gotten closer to her. Don't worry, it's a good change. I like the new Bailey."

"Well I'm glad to know that you approve, George."

John came out, wrapping a blanket around himself before sitting down next to George. "Well if George approves than I approve. What is it that we're approving of, George?"

"Bailey and Nicole."

"So do you think we should start planning for a double wedding? You know, I think we could talk Bailey into that."

"I'm right here, John."

"Yes, you are, but you're never going to make any plans without a little pushing."

Those thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone crying out inside the trailer. A dozen agents had their guns at the ready as John ran back in, Bailey on his heels. Nicole was tossing on the couch, her hands tangled up in the blanket that John had put over her when he came out. "No, no don't. Please, please stop. Please."

"Nicole, wake up. You're safe," John said, kneeling down next to the couch. He brushed his hand against her face and she woke with a whimper. "Nicole, it's John. Bailey's here, and you're safe."

"What time is it?" she finally asked, relaxing as John helped her get free of the blanket. "Thanks."

"It's four o'clock in the morning, and you're welcome."

* * *

"Mommy?" Chloe said, waking up to the sound of Nicole's cries. "Mommy, is the bad man back?"

"No, sweetie, Nicole must have had a bad dream." Sam could hear John talking softly and assumed that he was reassuring Nicole. "Go back to sleep; we're perfectly safe." Chloe was back to sleep before Sam even finished the sentence, and Sam laid back down and tried to get back to sleep herself but couldn't. They weren't perfectly safe, because if they were then Jake would still be there and they would all be in the farmhouse, getting ready to start another day.

* * *

"Five more hours until the courthouse opens." Nicole tried to sit up but John pushed her back.

"You need sleep."

"So do you. I'm not the one that inhaled all of that tear gas." She pushed his hands away and stood up, rubbing her eyes. "George catch anything on the satellite?"

"No, there's been nothing," Bailey said, finally coming forward. "The chopper from Denver is flying a pattern but so far even infared is picking up nothing. You should try to get a few more hours of sleep before the courthouse opens."

"I can't sleep."

"Want to go with me to get some breakfast?"

"There's no place in town open at this hour."

"Actually, the diner opens at four, which means they are already slinging the hash. Come on, we can go have breakfast and maybe bring something back for the rest of the group."

"No, I don't want to leave. Something could happen."

"Well I tried," was all Bailey said before wrapping her up in a hug. "We're going to get him back."

"I know."

"You need to eat."

"So have one of the agents from the local office pick up food in town and bring it back here."

"You're determined not to leave, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am, and I don't see you being too willing to leave either."

"We can't do anything for another five hours."

"So? We can stay here with George and monitor the images from the satellite in case something happens."

"I am so proud of you."

She frowned. "For what?"

"It would be so much easier to just hide and let us take care of you – which is what I really wish you would do at times – but instead here you are."

"Where else would I be?"

"Oh, I don't know...hiding under the covers pretending none of this is happening is where I would prefer to be."

"Except that we can't go back in the house because of the tear gas."

"There's the bed in the trailer."

"I'm not going to sleep until we get Jake back safe and sound. Now let's help George watch the monitor."

_Yes, I know, we didn't get to see poor Jake at all in this chapter...maybe next time..._


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: See Chapter One. Nicole, Jake, and any other characters not part of the Profiler television series are the product of my own overactive imagination. Everything else belongs to whoever's imagination created them for NBC.**

**Hah, bet none of you were expecting another chapter so soon! I know it's a fairly short one, but I thought y'all might enjoy a John/Sam moment so I decided to post this one instead of making you wait.**

* * *

John couldn't go back to sleep so he joined them in watching the monitors. "You think someone could get me some clothes out of the house?" he asked, settling in a chair and pulling the robe tighter around him.

"Everything in the house will be contaminated, put it on and it will be like being back in the tear gas."

"Must you be such a ray of sunshine, Bailey?" Sam asked, coming out to join the rest of them.

"Chloe ok?"

"Yes, Nicole, Chloe is fine. She semi-woke, then went right back to sleep. How you holding up?"

"I'm fine."

"The local office is going to bring out some clothes," Bailey told them all, "and some breakfast. I was just going to make the arrangements now."

* * *

Jack decided to take a break from his masterpiece and see what was going on at the safehouse. No doubt they were all in a frenzy, like a bunch of ants after the ant farm fell on the floor and broke. Establishing the uplink to the satellite was easy, as always, but the view on the monitor was of _his _house.

"No!" he screamed at the monitor once the shock wore off. The tables had been turned, and now they were watching **him**. How dare they? How had they even figured out to use the satellite? In a rage, Jack used his hands to clear the entire desk and send both computer and monitor crashing to the ground. They knew, somehow they **knew** where he was...and that meant that he didn't have time to finish his masterpiece for his Samantha.

Running back down the stairs, Jack quickly went to where he was keeping Jake and was glad to see that his subject was struggling with the restraints. That meant that the Versed was starting to wear off. Jack shook his head. _What had he been thinking, showing compassion? Well he would teach them all a lesson, one they would never forget because Jake would be a living reminder of just how powerful their nemesis was._

Jack put a bottle on the IV pole and opened the flow, allowing the drug that kept Agent Carter paralyzed to once again enter his system. "Just one more mark and then I'll leave you to the peace and quiet." Picking up a brand which he had been saving for last, Jack used a small blowtorch to heat the surface before pressing it against Jake's right shoulder.

* * *

John and Sam found themselves alone on the couch since their friends had decided to go outside and wait for news. "You are way too tense," Sam said, squeezing her lover's shoulders. She kissed the back of his neck and he sighed.

"Sam..."

"Hush, you just let me work some of these knots out."

"Why do you still want to be with me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't deserve you. I don't deserve any of you." He got up and began pacing the small room.

"John?"

"You, Chloe, Angel, Nicole, Grace...I don't deserve to have so many wonderful women in my life."

"Where is this coming from?"

"It's coming from the fact that I want to marry you but I'm afraid that I won't be able to protect you."

"I want you to be my husband because I love you, and I know that Chloe and I are completely safe when we are with you."

"I couldn't save my mother, Sam."

"You were just a little boy. Come sit down." Sam patted the couch beside her and after a few moments John complied. "I know for a fact how much you will fight to save the people you love. I've seen you in action, remember? And I know that you would never walk away when the going gets tough."

"You know that, huh?"

"I was there when Nicole was still trying to get over what she went through, and you never flinched no matter how angry she was with the world. That's how you are with the people you love."

"I want us to get married as soon as possible, Sam."

"You'll get no arguments from me, but why the sudden rush?"

"I just...Jack isn't going to just go away, and neither is the other killer that we have to find. I don't want to die without ever making love to you as your husband."

Sam smiled at him, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "You are not allowed to die for a very very long time, John Grant."

"Well you don't have any say over that until you're my wife."

"Then I guess I'll have to keep you safe until we get Jake back and can have a justice of the peace marry us."

"A civil ceremony? I thought you wanted something more traditional."

"I just want to be your wife, and all of the people that matter most are here with us."

John laid back on the couch and pulled Sam down with him so she was lying on top of him. "Do you remember when we met?"

"You were trying to find a killer before he struck again, and Bailey brought me in to help you. As I recall, you couldn't leave well enough alone and had to dig through my past." Sam rested her head on John's chest, feeling his fingers working their way through her hair. "And I told you that you had Chinese food in your refrigerator and you like your women in heels and yourself definitely on top, but it was just a theory."

"You were right, you know." He held her a little more tightly and rubbed her back. "I love you so much, Sam."

"Everything is going to be fine, I promise. We'll find out who was behind what happened to you, and then we can get back to life as normal as it's going to get while Jack is out there. I love you, John."

"Get some rest Sam. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. For the rest of our lives, I'm not going anywhere without you."

The two of them were lying together on the couch when Nicole crept in to check on them. Carefully she put a blanket over her sleeping friends, then wrote "Do Not Disturb" on a Post-It note she found and stuck it on the trailer door before exiting.


	40. Chapter 40

**See Chapter One for Disclaimers. Any characters not from the television show are mine, please do not use them without permission.**

* * *

The restaurant in town wasn't prepared to handle a large to-go breakfast order, so the agents went to the next town where there was a fast food restaurant open 24 hours. It wasn't the success that Bailey had hoped for considering Nicole and Grace were both staring at the breakfast before them like it was poison. Both women had completely disassembled their breakfast sandwiches and continued to poke at the egg and the cheese.

"I'm not sure what this is," Nicole finally said before wrapping it back in the foil and pushing it away.

"Whoever tried to create this cheese stuff should use it to create slingshots." To prove her point, Grace pulled on an end of her cheese until it was stretched a good 10 inches and still wouldn't pull apart.

Nicole chuckled a little bit, then looked to see Bailey watching them both. "Want mine? I'm not hungry anymore."

"You should eat."

"I ain't eating that."

"Ain't? Did you say _ain't_?"

"Ain't is a perfectly good word," Nicole responded, her Georgia accent making the statement sound quite eloquent and making everyone else present smile a bit.

"We also have extra clothing, I thought I'd let Sam and John know so they can change. I'm assuming they'll both want to come with us when we see about visiting our neighbors and finding Jake. Anyone else wants clothes, they're at the command center."

"Is that where James and Rebecca are?"

"Yes, James and Rebecca are at the command center, and so is Angel. They all thought that John and Sam deserved some private time with Chloe after all that happened."

"I'm going to talk with them for a while." Nicole tossed her breakfast sandwich into the box they were using for garbage and walked to the command center where George was still watching the monitors.

"Hey Nicole," George greeted her. "Still no activity."

"Hopefully we'll get something when the courthouse opens up. I can watch that for a while if you want to take a break."

Stretching, George stood up. "It would be nice to walk around a bit, maybe change clothes. You sure you don't mind?"

"Go on, " Nicole shooed him away.

As soon as George was gone, Angel came over and sat by Nicole. "Anything?"

"Nothing. I thought once it got light we'd see some activity but..."

"Maybe he already moved and it was too dark to see."

"Unless he walked, we would have seen something. The helicopter from Denver is still out searching, and infrared hasn't picked up any indication of a vehicle or a person within five miles of the place. Jack may be able to hide from our eyes, but not from a heat sensor."

"I just hope we find Jake before it's too late."

"I take it the two of you were close?" Angel blushed slightly and looked away. "Or at least, you have feelings for him."

"Yes, I have feelings for him. Jake is different than anyone I've ever met before. I'm not ready to love anyone just yet, but...I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

"Because you're just as scared as the rest of us. You have to believe that you're going to have another chance to tell him how you feel."

"Maybe that's not such a good idea. Telling him, I mean."

"Why?"

"I just don't...I don't even know how he feels about me! What if it's too much for him to deal with after having been at Jack's mercy..."

"So instead of throwing yourself at him and declaring your undying love, you ask him if he wants to join you for coffee sometime. He's going to need a friend that he can talk to, so let him know that you'll be that friend and that you'll listen."

"I figured he'd turn to you for that."

"No, there are a lot of things that he won't talk to me about. As much as I like and trust Jake, I'm just a job to him. He doesn't confide in me, and I doubt that's going to change. He'll need you, Angel."

Neither one of them noticed at first that the camera view was slowly changing as the camera rotated east, and Nicole didn't know what to do to get it back to where it had been. "I'll get George," Angel said, dashing off to find him while Nicole tried to get the on-screen menu to work.

Angel had asked a few of the other agents if they knew where George was, and they all went to find him. The activity caught Grace's eye, and soon she and Bailey were there with Nicole and the monitor. "What happened?" Bailey asked.

"I don't know. Someone else has control of the camera. I thought it was the company that operates it, but if it was wouldn't they just reset it to the location it should be pointed at? Whoever is controlling this is rotating it back around to watch us."

"Jack," Bailey said before turning to scan the area for George.

Soon their computer expert was there and trying to restore camera control, but whoever was on the other end had locked him out. "I can't get the camera repositioned. We've lost our view of the farmhouse. Now he's watching us."

* * *

"You'd think that a trailer this size would have a shower meant for an adult and not a four year old," John grumbled, continuing to dry his hair with a towel. He and Sam had started out intending to share a shower but it was too small.

"Even if it was a tiny shower, it is nice to be fully dressed," Sam commented, standing behind him and running her hands along bare shoulders. "I had hoped that a nice hot shower would get you to relax a little bit."

"How am I supposed to relax when Jake is going through hell? I don't even want to imagine what Jack is doing to him."

"Then don't. There's no sense getting all worked up about it. Let me help you finish getting dressed and then we'll find out if they've learned anything more."

John came out while Sam was getting Chloe ready, and he wasn't happy to see that they were no longer able to control the satellite and had become the object of someone else's viewing enjoyment. "So how much longer do we have to wait before we go over there and nail the son of a bitch? Not only does he have Jake, we're now the halftime entertainment!"

"If we go in there without probably cause anything we find is inadmissible. Do you want to finally catch Jack only to have him walk away unscathed because we rushed in?"

"Damnit!" John yelled and slammed his fist on the table that the monitor was on.

"What's wrong?" It was Chloe's voice, and they all turned to see Sam walking towards them with Chloe in tow.

"We're just all frustrated," Angel quickly said. "You want to go with me to see James and Rebecca? They have our art supplies if you want to draw a picture."

"All right."

Chloe let herself be led off by Angel towards the other side of the command center while the rest remained watching themselves from a distance on the monitor. "I'll watch them," Agent Hernandez told Bailey before he went to join the little group sitting at a small table.

"I'm going to change clothes and get out of camera view," Nicole said, grabbing some clothes that looked like they would fit her before heading towards the trailer.

"I'll change in the command center, George said the bathroom is big enough," Grace said, leaving John, Sam and George with Bailey.

Nicole returned in jeans that were much too long and a University of Nebraska t-shirt that was at least two sizes too big. "I'll grow into them," she joked as she pushed the sleeves of the shirt up so her hands were uncovered.

"Agent Malone," one of the local agents said, coming out of the command center, "we just heard from the Denver chopper. A delivery vehicle stopped at the house and then left just a few minutes ago."

"Let's move," Bailey said, although he stopped Nicole as she was going to get in the waiting SUV. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"We don't know what condition Jake is in, and when we find him he may need medical care. At the very least he's going to need a friend, not his boss. Yes, I'm sure I want to do this. I owe Jake this much."

* * *

Jack smiled to himself as he watched the helicopter leave, following after the milk delivery van. He had heard the distant blades of the chopper and was sure they had infrared to spot him. It presented a new variable, one he hadn't planned on when his fit of rage resulted in the destruction of his computer, but the answer had been simple. He picked up the phone and called for a milk delivery on the last run. The van pulled into the covered carport, left the milk, and then the driver took off with the chopper following him. That left Jack free to leave on foot without being seen since the view of his farmhouse had shown only one side of the building. He simply walked out the door on the other side, stuck to some trees, and soon was lost to the rows of corn which were tall enough to make him invisible even to someone looking down from overhead.

* * *

In a windowless room with a single overhead bulb providing weak light, a man sat watching a computer monitor. The scene at the safehouse was playing out before his eyes, and he smiled as he zoomed in on John Grant's face. "It is a shame, all that money paid to Dr. Chauncey and he and his siblings screwed it all up. At least he's dead so I don't have to worry about that loose end. I should thank Nicole for taking care of that. Then again, John would be dead instead of running around with Sam if it weren't for Nicole. I'll bet he and Sam would have beautiful children; too bad John won't live long enough." He poured some whiskey into a glass and drank it while watching as the vehicles left for the other farmhouse. "Well, I'd better go finish with my arrangements. Don't want Jack getting ahead and killing John himself, now do we? Oh I want him blamed for the death, I just don't want him taking away what is rightfully mine. I did promise you that I'd bring you your son's dead body, and I intend to keep that promise. Perhaps I'll bring Sam or Nicole back here as a plaything. A little bonus to make up for the initial failure. I should have known better than to subcontract and rely on someone else to get things done. You know how it is, right Patrick?"

The man stood up and went over to where Patrick O'Doyle was sitting in a chair facing the back of the monitor. A gag kept his screams of protest silent, and heavy chains wound around him and the chair kept John's father from moving. Fire burned in his eyes, though, and if looks could kill Patrick O'Doyle's would have been lethal weapons.

"Now, now, no worries Patrick. It's going to take a bit longer but you will see your son's dead body. I'll be back later, do try to behave while I'm gone."

The man went up a set of stairs and flipped a switch once he reached the top, turning off the light so that the only illumination was from the computer monitor that continued to show the activity at the safehouse.


	41. Chapter 41

Sorry to everyone who was hoping for a new chapter. I've looked back at this story and realized some things.

This story has completely lost its focus. In fact, it lost its focus a long time ago and is now so lost that I doubt it can ever find its way back. That's sad, because it means that I wasted five years on this, but if in five years the story hasn't progressed, it never will.

At this point I don't know if I'll continue or not. If I do, it will be with some major rewriting/deleting of earlier chapters.

edited to add: I've decided to continue this story for now. Whether Jake and Nicole will survive or be killed off has yet to be determined.


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: Ok, I be back at this ;-) Still haven't decided what Nicole's and Jake's fates will be, but the story will somehow go on. **

* * *

"The truck seen leaving was just a milk delivery truck," Bailey said, shaking his head at the report they had received over the radio from the agents that pulled it over. "That means Jack may still be in that house."

"Or he may never have been in it," Sam said with a disappointed sigh. "We're probably going to scare the hell out of some poor farmer and his wife, and get the government sued for our efforts."

"I'd rather get sued then not go in and possibly leave Jake in the hands of Jack."

Another SUV with the local agents arrived at the same time Bailey and his team did. Yelling and beating on the front door go no reaction so while a few agents went around to the back, two agents used a battering ram to open the front door.

"All right, let's split up into pairs. As long as there is a chance Jack is still in this house, no one goes off alone," Bailey instructed.

* * *

Jake could hear activity upstairs, and then he heard several people yelling his name. In his head he was screaming for them, telling them to come and free him. Before leaving Jack had connected his IV to a bag of Jack's favorite drug, and paralyzed all Jake could do was hope that they would find him and not give up.

When the voices faded and the footsteps upstairs seemed to be leaving, Jake panicked. If they left it meant that they believed he wasn't there. He didn't no how long he would remain paralyzed but even without the drug keeping him from screaming, Jack had locked the restraints on him so he wouldn't be able to get free. _Please don't give up. Keep looking and find me! Please, don't leave me here._

* * *

"We've found a door that probably leads to the basement, but it's steel with the hinges on the other side. It's going to take some time for us to cut through it."

"Get started, and we'll try to find some other way in."

"Agent Malone, we've found something in the trash that you might want to see."

The remains of a broken monitor and computer were there, along with other trash, and Bailey ordered it all taken as evidence and sent to back to the FBI lab in Quantico. "What if Jake isn't here?" John asked. "What if this is just a wild goose chase?"

"We have no reason to believe that," Bailey said. "Besides, that steel door is hiding something and I'm damn well going to find out what."

* * *

Sounds reached him again, this time the sound of something trying to cut through metal, and Jake hoped that it meant they were coming for him. Gone was any hope at trying to be brave about this; he hurt, he was scared, and he was desperate to get out of the situation before Jack decided to return and finish what he had started.

He put all of his effort into moving or at least opening his eyes, but it was useless. The drug was too strong, and there was nothing he could do about it.

* * *

It seemed like forever but was actually only an hour before the steel door was off the frame. Bailey and John went first, guns drawn, while Sam, Grace and Nicole followed. They were all yelling for Jake but getting no response, but they did find the body of Agent Bremmer.

"He was tortured pretty badly," Nicole said, feeling for a pulse. "He's dead. The body is already cold and rigor is setting in."

Bailey radioed that they would need the coroner before they continued on. When they found Jake lying there motionless, it appeared that he, too, was dead. "Are we too late?" John asked when Nicole and Grace both went ahead to check.

"No," Grace said, "he's breathing."

"And he's got a strong pulse. We're here Jake, and you're safe." Nicole pulled back the blanket that was covering him, and she and Grace both paled at what they saw.

"Sam, come here. I think Jack left a message, but I don't know what it means."

_I don't know what it means either, but you found me and that's all that matters_, Jake thought as he listened to everyone talking. They were debating about whether to remove the IV when they didn't know what it was and, to his relief, the decision was made to remove it and send what was left to the lab for testing.

"It's going to be okay, Jake," Nicole said, continuing to rub his arm. "We'll get you out of here and take care of you."

"Paramedics are on their way down," John said. "Life Flight will be waiting down the road for transfer to Denver."

"John, can you come over here?" Sam asked, motioning to where the dead body was.

"You hang in there, Jake," John said, squeezing his fellow agent's shoulder gently before going to where Sam was waiting. "Find something?"

"Look at his arms. It looks like the skin was grated down to the muscle tissue."

"Ouch."

"The pain would have been excruciating. Jack wanted this guy to suffer in ways that I can't even imagine."

"Jack's a sadist, no surprise there."

"He has never inflicted this level of torture on any of his victims. This was all about anger."

"Okay, why was he so angry?"

"Because I don't think he got what he was after when he kidnapped Jake."

* * *

"We're not going to let anything happen to you," Grace said as she and Nicole tried to determine what Jake's injuries were.

_They aren't saying anything about the other agent...Bremmer. He must be dead,_ Jake thought. _They won't even know who he is. _

"Ambulance is here," Bailey announced, followed by paramedics who were rolling a gurney.

"One of us should go with him to the hospital," Nicole said. "You want to?"

"I think Jake would want you. You're the one he was closest to."

Nicole nodded and once the paramedics had transferred Jake to the gurney, Nicole left with them and promised to get the hospital to photograph the injuries as well as to email the pictures to George.

"Think Jack left a black light message?" Bailey asked, turning to Sam.

"I don't know. This level of violence just isn't typical Jack. I'm also concerned about the fact that Jack was using drugs to control Jake. He was paralyzed, just like John was. I wonder if Jack knew that detail and deliberately copied it."

"I'll start checking the walls down here," Grace offered, picking up the light.

"Using wood carving tools on human flesh is something out of a horror movie."

Sam heard the guilt in John's voice and she slipped her hand into his. "It wasn't your fault."

"Jack was after me, Sam. We all know it."

"That doesn't make you responsible for what happened."

"I've got something!" Grace yelled.

The message was left on the wall along the basement stairs, only this time it wasn't words – it was a smiley face with fangs and horns. "I don't want to know what it means," Grace said, turning off the light after getting a photograph of the symbol.

"Well we need to find out if we're going to stop Jack from striking again."

"Are we even sure that this was Jack?" Sam asked. "I mean, why would Jack use drugs to paralyze Jake the same way that Dr. Chauncey paralyzed John?"

"Maybe he wanted me to relive one of my worst nightmares," John offered.

"But Jack prides himself on his originality. I'm not so sure he would copy what someone else did."

"He could have done it because he knew it would confuse you. The local office can finish bagging up the evidence, I want to catch up with the ambulance and find out how Jake is doing," Bailey told them.

"I'd like to stop at the safehouse first and collect Angel and Chloe. I don't like leaving my best friend and my daughter there when I'm not."

"We'll gather everyone up and head for Denver. If Nicole learns anything about Jake's condition I'm sure she'll find a way to get the news to us."

* * *

_Psst...look down, see that bluish button that says "Submit Review"? Push it and tell me what you thought of the story. I don't bite, I promise :-)_


	43. Chapter 43

The car carrying the VCTF, along with James, Rebecca, Angel and Chloe, only got about a mile down the road when they saw the ambulance and the helicopter sitting at the meeting point, but there was no activity other than the slow rotation of the helicopter's rotars as they wound to a stop.

"What's going on?" Bailey wondered out loud as the cars stopped, their path blocked by the emergency vehicles. He exited the car and cautiously approached with his weapon drawn, John and Sam doing the same.

"You don't think Jack..."

"Sam, don't even think that," John said quickly.

"Jake? Nicole?" Bailey called as he got closer. "Is there anyone inside?"

The back doors of the ambulance were closed, but a look through the window revealed multiple bodies, presumably those of the ambulance and Life Flight crews, piled inside.

"Looks like they were all shot in the head," Grace said after looking inside.

* * *

_10 minutes later_

"But no sign of Jake or Nicole."

"I'm sorry, Bailey," the head of the local office said, "but there's nothing to indicate what happened to them."

"The State Troopers are looking for them, and the fire department will be helping to go door to door canvassing in town. If anyone from out of town came through, we'll find out soon enough," the Sheriff offered, having come to the scene to offer support. "The town is forming a volunteer search party to look for them as well."

"Ambulance company says the last communication was when the driver radioed that they had reached the scheduled transfer point and that Life Flight was here, and Life Flight's last radio transmission was that they had landed and were awaiting the ambulance," George reported calmly before turning and slamming his fist down on the car he was next to. "How in the hell did this happen?"

"It's unbelievable," Grace said, coming over to hug Sam. "You all right, sweetie?"

"No," Sam sobbed against her friend's shoulder, "I am not all right."

"We'll find them, Sam," Bailey told her, resting a hand on her shoulder. "I'll see about getting hotel rooms."

The Sheriff made some calls and arranged for the local bed and breakfast to put them all up for a few nights. John and Sam shared one room, Angel and Chloe another, while Bailey, George, Rebecca and James all had individual rooms. "This is our slow season, very few people stop by so we've got the room," Carl, one of the owners, told them when Bailey said they could get by with just four rooms.

"Why are we here?" John asked when he and Sam were in their room. "We should be out there, looking for them!"

"John, come sit with me," Sam said, patting the bed she was sitting on.

"We have to find them," he said softly, Sam's arm coming around his shoulders to pull him closer once he sat down.

"We will, but for now we all need to get some rest. None of us can think clearly enough to do Jake and Nicole any good. The state troopers are searching for them, and I'm sure other law enforcement will be joining in, along with the local field office which can handle things for a few hours. Let's try to get some sleep."

When John just sat there Sam took it upon herself to undress him. First was unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off his shoulders and down his arms. Finally he decided to participate and free himself of the shirt, followed by pulling off the white undershirt he was wearing. Gentle hands caressed the muscles that were no longer hidden, and Sam felt him tremble slightly beneath her fingertips. "Just relax, it's all right," she whispered, leaning down to kiss him.

"I need you," he whispered back when their kiss ended and she pulled her face away from his.

"Then let me take care of you. Lay down and let me work out some of that tension." _And guilt_ she added silently.

"Let me at least take my shoes off," he joked, but Sam crouched down and slipped them off of his feet, followed by his socks, and began to rub one foot. "I could let you spend hours doing that."

"Then I will," she replied, smiling. "Come on, lay in bed so you can be comfortable."

"Sam..."

"You're letting me take care of you, remember?"

"When do I get to take care of you?"

"Tomorrow."

"I'm holding you to that, Sam."

"Good. I expect breakfast in bed and back rubs morning, noon and night."

"Demanding, aren't you?"

They both laughed, and Sam leaned in close for another soft kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too, Sam."

* * *

_30 minutes later_

"How's John?" Bailey asked when Sam found him outside, smoking a cigar.

"Sleeping."

"And how are you holding up?"

"I came out here to ask you the same thing."

"I should never have let that ambulance take off without a car following them for safety."

"This isn't your fault, Bailey. It was an ambulance going to meet with Life Flight. No one could have foreseen this happening."

"I told her she was safe, Sam, and she believed me."

"We will find Nicole and Jake."

"But will we find them in time? Jake needs medical attention."

"He has Nicole with him, she's a doctor."

"How much can she do without medical supplies and drugs?"

"We have to operate on the premise that we'll find them alive."

"I know that, Sam, but right now I'm just afraid. She was taken once, and we barely got there in time to save her and John. Jake had already been tortured, and now instead of being able to recover..."

Sam pulled him into a friendly hug to try and comfort her old friend. "I still haven't told Chloe. She thinks that Jake and Nicole are at the hospital in Denver and that everything is going to be okay."

"There's no reason to upset her," Bailey said when they pulled apart. "We all need to rest, relax and eat. In the morning we'll start fresh."

"You expect me to believe that you're going to relax while they're out there somewhere?"

"You better get back to John. If he wakes up and you aren't there he may think you're sneaking out to meet someone," he teased.

"You'll let us know the instant you find something?"

"I promise, you and John will be the first to know."

* * *

Sunset found Bailey and George at the site where the abandoned ambulance and helicopter were still sitting. George had been wandering around outside, so Bailey asked if he felt like checking on things.

The bodies had been sent to the coroner and the crime scene investigation unit from North Platte was still collecting evidence. "So far there's nothing," the Sheriff said when he saw Bailey and George get out of the car.

"I appreciate you staying here to oversee things."

"Someone kidnaps FBI agents in my own backyard, I want to be involved. We're just a small town, the most crime we have is when the kids go keying doors at the Ford dealership. By the way, coroner identified the other body that was in that basement. Name is Mark Bremmer. He was another FBI agent."

"That means..." George started.

"That Jack was at the safe house all along, right under our noses." Bailey got out his cell phone and called the director to relay the information so Agent Bremmer's family could be notified, and George wandered over to the crew that was processing the ambulance for evidence.

"We haven't found any trace evidence," one of the men said when he saw George watching. "Sorry. Were they friends of yours?"

"The two that are missing are, yes."

"I hope you find them, man. Bastard behind this should burn in hell."

"I couldn't agree more."

George wandered over to Bailey and rested a hand on the older man's shoulder. "I should have known, I should have --"

"This wasn't your fault, Bailey. No one could have known. Jack covered his tracks. The local office sent him, which means they checked his identity too. We'll get them back."

"That's what I keep telling Sam, but I don't even believe it myself. I'll have the local office pull the photos of Agent Bremmer. If Jack put his photos in the personnel file then we at least know what Jack looked like when he was here. We can have that circulated to see if anyone in town saw him."

The local field office was up and running, all of the agents on overtime to get as much information as they could. The photo from Agent Bremmer's personnel file was already being sent out once it was confirmed that the photo looked nothing like the body that had been identified.

"Let's get back to the B&B. A good night's sleep is what we all need, although I doubt any of us will be getting one," George said.

"I don't feel like sitting in a room by myself worrying about them."

"So we don't go to our rooms. There's a lobby, I doubt anyone will care if we sit there and...I don't know, keep each other company?"

"Let's head back. There's nothing we can do here but get in the way."

George drove them back to the bed and breakfast, the concern clear in his face as he walked with Bailey back inside. Grace was sitting there in the lobby already, along with James and Rebecca. "Anything?" Rebecca asked when Bailey and George sat down on the couch.

"It's like they vanished into thin air. No trace evidence so far to indicate what happened," Bailey told them.

"There had to be more than one person involved," James said, "to have taken out that many people and manage to get away with Jake and Nicole."

"Right now all we're doing is speculating. In the morning, when it's daylight and we've gotten some rest, we can return to the scene and look around again."

"Who can sleep?" Grace stood up from the easy chair she had been in, pacing around before coming to rest next to George. "I can't stop thinking about the condition that Jake was in. He needs medical care."

"Sounds like there won't be much sleeping tonight." They all turned around and saw a woman, slightly older than Sam, standing there with a tray of tea and cookies. "Sorry dears, didn't mean to startle you. I made a pot of tea to help you get some sleep. I'm Linda, by the way. You met my husband, Carl, when you checked in. If you need anything just ask."

She left the group to resume sitting around staring blankly, desperately hoping that they would get their two missing friends back. At least being together wasn't as miserable as worrying alone.

* * *

"No, don't...please, no more," John cried, waking Sam. She hadn't mean to fall asleep but when John finally closed his eyes and drifted off she did the same.

Now, though, she was trying to wake him up without startling him. "John, shh, it's all right. John, wake up. It's just a dream."

"Sam?" His eyes opened and he relaxed when he was Sam staring back at him.

"I'm right here. It was just a bad dream. You want to talk about it?"

"No. Sorry I woke you up."

"Please don't shut me out," she said when he turned onto his side and closed his eyes.

"I'm not shutting you out. I just don't want to talk about it."

"Ok."

One eye opened to look at Sam. "You're not going to tell me how I'll feel better if I talk about it?"

Sam shook her head. "No."

"Then lay next to me so I can hold you."

Sam found herself wrapped in John's arms, the feel of his breath on her neck lulling her back to sleep. "I love you," she said, feeling him kiss her neck.

"Love you too."

* * *

**I still haven't decided whether Jake and Nicole will ever be found (or found alive), so it may be awhile before the next chapter is done. Please review and let me know what you think, and if you have any thoughts on killing off Jake and Nicole. My muse thanks you.**


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: Five years ago, on June 17, 2003, I started writing this story. Five years is one heck of a long time. I'd like to think that I've grown as a writer, and it's time to put this baby to bed and move forward. This story is officially complete.**

* * *

"Our new playthings should be here soon," Patrick heard his captor say as he flipped on the light and descended the stairs. "Sorry I had to leave you alone so long, but it took more time than I had anticipated to make the arrangements. Luckily there are plenty of people left who consider kidnapping and murder to be all in a day's work. Don't look so worried, Patrick, your son hasn't been harmed. I told you that I was going to take care of that myself, and I meant it. I just have to wait until he returns here to Atlanta. Anyway, our playthings should be here in less than a day. It'll be nice for you to have some company, won't it?"

* * *

"Wake up sleepyhead," John whispered, gently shaking Sam's shoulder. "Come on, rise and shine."

"What time is it?" she mumbled, turning onto her back to look up at him.

"Time for you to wake up. You told me I get to take care of you today, remember?"

"Seriously, what time is it? I'm sure Bailey wants us to go over the scene again."

"And I'm sure Bailey wants us all as well rested as we can be. Come on, turn over so I can rub your back."

"John..."

"You promised me yesterday, and you specifically said breakfast in bed and back rubs morning, noon and night. Now flip over so I can get started."

With a resigned sigh Sam turned over and John pulled the sheets down to her waist. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"Yes, Sam, I do. I love you, and I _**want**_ to do this. You just relax."

His hands gently kneaded her neck and shoulders, pausing every few seconds to plant kisses on her bare skin. Moving further down her back, he made small circles with his fingertips, feeling the muscles beneath relax. "Where's my breakfast in bed?" she asked when he finished and covered her back up.

"Ah, well...you see, Bailey's insisting that we all go out for breakfast to discuss things."

* * *

"So, anything new to report?" Grace asked. They were all sitting at a corner booth in the local diner, waiting for the food to arrive.

"No trace evidence in either the ambulance or the helicopter. Both have been taken to an evidence garage in North Platte," George relayed. "Road was gravel so there's no way to see tire treads, but there was an impression left. Six inches wide, could be from a tire. Based on the depth of the impression we should be able to calculate the weight of what made it."

"Only one? What are we looking for, a giant unicycle?" John asked.

"Unfortunately when all of the units responded to Bailey's call for backup, most of the gravel got thrown all over the place. We're lucky that the one impression survived, and even it could be from one of the responding units. Also, we got a possible sighting of Jack. Security guard at the freight warehouse recognized the photo Jack put in Agent Bremmer's file. He claims to have seen Jack walking the tracks about three hours after we found Jake, and warned him that the train was due in and he should get off the tracks."

"And?" Bailey prodded.

"Guys just waved to the security guard and kept walking."

"And the security guard didn't do anything?"

"It's not a crime to walk on the train tracks. So what's the plan?" Sam asked as their waitress brought over plates of food.

"We go back to the safehouse to packup. Everything has been brought outside by the team that searched the place," Bailey answered.

"Packup?"

"There's nothing more we can do here, John. We're returning to Atlanta. Maybe being in familiar surroundings with our own equipment and people, we can make some progress."

* * *

The mood was somber when they got back to the safehouse. It was posted with warning notices and no trespassing signs while cardboard boxes waited for someone to verify who owned the contents inside. On top of one box was Nicole's stuffed dog, Johnny, and John snatched it up, holding it as he tried to fight back the tears that were stinging his eyes.

"We'll get them back," Sam said softly, rubbing her hand across his back. "I think she'd like it if you kept them until then."

All of the boxes were loaded into a trailer that would transport them to the airport while cars waited to drive them all. "This isn't right," Grace said softly as she waited for James and Rebecca to get into a car.

"We've never left one of our own behind," George added. "We can't do this Bailey."

"We can and we are. I don't like it either, but I think it will be better if we're back in familiar surroundings. We aren't deserting them; the local office and the regional teams will continue to search while we look for any clue as to where they are and who did this."

"How did you get airline tickets on such short notice?" Angel was helping Chloe get in a car and fasten her seatbelt as she asked.

"Private plane. Friends in high places and all that," Bailey told her with a forced smile.

"It's okay, sweetie, we're going to find Nicole and Jake," Sam said when Chloe started crying. She and John both sat in the back seat with her, and Angel took the front passenger seat.

When everyone was loaded up into the waiting vehicles, they drove to the airfield where a plane was waiting as promised. "Thank you for letting us use your plane," Bailey told the older man who was waiting beside the doors to the storage hold.

"That's what friends are for," he replied. "Besides, you saved my ass a few times back in 'Nam, loaning you my plane is the least I can do, and I'm flying some things back to Atlanta anyway."

"The CIA must be treating you well if you have this at your disposal."

"Aren't you going to introduce us?" John had spotted Bailey talking to the man and decided that he wanted to know who their benefactor was.

"John Grant, this is Simon Castille. We served in the Marines together. Simon, John Grant."

"Pleasure to meet you," Mr. Castille said, offering John his hand.

"Likewise. So, what does a guy have to do to get a plane like this?"

"Win the lottery. I'm sure you want to discuss the case on the way back, so I'll stay in the cockpit to give you privacy. If you need anything, just come up and ask."

"Nice guy," John commented as Mr. Castille boarded the plane.

"Yes, he is. Come on, everyone else is settled in so let's join them and get home."

* * *

"It isn't right, being here without them," John grumbled, watching as two men came over to unload the cargo.

"I don't like it either, but we will find them," Bailey replied, patting the younger man on the back. "Now let's find our stuff and the cars to take us back to the office should be here soon."

"Back to the office?" Grace sounded like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Bailey, don't you think we should all go home first, get some rest?"

"Security teams are going over each of your homes and apartments to be sure that everything is secure and that there are no bugs. As soon as I get the all clear, I'll have cars drive you all home."

"You're going to stay at the firehouse with us, right?" Sam asked John as he spotted a box of Chloe's toys.

"That's up to you."

"I want you to stay with us."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

"Poor Bailey," Sam said softly while her mentor walked away, talking on the phone to make further arrangements.

"He really shouldn't be alone. Why don't we invite him to stay with us?"

"I doubt he'll accept."

"You never know. He's good at hiding how much he's hurting, but he may just welcome the company. You know he's not as good at the whole solitary existence as he pretends to be."

"What are you two conspiring about?" Angel asked, coming over with Chloe and Grace.

"John and I are going to ask Bailey to stay at the firehouse," Sam told her.

"Well if he won't stay with you I'm going to invite him to come to my house," Grace said. "The last thing he needs is to be alone."

As soon as Bailey hung up, James and Rebecca went to talk with him. "How are you holding up?" James asked, steering his friend away from the team since they were watching him.

"I'm all right."

"We're all worried, you know. You don't have to put on the tough-guy act and pretend that you're fine. I doubt either of them would want that."

"I have to be strong for them." Bailey nodded towards where Sam, John, George, and Grace had gathered with Angel and Chloe.

"It's okay to let someone else be strong for you, Bail. We're here for you." James patted his friend's arm, and then they headed back where the rest of the group was. The men who had unloaded their things were now trying to unload a large steel cargo container, and they were having some difficulties.

"Carefully, gentlemen, there's very precious cargo inside there," Mr. Castille told the men before addressing the team. "If there's anything I can do, you know how to reach me."

"Thanks again for the ride home," Bailey said.

"Glad I could help. Take care."

"Is that our cars?" Chloe asked, pointing to a group of black sedans making their way across the tarmac.

"Yes, pumpkin, I believe that is our cars. Let's get out of here," Sam said, suddenly anxious to get back to the familiar surroundings of her office.

* * *

The command center looked as though the people making up the Violent Crimes Task Force had never left. Random notes were still strewn on the table, a testament to the belief that the note writers would be right back. John recognized a few of those notes as his own and he crumpled them up into little balls to be discarded. Slumped down in the chair he normally occupied, John looked at the rest of the chairs, all neatly arranged around the table while they sat empty. The command center's displays were dark, the hum of running equipment replaced by a heavy silence. It looked pretty much the way it had the last time John had seen it.

Just like it had looked the night Sam had found him working late and convinced him to let her drive him home. Before he entered his own private hell. The room looked the same, but the lone occupant of the room sure as hell wasn't.

Anger began to build inside him and he almost laughed at the absurdity of being angry at a room. The room didn't care what happened, and it certainly didn't care if John Grant was angry at it. Why should it care when it didn't bear any scars of what had happened?

Bailey had been watching John from a distance, worried about his state of mind ever since he left Sam's office to sit in the empty command center. It seemed reasonable, though, that John might want some time along to deal with what had happened and to let Sam have some time with Chloe. It wasn't until John stood and picked up his chair that Bailey thought watching from a distance may have been a mistake.

"John, no!"

The sound of his mentor's voice made him freeze. It had never occurred to him that anyone else was watching him. "Oh, hey Bailey," he managed to get out as Bailey raced to him. "These chairs could stand some cleaning. Mine is so full of dust the wheels won't even roll."

"And you thought throwing it onto the table would help?"

"It would help me," was the barely audible answer.

"The government will have your ass if you damage their property."

John put the chair down, then sat in it. "It shouldn't be the same."

"What shouldn't?"

"This," John said, gesturing around the room. "After everything that happened, this place is the same even if none of us are."

"None of this is your fault, John."

"Of course it isn't. Some nut case just hurt people I care about to get to me."

"Kind of like what Jack does with Sam. You don't blame her for the people that he's killed, do you?"

"No, that's ridiculous."

"Then why do you feel guilty about what's happened?"

"Because it's all connected to me, Bailey. People are getting hurt and killed just because they're in some way connected to me."

"If it wasn't about you, it would be about someone else, and there would still be victims."

"Yeah, but at least they wouldn't be people I care about."

"We'll find this guy, John, and we'll get Nicole and Jake back."

"But will we get them back in time?" When Bailey didn't answer John stood up. "I'm going back to Sam's office."

"The firehouse should be clear soon so Sam and Chloe can go home along with Angel. I assume you'll be staying at the firehouse too?"

"Yes." John started to walk away, then stopped and turned to address his mentor. "You know, you ought to stay at the firehouse with us."

"John--"

"There's plenty of room."

"John--"

"Chloe loves her Uncle Bailey."

"John, I--"

"Come on Bailey, you know that Sam's going to be worried about you with everything that's going on, and if you're at the firehouse then maybe we can get some rest and not have to worry so much."

"I'll tell Sam she needs to teach you the art of being subtle."

"And I'll tell Sam you'll come by the firehouse?"

"Maybe tomorrow. I've got a lot to do."

"Ok." John patted the other man on the back, then headed for Sam's office. Just before turning a corner he turned and looked back at Bailey, still standing by the empty table. "Remember, Bailey, we're going to get them back."

"Damn straight we are. No matter how long it takes, we are going to find them and get them back. Now go, before Sam starts to worry."

John nodded before continuing on his way, leaving Bailey alone in the command center, staring at the blank screens for a while longer until his phone rang. "Malone," he answered, then after a brief pause said, "thanks" and went to let Sam know that the firehouse had been cleared and they could go home.

"See you tomorrow, then?" Sam asked before heading out with Chloe, Angel and John.

"After everything that's happened, I think we're all entitled to a few days off, Sam."

"Not while Nicole and Jake are still out there, Bailey. I'll be here in the morning."

"Me too," John said as he walked past. "Bright and early."

Grace left to meet her husband and get a bite to eat while waiting for word that their home was clear, which left just George. James and Rebecca had left almost immediately after they got to the command center, their residences having been cleared first. "George, what are you doing?" he asked when he found their computer expert set up at John's desk, typing away at his laptop.

"Just checking a few things." George quickly closed the laptop and stood up. "Is my apartment cleared so I can go home?"

"That anxious to get away, huh?"

"I just want to get some sleep so I can get here early in the morning to help."

"I guess everyone's going to be here early. And yes, you can go back to your apartment."

"Great." George picked up the laptop after disconnecting the network cable. "You're not going to stay here by yourself, are you?"

"No, I'm just waiting for the final report from the security team that everything has been checked out, and then I'll head home."

"All right. Well don't stay too late, you need to get some sleep too."

"You're like Sam, you worry too much." He watched as George headed out before retreating to his office and sitting in his chair. Now that they were all back home it seemed so unreal that he could almost pretend none of it had happened.

After twenty minutes Bailey yawned and stood up to leave. Turning off the light, he shut and locked his door before heading towards the exit. His car was still sitting in the parking garage, and although it was a bit hesitant the engine finally turned over. Once the car was started he still sat there for a few minutes, just staring blankly out the windshield. Not knowing what had happened to Jake and Nicole was eating away at him, just like he was sure it was eating away at all of them. How could they have found Jake and rescued him only to have both him and Nicole vanish? Bailey had briefly talked to Jake's sister and told her what had happened, but even James and Rebecca didn't know of any next of kin to notify about Nicole's disappearance. Someone else had notified the families of those killed at the scene, and he was grateful that it wasn't him. Telling Jake's sister had been hard enough.

Leaving the garage, he pulled into traffic and headed for his home. John had been right about none of them being the same people, and Bailey could only hope that in the end they were _better _people.

**Fin.**

**Coming next: "Past and Present"**

**What? You thought that I was going to wrap things up all nice and neat? Don't worry, "Past and Present" will show the team trying to cope with their everyday work load, Jack occassionally adding some 'excitement' to their lives, and crypic clues that John belives are Nicole trying to contact them. **


End file.
